But that would take time.
And I didn’t have any to spare.
Not when it was my sister involved. I started ducking into the rooms, one by one. Most were empty. Some weren’t. I was sworn at more than once.
I tried the next floor, repeating the same pattern in any room that wasn’t locked or destroyed. The entire time, I called out Faith’s name. As far as buildings went, the former Department of Transport was in pretty good condition.
My sister was smart, far more intelligent than I had given her credit for before the Event. It was the kind of building she would choose to make her home in.
She had to be there.
Another floor, another desperate search through the rooms. More people than I had first thought were making use of the building’s good condition.
None of them appreciated my interruption.
“Faith!” I called out.
Oliver kept pace with me, his arms still crossed. If he really wanted to help me as much as he said he did, he should have been using his spirit powers to help me search. He could cover much more ground than I could.
“Are you just going to follow me around?” I asked when I had finally had enough.
“She’s probably not here,” he replied.
“Well, can you at least look? This is my sister, you know how much I need to find her.”
Finally, his arms uncrossed.
Only to be slid into his pockets.
I rolled my eyes and kept looking. Clearly this was a job I was going to have to do by myself. I continued through the rooms and up another level.
The top level was quieter than the others. I didn’t find one living person. A few spirits were roaming around but nobody actually breathing anymore.
I stopped in one of the last few rooms. Something about this one felt different. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was, but I just knew.
Faith was there.
It was like she had left some of her essence, like she had just stepped out only moments ago and traces of her perfume still lingered.
I started rifling through the few items still in the room. They were covered in a film of dust and grime. If Faith had been there, it wasn’t only in the last few days. It had been a lot longer.
Underneath a yellowed piece of newspaper that had to date back to before the Event, was a small postcard sized photo. I moved the newspaper with my foot before bending down to pick it up. I had to wipe away the coating of dirt covering it.
My own face stared back at me.
It was a photograph of Faith and me, taken about four or five years ago. We both looked so young and carefree. I remembered the occasion – our parents’ fifteenth wedding anniversary. They took us all out to dinner at one of the fanciest restaurants in town. We had all dressed up, our mother had spent more than she should on our outfits. She swore us to secrecy so our dad wouldn’t find out.
The memory brought a smile to my lips, curving them upwards. It had been a great night, just the four of us. Of course, we had no idea what was to come only a couple of years later.
At least I still had the memory.
I tucked the photograph into the pocket of my coat. It was proof Faith had been there. It was something tangible I could connect to her. She had once held this photo in her little hand. Although, it wouldn’t be as little anymore. She might even be as tall as me now.
Would she have recalled the night exactly as I had? Did she look at this photograph and smile just like I did? Was she wondering where I was? Maybe trying to search for me, too?
I hoped so.
God, I hoped so.
As good as the photo was, it wasn’t my sister. I couldn’t waste time being in the past when the future was so uncertain. It was a waste of time being sentimental so I turned around and started making my way down.
This time, I flashed the photo in front of anyone I could find and asked them if they had seen the girl on the left. Only a handful thought they might have done, but not for a while.
“Violet was probably mistaken,” Oliver soothed when I hit the street again. “It’s winter, everyone is dressed as warmly as possible. She probably saw someone that looked like Faith.”
“Violet knows what Faith looks like,” I replied, harsher than I had intended. I stomped along the pavement, heading in the same direction we had come. “She wouldn’t make a mistake like that. She’s known her for years.”
“And it’s been a long time.”
I knew he was being logical but at that moment I didn’t much care. If there was a sliver of hope that I could find Faith, then I was going to hold onto it with both of my hands and not let it go.
We walked in silence after that. I didn’t want to hear anymore of the harsh truth from Oliver. I had to protect the hope I had and it was where logic didn’t reside.
It was supposed to be a short walk to the shelter originally, but with our detour, we didn’t arrive until after lunch. The lines for food were still snaking through the large school hall and out the door.
We hadn’t come for food, which was a good thing. It would have taken the rest of the day just to make it down the length of the line. Instead, I found a volunteer and asked about bandages.
The response was expected from the girl. “We only have a few. We ask that when you are done with them, you return them to us. We sterilize them so they can be reused.”
“I promise I will,” I said as sincerely as I could. I had every intention of keeping that promise. What happened with Jet proved how difficult it was to come across supplies.
I followed the volunteer into the back of the shelter while she found me two bandages. They were worn and thin. I wondered how many wounds they had held together since the Event.
I probably didn’t want to know.
“It’s getting busier here,” I commented while she restacked boxes back into place. Oliver stood silently by my side, trying not to pull me into a conversation where it would look like I was talking to myself.
“Unfortunately, yes. More and more kids are relying on us.”
“That can’t be good on your stocks.”
She finished with the last box and stood to face me. Her eyes clouded over with sadness. “Our stocks are almost gone. We’ve had to start rationing food to one small meal per person a day. It’s killing me seeing everyone so hungry.”
The responsibility was weighing heavily on her. Her bony shoulders slumped as if the pressure was physical as well as mental. She wore the exact same look as Jet had the previous day when he realized all his supplies had been stolen. She let out a sigh.
My hand went to rest on her arm, offering what small comfort I could. It was nothing, really. But it was all I had. “You’ve done a lot more than anyone else. None of this is your responsibility but you’ve gone above and beyond. Everybody will remember that kindness.”
Her lips quirked up into a small smile. “Thank you.”
“You deserve a lot more recognition than my paltry words.”
“It all helps.”
I held up the bandages. “Thank you for these. As soon as my burns heal, I’ll bring them right back.”
Tucking the strips into the pockets of my coat, I left the shelter trying not to look directly at any of the spirits hanging around. They tended to conglomerate around the kids sometimes, especially if they were family. In the past they had begged me to get food for their children on several occasions.
But I couldn’t help them.
My gaze fell to the floor to avoid any accidental eye contact. I hated ignoring the children but I couldn’t do anything to help them either. My focus had to be on the spirits and helping them to pass over. Perhaps, by some sheer miracle, that would help the kids too.
I wasn’t sure how.
I wasn’t sure why.
But I was certain there was a natural order of things and the spirits had to be released so the world could heal again. Perhaps it was stupid to hope for that, but I didn’t have anything else.
Oliver pulled his coat tighter around himself when we stepped outside again. It was out of habit, he didn’t actually feel the cold anymore. “It’s not good news about the food.”
“No, it really isn’t,” I muttered.
“Kostucha might get his way yet.”
I couldn’t disagree.
Chapter Nine
If Jet paced much more I was going to get dizzy. He was wound as tight as a spring and I was just waiting for him to unravel. It wasn’t going to be pretty.
Just like I predicted, he hadn’t told anybody about the stockpile of supplies being raided. He had kept that knowledge to himself, torturing himself until he managed to restock the haul.
We had met in Austin Park, once a family run amusement park complete with a Ferris wheel and dodgem cars. Everything was frozen in time now, slowly starting to rot and decay into oblivion.
Kids rarely visited it now. The fading clowns and signs seemed more grotesque than fun. They scared the smaller children still left. The park was only a few blocks from my apartment, making it a convenient meeting place when Jet wanted to discuss things he didn’t want others to know.
Apparently I was his confidant now.
I’m still not sure how that happened.
“Will you just stop pacing already?” I begged. “It’s not going to help anything.”
Jet stopped to look at me, as if only now remembering I was still there. His crossed arms dropped to his side. “I need to find food. If the shelter is running out, and my stocks are low, that means there is nothing left in the city.”
“Wait, how do you know about the shelter?” I certainly hadn’t told him about that horrible new piece of information I found out the day before.
“They asked for my help.” I must have looked confused enough because he continued on. “I’ve been stocking them for ages. If I found a good haul, I’d give them most of it and just keep what we needed.”
I had no idea.
It wasn’t just the worst of the city that knew Jet, but the best too. There really was so much I didn’t know about him. The fact he had never told me about his good deeds spoke volumes. He didn’t want anyone to know he had a good side.
I desperately wanted to help. My mind reeled as I tried to think of anything I could do that was more than just a few empty words. The city needed food.
Food. Food.
If there were no more manufactured products, then we would have to start from scratch.
A memory from long ago started to tickle my brain. An odd kid from the shelter had said something to me once. She said there were people outside the city. People who were farming.
“I’ve heard rumors of farms outside the city,” I said, suddenly having all of Jet’s attention. “Perhaps the solution isn’t to find old stocks from before the Event but to grow new supplies? If we could find them, we could work out how they are doing it.”
Jet chewed on his bottom lip as he thought the idea through. He started nodding, his eyes coming alive with a burning excitement. “If we could somehow set up a farm, we’d never run out again. We could be self sufficient.”
“There’s got to be plenty of land beyond the city. It’s not like anyone owns properties anymore.”
Jet’s face lit up with a grin. “Feel like a road trip? We could go first thing tomorrow.”
“To have a road trip you actually have to have a car,” I pointed out. Walking beyond the city to where I suspected the farmlands were would take more than a day. Maybe even more than two days. It was a journey someone had to prepare for.
“I have a car.”
“Are you serious?” Nobody had cars anymore. Those that did know how to drive couldn’t get the fuel. If they could, they were too scared of using it, lest it run out.
“Leave it to me.” He nodded, like the decision was all made. “I’ll be at your apartment at five a.m.”
I inwardly groaned. Five a.m. I might not sleep very well, but I didn’t want to get up so early either. Yet, thinking about all those hungry faces at the shelter, I knew there was no choice.
I stood. “Five a.m. it is.”
Jet walked me home. He was also walking Oliver home too but he didn’t know that. He left us at the apartment and went on his way – presumably back to the tunnels.
At least Oliver had heard everything so I didn’t need to relay it. I sat on the floor of the living room, the concrete cold underneath my tired bones. I ate a few of the crackers from my supply cupboard, grateful to have anything at all.
“Remember that time we went on the bus trip to Pomain?” Oliver said in the silence.
I had to think for a minute what he was talking about. Everything that happened before the Event seemed to have happened to someone else. Like I could only remember them now because I had seen them on television or read about them in a book.
But… Pomain. That had been a school excursion.
“Yeah, I do. You were sick the entire time we were on the bus,” I replied, teasing him relentlessly. He had thought his motion sickness was a sign of weakness and he wanted to be one of the tough guys.
“Don’t remind me.” He settled on the floor beside me, the smile lingering on his lips whimsically. “As I recall, you were the one who got lost. Half the class had to wait for an hour until Mr. Turkley found you.”
I guess I had blanked on that little piece of information. “It wasn’t Mr. Turkley that found me, it was Violet. She came running over to me like I had been gone for ten years instead of ten minutes.”
“I didn’t know that. And here I thought Mr. Turkley was a hero all this time.”
“Well, now you know better.”
We stared at each other as the seconds ticked by. It was bittersweet remembering the good times of the past. I was grateful for the happy memories, but not appreciative of the reminder that those days had passed.
Our futures would never be that happy again.
Especially for the dead, like Oliver.
Still, in those moments I saw the best friend I always knew better than anyone else. My heart swelled for him. He looked like the seventeen year old he was, not the one tasked with saving the souls of the world. His eyes sparkled and his smile was genuine.
In our safe apartment, it was like we were the only two that existed in the world.
And it was perfect.
“Remember Anna Robinson’s party the day after the trip?” I asked, keen to continue on with the good mood. I would not let the Event ruin it. “You made me dance all night and my parents were so mad I missed curfew.”
“Hey, I apologized to your parents for that,” Oliver shot back with a laugh.
“And they didn’t believe you. They thought I was the one who had kept you out.”
“That’s because it’s what I told my mom. She called you a bad influence on me.”
My mouth hung open in shock. Suddenly a few things that had happened after that party made sense now. I wasn’t allowed to visit Oliver for two weeks afterwards. His mother probably told my parents I wasn’t permitted to come over.
“You are so terrible,” I joked. I would have thrown something at him if anything was at hand.
And if it wouldn’t go right through him.
“Did I ever tell you that my mom thought we were dating?” Oliver said out of nowhere. That certainly woke me up. I shook my head. “She did. I had to sit through a very in-depth lecture about the birds and the bees.”
“You got the talk over me?”
He nodded. “The whole awkward thing. I’m not sure who was more embarrassed, her or me.”
“I hope you set her right about us. That we were only friends,” I said indignantly. We had spent so much time together, we were inseparable. If anyone had thought the wrong thing…
I guess it didn’t matter anymore.
If I had a way to go back in time, I would have been with Oliver in more than the friend way. I wouldn’t have wasted any time worrying about what it would do to change our friendship.
L
ife was too short to wait for anything or be afraid of change.
I had learned that lesson well over the last year.
Oliver was being too quiet. “Olly, tell me you did set her straight.” His grin told me the answer. “Seriously? She thought we were together the entire time?”
He openly laughed, unable to restrain himself. “What? I liked the idea of being with you. I thought… I thought maybe if she thought it was true then others might too. And then if enough people wanted it, then maybe it would happen.”
“You wanted to be with me? Even back then?” The revelations were coming thick and fast. How had we not had this conversation when Oliver was alive? It could have changed so much.
It could have changed everything.
Regrets were a bitch.
“I’ve always wanted to be with you,” he said quietly, still managing to hold my gaze. “For as long as I can remember. I know it sounds stupid but I always thought that maybe we’d get married someday. You know, after college and all.”
The thought of walking down the aisle with Oliver was heartwarming. I’d had similar fantasies over the years but I had never dared tell anyone. I didn’t even allow myself to think about it for too long. I never considered Oliver would have thought of me like that.
“I’m sure we would have been very happy,” I replied. I meant it, too. A future with Oliver would have been wonderful. We would have made it work.
“I’m sure we would have been, too.”
I wanted that night to last forever. I wished for nothing more than for the rest of the world to fade away around us so it was just Oliver and I. Talking. Laughing. Believing in the possibility of a future that could still be happy.
We spoke for hours, well into the night. It was just like old times and I savored every one of those moments. I knew they wouldn’t last forever.
Maybe that night would be all we got.
I reluctantly drifted off to sleep with Oliver lying beside me. He promised it was okay, that he would be there when I woke up. I knew he would be.
I Am Never Alone Page 9
