by KE Payne
She said her new phone had an awesome camera on it so I told her to take a photo of herself and send it to me (I don’t know why I said that!). She said she would! Then she said she had to go to the supermarket with her mum, but would I like to go over to her house tomorrow? Of course I said yes! She rang off, but not before saying that she was looking forward to seeing me tomorrow, which was sweet of her.
About five minutes after our conversation, my phone beeped and there was a photo of Hannah poking her tongue out at me on my screen. I had, like, this major OOOOMG moment but reminded myself that my parents were downstairs so switched my phone off to stop myself from looking at Hannah’s picture all the time.
Went downstairs and helped Dad plant some onion sets in the garden, but my mind was constantly on the picture on my phone.
Tuesday 17 April
Looked at Hannah’s picture before I went to bed last night and went to sleep feeling ever so slightly naughty! The fact that I had this reaaaallly weird dream about her kinda proves that too!
In this dream, Hannah was a vampire, dressed head to foot in black, and I wanted to tell her how fit she looked but I was too shy. She had these little fangs, like dripping with all this blood, and I was scared but really turned on at the same time by the sight of her. Anyway, just at the point when I thought she was either going to kiss me or bite my neck (like vampires do) I heard all this running water and thought it was my blood, but it was Dad having a wee out in the loo which must have woken me up. Felt soooooo strange when I remembered what I’d just been dreaming, and I felt kinda freaked out all day ’cos of it. It didn’t help when I went over to Hannah’s and had lunch with her and her mum and her little brother Joe, either.
It was, like, sooooo weird sitting at their table eating with them, knowing that about eight hours earlier I’d been dreaming about her trying to bite my neck!!! Anyway, today was the first time I’d met some of her family, and they’re all really nice. Her mum’s great! She has a look of Kathy Bates (post-Misery) about her and a laugh that could start avalanches in Japan. She’d made scones and put them out on little paper doilies on a plate. We don’t use doilies in our house except at Christmas; Mum says kitchen roll is quite sufficient for 51 weeks of the year.
Hannah’s got, like, this huuuuuuuuge trampoline in her garden. It’s got to be at least 100 feet across. It can take three people at a time, so we had a jump on it this afternoon with Joe. He’s only eleven and quite small for his age. I was worried about jumping too hard in case I pinged him off the trampoline and straight over their neighbours’ wall. We had such a laugh on it! Hannah showed me this trick where you jump, land on your front, then flip onto your back, then up to a standing position.
I had to try reaaaallly hard not to watch her jumping up and down ’cos I didn’t want her thinking I was a perv or anything like that, but it was sooooo fucking hard not to stare at her jiggling up and down in front of me.
Hannah’s obviously practised and done the trick before ’cos she was flipping back and forth like a dolphin. Me? I jumped, landed on my back, and floundered there like an injured pigeon caught up in netting until Hannah stopped laughing and flopped herself down next to me.
We lay there, side by side, and I felt really happy just being with her. I wanted to touch her but I knew I couldn’t, and that was reaaaally tough. She was, like, right next to me, within touching distance and I could practically feel the heat coming off her. It took everything I had in me not to touch her hand or stroke her cheek. We were lying facing each other, like, inches apart. If I’d had my way I would have lazed with her like that all day, right next to her, taking in every single detail of her gorgeous face, but Joe was standing over us, threatening to slam-dunk us if we didn’t move within the next two seconds. Shitty little brothers, hey??!!
Such a fabulous day.
Wednesday 18 April
Had another rude dream about Hannah last night!!! God, she’s on my mind, like, 24/7 right now!! I dreamt we were at her parents’ house and her parents were out and we were sitting in her dining room doing a jigsaw when she looked at me and said, ‘I could fall for you in a big way, Clementine Atkins,’ just as I was putting the last piece of the jigsaw in. I was busy looking at the completed jigsaw when she came and sat on my lap and started running her hands through my hair and kissing my neck!!!! Then her dog walked into the room wearing a pair of swimming trunks and started doing Scottish dancing while Donald Trump played the bagpipes and, of course, I immediately woke up!!
Hannah texted me around mid-morning and asked me if I wanted to go to town with her but I was still reeling from the dream and thought it best not to see her, so I told her Mum wanted me to do some chores round the house. I felt bad about lying, so I did some dusting while I watched MTV and didn’t feel quite so guilty.
Thursday 19 April
Dad went back to work today, so he was in a foul mood this morning. FFS! Why do adults moan so much about having to go to work? I don’t think they realise how hard it is for us teenagers, not only having to cope with raging hormones, but having to put up with the day-in, day-out grind of school, erm, 40 weeks of the year! [/indignant/].
Friday 20 April
Met up with Ems, Caroline, Matty, and Hannah in town for our last day of freedom before Monday. I was quite glad that Ems, Caroline, and Matty had come out with us ’cos I’m still freaked out over my latest naughty Hannah dream.
I don’t think I said much to Hannah. She asked me if I was okay ’cos I was so quiet. I smiled and said I was just a bit tired ’cos Barbara woke me up to go out for a pee at six o’clock (I’m turning into an accomplished liar) and she smiled and said, ‘as long as you’re okay.’ She carried on looking at me just a bit too long for my liking, and I could feel my heart starting to pound, so I looked away. She has such nice eyes! Brown, like pools of chocolate that I just want to dive into and devour.
She’s so nice looking, and so sweet, and funny. It struck me as I was walking home from town, still thinking about Hannah, that I haven’t thought about J for weeks now. So, if one good thing has come out of this—at least I seem to be getting over J. [/irony/].
Saturday 21 April
Felt a bit mean ’cos I’ve hardly spoken to Alice at all over the Easter holidays, so rang her and asked her if she wanted to come round. She came round after lunch and asked me if I’d gotten her postcard from Scotland (err nope!). I felt doubly mean ’cos I hadn’t even noticed that she’d not been around.
Anyway, she’d been staying in a caravan for five days near Edinburgh and told me a really funny tale of how her mum had walked down a slipway and slipped (very apt) into the sea which luckily for her was just going out, and how she hadn’t been able to get up again and how Alice and her dad had had to go into the water to get her out (Alice’s mother is size 20—I would have thought it would have taken a couple of strong sailors with a winch and pulley to hoist her out, but never mind) and then how her mum then couldn’t walk properly for the rest of the holiday ’cos she’d pulled a muscle in her leg.
Alice asked me what I’d been up to over the last week while she’d been away. I could hardly tell her that I’d spent just about every waking hour either with Hannah or thinking about her, so instead I just made up some rubbish about doing boring stuff at home and getting work ready for school next week.
Sunday 22 April
Mum asked me if I wanted to go to church with her again this morning. This is just ’cos I happened to go once with her, like, months ago! Now she thinks I wanna be a church-goer!
I said no, primarily ’cos I’d be in a holy place and all I’d do is have unholy thoughts of flinging Hannah over the font and kissing her face off.
I’m going to hell in a handcart.
Monday 23 April
Back to school! Groaaaaaaaan. Why do the holidays go so fast?
Alice kept us all entertained at lunchtime with tales of her mum in Scotland, which was just as funny as when she told me on Saturday. Was looking at Hannah
and she looked straight back at me so I smiled weakly at her and she smiled back at me, which made me feel squishy inside. I hope I didn’t look too stupid.
Tuesday 24 April
HRBH has become fixated with her look. She asked me tonight if her jeans made her bum look big and I told her no, and that her bum was big anyway. She threw a book at me and stomped out of the lounge. I thought honesty was supposed to be the best policy??
Wednesday 25 April
Was sitting in room 3b with Caroline and Matty at morning break when Hannah walked in with Marcie. My heart practically jumped into my mouth when I saw her! I can’t believe how much I fancy her (Hannah I mean, not Marcie. Eww!) Hannah walks into the room and it’s like all of a sudden I don’t see or hear anyone else anymore; my whole attention instantly becomes focused on her, and it’s like no one else matters. I try reaaally hard not to let my emotions show in front of her, but it’s so darned difficult!
She’s also quite touchy-feely, which I’m finding kinda difficult. If we’re walking down the corridor together she’ll link her arm in mine, and it makes me feel all funny inside. I do the same thing (link arms) with my other friends, but it doesn’t make me feel funny like it does when I do it with Hannah. She also touches me quite a lot, like, when we’re talking, she’ll touch my arm and I like it, but it embarrasses me too.
She hugged me today and I got all flustered. I could feel the warmth of her body against mine and it made me go all silly. Part of me wishes she wouldn’t do it—but I can hardly ask her not to ’cos it’ll make her suspicious, right? The last thing I want to do is for her to find out I like her—in that way—’cos she’ll run a mile and I’ll lose her as a friend. Why is life so bloody complicated?
Thursday 26 April
HRBH has gone on a diet. She’s joined the local Weight Watchers group. This is the funniest thing I’ve heard in ages. She’s gone completely over the top as usual and is insisting on eating just Ryvitas and cottage cheese. Ryvitas are revolting! I told her it looked like a cork coaster so she told me, rather than criticising it, to taste it; so I did. It not only looks like a cork coaster, it tastes like one as well! Yuck yuck yuck! What IS the point? Have a burger, then run round the block, for God’s sake!
Friday 27 April
HRBH was chewing on what I thought was Uncle Buck’s bedding this morning, but she reliably informed me that it was muesli. I ate my toast, butter, and honey and pitied her. I think if I had to eat muesli every day I’d just pay someone to eat it for me—it would be worth every penny.
She’s also taken up jogging (snigger) so I joined her on her run round the block tonight, ’cos I was sitting on the sofa having rude thoughts about Hannah and I thought it might take my mind off her. Never again! I got to the end of the road and got a stitch, so came home and watched the TV instead.
Saturday 28 April
Had a bit of a flirty MSN session with Hannah tonight. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but there was some definite flirting going on between us, I’m sure of it. Is she sending me signals? Trouble is, I don’t want to act on those signals in case I’m wrong and make a right tit of myself!
Sunday 29 April
More flirting on MSN again which I loved, but which also worried me ’cos I think maybe it’s just her way?? I’m sure it must just be her way of being friendly. Yes, that’s it. She’s just being friendly.
Good fun, though! I like the way it makes me feel.
Monday 30 April
Had a dentist’s appointment after school tonight. It wasn’t until 4:30 p.m., but I left school early anyway so I could get there in time to give my teeth a good scrub ’cos I’d been munching on Werther’s Originals all afternoon and half of them were still stuck on my teeth.
My usual dentist had broken his ankle backpacking across the Matterhorn and was currently being brought home from Austria in the back of an air ambulance or something. My emergency dentist greeted me at the door, thrust a latex glove-covered hand at me, and told me in a thick accent that she was called Anoushka and that she ‘vanted to hexamine tees’, which threw me a little. I smiled nervously at her and hopped into the chair, where she proceeded to stare down at me through heavily made-up Slavic eyes and told me to open ‘vide’.
Anyway, she seemed pleased enough with my teeth, muttering encouraging sounds from behind her mask and telling me ‘teess ees good’ every now and then, whilst poking at my gums with something rather too sharp for my liking. She told me that my ‘teess ees verrrry good, but gumss no so good’, and told me not to worry so much about cleaning my teeth, but to concentrate more on my gums when I clean my teeth. Brilliant! Fifteen years of cleaning routines and now Russian Rita tells me I’ve been doing it all wrong!
Pleased that my teeth are okay and that I didn’t need any fillings, though. Had a Werther’s Original on the way home to celebrate. There’s no shame in it!
Tuesday 1 May
Hannah asked me at lunchtime today about Ben, which I thought was a bit strange, bearing in mind:
We broke up ages ago.
We only went out on four dates anyway!
I didn’t think that Hannah even knew I’d gone out with him, so I don’t really know why she wanted to know about him.
She asked me how long me and Ben had dated for, so I told her it wasn’t very long, because, well, it wasn’t very long! Just a couple of weeks, really. And weeks of hell on my part at that!! Then she asked how long exactly, so I told her, and she just nodded.
I was really vague, ’cos I felt uncomfortable talking to her about him, and if I’m honest I don’t wanna be reminded of the little runt, but she just went on and on about him. She asked me why we split up, and was it me or him who did the dumping, so I told her it was him who dumped me and she went really quiet. I dunno why, though.
Then she asked me why he dumped me, and I thought, FFS!! Enough already! I kinda shrugged and said it was ’cos he’d said it wasn’t working out, and she looked at me real strange. Then she asked me if I’d been upset about being dumped by him and I told her no, ’cos I really hadn’t been! I dunno whether she believed me, though.
I couldn’t stop thinking about our conversation all afternoon. Why did she wanna know about him? She was making it out to be a big deal, but nothing about Ben was a big deal, certainly not to me!!
Wednesday 2 May
OMG! I just had a thought! Maybe Hannah fancies Ben and that’s why she wanted to know about him? It’s just typical! Maybe she was only friendly with me ’cos she wanted to get close to Ben? Yeah, wouldn’t that be just bloody typical?!
Thursday 3 May
That’s ridiculous, Clem! You broke up with Ben weeks ago; Hannah would have been friendly with you then if she’d wanted to know about him. Not to mention that Ben is still with Matty, and Hannah doesn’t seem the type to steal a girl’s boyfriend. Stop panicking!
HRBH has been on her diet for a week! It seems to be going well; I haven’t seen a scrap of chocolate pass her lips since…ooh…yesterday!
Friday 4 May
Had a vocabulary test in French today and I got 19 out of 20, which I’m really pleased about! Even Mrs. Howells seemed surprised. Maybe I’ll become a translator when I get older.
Relieved that Hannah hasn’t asked me any more questions about Ben since Tuesday. Guess I was just being paranoid (as usual)…
Saturday 5 May
Went into town with Hannah today. We went to Starbucks to see Matty (and get a free muffin with our coffee). Matty came and sat with us for ten minutes while she took her break, and all the time she was sitting there, I kept wishing she’d go away again and leave me and Hannah alone, which was a bit mean of me considering she’d sneaked us each a Double-Choc Delight.
Eventually she went back to serving customers and I had Hannah all to myself again. She really is as fit as a butcher’s dog (Hannah, not Matty). I was watching her closely while she was talking to me, taking in every inch of her lovely face, and had to keep looking away ’cos I was sure s
he’d be able to read my mind, which was saying ‘Fuck me, you are FIT!!!’ over and over again, VERY loudly.
Oh bugger! What am I going to dooooooooooo?
Sunday 6 May
HRBH’s diet came to a shuddering halt today when for her lunch she had:
Roast beef
4 roast potatoes
2 Yorkshire puddings
Carrots in butter
Cabbage in butter
Peas in butter
Thick gravy.
Not content with that, she had two helpings of Mum’s trifle for afters.
I hope she feels thoroughly ashamed of herself!
