Slapping Leather

by Desiree Holt

  She caught some of her employees looking at her with mild curiosity. After all, this was the first time she’d gone out in the evenings since John died and she became the owner of the Lucky L, but she pointedly ignored their silent speculation.

  So what was the deal with Alex? She’d only been looking for a partner, someone to play with after all this time. For the sexual pleasure she’d been denying herself. Why was he making this so complicated? Surely there were plenty of other women for him to see socially.

  “What does he want?” As if she didn’t know.

  “Liz, he really, really would love to see you outside the club and he says you just shut him down.”

  “And he talked to Reece about it?” Liz was stunned.

  “He just brought it up in conversation. Said he wondered if you were involved with someone in a vanilla relationship.”

  Liz gripped the phone, irritation washing over her. “He should have talked to me about it.”

  “Honey, he says he has, and you just ignore him. So what’s the deal? Did he do something wrong? Because if there’s a problem-”

  “Katie, no.” She sighed. Shit, shit, shit. “I just…have my reasons.”

  There was a second or two of silence. “There is something wrong. I can tell by your voice. And it has nothing to do with Alex.”

  “Just leave it, okay?” Every unpleasant memory she’d shoved in her mental attic was banging on the door to be let out.

  Another pause. “I’m coming over. And don’t say no, or I’ll make a scene in your front yard and every hand there will come out to see the show.”

  “Katie-”

  “Uh uh. I’m on my way, so get out the wine.”

  And Liz was left holding a dead phone. Oh, hell.

  She really didn’t feel like spilling her guts to Katie, exposing a time in her life she did her best to keep buried. But she was aware how relentless her friend could be, how unstoppable when she set her mind to something. She had also learned that Katie was the least judgmental person she knew. Still, dredging up that pain after all this time…

  If she hadn’t confided her sexual preferences to Katie…

  If she hadn’t allowed herself to be talked into going to Rawhide in the first place…

  If she just hadn’t fallen so hard for Alex…

  Sighing again, she pulled a nearly full bottle of chardonnay from the fridge and got down two glasses. She’d hidden from the hurt and betrayal for so long. Maybe it was time to unload on someone. And Katie had become a very good friend.

  By the time Katie rang the doorbell, Liz was already on her second glass of wine. No way could she do this cold sober.

  Katie looked at the glass. “Liquid courage?”

  Liz shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “Honey, I didn’t come here to make your miserable. I hope you know that. I just knew from your tone of voice you had a big problem. I can’t imagine what could be so bad you have to get drunk to talk about it, but let’s take it out of the closet and destroy it.”

  “I wish.” Liz took a healthy swallow of wine.

  “Here.” Katie grabbed the wine bottle from her. “Before you finish this by yourself let me have some. And let’s sit down.”

  They ended up at the kitchen table, the bottle between them. Katie sipped her drink and watched Liz with shrewd but kind eyes.

  “Okay, spill it. Because I have to tell you, Alex Wright is one hot catch. He owns the biggest ranch supply business in the Hill Country, is respected by everyone, and if I weren’t married to Reece, I might go after him myself. So let’s have it.”

  Liz drained the second glass of wine, poured a third to give her the courage, and took a sip. The alcohol had taken the edge off her anxiety enough to pull all the dark thoughts out of their hiding place.

  “Maybe it’s time.” She sighed and looked down at her glass. “I…was involved with someone just before I came to work at the Lucky L. I met him at a club where I used to live.”

  “And?” Katie prompted when Liz paused.

  “At first, we met just a couple of times a week at a club where we were both members. Then three times a week. And suddenly we became…exclusive.”

  “Exclusive. You mean outside the club, too?”

  “Not in the beginning.” Liz played with the stem of her glass, trying to focus on something unemotional. “But then he asked me out to dinner. By then I was so besotted with him…” She curled her hand tightly around the glass, feeling the cool surface. “I’m telling you, Katie, he was an incredible Dom. Unbelievable. And he taught me so much. But…” She paused a moment to pull in a deep breath. “There were obvious signals and I missed them.”

  “Signals?” Katie frowned. “Like what?”

  “He was very controlling. Not just in D/s play. He knew I didn’t actually live the life, that the bedroom was where I needed it. But he took it into other areas of our life together. It was so insidious, the way he did it.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “We started…going out together. Pretty soon I was seeing him almost every night in the week. Sometimes I’d spend the weekend at his place. He got to be like a drug with me. I couldn’t get enough of him. I lived for his approval and the intense sexual pleasure he always gave me.”

  “Something happened,” Katie guessed.

  Liz nodded. “I woke up one morning and realized I wasn’t even choosing my own food any more. Or what to wear each day. It wasn’t like he would, say, buy something for me and tell me he wanted me to wear it that night. He practically restocked my closet, and each morning he would lay out very precisely my outfit for the day.” She took a healthy swallow of her drink. “Then he decided I should sell my car. He would drive me to and from work. He managed to cut my friends out of my life. Anyone I spent time with. I liked to work out at a health club, so instead he had a room set up in his home and he supervised my exercise.”

  “My god, Liz. He wasn’t a Dom. He was a control freak, a man with an unhealthy obsession who abused the meaning of a D/s relationship. I’m willing to bet you weren’t the only one this happened with.”

  Liz nibbled her lower lip. “Probably. But at the time I was so under his thumb, I didn’t even see what was happening. I loved him so much—or thought I did—that I’d do anything to please him.”

  “I hope you realize now that what you actually had with him was an unhealthy enslavement.”

  “Yes.” Again Liz dropped her gaze. This part shamed her more than everything else. Her inability or unwillingness to act for herself. “But I couldn’t seem to break free.”

  “So what finally happened?”

  “He picked me up from work one day and, instead of taking me home, drove me to a small apartment building. When we got there, he unlocked a downstairs unit and ushered me inside. While I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on, he went out to the car and came back carrying three suitcases. This was my home now, he told me, handing me the keys. He was moving on. The attraction he felt was gone. I was never to contact him again. Or go back to the club. My membership had been revoked.” She still felt vestiges of the crushing pain. “And he turned around and left. Just like that.”

  Katie stared at her. “I can’t believe it. Holy shit, Liz. What an asshole. My god!”

  “Uh huh. So there I was. In total shock. I had no idea what the hell to do. Except at work, I hadn’t made a decision for myself in two years.” She drained her glass. “Anyway, stupid me, I just sat in that apartment frozen in shock, unable to move for hours. I didn’t sleep or eat or anything. I just couldn’t take it in.” She blew out a breath. “Anyway, by the time morning rolled around, I managed to kick start my brain and begin to wonder how I was going to get to work. I mean, we’d sold my car, you know?”

  More wine. Lots more wine. How had I ever let myself get so trapped?

  “I finally went into the kitchen to get a drink of water and found a check he’d left for me on the counter. For a substantial amount.” Anger tighte
ned her voice. “Like he was paying some damn whore.”

  Katie reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “I hope you’re smart enough to realize not all Doms have those tendencies. Or have such warped personalities.”

  Liz shrugged. “Oh, sure. I’ve been with a lot of good ones. Before and since. But I was in love with him, Katie. He knew it and used it against me. Cracked open my heart and drove a truck through it.”

  “Oh, Liz.” Katie’s expression was full of compassion. “I’m so sorry. What a terrible thing to go through. I don’t know what to say.” She frowned. “I know at the clubs I worked for in Atlanta and here at Rawhide everyone is vetted very carefully to try and avoid something like that.”

  “If I hadn’t gotten hungry finally, I’m not sure what I’d have done. I decided to see if there was anything within walking distance. When I stepped outside the apartment I spotted a coffee shop across the street. I found an empty booth, and lying on the seat was a newspaper someone had left there. It was open to the classifieds. Fate must have set this up because staring me in the face was the ad for a cutting horse trainer at the Lucky L. So here I am.”

  Katie smiled. “Yes. Here you are. And speaking for myself, I’m very glad. But what does that have to do with Alex inviting you to dinner?” Her eyes widened. “Oh, god, Liz. You can’t be comparing him to this other guy.” She shook her head vigorously. “No, no, no. No way. I told you, I know Alex and he and Reece have been friends for years. Not to mention the fact that he has an excellent reputation as a Dom. And I hope you know Reece and I would never have left you with him at Rawhide if-”

  Liz held up her hand. “Yes, I do know that. That’s not it at all.”

  “Then what? I’m bewildered.”

  “I promised myself after that I’d never fall for a guy again. I’d pick my Doms carefully, and if I felt things were skating too close to the edge, I’d call it off. I can’t go through that again.”

  Katie stared at her. “You’re falling in love with him.”

  Liz looked into her empty wine glass, considered refilling it yet again, then pushed it away. No sense getting sloppy drunk. She’d already told Katie far too much.

  “Liz? Come on, it’s written all over your face.” Katie’s voice softened. “I want to help. But you have to be honest with yourself. And being honest admits how you feel about Alex Wright.”

  Liz pushed back her chair and stood up, carrying her glass to the sink. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t let it go anyplace.” She turned to face Katie again. “I…enjoy being with him at Rawhide, but if he insists on making it more than that, I’ll have to stop the sessions with him. I can’t take the risk again.”

  “Liz, listen to me.”

  Liz shook her head. “I hear all the things you’re saying, but I can’t risk my heart again. My feelings for Alex are all over the place. If I can keep them confined to Rawhide, I can handle it.”

  “But maybe this time the risk is worth it,” Katie said in a soft voice. “Everyone is different, you know.”

  “And what if all he wants is a fling? I’m not saying he’d be as obsessed as…the other person was. But if I let myself fall for him, which seems to be what’s happening, when he’s ready to move on, I’m not sure I could handle it.”

  “But what if he doesn’t want to move on? What if he has strong feelings, too? He and Reece have been friends for some time now, and I can promise you if his personality was twisted in any way, my husband would have dumped him and barred him from Rawhide. And I don’t think a man interested in just a fling would casually try to enlist the help of his friends.”

  “Oh, Katie, I just don’t know if I can make myself take that chance.”

  “I get that. But you’ll never know if you aren’t willing to test the waters with him.”

  Liz sat in silence, thoughts whirling in her mind. “I have to think about this,” she said at last. “I just hope Alex doesn’t bug you.”

  “Oh, listen, it was just a casual comment. I didn’t mean to make such a big deal out of it. I just thought two people who seemed to click the way you guys do might have a chance for something outside the club. That’s all.” Katie pushed back her chair and stood. “And that’s all I’m saying about that.” When Liz walked her to the door, she gave her an impulsive hug. “You know I’m here for you, right? Anytime?”

  “I know, and I appreciate it.”

  Katie studied her face. “Maybe it’s time to let go of the baggage and live a little again.”

  Liz shrugged. “I need to think about my situation here at the Lucky L, too.”

  “Phooey. You’re entitled to a personal life. If anyone gives you a hard time simply fire them and hire someone else. Reece can always help you find new ranch hands.”

  For the first time that evening Liz laughed. “You make it all sound so simple.”

  “It is, if you just give it a chance. And I’ll tell Alex to back off.”

  “No,” Liz said quickly. “Don’t call attention to it. I’ll handle it myself.”

  “Okay, but be sure you handle it in a way that’s good for you.” She smiled. “And that’s all I’m saying.”

  Liz leaned against the door after closing it, her brain still spinning. She’d been doing so well convincing herself that Alex had forgotten about that first invitation she’d turned down. Telling herself that her anticipation of their sessions together was nothing more than a high state of erotic arousal. Pretending-yes, pretending-that she could compartmentalize the whole thing.

  But deep down inside, where she kept her emotions locked away, she knew that Alex Wright had become more than just a playing partner to her. Despite her best efforts, her traitorous heart had taken a leap and landed her in a place she’d sworn never to be again. And she had no idea what she was going to do about it.

  Chapter Seven

  Liz stood at the counter of the tiny Soda Pops restaurant, the really great new burger place that had recently opened up, when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.

  “Glad we frequent the same places.” Alex’s low voice vibrated through her. “Maybe I’ll get to buy you that meal after all.”

  Liz turned, startled, then sucked in her breath when she realized she was practically pressed up against him. She took a quick step back, a logistical feat since the place was both small and jammed with lunch customers.

  “Oh, um, hi!”

  Brilliant conversationalist. Act like a teenager, why don’t you?

  But the man’s electric presence sizzled all her nerve endings. Even outside Rawhide just seeing him made her body react with instant need, a need she’d been doing her best to ignore or neutralize since her conversation with Katie. Still, just the touch of his hand and her bones turned liquid.

  Stop it, stop it, stop it. You set boundaries. Keep them in place.

  “Hi, yourself.” He grinned. “Put your order in yet?”

  “What? Order?” Her brain didn’t seem to be functioning.

  “For your food?” he chuckled. “It does my manly pride good to think I can render you speechless. But I assume, since you’re here, you’re planning to eat.”

  “Oh. Yes.” She wet her lips. “I’m, uh, getting takeout.” She looked around the small space to see if anyone was paying attention to them. Someone from the Lucky L or a client.

  Alex was still close enough that his mouth was right at her ear. “Everyone’s too busy getting their own orders to even glance at us.” He kept his voice pitched low enough so only she could hear him beneath the babble of sound around them. “There’s nothing wrong with us sitting at one of those tables out on the patio and sharing a meal like all these other folks are doing.” He nodded in that direction. “A lot of people are out there, and I don’t think anyone’s gossiping about them.”

  “But…but…” She searched her mind frantically for an excuse. Any excuse to avoid the intimacy of a meal with him. “Your sister and her husband are clients of mine. How would that look?”

  “Jesus, L
iz.” The smile disappeared. “It would look like you’re paying attention to clients and their family. Now, come on. Let’s spend a pleasant hour together outside in the sunshine. I promise not to order you to strip naked so I can paddle your ass.” The grin flashed again. “I’m saving that for later.”

  Even as she bit back further objections she felt the strong flash of heat through her body at his words. And from his point of view she was being ridiculous. He had no idea the storm of conflict raging in her mind.

  “Okay. But I pay for my own food.”

  “You drive a hard bargain, woman. But all right. Just this time.”

  This time? No, no, there wouldn’t be another time. No personal socializing. Hard and fast rule, Liz. Remember? Don’t set yourself up again. And didn’t you say you’d handle this? Yeah, right.

  She was finding it harder and harder to cling to those rules. She kept hearing Katie’s voice in her head. Maybe this time the risk is worth it.

  Alex’s low, sexy laugh rumbled in her ear. “If you’re finished having that mental conversation with yourself, our food’s ready.”

  Liz startled, forcibly shut down her brain, and stepped up to the counter to pay for her food. Okay, lunch in the open. How bad could it be? And maybe she could get her message across to him in a casual environment.

  But then no more of those incredibly satisfying sessions at Rawhide.

  Well, damn. She’d certainly gotten herself into a real mess. She’d been better off when she wasn’t having sex at all.

  But a lot more miserable and frustrated.

  Maybe her only choice was to tell him the truth. But, oh, hell…

  They took their food to a small vacant table at one end of the outdoor patio, settling beneath the bright red umbrella that shielded them from the sun. Liz opened the packets of sweetener and stirred them into her iced tea, then busied herself opening the ketchup packets and squeezing them into a neat pile on the plate with her French fries. Then she salted her food carefully and finally cut her burger in half with the plastic knife.