Daddy's Little Princess

by Rachel Burns

  I quietly left the room to find the doctor, he sometimes read in Daddy’s office. He wasn’t there, and I didn’t know what to do.

  I went into the kitchen and looked at the cook. “I need someone to call the doctor. Nanny isn’t –” I couldn’t bring myself to say alive.

  The cook went to the phone and called the doctor. When she was finished, she stepped by me and went into the living room.

  She looked Nanny over afraid to touch her too. Then she did. She lifted Nanny's hand and tried to find a pulse. She couldn’t find one either.

  We sat down on the other sofa and waited for the doctor. I was crying and sniffling. I thanked the cook for staying with me.

  The doctor came in and went to Nanny. He looked her over, and then he looked at me and shook his head. I didn’t have a nanny anymore. Daddy was gone, and now so was Nanny. I was all alone.

  “I don’t know what to do. Funeral arrangements and the such?” I looked at him and felt every bit the little girl they wanted me to be.

  “I’ll take care of everything. You don’t have to worry about anything. In your condition it would be best if you lay down and took a nap.” He looked at the cook who looked confused, and then she stood and looked down at me sitting on the sofa.

  “Come along, Becky. I’ll bring you upstairs.”

  I nodded and went with her. She had held her arm out to me. I took it and leaned on her a bit. She walked me upstairs and into my room.

  The cook looked around at it. I guessed she had never had reason to be in here before.

  I headed to my bed. I wasn’t about to let her see me half naked. My body was full of scars that would never heal. No one needed to know that.

  Even in this moment of great sorrow I worried about, and protected my secrets.

  The doctor kept me in bed. He told me that he had taken care of the funeral, and that it would be on Friday. Today was Wednesday. He told me that we would be having guests here at the house after the funeral.

  I was too afraid to ask if Daddy had been informed, or if he wanted to come for the funeral.

  Chapter 21 – Nanny’s Funeral

  On Friday morning Daddy still hadn’t shown, and I guessed that he wouldn’t. I dressed in the darkest dress I had that fit.

  Nanny had been ordering clothes for me as my stomach grew. I found a black dress and coat in my closet.

  Had she known that she was going to die? She had clearly ordered me funeral clothes.

  I went down to breakfast. The doctor was there. He was sitting across from me. I had to wonder when he would stop coming. I would be all alone soon.

  The whole house was a buzz. The servants had been cleaning and rearranging the furniture.

  Yesterday they started cooking too. I wondered who the guests would be.

  I looked over at Nanny’s chair on my left. It was empty.

  Would Daddy hire a new one and fill her chair with someone else? Would I ever see him again?

  I had pretty much forgiven him already. All men were capable of hurting women, but Daddy was also capable of being nice.

  I missed him terribly and felt so bad about what I had done to drive him away.

  The real problem was that I hadn’t forgiven myself yet. It hadn’t been fair for me to blame him afterwards. I hadn’t been ready to face my own demons yet.

  The doctor drove me to church. He sat me down in the first row and then he went back and greeted the guests. I stared at her casket. My nanny was in there. She was as alone as I was.

  The service began, and the Pastor spoke of all the lives that her life had touched. She had led a life of being there for others. We prayed for her and for ourselves. We had to go on living without her. I heard lots of sniffles behind me. I wasn’t the only one crying.

  The doctor sat next to me until it was time for someone to say a few words about how Nanny had been there for his wife and held her hand when she was dying.

  When the service was over, we all got up and walked the distance to the cemetery. I walked directly behind her casket. I had been given a rose to throw into her grave. The doctor was taking care of me, and I had heard him whispering to the staff back home that I could lose the baby, and that everyone needed to be especially nice to me.

  We all stood around the hole in the ground that was about to become my nanny’s new home. I couldn’t stop sobbing and sniffling. The pastor took his place and started in again.

  I looked around quickly and saw that there were several couples here. The women were all very beautiful and so stylish, but they were dressed in very decent clothes. Not really for little girls, but not quite what one would have expected from women with their pose.

  The pastor spoke of returning Nanny to the earth that she had come from.

  I was whimpering and crying now. I wanted to be as quiet as could be, but I couldn’t.

  I held on to my rose and looked at it. It was so pretty, a perfect rose, and she would never see it.

  I missed her so much. She had given me the feeling that I deserved to be loved.

  My own parents hadn’t been interested in me. I had been an only child. My parents had lived their lives, and I had taken care of myself. When they had died, I didn’t find out until an aunt decided to call me a couple of hours before the funeral. I had flown in as fast as I could, but my aunts had already taken care of everything.

  They had accused me of not caring about my parents, but the truth was my parents had never taught me how to interact with others. So when I had left for college, I simply never came back.

  They never spoke of it, and neither did I. I only called in when I achieved something. I told them my grades, and that I had gotten a job, and that I was about to have a book published.

  They weren’t interested in me like Daddy had been. I had gone from one extreme to the other.

  I cried all the more when I thought about him.

  Collin was in his home office working. His secretary had brought over some unnecessary files, so she could try to hit on him. She was talking about the next conference. She worried about we to serve their guests.

  “Whatever you want.” He didn’t even look up.

  She was upset. She felt that Collin should pay more attention to her. She huffed a bit, wanting Collin to feel her displeasure.

  Collin sighed loudly. Becky had always been good for him when he worked, and he had dragged her to the office once a week where she sat quietly for five hours while he worked. Sometimes she had even typed for him.

  He missed her so much. He wanted to go home and have everything go back to the way it was, but he had ruined that for himself.

  The phone rang, interrupting his secretary's flirt before it could even begin.

  “Hello, Dr. Dorsey. Is everything alright with Becky?”

  “Nanny is dead. I had the cook bring Becky to bed. She is in shock. Collin, it’s time to come home. She needs you. You can’t expect such a little girl to take care of herself all alone. In her delicate condition she could end up losing the baby. You don’t want that, Collin. Come home to your little girl. A father’s place is with his children.”

  Collin had to swallow that first. He knew that Nanny wasn’t feeling well, but he really thought that she would be there for the birth of the baby.

  Becky was all alone and carrying his child. Could he even face her again? After what he did to her?

  “Collin, I’ll make all the funeral arrangements, and I would like to have a memorial service and a meal for Nanny. Becky needs a chance to say goodbye to her. I would like you to host the meal at your house. Would you be willing to do that?”

  “What is wrong?” his secretary wanted to hear what was going on. Did this conversation have something to do with her?

  Collin raised his hand to quiet her. “Of course. Thank you for planning everything for the funeral. I’ll leave immediately, but don’t tell Becky that I’m coming. In case I – ” he couldn’t say chicken out. He wasn’t sure that he could do it.

  “Please co
me, Collin. If you can’t, I’ll take care of Becky as best as I can, but I’m not the youngest anymore either.”

  “Thank you for everything. I’ll honestly try to be there.” They said goodbye and Collin looked at his secretary.

  “There has been a death in the family. I have to go home immediately. I’m needed.”

  “I’m so sorry, sir. Do you want me to accompany you?” She wasn't ready to give up so easily.

  “No. I have to pack and leave right now. I need a flight.” He reached for the phone again and looked at his secretary. It was clear that she was hoping for a green card. “Cancel all of my appointments for the next three months. I don’t think I’ll be coming back. My daughter needs me now. I have to think of her first.”

  “You have a daughter?”

  “Yes, I do. I haven’t been a very good father lately. Her Nanny just died, and she doesn’t have anyone else. I have to go to her.”

  She was so dumbfounded that she nodded. She had heard the word ‘Becky’ a couple of times, but she had never imagined that she was his daughter. Did he have a wife too?

  Collin started packing everything that was his. He had rented a furnished apartment. He needed to hurry home.

  Collin packed a couple of suitcases while he called the airport. His flight would leave in six hours. He tried to get something sooner, but nothing was open.

  Collin took that time to pack up the rest of his clothes in boxes. He put everything that was his personally or that had meant something to him into the boxes, deciding to leave everything behind that he didn't want or need. He was quickly finished. The last six months of his life had fit into two suitcases four boxes, and one briefcase.

  His secretary offered to accompany him to the airport.

  Collin called a taxi, and they carried the boxes and the suitcases down. They squeezed into the taxi, and Collin didn’t even look back.

  She helped him again at the airport.

  They hugged awkwardly as they said goodbye. Collin was surprised how well she was taking everything. She had risen to the challenge and made this easier for him.

  Collin thought about what he would say to Becky. He hoped that the garden thing that she had planned meant that she would stay. Would he stop her if she wanted to leave? Did he have a right to make her stay?

  He worried himself sick as he waited for the plane to leave. He would have a layover in Amsterdam. Getting home would take forever.

  Collin looked for a book to read on the plane. He found one with short stories. The book had older stories in it. There was one from his Becky in there.

  He bought it and decided to read it. He had always ignored the fact that she had been able to take care of herself at one time.

  Collin had focused on the time in her life directly before he stepped in and took charge of her. She had needed saving as he had been her hero back then.

  He started in reading, and he was hooked right away. He loved her writing style. She was even funny although she had written about a serious situation. This one was about teenage pregnancy. A young girl, who got kicked out and had to fend for herself.

  He boarded the plane and read on. His baby was so talented. He felt proud of her and sad that he had taken writing away from her. He would encourage her to write again. That is: if she ever talked to him.

  He finished the book in Amsterdam, just as they were canceling all the flights out. A volcano had erupted in Greenland. He wouldn’t be home on time. The airport was closed for the rest of the day.

  Collin had decided to wait at the airport and hope for the best. He needed to get home to his little girl. He slept on the benches at the airport, refusing to go to a hotel.

  Collin was on the first airplane that left when the airport slowly started taking up business again.

  Collin willed the plane to go faster and faster. He kept doing the math. He had a chance of getting there on time, but it would be razor sharp. The plane landed, and he hurried to get his stuff.

  He was regretting the boxes already. He would have been faster without them. Going through customs was taking longer than he thought.

  Once he was finally out of the airport, he hailed a taxi. He told the driver to just get him home as fast as he could. He gave the driver several bills and off they went.

  Collin looked at his watch very often. The funeral would have already started, and his little Becky was sitting there alone, without him.

  The taxi driver brought him home and stared at his huge house. A strange staff was there, but once he made it clear that this was his house, they help bring his luggage up to his room. He changed into a dark suit and hurried off to Becky.

  The others were at the cemetery, and he pushed his way through the crowd until he saw her. She was dressed in black, and her head was hung. She was crying.

  He moved, so he was standing next to her. He reached for her hand and held it tight in his.

  Her fingers wrapped around his and held on tightly to him too. She didn’t look up at him, and she continued to cry, but it wasn’t as bad as before he had let her know about his presence.

  When it came time to throw the flowers in the grave, she stepped forward without letting go of his hand. She stepped back, and her free hand also moved to his arm.

  Collin felt that everything was going to turn out again. They would work everything out. He loved her more than anyone else in the world.

  He would be there for her now.

  I didn’t dare look at Daddy. I was afraid that he would disappear if I did. He might anyway. He might just be here for the funeral, leaving afterwards. That would hurt me.

  What if he were only staying long enough to find me a new nanny? He would leave after he found someone new for me. That was also a logical outcome.

  I wanted him to stay, and I wanted things to go back to the way things were before he ever met Amy. That had been the happiest time in my life.

  However, being a mother meant taking responsibility. I couldn’t be daddy’s little girl ever again. That thought made me so sad on top of everything else.

  People were coming up to us now and giving us their condolences. Daddy shook their hands, and a few women told me that Nanny had been their nanny too. They were all so beautiful. I felt I didn’t measure up, but I had made her happy her last few days.

  The doctor was very pleased that Daddy was here. He patted him on the back several times. He mingled with the guests and spoke with everyone.

  I felt very dizzy, and the people were finished talking to us. I could feel Daddy’s eyes looking down at me.

  It was time to look up at him, but I couldn’t. I was too afraid that he would say goodbye as soon as I had.

  Daddy walked me to his car. He took both of my hands as he sat me down.

  I kept my head hung and raised my feet into the car.

  He carefully closed the door and hurried around and got in himself. He pulled away and drove me home without saying a word.

  I opened his glove compartment and got out a package of tissues. I wiped my face clean, but then new tears replaced the old ones.

  Daddy parked in the garage and came around to help me out again.

  I took his hand, without saying a word. I kept my eyes on his hand never straying to his face. I imagined what his expression would be. He may even be rolling his eyes at me, but I figured he would look a bit disgusted. The huge round tummy didn’t look at all little girl-like.

  Our guests were all over the house. Daddy left me now and then to talk to the servants.

  Our servants welcomed him home and then quickly did his bidding. The ones that had been hired for the day, tried to please him too. Daddy had a way of speaking that made everyone listen to him. I could tell that Daddy wanted our house to show itself from its best side.

  He returned to my side often and took my hand.

  The other daddies talked to him. He got along with them really well.

  Sometimes they called him over to them and Daddy went. They had no idea that I wasn’
t Daddy’s wife. They saw me and assumed wrong.

  This was all so weird.

  Once I wondered over to my piano, I played ‘Für Elise’ for Nanny. There were other women in here. They were talking and laughing.

  “One time she got me good for sticking my tongue out at my daddy. I didn’t even know that she was there. Out of nowhere her fingers were on my ear pulling me up to my room. I seriously didn’t sit for a week after that,” one of the women said.

  “I hated her paddle. She was already older when I got her, but she could still really swing that thing,” another told the group.

  They others all agreed with her.

  I couldn’t imagine Nanny spanking anyone, but I had always been very good for her. I had really needed her, and I didn’t resent her presents. She made me feel safe. I didn’t want to be alone. She and I had gotten along so well.

  I figured I was probably more boring than the others. Still, I was what she had needed in her older years.

  The women came over to me and asked me about her last days. I told them general things that she was happy, and that she devoured many books. They had been surprised. I had gotten to see a side of her that they hadn’t.

  They made jokes that maybe Nanny should have made all of them learn to play the piano.

  “No way. Can you imagine the spanking that we would have gotten for not practicing enough?”

  Lunch was eaten in standing. Our guests walked around with their plates and mingled. They were all just meeting for the first time today. The only thing that they had in common was Nanny, so the topic rarely drifted away from that.

  Our guests went outside to the grounds after lunch. I went out too. Daddy was talking to the other daddies, and they were getting along so well.

  I peeked over at him when I was sure that he wouldn’t see me. I only saw his back, a lot. How long would he be here?

  The others called me out to the garden to join them. One whispered in my ear, asking if I was allowed outside. I nodded yes, and she laid her arm around the small of my back. The other women were out in my garden. They were looking at the waterfall.