Counting Goodbyes

by Whitney Cannavina

  “I’ll send you a picture.” Leaning back against the pillows on my bed, I breathe out a sigh of relief. Lacy’s voice reminds me of home.

  “What if you cut your hair, or dyed it? Maybe you grew taller or had gained weight. I’ll never recognize you!”

  “Stop being dramatic. It’s only been a month since you last saw me.” Lacy always manages to make me feel better without ever realizing it and after my discussion at dinner; her humor is a welcome distraction.

  “A month is too long. I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too.”

  “So, tell me. Have you seen tall, dark, and handsome?” A groan seeps out wishing to talk about anything other than Austin. As soon as he walked out of my work, I quickly shot out a text to Lacy giving her every detail of our interaction, which in turn had her blowing up my phone asking a million questions. We messaged back and forth through my shift analyzing every aspect of our interaction and I have come to the conclusion that Austin was just being nice. Lacy disagrees of course, as she tries to convince me he was crushing on me.

  “His name was Austin and no I haven’t seen him since that day in the ice cream shop, and I doubt I will see him again.”

  “Makayla and Austin sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

  “Stop! You are crazy. No kissing. No love. No marriage.”

  “He is the first guy you have crushed on since middle school. I’m milking it for as long as I can. Awe, Kayla. You’re growing up!”

  My laugh is foreign, but welcome. Only Lacy can bring it out of me. I need her like I need water or air. I wish we weren’t so far away.

  “Ugh. I knew I shouldn’t have told you.”

  “Yes, you should have. I must know everything that is happening in your life. Especially now that you are so far away.”

  “Fine, fine. But just know that Austin is way out of my league. He’s like the jock that dates the head cheerleader while I’m the nerdy wallflower that never gets a second glance.”

  “You’re going to change that this year. I want you to date someone. Anyone. I don’t care who it is. You need at least one-real date before heading off to college with me next year.”

  “You sure are bossy.”

  “When school starts, promise to photograph all the hotness that is at your school.”

  “I am not taking photos of the guys at my school. That’s creepy.”

  Lacy grunts before a loud thud echo’s through the line, and Lacy’s cursing meets my ears.

  “What in the world are you doing over there?”

  “Sorry Kayla, I was getting ready. I have a job now, so I am a working woman. I’m going to have to let you go.”

  “Since when?” I scoff. Lacy isn’t exactly the working type.

  “Since today. I got called in for an interview this morning and they hired me on the spot. You are now best friends with the new stock girl at the Lilly Bugs clothing store. I’m working the last three hours and closing with the manager tonight because apparently, it’s slow in the evenings. So, I gotta finish getting ready.”

  “Good luck bestie. I’m proud of you.”

  “Back ‘atcha babe.” We say our goodbyes before tossing my phone at the end of my bed. It’s late, so I decide to go to sleep without finishing my dinner. Maybe I can get up early tomorrow morning and drive around and get the lay of the land. Even though my dad showed me where everything was, I need to just drive around and check things out on my own. I haven’t done much exploring since coming here, not that there is much to explore anyhow. I mostly just go from home to work and back. Tomorrow I am off, so I plan to drive around town and head to the city. I’ll have to hope GPS works so I can find my way back and not get lost.

  Chapter 8

  Follow your inner

  moonlight;

  don’t hide the madness

  -Allen Ginsberg-

  It’s the first day of my senior year at a new school and I am completely freaking out. As I sit in my truck parked in the student lot directly in front of the school, I begin to panic as students stop and stare wondering who I am. Pulling my phone out of my backpack, I quickly hit send waiting for her to answer and save me from a panic attack. When Lacy answers, her voice is tired and groggy indicating her still being half asleep.

  “Lacy, everyone is staring at me. They know I’m the leper. The outcast. The new girl!” I whisper with a slight screech at the end.

  “Why would you call me at…four thirty in the damn morning. What the hell Kayla?” Oops. I forgot the time difference when I called Lacy for moral support.

  “Sorry,” I mumble out. “Seriously though. What do I do?”

  Lacy grumbles unintelligibly as she tries to wake up. “Ok. I guess I am awake now. So, what is the problem again?”

  “Everyone is staring.”

  “Where are you?”

  “In my truck. It’s not like the truck is an eye sore. The rest of the student’s cars and trucks look similar to mine. It’s because they know I’m the new girl.”

  “Ok. Listen carefully.”

  “OK. Should I take notes?” Rummaging around in my backpack, I search for a pen and notepad.

  “No. Relax, Kayla. Just listen. Get your backpack, get out of your truck, and go straight to the office. Get your schedule and go to class.”

  “That’s it? No insightful advice from Yoda?”

  “You called me at four thirty in the morning. What kind of magical advice did you expect me to come up with this early?”

  “I don’t know. A spell to make me invisible?”

  “Nope. I’m using that for me. Gotta check the guys out this year in the locker room.”

  “Gross. Ok. Sorry I woke you. Love you.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Have a good first day. Don’t replace me.”

  “Never.” We hang up and Lacy’s insightful words do nothing to help the anxiety I am feeling on my first day of senior year at a new school. Taking a deep breath, I sling my backpack over one shoulder and open my door with the other. Keeping my head down to avoid making eye contact with anyone staring, I shut my door and make a beeline for the double doors to the entrance of the school. I can feel the eyes boring into me, but I choose to ignore them. I’m like a shiny new toy for everyone to play with when all I really want to be is a dust bunny hiding under the furniture that nobody can see.

  Keeping my eyes downcast, only occasionally glancing up to see the direction I am going, I finally make it to the office with no issues. After retrieving my schedule from the counselor, I step out of the office and take in my surroundings. Students mill around chatting excitedly about the first day of school, seeing who has the same classes and making plans to meet up later. It’s not any different here than it was on our first day at my old school. Only this time, I don’t have my best friend at my side.

  “Hi,” a voice says from next to me, startling me out of my own thoughts.

  Surprised by the chipper voice standing next to me, I jump a little and look at whom it was that spoke. The girl is taller than me and beaming with excitement. Great. I’m probably her next project.

  “Um, hi,” I reply hesitantly.

  “I’m Bobby. You’re new here right?” Bobby pauses waiting for my reply, but for some reason, I can’t speak. “‘Cause I haven’t seen you around. Want to come meet my friends? I promise they are all nice. I’m sure you could use a friend since you probably don’t know anyone here.”

  “Oh. Sure. I…I guess I could meet your friends.” My nerves seem to get the better of me as my hands begin to shake and my palms become sweaty.

  “Great. Let me see your schedule? Maybe we have some classes together. Then I can save you a seat.” I hand her my schedule and cast my eyes away, unsure if this is a hazing of the new girl, or if Bobby is actually a kind peer.

  “Wow, you have three classes and lunch with me. That is so exciting! I promise to save a seat for you next to me. Oh, what am I thinking? Is that ok with you? I hope I am not being too forward, but I didn’t want you to f
eel nervous and alone. Kids at this school aren’t too bad, but I know being the new kid is nerve wrecking. I was new my freshman year.”

  Bobby sure does talk a lot, but she seems to be genuine, and I am starting to feel grateful for her kindness.

  “No. You’re fine. I would like that very much. I don’t know anyone here.” I look around at the students and notice a tall and familiar figure leaning against his locker surrounded by a few students I vaguely recognize from around town, including his flirty friend. Bobby must notice me looking as she goes to explain who he is.

  “That’s Austin. He’s the star quarterback. Gorgeous right? He is so sweet, too. But he doesn’t ever have a girlfriend. Sure, he has women flocking to him for his attention, but I’ve never seen him go steady with anyone.” Of course, he’s the star and popular.

  “That’s fine. I wasn’t looking to date anyone, honestly. I just recognize him from when he and his friends came into my work one day. I didn’t realize he went here.”

  “Yeah. He was born and raised here. Everyone knows and loves him. Watch out for his friend, though. Beau is a major flirt. He’s harmless but always hitting on the girls. I’m not sure if he does it because he’s in love with any woman that walks, or for entertainment, but you will learn quickly to ignore his cheesy pickup lines.”

  Chuckling, I remember well, his pick-up lines. “Yeah. I met him, too. Austin actually stopped him from bugging me but not before he got in two lines that I shot down flat.”

  “I like you already. Let’s go. Bell is going to ring any second for our first class and the teacher is a stickler for time. You’re not in your seat before the second bell, then you’re sent out.”

  Looking at my first class, of course it’s economics. I groan and nod my head. “I’ll introduce you to the gang at lunch. We’re out of time now.” The bell rings and Bobby drags me along, down one hallway and another then up a set of stairs before pulling me through a single brown door that is being held open by a nerdy looking man.

  Bobby’s smile reaches ear to ear as she greats our teacher before taking a seat and pointing to the desk in front of her for me to sit. Bobby has every male’s eyes pinned on her and for a moment I feel envious. Even though she’s not made up like a Barbie doll, her sweet southern look is appealing. Dark, thick auburn hair that reaches the middle of her back with natural red highlights that shine through when the light hits it just right, large hazel eyes rimmed with green, cute pert nose, a small mouth with plump lips, and a thin but curvy body. Even her outfit is modest with tight blue jeans, cowgirl boots that look as if she’s had them forever, and a cute tan loose top that has a bow in the back. She’s the all-American country gal, yet I could also see her as the girl who wears anything trendy.

  I pale in comparison to her beauty and it makes me wonder why she chose to be so kind to me. Not that looks matter, but usually a girl as beautiful as she is tends to be stuck up and mean. Bobby seems kind and I am hoping it’s not a façade.

  Just as the bell rings, everyone hurries to their seat just as our teacher Mr. Love, begins to call out our names to see who is hear before jumping right into discussion. It doesn’t take long for us to realize that Mr. Love is nothing like his last name entails. He is not a loving kind of teacher. He is downright mean. Already we have a assignment due by the end of the week along with a test and we haven’t even made it halfway through the period. This is going to be a difficult class but maybe with Bobby’s help, it won’t be so overwhelming.

  “Wow. That was intense.” Bobby nods her head in agreement as we head to our next class after the bell.

  “It sure was.”

  “Are all the teachers this difficult?” I ask, feeling worried I won’t be able to keep up.

  “Nah. Mr. Love just likes to get right down to business. Most of the teachers will probably give you an easy assignment of getting papers signed and maybe one page out of our books. Next week will be busier since we should be settled into our classes by the end of this week.” Bobby explains.

  “My next class is…” I look at the room number located on my schedule for my next class and at the map I was given, finding it only a few doors down from my first class. “Right over there.” I point in the direction.

  “I won’t see you until lunch and then we have the last two classes of the day together. Good luck. See you later.” Bobby pulls me into a tight embrace and I awkwardly hug her back.

  “See you then.” My next three classes seem to fly by. There were a few students who seem to be fascinated by me, staring with curiousness, but other than that, most everyone was kind and seemed to genuinely welcome me here.

  The teachers seem nice but immediately got right down to the lecture after introductions. By the time lunch comes around, my backpack is full of my class books and my stomach is grumbling for sustenance. I need to go to my locker before I break my back with the weight of my bag but first; I need food.

  The cafeteria is busy with bustling students waiting to get their food. There are several lines with my peers waiting to order, so I pick the line that seems to be moving the quickest and wait. Bobby sidles up to me not long after and chatters on about her classes and how much homework she has. I’m glad she loves to talk because I don’t have much to say.

  “The gang is sitting over there.” Bobby nods her head in the direction of her friends I saw earlier, right next to the table with tall, dark, and handsome. I freeze, wishing the world could swallow me up. I really don’t want to be that close to him. He makes me nervous. I don’t like feeling nervous, especially because of a boy. Will he recognize me?

  “Makayla?” Bobby questions.

  “Oh. Right. Ok. Let’s go.” I follow behind Bobby with my head low. Maybe being so short with her so tall, I can easily hide behind her and slip into my seat undetected. As we get closer, the groups get louder with talk and laughter.

  “Everyone, this is Makayla. She’s the new girl, not a new toy.” I blush with embarrassment and squeak out a hello as everyone greets me.

  “Mmm, mmm, mmm. Is your dad a baker? Because your buns look delicious.” Beau says with a smirk.

  I groan in irritation. Why me?

  “Leave her alone Beau. Use your cheesy pickup lines on the cheerleaders. I’m sure they’d love them.” Bobby retorts.

  “You wound me.”

  I snort out a laugh. If I turn and acknowledge him, he may never stop, so instead, I take a seat at the table with my back toward him and his group and begin to eat my lunch.

  “Sorry about that. I’m sure he thinks that since you’re the new girl, you’ll fall for his lines.”

  “Not a chance. But he is funny.”

  “He means no harm. He’s actually a nice guy. You just gotta get past the cheesy pick-up-lines and flirting to get there. Don’t worry. It will wear off.”

  I nod my head finding it amusing that he uses pick-up lines with the ladies. Beau is cute, so I didn’t think he needed them.

  The rest of lunch is uneventful as we chat, and the group asks me questions about what my old school was like and how I like it here. Before the warning bell rings to let us know lunch is over, I quickly gather my things and head straight to my locker to drop off my books saying a quick goodbye to the group. I don’t know how many more books I could handle carrying in my bag before I’d break my spine, but I’m not about to find out. I let Bobby and the group know I will see them later and go in search of locker one hundred thirty-one. I find it quickly and turn the combination before popping it open. Thank god the locker opens easily, not like my last one where I had to kick it twice then pull with all my might for it to even budge.

  Once open, I start stuffing the books I won’t need into the locker neatly, before closing the door with a loud thud. Austin leans against the locker next to mine scaring the daylights out of me causing me to yelp in surprise. How on earth did a guy as large as him get so close without my notice? You’d think I would have heard him walk up, but not a single peep came from him.


  “Jesus, you scared me. Don’t sneak up on someone like that,” I gasp.

  Hearing Austin’s chuckle makes the butterflies go crazy in my stomach. It’s such a beautiful sound that I wish I could bottle it up for a rainy day.

  “Sorry, darlin’. Didn’t mean to frighten you. I saw you leave and I just wanted to say hello.”

  “Oh. Well, hi.” I shrug, and the side of my mouth tilts up in a smirk.

  “Where’s your next class, I’ll walk with you.” Austin asks. Just then the bell rings and I startle. “You sure do scare easily.”

  “Not normally. I think you threw me off coming over here.” Why does my mouth have no filter? I should have just shrugged a non-committal answer. Now he knows how much his presence unsettles me.

  “Hmm.” He muses. That beautiful mouth of his tilts up as if he knows what he does to girls like me.

  “My next class is English with Mrs. Roper.” Checking the room number and my map, I try to find which direction I need to go.

  “She’s the next hall over. I’ll show you.” Austin lays his hand on the small of my back as he guides us in the direction of my next class. My skin heats where his fingers lightly touch while my face flushes in embarrassment. Why is he affecting me so much?

  Students wander by paying little attention to me as they wave in greeting to Austin. He seems to know just about everyone and I wonder why someone as hot and popular as him would be walking with me when he could stroll with any other beautiful girl to her class.

  “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  Austin pauses for a moment before resuming his walk. “Am I not allowed to be nice?” That damn smile gets me every time. It’s distracting, and it takes me a moment to recover.

  “No. That’s not it. I’m just surprised that someone like you is even talking to me.” My insecurities get the best of me as I question his motives.

  “I don’t see what’s wrong with it, but to answer your question, I’d like us to be friends. You’re new here and probably don’t know too many people, and I’d like to be someone you know.” Shrugging his shoulders, he beams at me as if it’s so simple. What is it with everyone assuming I don’t know anyone here? I get it. I’m the new girl, and yes maybe they are correct in their assumption, but it has me feeling like maybe I can’t make friends without a little help.