Counting Goodbyes

by Whitney Cannavina

  Of course, nothing is ever that easy. Hearing a knock at the front door, I wonder who could possibly be here so late. Deep voices float down the hall reaching my door, but I can’t make out what they are saying. Setting the book, I was reading on my mattress, I slink over to the door and press my ear to it hoping to hear the conversation better. Just as I lay my ear against the door, it swings open causing me to stumble forward into a hard chest.

  “Already falling for me?” Austin’s deep baritone and chuckle causes my face to flush.

  “What are you doing here?” The breathlessness of my voice brings a smirk to Austin’s face.

  “Well darlin’, there’s a party you’re missing and I’m here to pick you up.” The confusion on my face prompts Austin to continue. “You told Bobby you couldn’t make it, so I thought I’d come and convince you otherwise.”

  “I don’t understand?” Am I slow or is he just clueless?

  “Alright, Makayla. No more talkin’. Let’s go.” Austin leans down and grips my thighs hoisting me over his shoulder before I know what’s happening.

  “Hey! What are you doing? Put me down, Austin. This is so not funny.” I pound Austin’s back hoping he’ll put me back on my feet, but he just laughs.

  “Not happening, beautiful. You’re coming out tonight.”

  “I’m pretty sure my dad is going to tell you I can’t go.” Austin ambles down my hall toward the front door with me dangling behind him, feet in the air, trying my best not to freak out and laugh at the same time. I must look ridiculous because I feel ridiculous.

  “Your dad already gave me permission to take you with me as long as I treated you right and brought you back in one piece.” As we make it to the door, I look over to my dad with a bemused expression.

  “Have fun Kayla.” Dads smirk indicates his amusement at my predicament.

  “You’re no help.” I yell just as Austin closes the door behind him. I wait for him to put me down, but instead he carries me to his truck before settling me inside. Buckling myself in, I figure if I tried to run, Austin would catch me and bring me back to his truck with no problems. I might as well go along for the ride.

  “Ready?” Starting the truck, the rumble of the engine is ironically comforting. Even though I’m being driven to a place I have no interest in going, the heat of the cab, the soft cushion of the seats, and the company bring contentment.

  “I guess,” I grumble.

  “Don’t look so sullen. It will be fun.” Austin reaches over and grasps my hand, squeezing it and not letting go. The tingle of awareness causes my heart to beat erratically in excitement. I know it doesn’t mean anything to him, but to me it just confirms how much I want him.

  The ride is quiet except for the sound of the tires as they roll over the gravel road. The silence is comfortable, as if there is no need for words. When we finally pull up to a row of other student’s cars at the open field, the dread I had expected at coming here has vanished and only excitement remains. Knowing there is no way I can hop out of Austin’s truck without hurting myself, I wait for him to come around to my door to help me down.

  “Follow me.” Austin helps me down from the passenger seat and pulls me along by the hand through the long, dried grass toward the partygoers. Instead of heading to where Austin’s teammates are circled together, he continues to the opposite side of the bonfire where the students are sparse.

  “Why did you pull me over here? Don’t you want to celebrate your win with…” Before I could continue, Austin tilts my chin up and lands a light kiss to my lips catching me off guard. I stand frozen with my eyes wide in shock before I realize this is really happening. I am kissing Austin James.

  I just keep thinking that I never want this moment to end, as Austin’s lips are light, and gentle, almost like a feather against my own leaving me breathless and feeling like I am floating on cloud nine. I finally close my eyes and sparks fly as my heart beats out of my chest. Austin’s lips are like an addiction I don’t ever want to quit.

  Austin slowly pulls back, looking at me with a soft expression on his face, as I stare back with hope in mine that this moment is real. That this moment isn’t a dream and Austin is really standing here, kissing me and staring at me like I’m the most beautiful girl here.

  “I wanted to celebrate our win with you.” Sliding a hand through my hair, Austin continues to stare into my eyes waiting patiently for me to catch up. “When Bobby told me you weren’t coming tonight, I was disappointed. So, I decided to come get you, so I could do this.” Austin leans down again, pausing for only a brief second giving me the option to turn him down, before sealing his lips to mine in a warm, soft kiss. This time I return it while sliding my hands over his arms and around his neck. The kiss stays innocent with small pecks, but it’s enough for me to get lost in sensation and forget the world around us.

  Breaking the kiss, I slowly open my eyes to look into Austin’s. The grin that splits my lips probably makes me look silly, but I don’t care. This is the best night of my life.

  “Wow.” Whispering that one word feels like it’s not enough to express just how amazing that kiss was. I’ve never felt anything like this and knowing Austin is the reason for me to feel as if I am floating in bliss causes me to fall even more for this handsome guy.

  “I wanted to do this better, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to see what your lips tasted like. Now that I have, I can honestly say you taste even better than I could have ever imagined.” My heart stutters at his admission. As I stare at Austin slack jawed, I can’t help the giggle that slips from my lips.

  “You’re giggling.” Austin smiles. “As much as my pride is taking a hit right now, I love the sound of your giggle. It’s beautiful, like you.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh at you.” Trying to hold back my giggles, I cover my mouth. Austin shakes his head with an amused expression. “This is a little overwhelming. Bringing me here when I planned to stay in, kissing me as if we’re a couple…”

  “Does this mean we’re dating?” Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, I burst out into a laugh.

  “What? No. Let’s just take it one step at a time. I just mean this is a lot to take in for someone like me.” Admitting this to someone like Austin is hard. He’s probably used to the whole liking someone and dating thing. Me? Not so much. I’ve liked guys, but dating is still new and nerve wrecking to someone who is used to being in the background where nobody ever notices them.

  “I want you to be my girl, Makayla. I want everyone to know you’re mine.” Austin’s declaration is nothing like I imagined and yet it’s perfect.

  “You’re sounding like a classic romance movie with that line.” I joke. I have no idea what do to with a boyfriend. How do I act? What is the protocol when it comes to relationships? Books don’t explain to you what a real relationship consists of. Instead they give you a false and overly exaggerated version of love that only exists in the story. This is real life. The rules are different, and I need a how-to handbook to refer to when it comes to being Austin James girlfriend.

  “Well, well. What do we have here?” Evangeline’s snotty voice interrupts the moment reminding me why Austin and I could never be. Reality has set in and now I know it’s time to leave, or at least find Bobby or Beau so I can escape the drama that is about to unfold.

  “What do you want Evangeline?” The exasperation is evident in Austin’s voice, but it still doesn’t change the fact that Evangeline will always be around waiting to step in and show me that Austin is a league above me and that we just don’t belong together, no matter how much I wish we were.

  “I saw you two getting cozy and I thought I would come make an appearance and say hello.” Her saccharine sweet voice betrays the true reason why she came over.

  “I better get going. I think I’ll go find Bobby.” Making a quick exit, Evangeline gives me a cruel smirk just as she grabs onto Austin’s arm to gain his attention.

  Getting lost in the sea of students was e
asy, but finding Bobby and Beau proved to be more difficult. It’s not that there are so many kids around that I can’t find them, but the dark of night makes it harder to see everyone’s face.

  I go from group to group searching while keeping a close eye on Evangeline and Austin’s whereabouts. This was why I didn’t want to come to the party tonight. As much as I enjoyed being able to receive a kiss from Austin, and I must say it was the best kiss of my life. Having Evangeline interrupt the moment was like a bucket of ice water reminding me that what happened couldn’t continue. But oh, how I wish I could make my dream come true and become Austin’s girl.

  “Makayla.” The faint call of my name pulls me from my thoughts as I turn to see Austin jogging over to me.

  “Austin. What are you doing? Evangeline is going to be pissed you’re with me.” Searching behind Austin, I don’t see Evangeline anywhere. Confusion sets in and I am about to tell Austin to find her, so she doesn’t get mad when he finally reaches me with determination. “I mean it, Austin. I’m fine we…” Pulling me tightly against his hard body, Austin’s lips find mine in a deep and passionate kiss. It’s not light, slow, and tentative like the first two. This one is deep, soul touchingly good. Gripping onto Austin’s biceps so I don’t fly away, Austin takes full control over the kiss slipping his tongue between my wet lips causing me to gasp in surprise. Using this to his advantage, Austin slips his tongue inside, massaging mine, giving me my first real kiss.

  The sounds of the fire crackling and the chattering people around us fade away until it’s only Austin and me. Standing on my tiptoes, I pull Austin closer, needing to become one with him. As our tongues twist and turn with each other, I pull back for just a moment to nip his bottom lip causing him to groan before pushing his lips against mine once again. We stay locked together for minutes, hours, who knows, before whistles and catcalls interrupt the quiet around us.

  Austin is the first to pull back making me whimper in protest. Kissing Austin is like eating the most decadent chocolate ever made. You can’t help but moan in appreciation and crave it once it’s gone. I have no doubt there is a giant smile on my lips and I could care less who sees it.

  “Makayla,” the smile in Austin’s voice as he utters my name is evident.

  “Hmm.” I still haven’t opened my eyes, and that’s ok. I don’t need my sight if Austin plans to keep kissing me for the rest of my life.

  “Look at me, beautiful.” He calls me beautiful like it’s my name making me swoon. Finally, I open my eyes, seeing the sparkle and the delight in Austin’s beam.

  “What are you doing to me, Austin?” Hearing the breathlessness in my voice creates a flush to rise on my cheeks and I feel grateful that he can’t see it in the dark.

  “I should ask the same of you.” Turning my eyes down, I shake my head in bewilderment. “I wasn’t kidding, Makayla. I want you to be my girl. What do you say?” The shouts coming from a few of the guys on the team consist of ‘kiss her again’ and ‘just say yes.’ To say I’m embarrassed is an understatement. I can’t believe we made out in front of everyone.

  “I-I don’t know what to say, Austin. You’re the star quarterback and I’m the plain, new girl.”

  “So.” He shrugs as if it’s no big deal, but to me it is.

  “I like you, Austin. I like you a lot. More than I probably should. You could shatter my heart and it scares the crap out of me.”

  “I could say the same for you. You’ve had me from the first moment I saw you at the diner when you were eating with your dad.” My brows knit in confusion.

  “No. You saw me at the ice-cream shop.”

  “I saw you before then. You just didn’t see me.” My mouth makes an ‘O’ as I let his words settle. “I wasn’t sure what to do. I was so caught off guard, but I knew when I saw you again while you were working, that you were going to be it for me.”

  “We’re in high school. You can’t possibly know that.”

  “You’ll see, Makayla. Maybe not right now, but soon you’ll see that we’re it for each other. I just want my chance to prove it to you. Will you let me?”

  My breath catches as my heart races. His words are beautiful and scary. I don’t know what to do with his confession.

  “Just say yes to being my girl and we will go from there. We can take it slow and figure this out as we go.” Glancing around, the crowd has dispersed seeming to be bored with us now and I feel grateful. So much has happened to me this year that’s changed my life irrevocably. If I were to take this step, give myself this chance to see where our relationship goes, my life could be altered once more. The fear consumes me, but listening to my heart, I know I need to at least see where this could go. If my mother were here, she’d tell me you couldn’t experience life unless you jump in with both feet even when you’re scared out of your mind.

  “Ok.”

  “Yes?”

  “Yes. I’m saying yes to being your girl.” Austin pulls me close, skimming his hands through my long locks before holding the back of my head with care, staring into my eyes with deep affection.

  “You have no idea how happy you’ve made me.” Tilting my head back further to accommodate for Austin’s tall frame, the stars light up the night sky behind him making this moment perfect. Austin slowly lowers his head, coming just a breath away from my lips building the anticipation of our next kiss. Gazing into his dark eyes, I wait for him to end my torment and kiss me.

  Just when I think I can’t take it anymore, Austin molds his mouth to mine causing me to exhale in relief. As the night wears on, we can’t seem to keep our hands and lips off of each other. This night couldn’t get any better.

  By the time I get home and my head hits the pillow, I fall fast asleep with a big smile on my face and dreams of a future with Austin in it.

  Chapter 15

  Trust the wait.

  Embrace the uncertainty.

  Enjoy the beauty of becoming.

  When nothing is certain,

  Anything is possible.

  -Mandy Hale-

  The piercing squeal in my ears hasn’t stopped since I told my best friend Lacy about what happened last night at the bonfire. To say she’s excited about my love life is an understatement.

  “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” Lacy squeals again.

  “Lacy!” I shout into the phone hoping she could hear me over her excitement.

  “Oh my god,” she whispers.

  “You’re acting crazy. This isn’t a big deal.” It’s totally a big freaking deal. “He’s nice and cute and…and”

  “He is Austin freaking James whom you think is hot as all get out and now he is your boyfriend. This is so freaking awesome.” Lacy has a point. He is hot.

  “You don’t even know the guy. What if what I’m saying is false. What if I think he’s hot but you think he’s an ogre? What if I think he’s nice but you think he’s a crazy serial killer?”

  “Because I know you and you even said every girl that goes there is in love with him. They can’t all be in love with Austin if he’s an ogre. Send me a picture. I want to see this guy’s gorgeous mug.”

  “Lacy,” I groan and put my head in my hand.

  “Help a girl out. Show me the goods. You owe me. You moved all the way out of state, so you can’t deny me this.”

  “Fine, fine. I’ll send you a picture. I took one last night at the bonfire to commemorate our official status as a couple.” Opening the photo stream on my phone, I select the picture of Austin and I and send it to Lacy. At the time of the photo, I didn’t notice but Austin is staring at me smiling as I stare at the camera with a matching grin while the fire pit lights up the back ground. The way Austin watches me in the picture looks as if he is in love with me and the butterflies beat in giddy excitement.

  “Wow.” Lacy breaks me from my thoughts with her soft-spoken word.

  “I can’t wait until Thanksgiving break when you and your mom come visit. You can meet him then.” I know its weeks away, but it doesn’t st
op the excitement that my best friend and second mom are meeting my boyfriend.

  “You’re really into him?” Even though it’s said as a question, Lacy’s meaning is more of a statement that I can’t argue.

  “Yes. I really am.” I may not know everything about Austin, but it doesn’t stop the fact that he’s shown me he’s a good person and cares for me.

  “I am so happy for you, Kayla. I really mean it. I hate that I’m not there with you to celebrate your new relationship and to be a part of what’s happening in your life right now, but I think this move was great for you. You’re experiencing life, you finally got a boyfriend, and you have a family that supports you.” I begin to sniffle, feeling relief over Lacy’s words because at times I felt as if this new life wasn’t a good fit for me. Now that she’s given her support, I finally feel as if this new life isn’t so bad.

  “Thanks bestie.”

  “Anytime, babe. I miss you.”

  “Miss you too.”

  “I have to go to work but I’ll call you tonight, so you can tell me more about this hunk of a boyfriend of yours.” I huff out a laugh and agree to talk to her later. Just as I hang up with Lacy, my phone rings with Bobby’s name flashing on the screen. After all the excitement of last night, I never actually met up with her, instead spending my time with Austin as we kissed, talked, and kissed some more.

  “Hey Bobby, I was just about to…” What is it with everyone cutting me off lately?

  “I cannot believe you didn’t call me the second you and Austin became a couple. I thought we were friends? I thought we were best friends? I had to hear from Beau of all people that you and Austin kissed and he basically declared his love for you.”

  “Sorry, Bobby. I meant to tell you. Honest. But everything happened so fast. I mean first of all, Austin came to my house and threw me over his shoulder, carrying me to his truck to take me to the party…”

  “He did what?” I knew it was rhetorical, so I kept on with the night’s events.