Strong & Wilde

by L. G. Castillo

  “But, Dad, I can protect Mom. I’m strong enough.”

  “I know you are, but sometimes being strong means holdin’ back. Look, there's something I need to tell you. You need to listen to me real good, y’hear?”

  “But—”

  “Cody Michael Wilde.” His voice was stern. He looked at me just like he used to whenever I got into trouble.

  I miss that look.

  “I’ve made lot of mistakes in my life. Don’t want you to do the same. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here or if you’ll be able to see me again before...before I have to leave.”

  I wanted to scream but my throat tightened as if there was a big wad of gum stuck in it. He wasn’t leaving. He couldn’t. Fathers are forever, especially my father.

  The words finally came out in a whisper. “You’ll get better.”

  He shook his head. “You're old enough to know that there are just some things a doctor can’t fix. I ain’t gettin’ no better. I want you to promise me something. Can ya do that?”

  The ball in my throat grew bigger. All I could do was nod.

  “Don’t make the mistakes I made. Thought I had to fight to prove that I was a man. Thought a real man fought for his girl, for his family, with his fists. I learned too late. It’s not too late for you. Remember you’re not showing weakness if you walk away from bullies like Seth. Don’t ever let ’em get to ya. You just walk away. If I had done that, I wouldn’t be stuck in here. Can you promise me that, Son?”

  “Yes, Dad. I promise. Just please, come back home.”

  His eyes grew wet. “I can’t. I want to. Believe me I do. But you won’t ever be alone. Mike will be there to take care of you and Mom.”

  “You bet.” Uncle Mike placed a hand on my shoulder.

  I loved Uncle Mike, but no one could take Dad’s place.

  Dad cupped my cheek, gazing intently into my eyes. “When you get older, you find yourself a good woman with a wild heart like your mom’s. You’ll know her when you see her. She’ll make you feel like you’re breathin’ for the first time. She’ll make you come alive. And when you find her, don’t you ever let her go, no matter what. A Wilde man’s love is strong. It’ll see you through good times and bad. We don’t give our hearts to just anyone, but when we do, it’s forever.”

  “Time!”

  I clutched Dad’s hand at the sound of the guard’s voice.

  “I don’t want to go.” I meant to yell the words but it came out in a tiny squeak instead.

  He looked over at my uncle behind me. “Tell Sarah I’m sorry and that I love her. Tell her I understand and that I pray she forgives me.”

  “She does J.D. You know she does.”

  “Let’s get a move on,” the guard grumbled.

  “Come on, Cody.” Uncle Mike reached for my hand, prying it off of my dad’s.

  “Please, Dad,” I pleaded as he dragged me toward the door. “Don’t leave me. Don’t leave Mom. Get better, please! I need you!”

  His eyes grew red and a tear slowly rolled down his check. “Do me proud, Son. You and your mom are the best things that ever happened in my life.”

  THREE: Cassie

  1981

  Bringing Cody Wilde on our camping trip was so not cool. Not. At. All.

  I sat on a flat rock in front of my tent yanking my hair into tight braids, wishing it wasn’t so thick and wavy hair like Dad’s. The humidity drove my hair wild and it stuck out all over the place. It looked like I’d stuck my finger in an electrical socket or something. Putting it into braids was the only thing that kept it out of my face.

  I watched my father, my father, pat Cody on the back, giving him his full attention. They were digging a hole, setting it up to start the campfire. Dad was laughing and smiling, talking about football and whether or not Texas University would have a winning season. Cody, that little stinker, kept looking up at my dad with a stupid grin plastered on his face, hanging on to his every word.

  Stupid boys and their stupid football.

  “Want me to add the tinder, Deputy Strong?” Cody bent down, his light brown hair falling forward as he gathered up the small twigs at his feet.

  “Yep.” Dad stood, brushing the dirt off his jeans. “Call me Dale, Son. All my friends do.”

  I huffed when Cody’s blue eyes lit up.

  “Sure thing, Depu...er, Dale.”

  “Now where did I put those matches,” Dad said, searching his pockets.

  Cody tossed the twigs into the fire pit. “I got some.” He stuck grubby hands into his pockets. When he tugged out a book of matches, wads of paper, marbles, and a couple of green army men tumbled to the ground.

  I eyed the green army men lying in the dirt and then looked at Cody, raising an eyebrow. Still playing with dolls, Tinder Boy?

  His face turned red and he quickly picked them up, jamming them back into his pockets.

  “Thanks, Cody.” Dad lit the fire and then turned his attention to me. It was about time. It was like I wasn’t even there. “Cassie, stop messing with your hair and hand me the marshmallows.”

  I paused mid-braid and scowled.

  We looked at each other for a few moments, his face silently communicating to me to be nice.

  I didn’t want to be nice. I wanted Cody gone.

  “Okay,” I grumbled and quickly finished up the braid.

  I always looked forward to my annual birthday camping trip. Dad was so busy with work, especially on the weekends, that I hardly ever saw him. When most parents were watching their kids play baseball or soccer, my dad was busy keeping the peace and order in the county. He loved his job. He loved me too, though I wish we could spend more time together. Our father-daughter camping trips were the only time I had to be alone with him.

  Then Cody had to go and ruin it.

  Okay, so Dad was the one who invited him.

  And to be fair, Cody did turn him down.

  And yeah, I did tell Cody I wanted him to come with us. But only because Dad kept poking me in the back! And he didn’t have to give in so fast when Dad urged him a second time.

  I snatched a bag of marshmallows from the box of groceries we had brought with us and tossed it to Dad. He caught it and gave me that look again. I sighed and plastered on my best so-happy-to-have-Cody-with-us smile.

  It lasted about as long as the bug spray I had sprayed on an hour earlier.

  When we finally sat around the campfire, I tried hard not to give Cody the evil eye.

  Really, I did.

  I don’t think I tried hard enough because as the sun went down behind the trees, Cody kept eyeing me carefully. Each time I looked back at him, he seemed to be sitting farther away from me. It probably didn’t help that I made as much noise as I could getting the marshmallows ready to put over the fire, which was really hard to do because, well, they’re marshmallows.

  As I munched on my second s’more, I glanced over at Cody. He opened and closed his mouth nervously, his eyes bouncing between Dad and me. I felt a little bit sorry for him so I gave him a weak smile, which he took as an invitation to speak.

  “Uh, I didn’t have a chance to thank you for inviting me. I’ve always wanted to go camping but Uncle Mike’s been too busy workin’ to take time off.”

  “It’s a pleasure having you with us, Cody. Isn’t it Cassie?”

  No.

  “Yeah, sure thing. Want another chocolate bar?”

  I tossed him the candy, and he grinned, highlighting smudges of melted chocolate on the edges of his mouth and front teeth.

  He looked kind of cute when he did that. Maybe he’s not that bad.

  “Cassie and I come every year for her birthday,” Dad said, stoking the fire. “You could come again with us next year seeing that it’s your birthday too.”

  My jaw dropped.

  No way! He was going come with us every year?

  His blue eyes widened when they saw my glare. I might have scared him a little when I stabbed the marshmallow onto the stick.

  �
�Uh, I’d have to ask Mom ’bout that.”

  Dad elbowed me. “Yeah, you should come again. The more the merrier.”

  Boy, that sounded lame. Even I didn’t buy it.

  There was a buzzing sound and I felt something on my arm. A mosquito the size of a fly was happily sipping on me. I whacked it.

  Take that Mosquito Cody!

  “Bet you didn’t know that you two had the same birthday,” Dad said.

  “Nope.” Cody watched me carefully as I whacked at another mosquito.

  “Here put on some more of this bug spray, Cassie.” Dad handed me a blue can with an orange top and continued his story. “It was late on a Saturday night. I was out on the north side of the county when I got a call that my wife, Ann. She was headed for the hospital ready to have our Cassie. I was on my way when I saw your Dad kicking the tires of his old Chevy and smoke coming out of the engine. Seemed like you were ready to come out too. I would’ve taken your mom with me right then and there, but it wasn’t more than five minutes that you popped out. You should’ve seen J.D. he was jumping on the truck bed whooping and hollering, he was so happy to see you.”

  “Really?” Cody’s face lit up.

  “He sure was. Never seen a man as proud to be a father as your Dad was, except for me of course.” He placed his arm around my neck and drew me to him, kissing my forehead. “It’s getting late and we need to get up early to make the drive back.”

  Cody jumped up. “I’ll be back. I gotta...you know.”

  “No problem. Cassie will help me clean up.”

  When Cody was out of sight relieving himself behind some poor tree, Dad turned to me. “What’s wrong, Cassie?”

  “Nothing.” I busied myself picking up paper plates, napkins, and candy wrappers around the campsite, stuffing them into a trash bag.

  “You’ve been pouting all weekend.”

  “I don’t pout.”

  He turned me to face him and his finger flicked my bottom lip. I huffed, tucking my lip back in.

  He chuckled. “I know I sprung bringing Cody with us at the last minute. You have to understand, Cassie, he’s been through a lot with losing his father.”

  I sighed. “I know. But why does it have to be you. What about his uncle or his mom?”

  “His uncle’s job on the oil rigs keeps him away a lot of the time. He’s the only one that can work and he’s supporting Cody and his mom. And Cody’s mom, well, she can barely function. They’re all grieving, Cassie. Cody has no one right now. Can you understand that?”

  “Yeah, I guess so. It’s just...”

  “Just what?”

  “It’s not fair. Just because Cody lost his dad doesn’t mean he has to steal mine.”

  The moment the words came out of my mouth, I wished I could’ve taken them back. The disappointed expression on Dad’s face hurt me more than any punishment he could ever give me.

  “I expected more from you, Cassie.”

  “I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean it. I’m just afraid that you’ll like him more than me.”

  “Cassie, nothing can take away my love for you.”

  “Not even if I’m not a boy?”

  “Of course not. I love you just the way you are. Nothing will ever change that. Look, I know it’s hard to understand right now, but just because I care for someone else doesn’t mean it lessens the love I have for you.”

  He kissed the top of my forehead. “Are we okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “All right, try to get some sleep.” I turned and was about to go into my tent when I saw Cody hidden in in the shadows.

  By the look on his face, I knew that he had heard everything. I thought disappointing my dad was the worst feeling in the world.

  I was wrong.

  FOUR: Cassie

  I bolted upright, my heart pounding. Oh my god! It’s a bear! A bear was outside my tent, clawing at the entrance. At least, I thought it was a bear. Dad had told me there were no bears around anymore. Knowing my luck, they found their way back. I slowed down my breathing, listening for bear growls.

  I peeked out of the tent. In the moonlight, Cody was on all fours, brushing his hands over the dirt.

  What the hell was he doing?

  He cursed under his breath as he tossed rocks and leaves aside frantically. His hair was plastered to his sweaty forehead.

  His head popped up for a moment and then he scrambled to his feet, disappearing into the woods.

  I looked over at Dad’s tent. He was snoring loudly. I wasn’t sure if I should wake him and tell him about Cody running off. Something was wrong.

  Then I thought about the expression on Cody’s face when he returned to the camp after I told Dad about not wanting Cody around. Did I upset him that much?

  I should go get him.

  Grabbing a flashlight, I followed the trail he took. Good thing that the moon was out, giving some additional light.

  I heard the sound of running water and knew I was close to the stream. My heart pounded as I remembered how Dad warned us not to get too close. What if Cody was so upset that he didn’t pay attention to where he was going and he fell in?

  I ran faster.

  Just as was about to reach the stream, I tripped over something large.

  “Son of a bitch!” I yelled, landing face down in the mud.

  I flipped over to see what had tripped me and there was Cody, his eyes red-rimmed and cheeks tear-stained.

  Aww, hell. I did hurt his feelings.

  “You okay?” His voice cracked.

  “Yeah.” I pushed myself off the ground and looked down at my muddied shirt. “I hear mud facials are an in thing nowadays.”

  His lips lifted into a half-hearted smile.

  I took off my shoes and waded into the water, careful not to go too far. As I rinsed off the mud from my face and arms, I could feel him watching me. I took my time, not knowing what to say. What do you say to a boy when you’ve caught him crying and it was probably your fault? Do say something like: “Are you crying?” or maybe “Sorry I made you cry.” Or maybe I should just ignore it.

  “So,” I said, plopping down beside him, “you have allergies.”

  Blue eyes looked at me blankly.

  Yeah, should’ve just ignored the crying.

  “I don’t think so,” he finally said. “Why’d you say that?”

  “Well, you’ve been doing a lot of sniffing and your eyes are watery.”

  His face turned beet red and he turned to face the stream. “Go away.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said back at camp.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  He got me there. I decided being honest was probably the best way to go. “Okay, so I wasn’t exactly excited that you were coming with us. But it’s not because of you.”

  “Yeah, right. You’re just like the rest of them.”

  “Like who?”

  “Seth, Dillon, and Chase. I bet you’re even best friends with their cousin Lynette too.”

  “I am not! You take that back.” Seth and his brothers were the meanest kids in Koppe. They picked on everyone who didn’t run in their circle. And I was definitely not their friend. The only reason they left me alone was because my dad worked for their father. I couldn’t help it that their father was the Koppe sheriff. As for Lynette, she was just plain nasty.

  “Well, maybe you’re not friends with them, but you might as well be. You’re just like them.”

  “No, I’m not!” I jumped to my feet, placing my hands on my hips. “I’ve never called you or anyone names.”

  They all teased Cody on what seemed like a daily basis. His family was poor and he couldn’t afford to wear the kind of clothes that the rest of the kids in school wore. He often showed up with jeans that barely reached his ankles or holes in his shirts. He used to fight back when they made fun of him, calling him names like “High Water Cody” or “Blue Light Special Wilde.” But ever since his father died, he stopped. He just walked away. Now almost everyone in s
chool called him names like “sissy” or “wuss.”

  “There are other ways of being mean than calling people names,” he snapped.

  The last time I played football was at a church picnic. I thought I was badass playing with boys who were older than me. When my dad had the ball, I had yelled at him to throw it to me. He did and it slammed straight into the middle of my chest, knocking the wind right out of me. In that brief moment, I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was going to die. It was awful. It was the first time I’d ever felt like that.

  This was the second.

  I sank to the ground, ashamed to look him in the eye. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  I fiddled around with my shoes, feeling the weight of his eyes watching me. I could hear the bubbling of the stream and crickets chirping in the distance. Leaves rustled in the trees as a cool breeze blew, making me shiver. There was a snapping of twigs and I felt him close the space between us. Then he said something that made me feel even worse.

  “Hey, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you like that. If it had been my dad, I wouldn’t want some stinky ol’ girl taggin’ along with us either.” He gave me a playful nudge.

  I felt awful. I’d acted like a whiny brat, a total witch with a capital “B,” all day and he was apologizing to me. Even I didn’t like me at that moment and yet here he was being so nice and sweet. And to top it off, he’d lost his dad not that long ago. My dad was trying to make him feel better for a while and I had to go and ruin it.

  Man, I suck. Really, I do. I had to make it up to him somehow.

  I took a deep breath and looked up. He was so close I could see a smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose. Long eyelashes, the kind any girl would kill for, framed blue eyes flecked with gold. Even though he was smiling, it didn’t touch those pretty eyes.

  “Cody, I’m sorry about your dad...about him...uh, you know.” I hated talking about people dying. The thought of living without my parents was unbearable.

  Tears welled up in his eyes. He knew what I meant. I guess he hated saying the “D” word too. “Yeah, I know.”