I Am Never Alone

by Campbell, Jamie

  “Jet, he’s going up!” Perry yelled over the din of the moans and screams.

  Jet’s head snapped up to scan the pathway. In the next second, he was running after him. There was nothing I could do in the cavern and I certainly wasn’t letting Jet out of my sight.

  I ran after them.

  The slope of the path had never been more apparent than at that moment. I wasn’t fit, I was barely healthy, but I plowed on regardless. I wanted to help Jet, I wouldn’t let him deal with the adult alone.

  Up and up we ran until the adult and then Jet disappeared into the darkness. I didn’t hesitate when I reached the same place. My only guide was the pounding of footsteps on the hard floor. I followed it like it was a beacon calling me home.

  I misjudged two corners, running smack into the wall both times. Another few bruises to add to my collection.

  Soon, I heard footsteps running behind me as well as in front. Some of the faster mole people passed me, nearly knocking me to the ground in the process. I was determined to keep up with them, not wanting to be shown up by the group that hated me so much.

  “He has to stop! Catch him!” someone yelled. It was followed by a new round of orders from the adult’s pursuers.

  Nobody wanted him to reach aboveground.

  Nobody knew what would happen if he did.

  We wound our way upwards, the adult too fast in his crazed state for anyone to catch him. His head start was just a little too much for any of us.

  My heart raced with the exertion and adrenalin. When I first found out about the few adults that still remained in the world, I had tried to convince Jet that they should be aboveground and helping the kids.

  His biggest argument for not allowing them to do that was because it was uncertain if they would perish if they left their cavern deep underground.

  I had told him it was stupid. That they should at least try to help the world. That they owed it to all the remaining kids that were fighting to survive every single day.

  I had been so angry that they weren’t doing something. Doing anything at all.

  Then Jet had let me speak with the adults. It was then that I realized they weren’t all there. That somehow the Event had sent their brains into a spin and they spoke nothing but non-cohesive nonsense.

  A part of me really wanted the adult to make it above ground. I wanted to prove to Jet and Perry and everyone else that they belonged in the daylight up above. That keeping them in a dark cavern could be contributing to their fragile mental state.

  I was alone in this belief.

  Which was clearly apparent by the voices around me that were only getting louder the higher we ran. They pleaded with the adult to stop, to slow down, to let them help him.

  He didn’t listen.

  I caught a glimpse of him as the daylight started pouring in from the tunnel entrance. His face was enraptured as he experienced the sun’s rays for the first time in over a year. He spun around, throwing out his arms and soaking in the beauty of the outdoors.

  Oliver was there, waiting for me. His eyes found me easily in the crowd, just like mine had done to him. His face wore the same look of confusion and panic we all shared.

  The adult laughed. He twirled around like a little girl wearing a brand new dress.

  Around and around.

  His giggles were music to my ears. Sheer, unabashed pleasure.

  Until he dropped to the ground.

  Dead.

  Everyone raced to him, hovering over his body. I didn’t need to approach to know he was gone and nothing they could do would bring him back.

  His spirit sat up, floating to a standing position. Oliver rushed to be at his side, holding his arm to steady him.

  The man wasn’t upset. He wasn’t even bewildered. He was calm, like his death was a respite instead of a curse. Oliver spoke to him, whispering words of assurance in his ear that made the adult’s head nod and a slow smile spread across his lips.

  “Start CPR,” Jet ordered as he gave up searching for a pulse on the body and started compressions on his chest. Perry pinched the man’s nose and breathed into his mouth. They worked together seamlessly, like this wasn’t the first time they had tried desperately to save someone’s life.

  We had all grown better at CPR since the Event.

  He gave orders for the others to stand back, to give them space to work.

  I admired his tenacity but it wouldn’t work.

  The man was dead. He wasn’t coming back.

  “Fuck,” Jet swore angrily. “He’s gone.”

  A quietness ran through the group as they stopped working on him. Jet rocked back on his heels to sit. Perry wiped at the sweat on her brow as she pushed herself to her feet.

  Everyone else stood, forming a somber circle around the dead body. I wanted to say something comforting, like he didn’t suffer when he passed. Or that he was going to go to a better place. But they would think I was just saying pretty words to make them feel better.

  They wouldn’t know I was telling the truth.

  That I had a way of knowing for certain.

  So I kept my mouth shut. Perhaps I would tell Jet later, at least I could ease his grief over the adult man.

  “Ev,” Oliver started, pulling my attention to him and the newly made spirit. “I’m going to take him to the others. Will you be okay?” I nodded silently. “I’ll meet you back at the apartment tonight.”

  They disappeared into nothingness.

  “We should bury him,” Jet muttered softly.

  That’s how it was now.

  Death was nothing new. It was something to be dealt with so everyone could move on. It wasn’t callous, it didn’t mean they didn’t care or grieve, it was just a part of life. They needed to deal with the body so they could get back to surviving.

  The mole people organized themselves quickly. Some were sent back underground to make sure nobody else would follow them up. Others were sent for shovels and a sheet to wrap the body. Everyone had a purpose and role to play.

  I remained in the shadows, forgotten.

  Guilt racked my body.

  I had wanted to see what happened when an adult came aboveground. I thought it would be okay. I thought it would be a non-event. That he would step out and everyone would realize it wasn’t dangerous.

  It felt like even wanting that and having the thought was enough to cause the adult to do it. Like I had been responsible for his demise.

  I hadn’t seen him move, but Jet was suddenly standing in front of me. His hands were on my shoulders, shaking me gently. “Everly, are you okay? Everly?”

  My thoughts skittered away as they were replaced by his voice, his presence. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Shh, it’s okay. You shouldn’t have had to see that. I’m sorry,” he soothed, pulling me against his chest. He cradled me there, the beating of his heart echoing in my ear and helping to regulate my own.

  He didn’t realize why I was upset and I wasn’t in a position to tell him. I didn’t want him to think badly of me, not right now. I would punish myself far worse than anyone else could.

  The boys returned holding shovels and a blue checked sheet. Jet let me go to help with the burial. The ground was going to be frozen, it would take them a while if they even managed to break through the hard surface.

  The man’s death kept replaying in my mind like a horrible movie on a loop. He had dropped so suddenly, only moments after he had stepped out of the tunnels.

  There had to be something protecting them below ground. The same something that prevented the spirits from going down there. It couldn’t be a coincidence.

  Nothing was a coincidence anymore.

  All the thoughts swirled around in my mind, little pieces of a massive jigsaw all trying to fit together and form a complete picture.

  But there were so many pieces missing.

  Scattered in my mind and out of my grasp.

  Something tugged at my brain, a memory from a few weeks ago. I had been speaking with
the adults in the cavern, trying to make some sense out of their nonsense. It was a woman, she was about forty years old with blond hair and pink lips.

  She had been talking about darkness and I assumed she meant the lack of lighting in the caverns. Their sole source came from the fire they perpetually kept burning in the middle of the room. It offered warmth as well.

  I struggled to remember all the words she had muttered while staring into space. Her eyes held that glazed-over look that most of the adults wore.

  The dead man had lost that look when he came aboveground.

  That thought was pushed down again. I needed to focus on the woman. I closed my eyes, placing myself back in the cavern, sitting on the rock next to her, offering some fried noodles for her to eat.

  “The noodles are nice, you’ll feel better if you eat something,” I had said, trying to coax her into eating. They were all too skinny down there, their bodies almost as weak as their minds.

  “No, no, can’t eat. The darkness, it’s here. It’s wrapped around us like a blanket and it won’t let up. It strangles. You have to get them to let go. You have to.”

  “Shhh, it’s okay.”

  “No, it’s coming. It’s coming for us all. Darkness. So much darkness. It’s death. It’s disease. It’s everywhere.”

  She had been so distressed that I needed to call Jet over to help calm her down. I never paid any attention to what she actually said. It was just the same rambling all the adults spoke about.

  But what if it wasn’t?

  What if she was talking about the actual darkness? The entity – or something – that was protecting them down there? Something was creating a barrier around the underground. Whether that was to keep the remaining adults safe or to keep the spirits out, it didn’t matter.

  There was something happening in the underground.

  And it had nothing to do with the mole people.

  Unless they were the ones protecting the secret? Jet had known Kostucha by name. He knew more about the demon than anyone else should have. He had explained it as a chance encounter with the demon in a field.

  What if it wasn’t?

  Was it possible that all the mole people knew about Kostucha and were protecting his secret? Where they helping him? Maybe that’s why they hated me so much, they didn’t want me hanging around and discovering more about the demon.

  What if Jet was only keeping me around so he made sure I didn’t discover the truth? Perhaps he was feeding me half-truths, steering me away from getting too close to Kostucha and everything he knew.

  How could I have been so stupid?

  I had trusted Jet, accepted what he told me without question. I never pressed the issue with him. By accepting his help, I was playing a hand in my own sabotage.

  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  Running back in the tunnels, now was the perfect chance for me to speak with the adults. The mole people were busy. If they weren’t helping with the burial, they were trying to keep all the adults in check.

  Nobody would notice me.

  The tunnels were becoming more familiar but I still stumbled and took wrong turns more times than I liked. When the orange light started flickering in the distance, I sighed with relief. I made it to the cavern and quickly descended down to the bottom.

  There were only a handful of mole people still down there. Most of the adults were placid now, shuffling around with the same hunched posture they all normally wore. The pain had gone again, thankfully.

  I found the woman I was looking for in front of the fire. She held her hands out to the flame as if they were cold and needed warming. It was hot in the cavern, so far underground that the air always felt stuffy. She couldn’t have really had cold hands.

  “Hi, remember me?” I asked, sitting on the slab of rock next to her.

  Her eyes flicked to my face but I doubt she really saw me. She shrugged anyway, noncommittal to my question either way.

  I pressed on regardless. “The other day, you told me the darkness strangles you. What did you mean?”

  “It’s everywhere,” she whispered. Her eyes darted around as she tucked her hands between her knees.

  “Is it a person? The darkness?”

  The woman started rocking, quickly becoming agitated. I wasn’t going to have much time with her before someone noticed. “He’s here. Always here.”

  “Kostucha? Is that who he is?” I held my breath while waiting for an answer.

  For a moment, just a moment so fast it might not even have really happened, the woman’s eyes stared directly at me. She shook her head, blinked, and was gone again.

  The pieces I had been missing were slowly materializing in front of me. Of course Kostucha wouldn’t be in the underground. If he was, the adults wouldn’t have been able to survive. They would have died just like all the other adults in the world.

  He had been trying to hurt them, using his powers to send the crippling noise into their minds. But he couldn’t kill them. They eluded him every time.

  Something else was protecting them.

  Something dark.

  “Everly, what are you doing down here?” Jet asked, touching my shoulder from behind to get my attention. His hands were dusted with mud from the burial. I wondered how long he had been standing there. I wasn’t even sure how long I had been sitting there.

  I shot to my feet, feeling too vulnerable staying seated. All the feelings from his betrayal bubbled to the surface. “You knew this whole time what was down here and you never said anything. You lied, repeatedly.”

  At least he had the sense to look shocked. “What are you talking about? You knew the adults were down here.”

  “Not them, the thing. Whatever it is protecting them.”

  “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

  “Don’t lie to me, Jet. I’m sick of it. You’ve been playing me this entire time.”

  He took a step closer to me and I took one back. I wasn’t going to fall for it a second time. God, how had I been so stupid? “Don’t touch me,” I warned, growling the words.

  “Everly, I’m sorry you’re upset but I don’t understand what’s going on. I haven’t been lying to you, I swear.” He spoke slowly, softly, refusing to meet my tone of voice with an equally harsh one.

  It only made me angrier.

  “You’re lying even now, pretending you don’t know. How could you keep this from me? You know I’m trying to free the spirits and yet you don’t tell me about this? It could help me.”

  He looked around at the few kids that had stopped to watch the scene I was making. “Can we talk about this privately? Please?”

  “So you can lie to me some more? No.”

  He sighed, the effort making his chest rise and then sag dramatically. “I honestly don’t know any more than what I have already told you. If there is something down here, that’s news to me. I swear I am telling the truth, Everly.”

  I didn’t want to believe him.

  I wanted to storm right out of there and never come back.

  But, instead, he was being so sincere that a part of that anger seeped right out of me. His face was so open, his body language revealing nothing more than sadness.

  Jet wasn’t lying to me. He never did.

  “Promise me, Jet,” I started, holding my hands together so he didn’t see how much they were shaking. “Promise me you have told me everything.”

  “I promise you.” He stepped forward again and this time I didn’t step backwards. He placed a careful hand on my arm, rubbing it with his thumb. “Tell me what happened, what did you find out?”

  Finally, I lowered my voice so we couldn’t be overheard, matching Jet’s now. It took a few steadying breaths before I could continue. “There is something protecting the adults down here. It’s why Kostucha can’t kill them. But it’s not something good, it was described as something dark.”

  Jet nodded a few times, taking it in. He didn’t remove his hand from my arm. “Do you think it’s another demon?
Maybe one that doesn’t like Kostucha?”

  The thought had occurred to me too but I discounted it. I was thinking along bigger lines now. “Maybe, but I’m not convinced. I read something in a few of the books at the library. They said Hell could be within the earth. What about if we are closer to the entrance here than we could ever have imagined?”

  “You think Hell is protecting the adults?” he asked incredulously. His mouth was set in a grimace. He finally removed his hand from my arm, leaving it feeling cold. “Why would it do that?”

  “Maybe it’s not so much as protecting them, but keeping Kostucha away.”

  Jet was having a hard time making the pieces fit. “But Hell, it’s in the sky. It’s a place that doesn’t really exist. How can it be inside the earth?”

  “It’s a-”

  I didn’t get to finish as Perry suddenly stepped into our conversation. “What’s going on?”

  My mouth stayed firmly closed. I knew she wasn’t asking me anyway.

  Jet fielded the question. “Nothing, it’s not important.”

  “It sure looks important,” she countered. Her hands moved to her hips, silently challenging him to disagree. “When are you going to share everything, Jet? You know the rule down here, it was your rule not to keep any secrets.”

  “We were just having a discussion about whether the bonfire needs to be smaller. Everly thinks it’s too warm down here,” Jet replied, lying his butt off. He chewed on his bottom lip, the telltale sign of his anxiety.

  If Perry knew of his tell, she didn’t notice it now. She looked at me pointedly, her narrowed eyes telling me she would prefer to throw me into the fire than discuss the issue with me. “The fire is fine. It’s how we always have it. The adults can’t handle change.”

  I bit my tongue so I didn’t say what I really wanted to say to Perry.

  Jet noticed. “It’s settled then, we’ll leave it. Come on.” He tugged at my hand so I had no choice except to follow him up the steep climb of the pathway.

  I was starting to really hate the cavern path.

  As we reached the tunnels and merged into darkness, it was safe to talk again. I didn’t waste the opportunity. “Why are you keeping everything from Perry? I thought she was in charge around here after you?”