Rancid: A Zombie Novel

by P. A. Douglas

  RANCID

  A Zombie Novel

  P.A. Douglas

  ONE

  Clarksburg, Virginia was smaller than small. So, when Jared heard that his favorite band was going to be playing in town, he just couldn’t pass it up. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity. No one ever came to Clarksburg, and nothing exciting ever happened.

  “Come on, Jared. You've got to be kidding me,” Noel said. “Where did you put my keys?”

  She smelled of an obnoxious amount of cheap hairspray. Her black hair was piled high on her head, reminding Jared of something from the old movie Greased Lightning. Except, one side of her head was shaved. She was like that. What some would call eccentric. Her lips were black and the eyeliner thick. He smiled while watching her frantic search. Her septum piercing jiggled back and forth, as she dug through the couch cushions. A crusty, stale potato chip came away in her hand.

  “Nasty…” She dropped the chip to the floor, and wiped her palm against her skin-tight black jeans, her fingernail polish a perfect match.

  Jared laughed.

  “It’s not funny, Jared. We’re going to be late.”

  “Oh, come on,” Jared insisted. “You know these things never start on time. Besides, I could care less about most of the bands on the bill tonight anyway.”

  “If you don’t care for the bands, then why the hell are we going to the show?” Noel rested both fists on her hips.

  The half dozen bracelets on her wrists rattled as she shot Jared a stern look.

  Jared liked it when her faced scrunched up like that. Her eyebrow piercing shifted slightly and her cheeks looked pudgy. It was a dead giveaway for irritation. He loved pushing her buttons. It was just so easy. He smiled.

  “Why the hell wouldn’t we be going to this show? Freaking August Burns Red is the headliner. Or did you miss that memo?”

  “I don’t get what you see in that band anyway…” Noel dropped to her knees, digging under the couch for her keys. “Metal is metal. You’ve heard one, you’ve heard them all!”

  “Number one, Noel… August Burns Red isn’t metal. They’re hardcore.” He stroked his brown beard. “And need I remind you that they're the freaking pioneers of the genre. They don’t sound like everybody else. Everybody else sounds like them!”

  Noel smirked with lack of interest. “Well then, are you going to help me find the keys or not?”

  Jared snickered, lifting his girlfriend’s keys out for her to see. He had them the entire time. They clinked in the air in front of his face, hiding his grin.

  “Jared!” She said, snatching them from his grip.

  Jared Garrison always played around like that, with everyone. He was a kidder. A prankster. The class clown back in his days at school. His relationship with Noel had only fueled the games and silly antics. He knew that it was his sense of humor that made him attractive to her.

  In the two years they had been dating, he had learned every one of her quirks. He knew that seeing any living creature suffer made her sad, and had watched his fair share of vegan related animal documentaries with her. There was one spot just under her left knee that made her squirm like the cute little lady she was. He loved making her smile, something he could do with ease. Knowing that he was probably the only person she let see beyond the hardened gothic exterior made him proud to be her boyfriend.

  Sadly, it would be this witty charm that would end up getting him in trouble, and possibly cost him his life.

  “Always joking around like that is going to get you in big trouble one day,” Noel insisted.

  “Oh yeah, are you my mother now?” Jared pulled a switchblade from his back pocket. Pressing the button, a comb popped out, instead of a blade. “You are even starting to sound like my teachers from high school.”

  He proceeded to brush the green spikes on his head and started toward the door.

  “Come on, let’s go…”

  “What happened to I’m not in a hurry?” Her inflection was high as she waved her hands in the air.

  “Hell, if I am going to pay fifteen bucks just to get into this stupid venue, we might as well get our monies worth.” He grinned, handing Noel her leather jacket, and respectfully opened the door.

  He would do anything for Noel. Even kill someone if he had to. At least, that was what he had told himself when he purchased the engagement ring that sat tucked away in his front pocket. It took him six paychecks to get it too. He hoped it would be the right size. Not wanting to give any hints away about popping the big question, he had refrained from asking her. Even Kelly, Noel's best friend, didn't know about it. He didn’t want that big mouth bozo giving it away. Tonight, after the show was to be the night he would hide the secret no longer.

  Jared was nervous, but hid it well. After the show there was supposed to be a meteor shower and Kelly’s boyfriend had promised it to be a good one. If any night would be the night to ask, why not make it as special as possible? It wasn’t like this meteor shower crap happened all the time. Hell, he had never seen one. So it must be special, right?

  It wasn’t long before they were on their way to the show, but not before picking up that skank, Kelly, and her boyfriend, Trevor. He didn’t mind her boyfriend too much. He could be a bit annoying at times with his know it all, badass mentality. Overall, he was a nice guy. Although he had just recently met Trevor, he didn’t want to share the big surprise. Because if he knew, then so would Kelly. Now Kelly on the other hand… Jared couldn’t stand. In his opinion, she was a tramp. Not staying with the same guy for more than a week and this Trevor dude was proof. She was the kind of girl that never quit smacking gum and twisting her hair with her finger. Super ditsy. When Jared approached this new boyfriend of hers about her getting around, the guy knew it and didn’t care. She was hot and put out. That’s all this new guy cared about. Jared didn’t blame him. She did have good looks and a huge rack that made up for being a little chunky in the midsection. Noel had been friends with that girl since middle school, and because of that, Jared knew he wouldn’t be getting rid of her any time soon.

  The venue was a packed house and Jared was glad to have preordered tickets. They had pushed their way through the pit and to the front. The show was great and Jared couldn’t have been any happier. Trevor seemed to have cared less. All he did was complain about a headache after the show. Jared insisted that headaches happen to losers that can’t handle good music. He and Kelly were more into prep-pop, as Jared called it. Crap like Fallout Boy, Blink 182, Reliant K, and The Format.

  Jared didn’t mind. He could appreciate all kinds of music, except country. Now, there was a music choice that gave him a headache. He couldn’t stand the nasally way male singers sang. Not to mention, most didn’t even write their own music. Pathetic.

  With the show over, and the party carrying itself into the car, Norma Jean blared over the speakers. Noel quietly powdered her nose using the visor mirror, occasionally giving Jared silly little seductive winks. They made his heart race. He was in love, and tonight she would be in for a treat. He bounced his head up and down, his green Mohawk barely grazing the ceiling of his beat-up VW bug. His fists pounded against the oversized steering wheel to the rhythm of Norma Jean’s second record, Bless the Martyr Kiss the Child. Kelly and Trevor were cramped in the back seat and didn’t seem to mind. Jared shook his head with disgust after seeing Kelly’s hand go down Trevor’s pants. Not wanting to see any of that, he took his eyes away from the rearview mirror and focused on the dark, narrow road ahead. If they were going to see this meteor shower that Trevor promised, he wanted to see it in the best way possible. In pitch-black darkness.

  “Where the hell are you taking us?” Noel shouted over the music.

  “What?”

&nbs
p; “I said, where are you taking us?” She turned down the volume on the radio. “It feels like we have been driving forever.”

  She crossed her arms and gave him a pouty face. He knew why she was irritated. Jared had passed up on a big party that one of their friends was throwing. The guy’s parents were out of town and some of the touring bands were crashing there. It was going to be off the hook. Oh well… She’d get over it soon enough. Once he busted out that rock that he had stashed away in his pocket all night, she would be putty in his arms.

  He smiled.

  “Yeah, man. If we don’t stop soon, we are totally going to miss the shower!” Trevor said, and his California accent dug into Jared making him grit his teeth. “Like, we probably only got, like another thirty minutes left, bro.”

  Jared caught a glimpse in the rearview of Trevor eyeing his wristwatch.

  “Uhh…,” Noel hissed. “Don’t tell me we skipped out on the party for some lame meteor shower!”

  “Come on,” Jared protested. “I thought you wanted to see it. I thought it would be cool. And besides, we always go to the after-show parties. I just figured it wouldn’t hurt to do something different for a change. You know… have a little fun.”

  He winked, making her blush.

  “That still doesn’t tell me where you’re taking us, bro.” Trevor reached up from the back seat shoving Jared on the shoulder. “If we are going to like, catch this thing then we need to totally pick a spot, like soon, dude.”

  “Don’t worry,” Jared replied. “I know the perfect place. You said so yourself, Trevor. If we are going to get to see this thing, then it needs to be dark, right?”

  Trevor nodded.

  “Well then, I know just where to go.”

  “Oh, and where might that be?” Kelly said, with sarcasm in her voice and a finger twirling in her hair.

  Jared grinned ear to ear, and stared at her wide eyed in the rearview mirror. “Stonewall Cemetery!”

  “What in the world are you doing taking us out there for?” Kelly grumbled. “You know that place is haunted, right?” Bubblegum popped beneath her teeth.

  “The cemetery, really? Come on now, dude. You totally got better class than that…”

  “I guess not, dude!” Jared said, irritated.

  Neither of them mattered. Kelly and her surfer-want-to-be boyfriend were merely flies that he could easily shoo away at any time. He knew that, because he had already paid Trevor to give him and Noel some space once they got to where they were going. In a way, Jared felt like he didn’t even need to pay the guy. He had his tongue down Kelly’s throat ever since they got in the car. It wasn’t like they would need to be entertained. ‘Better safe than sorry’, his mother always said. Nothing was going to mess things up tonight.

  He checked his pocket. It was still there.

  “Awesome!” Noel was excited. “Stonewall Cemetery was where we had our first date. How romantic!”

  Jared blushed, rubbing his hand through his spiky green Mohawk.

  “Seriously… you two are freaking weirdoes.”

  “I’m not the one swapping bubblegum!” Jared insisted, and then started laughing at Kelly.

  “Whatever!” Kelly crossed her arms, slouching back in her seat. “Are we almost there or what? This stupid shower thing better be something cool.”

  “Trust me, babe… it’s totally going to be pretty sweet. I like, looked into it online and junk. This is one of those events that like, only comes around every hundred years or something. Totally, a once in a lifetime thing, you know.”

  “That doesn’t mean it’s going to be cool. And don’t ever call me babe!” Kelly punched Trevor in the chest.

  He pretended to wince and went in for a kiss. And just like that, they went back to swapping spit and most likely, Kelly’s gum. Getting his hopefully soon to be fiancée's attention, Jared pointed to the back seats, and then shoved his finger in his mouth pretending to gag. It made Noel laugh, so he started to mimic Kelly by twirling imaginary hair on the side of his shaved short head. He danced in his seat pretending to blow bubbles and act ditsy.

  Noel popped him on the arm.

  “Cut it out and pay attention to the road.” Her face was flush red.

  “It doesn’t matter anyway, because we’re here!”

  Jared drove past the open gates into the cemetery. Even though it was almost midnight and well past the hours of public access, the cemetery was always open. Saying that the grounds were neglected would be an understatement. The dilapidated fence that outlined the large cemetery was rusty and brittle. The last hurricane that had come through a few years back had done quite a number on the chain link fence. It was twisted, mangled and in some spots along the fence line, missing all together. The narrow road that Jared’s VW Bug rolled down was bumpy and worn. Rather than a fine slab of cement, there was just dirt and loose gravel. The rocks pinged and popped under the frame of his car, as they came to a stop somewhere close to the center of the cemetery. Many of the headstones looked loose and the grass was high in some places. A cement bench lay on its side, broken in half. The flowers left by loved ones were wilted and long dead. Whoever had been in charge of upkeep had definitely fallen asleep on the job. The place was in bad shape. It always had been.

  Cutting off the engine, Jared left the key in the ignition, so that his high beams would light up the area ahead. Cranking the music up as loud as it would go, he stepped out of the cramped car. Noel, Kelly, and Trevor followed, the sound of Norma Jean blaring across the field.

  “Man, this place is like, totally a dump, bro,” Trevor said, stretching his legs.

  “You’re telling me you have never been here before?” Noel was surprised.

  Trevor shrugged.

  “Come on… This place isn’t a dump.” Jared pulled Noel into his arms. “We come here all the time. I like it because it’s peaceful. In the middle of nowhere. It’s the perfect place for privacy.” He kissed Noel on the forehead and scratched the shaved side of her head.

  “Yeah,” Noel agreed, leaning deeper into Jared. “This was the first place that Jared and I made love.”

  “You two are gross.” Kelly put her hands on her hips and looked around.

  “You hear that,” Trevor said, bumping Kelly with his shoulder.

  “Don’t even think about it, pal.” Kelly shoved him away. “I wouldn’t be caught dead with my underwear down in a place like this. Might get a disease or something. That’s so nasty.”

  Around them was almost pitch black. Aside from the light coming from Jared’s car, there wasn’t much light of any kind. Off in the distance, there was what looked to be a faint glow in the woods. Someone’s house most likely. That was what Jared and Noel really loved about the place. There were no houses around and town was at least a fifteen-minute drive. They had slept at the cemetery on more than a few occasions and always woke up the following morning unnoticed. It was the perfect place to go when you wanted to see the stars. No manmade light was around to drown out the natural sky light. Tonight looked as if it was going to be another perfect night. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Jared walked over to the hood of the car, popping the trunk and retrieving two blankets and a bottle of wine. He passed a blanket to Trevor and handed a blanket and the bottle to Noel.

  “Wow,” Kelly said. “Your car can run without an engine?” She peered into the trunk, truly amazed.

  “That’s right, Kelly.” Jared patted her on the back. “It can also fly, like that Bang Bang movie.”

  “Jared…,” Noel sneered.

  He got the hint. He didn’t know why Noel and she were still such great friends, although he thought it was cool that two people could remain friends for so long. Hell, he even wished he had a friend like that. In a way, he was jealous. But seriously, the two had little in common any more. And without saying it to her face… Kelly was dumber than a bag of rocks.

  “No…,” Jared smiled. “The engine is in the back where the trunk normally is. It’s backwards.”


  “Ohhh…” She twirled her hair while chomping on her piece of gum.

  Casually checking his pocket for the ring, a third or fourth time, since they had left for the show, Jared grinned at Trevor.

  “So, what time is this shower supposed to start?”

  Trevor looked at his watch. “Like twelve fifteen or twelve thirty, bro. So for sure, in totally like, no time at all, you know.”

  “Totally!” Jared mocked.

  Noel glared at him again.

  He blew her a kiss and she blushed, forgetting the outburst. Jared was like that to her. She was simply smitten with him. She didn’t know a single person on the planet that could pull off a beard-Mohawk combo, and still look so damn hot. Sure, he was a bit too silly at times, but he had his sweet side too. She had just been accepted into the school of her dreams, and she just knew that the wine was his way to celebrate. What she didn’t know was how he had found out yet. She hadn’t told him. But then again, he was resourceful. Maybe, Kelly opened her big mouth and told him. Either way, she was happy to see that he was happy for her and that he would be taking the idea of a long distance relationship well.

  “So…,” Jared started to say. “If you don’t mind, we are going to go off on our own and leave the two of you to it.” He put his arm around Noel.

  Trevor grinned, putting his hand around Kelly. She on the other hand didn’t look very thrilled about being out in the cemetery.

  “Aw, come on, Kelly,” Noel said. “It’s not a scary place, really. It’s homey.”

  Kelly’s expression went from nervous to frightened, just like that. Her eyes went wide, looking past her friends out into the darkness.

  “Like, there's nothing out there, Kelly. Seriously.” Trevor tried to comfort her.

  “No…,” She insisted. “I just saw someone out there!”

  “Now you’re just being ridiculous.” Jared laughed.

  “No, I saw something, I swear!”

  The sound of something shuffled in the dark a little ways off, followed by a loud thud. Everyone but Jared tensed.