Plan Bea

by Hilary Grossman

  “We’re at a bakery, Mother. I don’t see how his presence makes a difference one way or another. He’s just going to hang out here with us.” My mother rolled her eyes as I reached into my bag and pulled out my iPad and handed it to my son. “Besides, he’s going to be wrapped up in his game in a few minutes anyway.”

  Harley he sat down at the counter and began playing. I smiled at my son. “We’ll get a snack when Grandma and I are done, Sweetie.”

  “Very well, Annabel. What’s done is done. There’s no sense in harping on it, but next time please give me some advanced warning, will you? We really should get to work. After all, you were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago.”

  “Certainly Mother,” I said as I glanced at my son, who was as predicted already lost in his game.

  “Donna, we’re ready,” my mother called out and snapped her finger in order to get the woman’s attention.

  Either the lady didn’t notice or mind my mother’s rudeness. She greeted me warmly. “Hi there! I was just going over some choices with your mom before you arrived. I was telling her these days we are doing two types of wedding cakes. People are opting either for traditional or non-traditional. The latter are growing in popularity. Here take a look at these pictures,” she said as she handed us two large pieces of cardboard with multiple pictures of cakes on both of them. “See the ones on this portfolio are all classic looking. They are tiered round cakes. The way the cakes are decorated is different, of course, but they all have the same look and feel. The cakes on this one are more unique. Some of them resemble the old fashioned style, but if you notice the tiered cakes are square not round. And some of the others are totally unique.”

  “Wow! This one really stands out, Mother! I love this idea!” I said as I pointed to a cake that was comprised of four tiers of little square cakes. Each one was covered in turquoise frosting and they all had little white bows also made out of frosting on top of them. The cakes resembled Tiffany ring boxes. On top of the forth tier there was a small round cake featuring yet another frosted bow.

  “You’ve got to be kidding, it’s horrible,” my mother scoffed. “I’m not having a sweet sixteen party for goodness sake. I’m getting married!”

  “The cake your daughter picked out is actually our most popular one, Mrs. Buchanan,” Donna chimed in.

  “Well, just because the rest of the world has lost their common sense doesn’t mean I am going to have a ridiculous cake for my wedding. I want no part of any of these,” my mother said as she thrust the modern portfolio back at Donna. “My wedding is going to be a classy affair. I want a cake that screams elegant. Here!” She tapped the portfolio with a long French manicured fingernail. “Look! This is what I am talking about,” she said. Her finger was on a three-tiered round cake with decorative frosting, which resembled lace. “Isn’t this perfect?” she gushed.

  “It does look exactly like what you were describing.”

  “This is perfect. It is exactly the style I want. The decision is made!”

  “I’m so glad I could help you decide,” I flashed my mother a toothy grin. She didn’t reply, instead she went over specifics with Donna. I ordered two coffees, a hot chocolate, large chocolate cupcake for Harley as well an assortment of cookies from a different woman standing behind the counter. Harley followed the tray and me to a small table in the back of the store.

  We were only seated a minute or so when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I looked up and saw an elderly woman. She was holding a newspaper and an empty coffee cup, which had a paper plate, folded into it. “Your son is so precious. I was sitting right there,” she said as she turned and pointed to the table directly behind us. “I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I don’t know if I have ever seen a child enjoy dessert more. It gave me such pleasure to watch him for a few moments. Enjoy these moments, and don’t blink. If you do you will miss out on all the simple milestones. Time goes by so quickly. I know. I blinked and now my little boy has a grandson of his own.”

  “I’ll try not to blink, I promise,” I gave her a warm smile before she walked away. I turned my attention back to my son who was now covered in frosting.

  “Your son is a mess,” my mother said as she approached the table. She gave Harley the once over. She used the back of her hand to wipe away imaginary cake crumbs from her chair before she sat down.

  “Who cares?” The elderly woman’s words still rang in my ears. “He’s enjoying himself. That’s all that matters.”

  “I guess. I just hope he doesn’t enjoy himself on my suit. It’s Armani you know,” she said as she scrunched her face in disdain.

  “Guess what Grandma!” Harley said with a mouth full of cake.

  “What?” my mother asked sounding bored.

  “My birthday is in two days!”

  “It is, is it?” she asked. I couldn’t decide if she was playing coy or really had no idea.

  “Yep!” And holding up his fingers he exclaimed, “I’m gonna be six!”

  “You’re a big boy,” my mother said. She looked as if the conversation was paining her.

  “Yep! I am the biggest now than I ever was. And in two days I’m gonna get even bigger.”

  “True again,” she replied, as she yawned. Then almost as an afterthought she asked, “What do you want for your birthday?” I was amazed. She sort of was having a conversation with my son.

  He took a big bite of cupcake and said, “Birthday cake!”

  She looked at him as if he lost his mind. “Birthday cake? Really?”

  “Yep! What’s wrong with it? Cake’s good!” To prove his point, he took another huge bite of his cupcake.

  “While you are correct, your answer was not what I expected you to say.” She replied as she took a dainty sip of coffee.

  Harley just shrugged his shoulders. My mother reached into her Prada bag and pulled out a card shaped envelope. “Oh, that reminds me. This is for Harley’s birthday.”

  I didn’t have to open it. I already knew what the card contained: one hundred dollars in cash for me to buy him a present with and also a check for four hundred for me to deposit in the bank for his future. She gave my kids the same thing for every birthday.

  “Thanks, Mom. I am sure I already know what’s in here, and it’s very generous of you. Actually it is too generous of you.” I put the card down on the table. I couldn’t bring myself to put it in my bag. “My kids don’t need this amount of money for their birthday. They don’t understand it. And even though I always use the money to buy them something, and tell them it is from you, they’re not dumb. They see right through it. They know Cole and I picked out the presents. Just one time it would mean so much to them, and to Cole and me, if you just picked something out for them and gave it to them yourself. It doesn’t have to be much. You just heard Harley. All he wants for his birthday is cake. You can’t go wrong with anything you buy him.”

  My mother shook her head. “I don’t know, Annabel. What do I know about what a five year old boy wants?”

  “You just nailed the problem precisely, Mother. You don’t know anything about him because you never spend any time with him. I think you said more to him today than you have in his whole life.” I paused and took a deep breath, “Mom, he is such a sweet boy. Do you have any idea how sad it makes me that you won’t have anything to do with him?”

  My mother didn’t utter a word. She just took another sip of coffee. So I continued, “Now it isn’t like you have a close relationship with my daughter, but you do interact with her, a little bit. You have spent some time with her. You even played Barbie’s with her once or twice. And I think you may have also French braided her hair one time too. But you never seem to have any interest in Harley. Why mother?”

  Again my mother remained quiet. Her eyes darted all around the room. She looked everywhere but at me.

  “Can’t you answer my question?” I demanded as I banged my fist on the table causing some of my coffee to spill. I reached for a napkin to clean it up. “I’m
sorry I’m getting upset, but I just don’t understand why you ignore my son. Look at him.”

  My mother glanced in his direction.

  “No, Mother. Please. Really look at him. He’s a beautiful, smart, and sweet boy. He’s a messy eater; I’ll give you that. But he has no other faults. Joy radiates from his very being. Why can’t you see it?”

  My mother covered her face with her hands and let out a large sigh. “I don’t want to see it. Okay. It’s too painful for me to see.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, completely confused.

  “Look at him, Annabel. What do you see when you look at him, besides your son?”

  I shrugged my shoulders, clueless of what she was getting at.

  “Who does he look exactly like?”

  I smiled at him. “I don’t know. I guess he sort of looks a little like me.”

  “No. He looks exactly like your brother and he has since the day he was born. I swear, it’s almost like Cole had no part in his creation.”

  “I can attest to the fact he did,” I said with a smirk. But then her words sank in. The pieces of the puzzle were slowly fitting together. I said, “Wait a minute. Let me get this straight, you don’t want to get to know your grandson because he looks like my brother? Is that right?”

  “Yes,” my mother said softly.

  I laughed. “Don’t you think you’re being stupid?”

  “No.” My mother tried to defend herself. “Seeing him makes me miss my son too much. You had no control over how he would look, but you did select his name. Why in the world did you have to go and name him Harley? Whatever possessed you to do something like that? It’s absurd! Who names their child after the manufacturer of the motorcycle that killed their brother? Thank goodness you didn’t have two sons, you’d probably name the other Davidson.”

  I couldn't help it. I laughed. Hard. My mother gave me the stink eye.

  I tried to suppress my laughter. “You know, I like it. If Cole and I ever decide to have another baby, I’ll have to remember that name.”

  Beatrice shook her head and sighed deeply. I noticed there were tears in her eyes.

  I rubbed my forehead as realization hit me. I was no longer laughing. “I’m sorry. When I picked out his name I didn’t once stop and consider your feelings. It was insensitive of me. I should have thought about how it would make you feel.”

  “Yes, you should have,” she spat.

  “I’m sorry. I know that Harley is an unconventional name, especially given the circumstances. But I found comfort in the name. After all, the names I chose for both of my children were tributes to Brody.”

  “What are you talking about? Your daughter is named Violet for heaven’s sake.”

  “Yeah, I know. What were the two things Brody loved most?” I asked as I winked at my mother and pictured my brother.

  My mother didn’t reply. So, I answered. “Motorcycles and the Baltimore Ravens. Remember how obsessed he was with the team?”

  Beatrice offered me a sad smile. I could tell she too was picturing Brody decked out in is favorite jersey. I continued speaking, “I always thought his love of the team was funny considering how all of his friends were busy rooting for the Jets or the Giants. I remember how much grief they gave him for his choice, but he didn’t care. Their teasing never fazed him. Our Brody always did beat to his own drum. He never followed others and he never cared what others thought. He practically lived in his Raven’s jersey. The violet jersey.”

  My mother brought her hand up to her mouth and uttered, “Oh my. I didn’t realize.” She smiled.

  “If I’m honest with myself, I can understand why being with Harley can be difficult for you. I’m sure it opens up a lot of old wounds. But don’t you realize by turning your back on him, by choosing the past instead of the present, you are missing out on a wonderful future with your grandson. I know Harley isn’t Brody. Brody is gone and as much as I hate it, he’s never going to come back. But Harley is here now.” I smiled at my son. “He’s full of life and love. I’m sure, if you’d only give him a chance, his presence and love can help fill up some of the void in your heart.”

  I pushed the envelope my mother had handed me moments before back at her with my index finger. “Here take this back.”

  “What are you doing, Annabel?”

  “I’m standing up for my children. I’m fighting so they have what I didn’t have growing up. Brody and I never had a real relationship with our grandparents. I don’t want the same thing to happen with my kids. I want them to be close to all their grandparents. They are already so close to Connie and Patrick. They are beginning to adore Walter. I want them to love you too.” I reached for her hands and squeezed them. “Come on. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they were able to confide some of their hopes and share their accomplishments with you? Wouldn’t it be great if they couldn’t wait for you to come and visit? Don’t you want them to cherish you?”

  My mother contemplated for a moment, and then she said softly, “I guess getting to know the children better would be nice. And I think Walter would really enjoy spending more time with them too.”

  I took a sip of coffee, pleased with myself. “Good. Cole’s parents are coming over on Tuesday night for Harley’s birthday. I’m making dinner. Please, come over with Walter at seven o’clock. Bring Harley a present, any present. And once and for all get to know your grandson. You may not think you want this but mark my words, one day you will thank me for doing this.”

  Her voice was barely a whisper as she replied, “Okay.”

  CHAPTER 20

  “HERE, GIVE ME THE PLATES. I’ll set the table,” Connie said as she grabbed the dishes from my hands. She and Patrick arrived a half hour ago. He was in the den entertaining the kids and she was helping me prepare dinner. Cole had to work late, so he wasn’t due home for at least another forty-five minutes or so.

  “Are you okay?” Connie asked as she returned to the kitchen. She could always sense when I was on edge. I put the wooden spoon I was holding down and turned to face her.

  “I’m just nervous. My mom and Walter should be here any minute. I pushed her into coming here tonight. I’m afraid it was a mistake. What if it’s a disaster? What if she ruins Harley’s birthday.”

  “Come here, Anna,” she ordered. She pulled out a chair. “Sit down.”

  I did as I was told.

  “You need to snap out of this already. Stop second-guessing everything you say and do when it comes to your mother. It is getting annoying already.”

  I twirled my hair around my finger. “But Connie—”

  “Don’t but Connie me. I made you a promise years ago that I would not sugar coat anything. I’ve been telling it like it is for years, and I’m not about to change that now. So you listen to me and listen to me good.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ve always had your best interest at heart. One of the happiest days in my life was when Cole told me he was going to marry you. I know my girls sometimes get jealous of our relationship. You know I think of you as my third daughter and not as my daughter-in-law.”

  “I know.”

  “And when you listen to me you are happier, isn’t that right?”

  I rolled my eyes, but smiled. I didn’t have to answer her; she knew the answer was yes.

  “I want you to think about the last few months. You have had a wonderful opportunity, one that I honestly didn't think was possible. You’ve spent more time with your mother recently than you have in the past twelve years. She’s really been making an effort to repair your relationship. From what you have told me, she’s opened up to you. And you in turn have done the same. And I am thrilled you both are finally beginning to understand each other. Do you guys have a lot of work left to do? Hell yes. But you are traveling down the right road.”

  “I know, you’re right.”

  “Of course I am. But Anna, have no doubts, she is controlling this reconciliation. She is the one who made the first move.”

 
“Yeah,” I snickered. “Because she needed help.”

  “No Anna. She wanted your help. Let’s face it; your mother is a very self-sufficient woman. She has no qualms about hiring people to do anything she needs. She could have easily found a wedding planner to assist her. But she didn’t. She reached out to you.”

  “I didn’t think of that.”

  Connie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I figured as much. I know you don’t trust her, and I don’t blame you for walking on eggshells around her. She hurt you badly. But you really need to let go of some of your anger; it isn’t doing you any good. You need to try and keep more of an open mind when it comes to her. Don’t always anticipate the worst. Sure, you may end up being disappointed, but you also may find yourself pleasantly surprised. I don’t know about you, but personally I don’t see the point in getting upset until there is actually something to be upset about. Today is your son’s birthday. He’s happy. You should be happy too. Save the worry for something worth worrying about.”

  ***

  “Sit down and relax, Babe. Here, have a little wine,” Cole said to me as he handed me a glass of Napa Valley Cabernet. Then he took the dishtowel out of my hands and reached for the pot I just finished washing. “You did enough today. Let me take care of the rest of this.”

  “You don’t have to twist my arm, though I do feel bad since you had a very long day yourself,” I said as I yawned and plopped down at the kitchen table. I took a sip of wine. “Well tonight was a success, don’t you think?”

  “I’ve got to admit, when you told me you had invited your mother and Walter over tonight I had my doubts about how the night would play out. I kept remembering my birthday dinner all those years ago. What a debacle that was. But I saw a different side of Beatrice tonight.”

  “I know! I told you she has been acting strange. I really think Walter is responsible, don’t you? He’s definitely been a good influence on her. It’s so funny; I was talking to some of the girls at work today about the wedding. Almost all of them couldn’t stand the guys their mothers remarried. It seemed like they resented the men and as a result their relationships with their mothers have suffered. I feel completely opposite. I wish Beatrice had met Walter years ago. I’m so happy she found a guy like him.”