St. Nick

by Alan Russell

  Raymond shook his head with surprising vigor: “No.”

  “You better not be.”

  The two of them sat back in their chairs; both felt a little better for having talked. They took in the sights and sounds of the railroad, and Raymond’s eyes grew heavy. Music was being piped into the sitting room, and Nick recognized the tune from “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.” Without thinking about it, he joined in the chorus:

  “Oh ye beneath life’s crushing load,

  Whose forms are bending low,

  Who toil along the climbing way,

  With painful steps and slow;

  Look now, for glad and golden hour,

  Come swiftly on the wing;

  Oh rest beside the weary road,

  And hear the angels sing.”

  Nick’s voice was anything but angelic, but the song’s magic worked. Raymond’s eyes were closed.

  “Nick? There’s a—Oh.”

  Easy stopped talking when she noticed Raymond was asleep. Nick crossed the room to her, moving as quietly as possible.

  “You have a telephone call,” she whispered.

  Nick took the call at the reception desk. He kept his back to Raymond, and tried to keep his voice low, but was hard-pressed to restrain his excitement.

  “I’m sorry,” Nick said into the phone, “I forgot my cell phone again.” A moment later, he added, “That’s great, but I’m afraid I can’t get away right now.”

  Whispering draws the attention of all children, and Raymond was no exception. “What is it?” he asked.

  Nick turned from the phone. “It’s nothing.”

  “Tell me,” said Raymond.

  “We already got our evening planned.”

  Sick as he was, the boy’s eyes never left Nick’s. They demanded an explanation, and Nick capitulated. “There might be a new lead on Laura,” he said, trying to downplay his words.

  “I’m ready to sleep anyway, Nick. Go find her.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Raymond nodded. Nick hesitated for moment, taking a long read of the boy before lifting the phone and speaking into it. “I’ll be at the mall in half an hour, Angie. Does that work for you?”

  He listened to her answer and started nodding. “If we luck out I’ll need my Santa suit. Could you? That would be great.”

  Remembering something, Nick suddenly looked at his watch. “Are any of the stores still open?”

  He didn’t like Angie’s answer. “I was afraid of that. How do you think she’ll feel if Santa Claus arrives empty-handed on her doorstep?” He listened while Angie spoke again, and then said, “You’re a miracle worker. Okay, I’ll see you in half an hour.”

  He hung up the phone, and turned back to Raymond who was clearly awaiting an explanation.

  “I’m not quite ready to believe yet,” said Nick, “but it’s possible we might have finally tracked down Laura’s whereabouts. And Angie—that’s the Elf I’ve told you about—is running over to her house to get some toys for her. I guess Angie must have figured out we’d find Laura sooner or later. Or maybe she just pulled them out of that bag of hers. Did I ever tell you about that bag? It’s got everything in it but the kitchen sink.”

  Nick shook his head. “And here I thought this would be a Christmas Eve where the two of us just played a few leisurely games of checkers. We’ll do that tomorrow morning, though, okay?”

  Raymond nodded. Nick rubbed the boy’s hair before scooping him up. Once again he was struck by how light Raymond was. It was like holding air.

  As they walked down the hallway all was quiet. It was like that poem, Nick thought. Not a creature was stirring. When Nick eased Raymond into his bed, the boy asked to see his butterfly house. He peered closely at the caterpillars.

  “When will they get their wings?” he asked.

  “About three weeks.”

  “I liked your singing,” Raymond said.

  “You’re the first person who ever has. What’d you do, fake me out? I thought you were asleep.”

  “I sort of was, and sort of wasn’t.”

  The boy’s words were weak. His breathing sounded labored. Nick didn’t like what he was seeing and hearing.

  “You know, buddy,” said Nick, “maybe a doctor should come and take a look at you.”

  Raymond shook his head. “No doctor. He’ll want to move me to the ICU, and I don’t want to be moved, not on Christmas Eve. The view’s not as good from there.”

  Nick hesitated.

  “Just wait until tomorrow,” Raymond said. “I’ll be okay, you’ll see. You don’t have to worry. And I promise I won’t go anywhere without saying good-bye to you first.”

  Go anywhere. Raymond was too young to be using euphemisms. He was too young to die. But he had lived longer than anyone had thought possible.

  Nick let himself be convinced. He let out some pent up air. “Okay. I’m going to find Easy and tell her to tuck you in. But remember your promise to me. I’ll be here first thing in the morning.”

  The boy nodded, and Nick turned off the light. But he didn’t move to leave, not yet. Raymond was looking out his window.

  “You need to sleep,” Nick said.

  “I will.”

  “If you don’t, I might sing again.”

  Raymond smiled, and Nick was encouraged to whisper, “Peace on the earth, good will to men, from heaven’s all-gracious King. The world in solemn stillness lay, to hear the angels sing.”

  Either Raymond was a good actor, or the words lulled him to sleep. The boy’s head was on his pillow, and his eyes were closed.

  Nick tiptoed out of the room.

  Chapter 34

  O Holy Night

  Nick spotted a lone figure huddling outside the Plaza Center. Angie had draped the Santa suit around her like a stole, but she was still shivering. Gaily wrapped presents sat on the sidewalk all around her.

  Angie’s MINI Cooper was the only car Nick saw in the mall’s parking lots. He had never seen the place so still, and the quiet was disconcerting. It was just a little past nine, but the place looked like a ghost town.

  Nick pulled up to the curb, and got out of his car. “Sorry if I kept you waiting.”

  Her elf suit wasn’t much protection from the cold. Angie’s face was red, and she was shivering. “I d-didn’t expect it to be this c-cold,” she admitted.

  Angie undraped the Santa outfit and handed it to Nick. “I keep trying to retire this suit,” he said, “but it has a habit of following me.”

  “Maybe you should take that as an omen.”

  “Maybe I should just bury the thing.”

  He hung up the suit in his car, and then began helping Angie stow away the presents. “You still haven’t told me how you managed to get all these gifts.”

  “No, I haven’t,” she said.

  “And they’re even wrapped,” said Nick. Suddenly suspicious, he stopped loading the gifts. “These aren’t Noël’s presents are they?”

  “No,” said Angie. She took a breath and then said, “They’re her sister’s. I’ll have to put new labels on them for Laura.”

  For the first time Nick noticed the name on the tags. One label said: “To Penny, the best little girl in the world.” Another said: “To our Pretty Penny.”

  The bumper sticker on her car that read “My Other Child is an Angel” suddenly made sense to him. Nick stood immobile, not sure what to do or say.

  “It’s time these presents found another home,” said Angie. “My friends put them away in boxes in a closet. I knew where they were, of course, but I never really looked at them. A few times I made vows that I would give them away, but I never could bring myself to do it.”

  “You don’t have to …”

  “I want to. I had planned to give the gifts to the toy drive. I really had. But I never got around to it, or at least that’s what I told myself. Now I’m glad I waited.”

  “I can take care of the tags,” Nick said. “You shouldn’t be spending your Christmas Eve like t
his.”

  “There are worse ways to spend Christmas Eve.” Angie spoke with the conviction of someone who knows only too well. “The accident happened five years ago on Christmas Eve. Penny was driving with a friend and her mother. It was one of those fluke, awful things.”

  Angie shook her head and sighed. As if touching a memory, she reached out and put her hand on one of Penny’s presents. The gift-wrapping didn’t show how long the package had been waiting to be opened. Now that Nick looked closely he could see the tape was slightly yellow and brittle, but that was the only giveaway to the passage of time.

  “I went overboard that year,” Angie said. “I should say we went overboard. Jack was just as bad as I was.”

  “Do you want to keep some of the gifts …?”

  “No. I feel so happy about where they’re going. It all feels so right.”

  Angie smiled at a happy intersection of past and present. “I would guess that Laura is now about a year older than Penny was, but I think there are plenty of presents here that she’ll enjoy.”

  Nick nodded. His Adam’s apple felt about as big as a watermelon, and his throat was so tight he could barely swallow.

  “Let’s get in the car,” said Angie. “I’m freezing.”

  Nick didn’t trust himself to answer. He sat behind the wheel and turned up the heat. Angie leaned forward and gratefully rubbed her hands. The roads were quiet. Most people were at home hunkered down in front of their Christmas trees.

  He didn’t know what to say to Angie. Should he be offering sympathy? Was it appropriate to ask questions? Remaining silent seemed the easiest, if not best, solution. Still, he wondered how Angie had managed to embrace the holidays again after such a tragedy.

  Angie must have guessed Nick’s dilemma. “When Penny was taken from me,” she said, “it felt as if my heart had been yanked out of my chest. For two years the pain overwhelmed me. Christmas brought on the kind of despair you can’t imagine. And then I heard this prayer of Mother Teresa’s: God break my heart so completely that the whole world falls in. Those words resonated with me. My heart was broken, yes, but not completely; I was left with pointed shards, and those shards pierced me so that every day I bled anew. I needed to have my heart completely broken, so that’s what I prayed for. And my prayers were answered, and the whole world fell in.”

  “That’s a lot of company,” said Nick.

  And she answered: “The heart was made to accommodate a lot of company.”

  They drove in silence for a minute before Nick said, “After giving so much you shouldn’t be giving up your Christmas Eve. I’m sure your husband and Noël want you home tonight.”

  Angie smiled. “They know Santa and his elves have to work late tonight of all nights.”

  As Nick and Angie walked towards his apartment she explained the chronology of the eleventh hour events. “Heidi called Dawn,” said Angie, “who tried calling you, and when she couldn’t reach you, called the mall.”

  Nick tried to make sense of her explanation. “Who’s Heidi?” he asked.

  “She was the librarian on duty today. At just before two o’clock, a young woman and a girl came into the library. Because it was Christmas Eve, the library was closing early and most of the staff was already gone. Anyway, this girl noticed that poster you told me about, and she went to tell the young woman who had brought her in that she wanted to reserve a copy of the book. With everything closing down it was chaotic, so at first Heidi didn’t ask any questions. She just took down the woman’s name for the waiting list, but then she remembered to hand out your information sheet, and that’s when she learned that the girl with the woman was named Laura, and that this woman was not her mother but a neighbor. Heidi tried to get her to call you from the library, but the woman said she was in too much of a rush. The woman did promise to call you at your home number later tonight, though.”

  “Promises to keep,” whispered Nick.

  “Heidi tried calling you, but didn’t have any luck. Then she called Dawn Lambert to tell her what had occurred, but she had to leave a message because Dawn was out Christmas shopping. When Dawn finally got the message she tried calling you, and after she didn’t reach you she called the mall and got me.”

  Nick put his key in the lock. “I guess this is what they call the moment of truth,” he said.

  His new message machine was blinking. Pen and pad in hand, Nick hovered over it. The display said there were four messages. Nick reached for the “Play” button. His finger was shaking. It could probably do a drum solo by itself. He pushed the button.

  The first beep sounded.

  “Mr. Pappas? This is Heidi Boehm at the library. I know you’ve been dealing with Dawn Lambert, but all the staff here has been on Laura watch. The library’s just closed, so I’m afraid you can’t call me back, but I wanted you to know that a girl just came in who might be the one you’re looking for. I talked with the woman who brought her in, but I can’t give you her name, what with confidentiality laws and everything. However, I did give out that information with your name and telephone number. She was late for a family dinner, but she did promise to call you tonight. I hope she does. Well, good luck and good-bye.”

  Beep two.

  “Nick? Are you there? This is Dawn Lambert. Heidi said she already called and left a message. I tried your cell but couldn’t get you. Maybe I can still get you at work, though. Anyway, call me and tell me how this all turns out, would you?”

  Beep three.

  “Nick, this is Charlotte.” Her voice was high-pitched and breathless. “I just got off the phone with Angie. I’m at home, but I’m also carrying my cell. Call me when you get home. I don’t think I have to tell you that I’m ready to meet you at a moment’s notice.”

  Angie and Nick stared at the machine, awaiting that last message.

  Beep four.

  “Nick, this is Gerry Finnegan.”

  Finnegan was a rarity, someone who had been on the force longer than Nick, even though Finnegan was now one of the downtown suits. “I thought you’d like to hear some good news before the holidays,” he said. “The official report won’t get released until next week, but the Department’s decided to lift your suspension and put you back on active duty. Merry Christmas, Nick.”

  Nick felt numb. He had never really thought he would be reinstated. He was going to be a cop again. But it still wasn’t the call he really wanted.

  Angie said, “That’s wonderful news, Nick.”

  Nick nodded. “Tonight, though, I wanted to be Santa more than I wanted to be a cop.”

  He walked to the kitchen. “Can I get you anything to eat or drink?” His words were overloud, as if by volume he could fill the void of not getting that call.

  “Nothing, thanks.”

  Nick wasn’t hungry or thirsty either, but he poured himself a glass of water just to have something to do.

  He dreaded having to call Charlotte, but it was something better done sooner than later. As he reached for the phone, it started to ring. Nick pulled back as if he had been stung. With suddenly shaking hands, he grabbed the receiver.

  Chapter 35

  Joy to the World

  Nick hurriedly finished putting on his Santa suit. He took a look in the mirror. His eyebrows were dark and he didn’t have any of the white color stick to lighten them. He’d have to be an imperfect Santa, but then he always had been.

  Angie was his navigator. When he got to the car she had already mapped out their route. Santa Claus had one more delivery for the night.

  “Will Laura be expecting us?” asked Angie.

  Nick shook his head. “Sofia never called Laura’s mother. We’re a surprise.”

  “Sofia’s the neighbor who took Laura to the library?”

  Nick nodded. “She lives in the same apartment complex. Sofia told me that Laura’s a latchkey kid. She said Laura’s mother works and goes to school, so Sofia helps with some of the driving.”

  “I guess the mother was too busy to follow the n
ews and hear about the Laura story,” said Charlotte.

  “I guess so,” said Nick. “Sofia also mentioned that Laura’s going to a new school. She is a good girl, Sofia says, but shy. Because of that, Sofia says she hasn’t really made any friends.”

  “She’s made thousands of friends,” said Angie, “but just doesn’t know it yet.”

  “Amen,” said Nick.

  “At the next street,” said Angie, “make a right.”

  “Are we there yet?” asked Nick. He asked it with the same impatience of a child on a road trip.

  Nick steered one-handed, first his right, then his left. He kept cupping his free hand, and blowing into it. Angie was also rubbing her hands. Their nervousness, and the cold, combined to make them shiver.

  “Feels like the North Pole,” said Nick.

  Angie didn’t answer. She was intently checking out the street numbers. “It should be the next block.”

  They had come so far to get here, Nick thought. But he still didn’t feel ready. “What am I going to say?”

  “You’ll know what to say.”

  “That’s what you told me the first time I went out as Santa Claus.”

  “And I was right.”

  Angie pointed. “It’s on your left side just up here.”

  Nick looked in his rear view mirror. No one was on the road. He could make a U-turn. As he turned the car around, Nick started laughing.

  “What?”

  “My reflection,” he said. “I was looking in the mirror and it struck me that here we are on Christmas Eve, and you’re dressed up as an elf, and I’m dressed up as Santa Claus, and we’re delivering toys to this special little girl, and my heart’s beating hard, and I’m so excited, and I know this sounds stupid, but I really feel like the Santa Claus.”

  “You are the real Santa Claus. I wouldn’t have given up Penny’s gifts to anyone else.”

  Charlotte was waiting for them at the curb. Not all of the gifts would fit in Nick’s Santa bag, so Charlotte and Angie filled their arms with the presents.

  “The three Magi bearing gifts!” said Angie.