Plan Bea

by Hilary Grossman

  Focusing on me again, my mother continued, “Oh, Annabel, there is so much to do, and we only have three months to do it. There is no possible way I could do it all myself. Hence, why I need you. I just know we will make such an amazing team.” She clapped her hands together for emphasis. “Doesn’t this sound like fun?”

  “Frankly, no. This doesn’t sound like fun to me at all. If you recall, I never wanted to plan a wedding. Cole and I eloped for this very reason. I wanted to avoid the whole three ring circus these things turn out to be.”

  “I know you thought heading off to the Caribbean was a good idea. But Annabel, you were wrong. A wedding doesn’t have to turn out to be complete chaos, trust me. My wedding will be nothing of the sort. It will be beautiful and I know you want to help your mother.”

  I didn’t reply.

  She placed her hand on her heart, and batted her eyelashes, “Oh come on, Annabel. Do you really want me to have to do all of this work myself? And besides, planning a wedding is a very special time in a woman’s life. It should be spent with someone close to the bride. Who could possibly be closer to me than my very own daughter? But if you really want your poor mother to go it alone with no one’s advice or opinions, there is nothing I can do about it. I will have to do what I have to. But know this, it disappoints me greatly that you are just too busy or unwilling to help me.”

  I couldn’t believe my mother pulled the guilt card. But then again, why should I be surprised? She has made me feel guilty for practically my entire adult life. I probably should have been used to the feeling by now, but I wasn’t. I hated it. I always ended up doing things I didn’t want to do today just so I didn’t regret not doing them tomorrow. And like it or not, if I didn’t help her plan this wedding, I wouldn’t be able to face myself if let her down.

  “Okay, Mom. Fine, I will help,” I said as I cut myself another piece of cake.

  CHAPTER 3

  I QUIETLY SLID INTO BED after I checked on the kids one last time. I hoped Cole was already asleep. I really didn’t want to talk to him.

  As soon as I lay down, Cole rolled over and turned on the light. “Are you really going to do this?” He sat up and turned to face me.

  “Yes, I have to.” I pulled the covers up to my chin.He stroked my head. “Anna, why do you do this to yourself?”

  “What are you trying to say? Do you not want me to help her?”

  “Whoa, easy, killer. Don’t go there. This has nothing to do with me and don’t try to make it about me. She’s your mother, not mine. You know I’ll support you in anything you want to do. I just hate to see her use you. She has kept you at arm’s length your entire life—”

  “It hasn’t always been this way.”

  “Yeah, I know, Anna. You always tell me that. But I’ve been with you for a very long time, and I haven’t seen her treat you any other way. No, I take it back. I have seen her treat you much worse.”

  I sighed.

  “I’m sorry Anna. I'm not trying to hurt you or make you upset. But I want you to start facing the facts. There is only one person who matters to your mother, and that’s your mother. You go above and beyond for her all the time, and does she ever appreciate it? No. Does she ever make you feel like you are the amazing, beautiful, and talented woman that you are? No. She barely acknowledges our children, especially Harley. I know it has to eat you up inside as much as it does me. And all she thinks I am good for is fixing her a gin martini.”

  “Well, you do mix a good drink,” I tried to joke.

  “Anna, let’s be serious here. Beatrice is one very cold woman, which is fine. But you're not. You have a heart of gold, and you are already stretched too thin. Between work and the kids you barely have a moment to yourself. When was the last time you read a book?”

  “Um, I just—”

  “Not a children’s book.” He paused, waiting for a response.

  I had none. I used to be a voracious reader, but I honestly couldn’t remember the last book I had read, even though my Kindle was full of books I intended to read eventually.

  “Exactly,” Cole smirked. “Listen. You know I have no issue with you helping your mother. I just don’t want to see you put added pressure and stress on yourself. Come here.” He lay back down and opened his arms. I snuggled against him. He kissed me gently. “I love you, Anna.”

  “I love you too, Cole,” I said as a tear escaped my eye.

  Within seconds, he was snoring, God I wish I had his ability to shut down and pass out. My mind raced way too fast to make sleep a realistic possibility.

  I had always tried to rationalize my mother to Cole, somewhat successfully. Cole and I had very different childhoods. Every minor accomplishment in his or his sisters’ lives was celebrated. For goodness sake, class picture day was cause for a Carvel ice cream cake. His parents’ world revolved around their children. Connie and Patrick never missed one baseball game, school play, or spelling bee. They felt the same way with their grandchildren. Whenever Violet had a soccer game, they were always on the sidelines screaming her name at the top of their lungs. A few months back she scored the winning goal—for the opposing team. She was devastated. Patrick came over to the house a few hours later with a big bouquet of flowers for her in honor of her victory.

  Violet looked at her grandfather like he lost his mind. “But I am a loser, Grandpa.”

  “Violet, do you know what perception means?” he asked.

  “Nope,” she answered with a pout.

  “It’s the way you see something, and there are usually many ways to see a situation. Did you score a goal today?”

  “Yes,” she said quietly.

  “Did your goal cause a team to win the game?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “I know. The winning team wasn’t your team, but they were still a team. And they are all celebrating right now. But they couldn’t have won without you. Did anyone else score the winning goal?”

  “No.”

  “Exactly. So you are responsible for making all those other children happy. Focus on the good you do, Violet. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be you.”

  I didn’t even want to think what would have happened if Beatrice was at the game instead of Cole’s folks. She would have probably berated my little girl. I went through this on a regular basis; my childhood home was the opposite of my husband’s. We were expected to be perfect—all the time at everything. No matter what we accomplished, my mother demanded that we do better and do more. A ninety on a test was frowned upon. She questioned why we didn’t work harder and get a hundred instead.

  I adored my father. He was handsome, strong, and he had the most charismatic personality. He knew how to work a room; people naturally gravitated towards him. He’d always have a joke to share, which immediately put people at ease. As I grew up, I realized he used his charm to manipulate others to do exactly what he wanted them to, which was why he was such a successful salesman. Unfortunately, he was hardly ever home. His first, second, and third loves were his office. He worked ridiculous hours and traveled a lot. In order for my brother and I to get his full attention, we’d have had to accomplish a major task, like curing cancer or some other deadly disease.

  It was a difficult way to live, but it didn’t really faze me too much—probably because school came naturally to me. I was a bookworm who actually liked to study. I thrived under the pressure to be the best. My brother, five years my junior, struggled a lot. Brody not only had to live up to Beatrice’s demands of perfection, but also the quest for our father’s attention. He was constantly compared to me, especially at school, which wasn’t a fair comparison.

  As much as I loved school, Brody hated it. He was a free spirited little boy who craved excitement and adventure. He loved sports, but he wasn’t coordinated at all. The beauty was he didn’t care. He just wanted to have fun. And boy, did that piss Beatrice off. The funny thing was, she could never stay mad at him. He made her way too happy. From the moment she brought him home from
the hospital, it was clear to me and everyone else, my brother was the love of her life.

  It was ironic: growing up you would have thought Brody would have been jealous of my accomplishments, but it was the other way around. I was the jealous one. I envied his free spirit. Unlike me, he never worried about pleasing anyone except himself. And it didn’t take much for him to be happy.

  I was never able to say no to him. I always wanted to be part of his happiness and joy. The happier he was, the happier I seemed to be. So when we were little and he wanted to finish my ice cream, I didn't think twice: I gave my cone to him. And as we got older I kept giving. All I wanted was to make him happy.

  Even though it was years ago, in some ways it feels like yesterday. Cole and I had just gotten engaged, and moved into our first apartment in Long Beach together. We were on the top floor of a recently renovated apartment building. The actual living space was quite small but the views were amazing. We had a huge terrace, which overlooked the boardwalk and the Atlantic Ocean. I wanted to have Brody over for a barbecue to celebrate with us, and give him the chance to get to know Cole a little better. It wasn’t surprising that during the two years Cole and I had dated, we’d spent more time with his family than mine. Since Brody was in college, the only time we really got to spend with him was on school breaks.

  Since it wasn’t a holiday Brody wasn’t able to leave school, so Cole and I drove up to Ithaca instead. I expected to go to Brody’s dorm, pick him up, and take him out to dinner or something. When we arrived at his dorm, I never expected we would be ushered into the frat house by his roommate. When we walked inside, the house was spotless with a fresh smell, instead of the normal stench of stale beer and sweat. Loud music was playing, and yes, there were plenty of kegs, but there were also streamers and signs that said “Congratulations, Anna and Cole.”

  Brody’s roommate escorted Cole and I to the kitchen where my brother first engulfed Cole in a massive bear hug before he picked me up and twirled me around. Cole reached for a red Solo cup to fill with beer, but Brody stopped him.

  “First thing’s first,” my brother said as he reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of champagne, which he opened with a pop.

  A beautiful girl, as usual, stood at his side. She pulled out four flutes from a cabinet, which Brody quickly filled with champagne. “We have to properly toast don’t we?” he asked with a toothy grin.

  “Leave it to my brother,” I smiled as I grabbed a glass.

  “To my favorite sister and the man who loves her!” Brody clinked his glass into ours.

  I took a sip, and Cole said to the girl, “I bet you had something to do with this party.”

  She shook her head. “Nah. This was all Brody’s doing.”

  “Come on,” Brody said. “Let’s eat, dance, and drink. Let’s celebrate! After all, this is the first, and probably the last, engagement party this frat house will ever see.”

  I didn’t like frat parties when I was in college, and I really didn't like them now. So after about an hour I was sitting outside on the grass with a beer in my hand and Cole by my side.

  “What’s a matter, you no like?” Brody asked as he meandered over to us, alone.

  “I can’t believe you did all this for us.” I smiled as I stood up. “But I was kind of hoping you’d get to know Cole a little better. I want you guys to be friends.”

  “Oh please, Anna. Don’t be so dramatic.” He rolled his hazel eyes as he spoke. “We don’t have to get to know each other. How can we not get along? After all, we both love you. And I know you well enough to know you’d do anything to make both of us happy.”

  Cole smiled. I think he was falling for my brother’s charm. I wasn’t. I knew better.

  “Okay, Brody. What’s up? I know something is. You didn’t go to all this effort to throw us a party to make me happy. You want something. Don’t you?”

  Brody placed his hand on his heart. “Anna, I’m shocked and offended. What could I possibly want besides your happiness? I want to know all about the wedding. I’m going to be best man, right?” Brody asked with mock indignation.

  “We haven’t decided yet,” I crossed my arms over my chest.

  Cole smiled. “Well, I only have sisters, so I don't really have anyone in mind.”

  “So it can be me?” Brody beamed.

  Cole nodded his head. “Sure.”

  Cole and I didn’t discuss any plans for our wedding yet. I was taking for granted the fact he’d simply go along with all of my ideas.

  “Awesome. So, I’ll have to write a speech, right?” Brody scratched his head.

  “Yes, it is customary,” I rolled my eyes, “I think you’ll master the task. After all, you take after Daddy. You know how to work a crowd.”

  “Yep, I sure do,” Brody grinned. “Look how I work Bea.”

  “You are the master.” I smiled. “I don’t know how you do it. She’s always like putty in your hands.”

  “Yeah, but before you go and get all jealous like you constantly do, I’m not always able to get my way with her.”

  I stared at him. “When was the last time she said no to you?”

  “A couple of days ago. She can be so stubborn sometimes. It’s impossible for her to see anyone else's point of view.”

  I punched my brother’s arm gently. “What happened? She never denies you anything. Details, little brother, details!”

  “Nah, it’s nothing,” Brody said nonchalantly. “I don't want to get into it. Tonight’s supposed to be about you, not me. It’s a happy occasion, remember?”

  I had no doubt my brother was definitely up to something. No wonder he threw us a party.

  “So let’s get back to the best man duties,” Brody said.

  “What about them?” Cole asked.

  “It’s really the speech part I’ve been thinking about. I was hoping you’d allow me this honor. Actually, I was pretty confident you’d say yes. So much so, I already have a partial speech prepared.”

  “My brother, the procrastinator?” Unlike me, Brody always waited to the eleventh hour to do everything.

  “When something is important you have to be prepared. Do you want to hear it?” He asked as he poked me in the shoulder.

  “Sure,” I said.

  “It’s still a little sketchy, so bear with me, okay?” He dramatically cleared his throat. “‘From as far back as I remember, I wanted to have a brother. But no matter how hard I tried, Anna never transformed into a boy, although she did kick my butt in most sports. Even though I was stuck with a sister, Anna was a better sister than anyone could ask for. I know if my new brother,’” he turned to Cole and poked him in the arm as he asked, “you like that part, right?”

  “Yes,” Cole and I both answered in unison.

  “Good. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. ‘I know if my new brother captured my sister’s heart he’d capture mine as well. He actually won my heart over when he and my sister made me the happiest man alive by loaning me the money I needed to make my dream of owning a motorcycle come true.’”

  “What?” I asked.

  “Do you need me to repeat, Sis?” Brody smirked.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I heard you the first time. I just don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I found the most perfect Harley Davidson bike in the whole world. It’s used but in mint condition. It’s exactly what I’ve been looking for. What I’ve always wanted!” The volume of his voice increased as his excitement grew. “Only problem is I don’t have enough money saved. I’m five-K short. I really don’t know why we have to wait until we’re twenty-five to get access to our trust funds.” He groaned. “But that’s beside the point. I start work right after graduation, so it won’t take me long to make the money. Problem is I need the money now. I can’t wait until summer to get the bike. It’s going to be gone by then. So you’ll help me out, right?” Brody kneeled down on the ground and looked up at Cole and me with puppy dog eyes.

  “Is this what B
ea said no to?” I asked although I knew the answer.

  “Yeah. Apparently your mother is totally against the idea.”

  “Why? Does she think it’s dangerous?” Cole asked.

  “He doesn’t know Mother too well, does he?” Brody turned to me.

  “How can you tell?” I chuckled.

  “What? What’d I miss?”

  “Bea not wanting Brody to have the motorcycle has nothing to do with safety, unless you count the safety of her reputation. She doesn’t want any of the ladies at the club to see her son riding around on a motorcycle. What would they think? He must be some hoodlum or something. First a bike, then what?”

  Brody chuckled.

  I continued, “He might do something completely crazy, like get a tattoo or something. Then what would happen? I shudder at the thought.” I placed both my hands over my heart.

  “But Anna, you have a tattoo on your ankle,” Cole commented.

  Brody choked from laughter. “Yes. I know that. You know that. And even my brother knows that. But do you think my mother knows about it?”

  “How much do you need again?” Cole asked, beating me to the punch.

  “Five thousand,” Brody answered.

  “By when?” I asked.

  “Next week,” Brody replied.

  “Done!” I exclaimed as Cole smiled.

  I wired my brother the money as soon as we returned home. He picked up the bike two days later. I didn't remember ever seeing my brother happier. It was funny; even though Cole didn’t fully understand then how difficult my mother could be, I think he truly bonded with Brody over our frustration with her. Unfortunately, soon after Cole found out my mother’s snobbery was the least of our concerns.

  I glanced at the clock. It was already three o’clock in the morning. I rolled over onto my stomach and buried my head in my pillow in a futile attempt to drown out my husband’s snores. There was only three hours left before my alarm would sound. I really hoped I could manage to sleep just a little.