House That Berry Built

by Dornford Yates

  On the following Monday, the plans of the house arrived, and the brother contractors with them.

  “Mesdames, Messieurs,” said Henri, “we do not propose, by your leave, to discuss these plans today. We propose, instead, to leave them with you to digest. And then, after two or three days, we two will return. By that time you will know them almost as well as we do, so that we shall, so to speak, stand upon level ground.”

  “Or a platform,” said Jean, mischievously.

  “You will find,” said Henri, smiling, “that they very closely resemble the beautiful pasteboard model which Madame and Miladi have made. Admittedly, we have made some suggestions: but if these are not to your taste, you have only to say the word. We are not architects. We are here to do as you wish, for you are to live in the house and you know what you want.

  “And now I come to a matter of great importance.

  “It would be a great mistake to decide in any haste upon the plans of such a residence. And there is no reason for haste; for the house cannot be begun until the platform is built, and the platform cannot be built until next spring. But wait! I am not quite sure that we must wait till the spring.”

  “You mean…” began Jill, excitedly.

  “Miladi, we promise nothing. It would not be right. The hard frosts may come in early. But we have made such good progress that we are inclined to think – and Joseph, whose opinion we value, agrees with us – that with a little good fortune, the thing might be done. It will mean a great effort – a spurt, to beat the frosts. But, if we can do it – well, we shall gain three months: and that will mean that about this time next year, you will be installed.”

  A chorus of acclamation greeted his words.

  As it died down—

  “And now, Mesdames, Messieurs, I come to my point. The construction of the platform does not depend entirely upon the whim of the frosts. It also depends upon you. I will tell you why. The platform will not be of earth –or even of brick. It will be of ferro-concrete – cement and steel. And once the concrete has set, it must not be touched. Any holes in it, therefore – holes through which pipes will pass – must be left in the structure, before the concrete is laid. That is vital: for, once it is laid, Mesdames, it can never be pierced. Well, now, pipes must pass – the plumber, the builder’s foe, will not be denied. Drain-pipes, waste pipes, pipes for central heating… And so I ask for your help. Not for one moment do we ask you to pass the plans, as a whole. But we do ask two things. First, that you should make sure where your bathrooms and lavatories shall be built: and secondly, that you will engage what plumber you please and tell him to visit me as soon as ever he can. He will have your instructions and I shall give him a duplicate set of these plans; and, when he has worked things out, he will mark on the plan of the platform where he desires his holes.”

  “How long can you give us?” said Jonah.

  “Let me put it like this, Monsieur. Provided that the weather is kind, we should like to run in the concrete four weeks from today. But please remember this. We make this suggestion in your interest, and not in ours. If you feel that it cannot be done, then the platform must wait. But if you can do it, Monsieur, and if the weather is kind – well, then, you will be in your house by this time next year.”

  To say that we fought for those tracings is very nearly true. Berry tore one, by snatching, before the brothers were fairly out of the house.

  “The stairs,” shrieked Daphne. “Where have they put the stairs?”

  “I can’t see them,” said Berry. “They must be outside.”

  “There they are!” cried Jill. “Oh, isn’t that clever, Boy?”

  It was very clever indeed – to our simple minds.

  Thanks to Berry’s brain-wave, the design of the house was exactly the shape of a T, with the cross of the T facing south and the stem of the T running back to the mountainside. In the front or upper part of the cross of the T lay all the principal rooms, both upstairs and down: behind these rooms lay two galleries, one above the other, running the length of the cross.

  Where the cross of the T met the stem, the brothers had hung a semicircular stair: the galleries were untouched, for the stairway was sunk in the stem – a broad, agreeable stairway which curled, with the wall on its right, from the ground floor up to the first. Not only was this a most convenient place, but it broke in an elegant way the line of the galleries. And when we perceived that, directly behind these stairs, on the opposite side of the wall, the brothers had hung the back-staircase, we gave the two of them best.

  But not all their suggestions were so helpful.

  Appalled, as we had feared they would be, by the simplicity of our design, a turret rose on the left and a bay bellied out on the right, and a ‘rustique’ balcony ran the whole length of the house. Still, it was simple enough to strike out suggestions like that, and all things that really mattered they had embodied or improved.

  The outside walls would be solid and twenty inches thick. All inside walls would be solid and ten inches thick. The outside walls would be built of quarried stone: the inside walls would be built of blocks of concrete, turned out of a mould. Between the ground floor and the first and between the first floor and the attic, rafts of ferro-concrete were to be laid; and, except, of course, for the frames of the windows and doors, no wood would be used in the construction until the attic was reached. The roof would be hung with tiles which came from the north of France and were guaranteed against changes of temperature. The terrace and its parapet were to be laid with flags. The floors were to be of parquet. The downstairs gallery and the stairs were to be of marble, and the stairs would be graced by a wrought-iron balustrade. The fireplaces would be of brick, with recesses on either side, to contain the logs. All woodwork throughout the house was to be of seasoned oak. The shutters upon the ground floor were to be of steel: those on the first floor of oak. The plumbing, the wiring and the tiling of the interior were to be our affair.

  “And very nice, too,” said Berry. “I’ve always wanted to live with a marble stair.”

  “But what on earth,” said Daphne, “is all this going to cost?”

  “They take care not to say,” said Jonah. “Nothing appears about price.”

  “We shall be ruined,” said Daphne. “Marble and parquet and tiles from the north of France.”

  “I will have my marble,” said Berry. “No one shall take it away. I shall probably be painted upon it. Besides, if we’re building our home, we may as well make it nice.”

  “I agree,” said I. “We mustn’t dishonour the site.”

  “I’m with you,” said Jill.

  “Listen,” said Jonah. “All these details can wait. All that we have to decide without any delay is whether the bathrooms and lavatories are where we wish them to be; where else we want running water; where we want to have radiators; and the site of the furnace-room.”

  “Is that all?” said Berry.

  Jonah shrugged his shoulders.

  “You heard what he said. If we want that platform this year, we must do our part. Once the concrete’s run in, no holes can be made. Damn it all, it’s going to be ten inches thick.”

  My sister put a hand to her head.

  “We seem to be building a fortress.”

  “Why not?” said Berry. “An Englishman’s home is his castle – or so they say.”

  I put in my oar.

  “I support the brothers there, and Jonah will, too. A house such as we have designed will be an enormous weight. In the ordinary way, the weight of a house doesn’t matter – nobody gives it a thought. But that is because most houses are built on the earth. But two-thirds of the weight of our house will not be borne by the earth. Hence Hadrian’s Wall and a platform ten inches thick.”

  “Well, we’ve plenty of time,” said Jill, “to settle the things Jonah says. The brothers said a month.”

  “My darling,” said Jonah, “we have not plenty of time. We have not one moment to waste. We’ve got to find a plumber who’s wi
lling to do the work. We’ve got to show him the plans and exactly what plumbing we want. He will then do his sums and render his estimates. And when we’ve accepted these, then – and not before – will he be in a position to mark on the plan of the platform the holes which he will require. And from what I know of plumbers, if he is in that position four weeks – not a month – from today, we shall have achieved a record. In fact we have less than four weeks; for Joseph will want to know where these holes are to go at least four days before the concrete’s run in.”

  An interview with Joseph the next morning shewed forth the truth of these words, and we spent the rest of that day deciding exactly the plumbing which we should require.

  By the plans, the furnace-room would stand just clear of the platform upon the soil: and the servants’ quarters, scullery and pantry would also be built upon earth: those, then, could wait. But the bathrooms and lavatories serving the principal rooms would all be above the concrete which must not be pierced. These appeared almost exactly where we had suggested they should stand, but it was clearly important that we should inform the plumber whereabouts, for instance, in a bathroom the various fittings should go.

  “Drains will be drains,” said Berry. “You can’t get away from that. Once the platform is made, it will be no good lamenting that of course the bath should have lain where its lesser brother must stand.”

  “But it’s frightfully difficult,” said Daphne. “I don’t know the width of a bath.”

  “Roughly a metre,” said Jonah. “That’s three feet three. And two metres long. If you work on those dimensions, we can get a catalogue tomorrow and check them from that. The bathroom doors and windows will really dictate where the various requisites go.”

  “‘Requisites’,” said Berry. “What a very beautiful word. Which reminds me that the condition of the western hinge of the requisite upon the ground floor of this residence is causing anxiety.”

  “Carson’s fixed it,” said Jonah. “And now this plumber business. I think we should see de Moulin and ask him to give us a line on the plumbers of Pau. And tomorrow we must go in and see for ourselves.”

  “How the hell does one choose a plumber?”

  “By references,” said Jonah. “There’s no other way. You go to a man and ask him what work he’s done. Then you go to the people he’s worked for and ask them if his work works.”

  “I see,” said Berry. “Well, I think I’ll leave that to you. I don’t want to spend my day discussing water-waste-preventers with women I’ve never seen. Besides, we shall be arrested. ‘Pardon, Madame, but am I right in thinking that the amenities of your beautiful home were recently crowned by the installation of a closet of unusual convenience?’ I know this is France, but—”

  “If it works,” said Jonah, “they’ll show you with all their might. If it doesn’t, they’ll say so – at length. I repeat – there’s no other way. We must have a damned good plumber; otherwise we shall be sunk.”

  De Moulin named three plumbers and prophesied evil of all. This was borne out by the households we visited. At the end of the second day we entered a very small shop which was not on de Moulin’s list. After a little delay, a man was fetched from the workshops which lay behind.

  When we said what our business was, the other smiled.

  “You are, then, the Messieurs who are building a château by Lally?”

  “That’s quite right,” said Jonah. “How did you know?”

  “There is a saying, Monsieur, that a city which is set on a hill cannot be hid. Besides, my nephew is your foreman.”

  “What, Joseph?” said I.

  “That is right. A conscientious lad.”

  “Would you like to do the plumbing? It’ll be a pretty big job.”

  The other bowed.

  “It would be a fine order for me, sir, but I must tell you this. I am in a small way at present. I should have to ask you to pay me sums on account. The makers of baths, for instance, will give me but little credit: but you would not lose by that, for we should get a discount for cash. And if you would like a reference, Monsieur de Tourey of Lescar would speak for me. I put in his central heating at the end of last year. He is very enthusiastic. You see I was apprenticed in Switzerland, where the plumbing is very good.”

  We arranged to take up the reference and let the man know the next day.

  And the day after that he came to inspect the site…

  “Joseph,” said I, “why didn’t you mention your uncle? I think he’s the man for us.”

  “Monsieur,” was the reply, “one should not commend one’s relations, however good they may be. But I am very glad you have found him. His work will be very well done; and, for me, it is always pleasant to labour with someone one knows.”

  That day the plans were passed and Felix Arripe, plumber, was appointed to practise his mystery on our behalf.

  We felt that the choice was wise. His showroom was not garnished with coloured porcelain baths; but on his shelves were the catalogues of all the principal firms. He had but three workmen; but then he worked himself. About wholesale and retail prices he was almost distressingly frank. His reference was first-class. Finally, we were quite sure that, had he been Joseph’s twin, Joseph would not have commended a man whom he did not trust.

  By the first of September, Hadrian’s Wall and its wings were twenty-seven feet high.

  Within the space which the wall and its wings enclosed, ten pillars or piers had been founded, to carry the beams upon which the platform would rest. Pillars, piers, beams and platform would all be of ferro-concrete, and all would be welded together into one whole.

  The doorway in the western wing not only was now finished but admitted to a fine level floor, some ninety feet long by fifteen; and the brothers had already arranged for a cable to be run from the valley which would bring electricity up; so that when they started work upon the platform, the men who were working below should have plenty of light. But that work could not be begun, till Hadrian’s Wall had reached its appointed height.

  Ferro-concrete is this – rods or grilles of steel, sunk in a very strong mixture of pebbles, sand and cement. The steel must be laid in position: and when it is as it should be, the mixture is poured and rammed all round the steel. The mixture must, therefore, be liquid – not, of course, like water, but rather like very thick gruel. But gruel will not stick to a thing, unless it is held. So, beneath or around the steel, there must be a layer or coffer; and this is of wood. Once the concrete has set, the wood can be taken away: but it must be there to hold up the steel and the concrete, until the latter has set. Such work is called shuttering – and costs very nearly as much as the ferro-concrete itself. Since the area of the platform would be some six thousand square feet, six thousand square feet of shuttering had to be done: and every pier and beam must be coffered, or boxed about.

  Already the lorries were bringing up piles of rough planks and pit-props…

  The site was becoming an eyesore – a scar on the countryside.

  The weather was still very fair and the days were immensely hot. We had had next to no rain, and only once had a storm interfered with the work. The ruisseau was running low, but still gave water enough for the masons’ needs. So far we had had no frost.

  Everyone now was working with all his might.

  On Monday, September the seventh, the steel began to arrive. The rods were of all sizes – some as thick as a pencil and some as thick as my wrist.

  “Ah,” said Jonah. “And now we can do something better than lend a hand.”

  He hastened in search of Joseph, and after a moment or so, the two went into the hut.

  When they emerged, Jonah beckoned…

  “Joseph is going to teach us to make a grille. He’s going to make one as a pattern. And when he has made it, then we shall make the rest. That will mean he has four more men to put on the other work.”

  “Four?” said Berry.

  “Four,” said Jonah. “You’ll soon get into the knack.”r />
  “It is hard on the hands,” said Joseph, and picked up a pair of cutters, as long as my arm.

  We followed him up to the doorway, set in the western wing. Behind us, two workmen were bearing a sheaf of rods.

  As we all passed on to the concrete—

  “Observe, Messieurs,” said Joseph, “the very great value of a work-room right on a building site. It is, indeed, without price.”

  In a flash he had drawn his rule, had measured a length on the concrete and marked it off: very soon he had chalked a rectangle, roughly six feet by three. Then he picked up a rod, measured a length of two metres, took the cutters from Carson and cut the piece off. Ten such lengths he cut: then he laid them upon the rectangle which he had chalked. Then he cut twenty lengths of one metre and laid these across the lengths already in place. More or less evenly spaced, they made a rough grille.

  “Messieurs will observe,” said Joseph, “that the ends of the rods protrude from the rectangle which I have drawn.”

  He picked up a coil of soft wire, snipped two inches from this and tied together a couple of rods where they crossed. This he did again and again, until, when he lifted the grille, the rods did not move. Then he turned the grille about and bent the protruding ends over, two at a time. But he only bent over the ends of the one-metre rods.

  “The others I leave,” he explained, “for they will hook on to the bars which wait to receive them, which will hold the grilles in their place.” He rose to his feet. “Well, Messieurs, there is the pattern. Of these, we shall need thirty-six; but the others will not be so big. It is but dull work, but it must be carefully done. And, as I have said, you will find it hard on the hands.”

  “That’s quite all right,” said Jonah. “A pair of pliers, perhaps, just to bend the ends of the rods.”

  “I send them at once,” said Joseph, and left us alone.