Knowing You_The Cursed Series Part 2

by Rebecca Donovan

  Ashton sweeps her fingers across my forehead, brushing my overgrown bangs to the side and tucking them behind my ear. The tickle of her fingers on my skin is sedating. A rustle of leaves has captivated my attention. It’s like they’re waving to me.

  “Why do they call you Squirrel?” I ask out of nowhere.

  “Because, when I was little, I used to hide food in my closet. When my parents asked me why, I told them it was for hibernation.”

  Ashton and I laugh. “That is the best story!” she exclaims. “I love it. Except … love is so confusing.” Her stomach flexes beneath me as she talks, jostling my head.

  “I don’t believe in love,” is my response.

  Squirrel starts laughing so hard that Ashton is forced to sit up, which makes me sit as well. When he realizes we aren’t laughing with him, he slowly calms. “I didn’t know you were serious.”

  I nod.

  “Love exists, whether you believe in it or not. Just like magic.”

  I look to Ashton, who is seriously contemplating this as valid. “Yeah, you’re right.”

  “Um … what?”

  Ashton lays on her side, her head propped on her elbow, to face Squirrel. I turn toward him and sit cross-legged, tucking my skirt beneath me, preparing to absorb whatever wisdom Squirrel is about to unleash.

  “Love isn’t something you can hold onto, or will into being. It already is, because we are it. Love is us at our essence.”

  “Then how come it hurts us then? Breaks so many hearts? Destroys lives?”

  “That’s not love. That’s fear. Fear rules our minds. Every time we overthink and try to talk ourselves out of something, that’s fear talking. And when it’s threatened, when love starts to take over, it speaks louder, trying to make us believe we’re not worthy of being loved, or it’s only going to hurt us. But love never hurts. Not ever.”

  I just stare at him. His words are like butterflies flitting around his head, and I try to hold on to them, but they’re all jumbled up and I’m not sure which butterfly spoke first.

  “What was in the brownies?” I ask.

  “I don’t really remember, but it’s organic,” Squirrel says, twirling a strand of Ashton’s hair around his finger.

  “What happens when we fall in love?” Ashton asks, lining the palm of my hand with hers and examining the way our fingers press together.

  “You don’t get to choose who you love. You are love. So when you share that love, you’re sharing you. You never really fall in love exactly. It’s a connection. A bond. Our souls recognize that connection long before we do. Love can’t be given or taken away, it can only be experienced in a beautiful symbiotic way that fills up your entire being.”

  “Like light,” a voice inside me says.

  Squirrel is quiet for moment. “Yeah. Like light.” I guess he heard that voice too.

  “What are you doing over here?” Kaely asks, sitting down next to me.

  “Being light,” Ashton replies, running a finger along my arm that sends a cascade of shivers through my body.

  “Oh,” Kaely says, thinking about this. “I don’t understand.”

  “That’s because your fear is talking,” I tell her. I think I got that right.

  “Are we sharing our biggest fear?” Kaely asks, getting excited. “I’m so afraid of falling down a hole and getting stuck, and then calling out and nobody hearing me. Then I’ll be stuck in the ground by myself forever.”

  “That’s terrible!” Ashton exclaims, like she can feel her fear. “You have to step over those holes so they never get you.”

  “I will,” Kaely promises.

  “I think your real fear is being forgotten,” Squirrel says, his green eyes kind and thoughtful.

  “Yeah, maybe,” Kaely replies, seriously contemplating this. We all stare at him like he’s the wisest person we’ve ever seen.

  There’s a small voice in my head that is shouting in the distance, “What the fuck is going on?” But I just tell it to be quiet and maybe take a nap.

  Lance and Lily find us. “Lily!” Ashton exclaims.

  “What did I miss?” Lily asks, standing above us like a glowing goddess.

  We’re quiet, because it’s so much. I have no idea how to even try to tell her everything she missed.

  “Brownies,” Ashton explains. And I nod, because that’s really it.

  Lance starts laughing. We smile back.

  “What’s so funny?” Kaely asks, smiling too.

  “Dude, you shared your brownies with the girls, but wouldn’t share with me?”

  “Ashton stole it from my mouth,” Squirrel explains.

  “I did,” Ashton confirms, with a solemn nod. “I have a brownie addiction.”

  “And you?” Lance asks me.

  “I didn’t know they were magical.”

  “I didn’t get any brownies,” Kaely sulks.

  “C’mon Kaely,” Lily says, offering her hand, “we’ll find the alcohol instead.”

  “You won’t get kissed!” I call to them as they start to walk away. Lily shoots me a curious glance but then keeps going.

  “No, you aren’t getting kissed,” Ashton clarifies.

  “I thought you said you were kissing me?” I am so confused.

  “Wait. What’s going on? They’re going to make-out?” Brendan appears over Lance’s shoulder.

  I frown. “I don’t like your voice.”

  When I look down, Ashton is kissing Squirrel.

  “Uh, no, that’s not happening.” Brendan pulls her off the ground and over his shoulder like she weighs nothing. He is seriously strong. I wonder where he hides his muscles.

  “Hey!” Ashton hollers. “Put me down. You said no relationship. You said no monogamy. You told me no. I can do what I want!” She’s flailing her arms and legs. Brendan ignores her and everyone staring after them, his hand resting on her butt to keep her skirt from riding up.

  “Omigod, I’m Brendan,” I gasp.

  “Uh, I hope not.”

  I look up and Grant is standing next to Lance. He glances from my stunned face to Lance. “What’s going on?”

  “Squirrel shared his brownies with Lana and Ashton.”

  Grant chuckles. “You really must not like kissing me, huh?”

  “I love kissing you!” I protest passionately. “I didn’t know they were magic! I didn’t believe in magic. But now I do. And I’m so sorry. I tried to make them come back up, but they got stuck.”

  Lance laughs again, thoroughly entertained. Grant smiles. Squirrel nods his head like he completely supports everything I just said.

  “Stefan’s starting the boat to take people out in the lake to watch the fireworks, if you want to go,” Grant says, but he’s looking at Lance, not me.

  “Sounds good. You’re going to stay here with her?” Lance gestures to me and releases another quick laugh. I didn’t realize I was so funny.

  Squirrel is on his feet and walking toward the lake. “I’m all about fireworks, man.” He appears way more whole than I feel.

  “Don’t miss the fireworks,” I tell Grant, feeling sad.

  “I won’t,” he promises. “Can you stand?” He offers me his hand.

  “Are you coming?” Kaely asks as she and Lily approach with big thermal cups.

  “We’re going to stay here,” Grant tells them, helping me onto my feet. The grass feels squishy between my toes. I stand there curling them into the cool, soft blades. When I look back up, it’s just Grant.

  “Where’d everybody go?”

  “To the boat. Well, not everyone. Want to watch the fireworks with me?”

  I let out a depressing sigh.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I think I’m broken.”

  “You’re not broken,” Grant says with a chuckle, wrapping his arm around me and guiding me down to the beach. “You’re just chemically imbalanced.”

  “Oh,” I reply. That earns another amused laugh. I’m having a hard time keeping up with what’s so funny.


  When we reach the beach, I stop. “This feels so weird.” I sink my toes further into the sand. Then I kneel down to bury my fingers too. “This is amazing; you should feel it.”

  “I’m going to strangle Squirrel,” I hear Grant mutter, bending down to coax me back to my feet.

  “Don’t do that,” I plead urgently. “He’s a wizard.”

  Grant smiles and leans down to press his lips to my forehead. “I won’t really, I promise.”

  We continue onto the dock and when we sit on the end to slip our feet into the water, I sigh audibly. I lean against Grant, my head over his heart. He has an arm bracing me so I don’t topple into the water.

  “Your love is very loud.” It pounds against my ear. “What does it feel like, to love?”

  I gaze up into his cloudless eyes, and he offers me the sweetest smile. “You don’t know?”

  I shake my head. “I’ve only seen it hurt.”

  He nods in understanding. “Love doesn’t hurt. Ever.”

  “Squirrel said that.”

  “He is a wizard,” Grant confirms, like that explains it. I nod.

  “But you’ve … been with someone before, right?” Then he quickly says, “I shouldn’t have asked you that. Forget it.”

  “I’m not a virgin,” I confirm. “But Jensen wasn’t love. He was … sex.”

  “That’s … sad.”

  “I guess,” I admit, trying to remember Jensen’s face.

  “How’d you meet?”

  I take in a breath, wanting to be sure the words form properly. “At a bar. I was lying about my age. He was lying about his. Found out he was only a few years older than me, not twenty-three. And he never found out that I wasn’t twenty-two.”

  “A relationship based on lies, that’s never good.”

  “We weren’t in a relationship,” I correct quickly. “We were just bodies for each other. No feelings. No talking, not really anyway. No love.”

  Grant’s quiet.

  “I don’t want that,” he finally says.

  “You’re not that,” I admit, tipping my head to focus on him. I decide to lay on my back and rest my head on his lap to get a better view. “You know more about me than anyone in my entire life.”

  His head tilts down so I can see all of him. “Really?”

  “Yeah. You ask me, and I always tell you the truth. I can’t stop my mouth from telling you.”

  “I thought that was your curse?”

  “It doesn’t make me talk. Only makes what I say the truth. But I can’t be silent with you. And that scares me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’ll eventually learn a truth that’ll make you not like who I am.”

  I watch his throat move as he swallows.

  “I can always forgive the truth, Lana. But it’s much harder to forgive a lie. So I’d rather know than for it to be kept a secret.”

  “What does love feel like?” I ask again.

  Grant runs his hand along my cheek. “Find out for yourself.”

  The sky crackles and sizzles before it explodes. I sit up and search for it across the water in time to see a colorful burst of fire in the sky. “It’s beautiful.”

  Grant encases me in his arms, easing me against him. “Very.” I wrap my arms around his, keeping him close.

  I watch in awe as the spectacular display of colors dance across the sky, sparkling and swirling. I’m mesmerized and can’t take my eyes off of them the entire time. Even when Grant leans down and presses his cheek against mine. I smile, but don’t look away from the explosion of lights.

  When it’s over, my heart is beating so hard.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Incredible,” I tell him. He laughs, his breath tickling.

  We wait on the dock until the boat returns. Ashton jumps from it and yells, “Let’s dance!”

  She twirls and leaps, her dress floating around her like a flower. I giggle and push up to stand. Grant remains seated on the dock. “C’mon, let’s dance.” I run after her, and someone turns on the music. She grabs my hand to twirl me around and around.

  “Are you sure you have them both?” Grant asks Brendan for the third time. “I don’t mind driving them.”

  “I’ve got them. I promise,” Brendan assures him … again.

  “I’m trusting you,” Grant says, sounding very serious.

  Ashton and I are huddled together at the door, mesmerized by their conversation.

  “I know. I got it. I won’t let anything happen to your girl.”

  Grant’s eyes connect with mine in concern. I smile to make his worry go away. “We’re good.” He leans down and kisses my forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “Tutoring session,” he reminds me.

  “Study room A,” I say. “I’ll be there.”

  “I love you guys,” Ashton announces, hugging everyone within arms range.

  “Let’s go, love,” Brendan says, taking her hand, and because I’m still within her embrace, I stumble after her. I look behind me from beneath her arm in search of Grant. I want to say I love you too. But I’m not sure who will hear me.

  “Walk in straight lines,” Brendan directs as we cross the parking lot and onto the gravel driveway.

  “There aren’t any lines,” Ashton says, looking at the ground. I look too.

  “Nope, no lines.”

  “Then just follow me,” he says patiently. So we do.

  He checks us in with the security guard at the main entrance, and we walk through the foyer of the administration building. Brendan leaves us at the doors to the girls’ dorm. “I’ll be right up.”

  “Where’s he going?” I ask Ashton. She shrugs. So we go inside and climb the stairs. As we reach the third floor, I let out a short scream. A woman is standing on the landing with her arms crossed, glaring at us.

  “Ms. See-er!” Ashton cries out, pointing. “I told you she’s everywhere!!”

  We run up the stairs the rest of the way. Ashton follows me to my room. When I open the door and turn on the light, everything is upside down.

  “What happened to your room?” she gawks.

  “It got dissected,” I say in awe.

  “Someone really doesn’t like you, Princess,” Brendan declares from behind us. We both spin around in surprise. “What did you do?”

  My entire room is stripped and shredded and broken. I bend down and pick up the head of the zebra. “Oh no.”

  On the wall, in bright red paint is:

  “Yup,” I tell the wall. “I know.”

  I sleep in Ashton’s room. So does Brendan, which wasn’t weird until I wake up, sober. Thankfully, Ashton’s in the middle. Weirdly, we both have an arm around her that is also holding the other’s. I pull it back like his is on fire as soon as I comprehend what the hell is happening. Then I proceed to knock my head on the ceiling in an attempt to flee.

  “What are you doing?” Ashton groans.

  “I have to meet my life advisor,” I tell her, crawling over her to reach the ladder.

  “I’ll call my designer today. We’ll fix your room,” she tells me as I cross the room.

  I don’t have much time to take in the destruction when I enter my room in search of workout clothes. My phone’s blowing up with messages from Mr. Garner demanding I hurry up.

  At breakfast, after the most miserable session with Mack to date, Ashton has color swatches ready for me to pick out and storyboards to choose from. When I ask her who’s paying for it, she responds, “Parent guilt.” So I let her black Amex pay for whatever she wants.

  “So, who did it?” she asks hesitantly. I know she’s not one to pry when information isn’t volunteered, but the concern on her face wins over her inner struggle not to inquire.

  “I don’t know,” I reply.

  “How long’s this been going on?” Lance sets his breakfast plate down next to me. I know he wasn’t here when Ashton and I were looking over her ideas, so he learned about i
t from …

  “I had to tell him about the room,” Brendan defends just as my thoughts point to him. “I need his help to clean it up after class.” I glower at him.

  “I should know about these things anyway.” Lance sounds offended that he’s been excluded.

  “Me too!” Ashton pipes in as a second thought.

  “Why?” I ask.

  They look at each other, then at Brendan, who shrugs.

  “Why does Brendan get to know?” Lance demands. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be protecting you.”

  “Wow, someone’s taking their chaperoning duties a little too seriously,” Brendan grumbles, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

  “Because Brendan seems to be around every time it happens. Maybe because he’s the one doing it. I haven’t decided yet.”

  Ashton and Lance stare at Brendan. He laughs like I’m joking.

  “How many times has this happened?” Lance questions again. “And who has it out for you?”

  I roll my eyes and choose my words carefully. “If I knew, my room wouldn’t look like someone took an ax to it.”

  “But how did they gain access without your phone?” Ashton asks. “There aren’t many girls in the dorm right now.”

  “It’s not hard,” Brendan chimes in, earning him another round of suspicious glares. He holds up his hands in defense. “I’m just trying to help.”

  “Or throw the suspicion off yourself!” Lance accuses emphatically, his raised voice gaining a few curious glances from surrounding tables. He leans in and asks quieter, “Did you sell access to anyone?”

  “What does that mean?” I ask, staring Brendan down too.

  “Who do you think I got your phone from?” Lance informs me, nodding toward Brendan.

  “No wonder I can’t access anything,” I complain.

  “Except the map app. Didn’t want you getting lost.” He winks. Then thinks better of it. “But you did anyway.”

  “What?” Ashton asks, looking between us. “What’s been going on between you two?”

  “Ew!” I cringe in disgust. “Not anything you should be worried about.” I violently shiver.