by Noelle Adams
All in all, Jill was flying high.
And having trouble walking in a straight line.
Lucas had his arm around her as they walked, most likely to keep her from wandering off into the street. But she liked how it felt. He was big and hard and strong. He had those amazing shoulders, those lovely, toned arms. She liked how his arm felt around her waist.
Like he was taking care of her.
She was giggling over something. It had been a full minute since Lucas had said whatever he’d said that she’d thought was funny, and she really couldn’t remember what it was anymore. But she was still giggling about it.
The evening air was cool and crisp and lovely against her hot skin.
And Lucas had his arm around her.
“I wonder if Michelle and Steve are still fighting,” she said after a while, deciding it was time for her to say something.
“Surely they’ve petered out by now.”
“Maybe. They might be having sex. They have sex a lot after they fight.” She wasn’t sure why she’d said that. It wasn’t something she talked about—certainly not with Lucas.
“Yeah. Hopefully, they’re done with that part too and things are quiet again.”
She gazed up at him with blurry eyes. “Do you ever have sex after you fight?”
He blinked. He’d had a lot to drink too, but he wasn’t in the same condition she was. She knew it. He was in control. She was buzzed enough for that fact to bother her.
She wanted Lucas to be flying just as high as she was.
“It depends on who I fight with,” he said dryly, after a brief hesitation.
“Oh. You don’t have sex with me after we fight.”
“We don’t fight that much.”
That was true. Lucas was a pretty nice guy most of the time, when he wasn’t being an asshole.
“Oh. We can fight more if you want.” This comment made perfect sense in her mind, but she frowned afterward, trying to figure out if that was really what she’d wanted to say.
Lucas chuckled and shifted his arm since she’d started drifting toward the curb. “Fighting with you isn’t one of my aspirations.”
“Oh.”
He tilted his head down and studied her face. “Are you disappointed by that?”
“No. I don’t want to fight with you either.”
She didn’t want to fight.
She wanted to have sex.
And somehow in her fuzzy mind she’d connected fighting and sex.
She thought about that conundrum for a long time until she realized they were standing in front of the door that led up to their place. “We’re here,” she said.
“Yep.” His green eyes were so vivid, so pretty, so warm and strangely soft.
She liked them so much.
“I liked tonight,” she told him.
“Me too.” He lifted a hand and used it to gently brush a piece of hair out of her face.
She appreciated the gesture since the hair had been tickling her.
“Thank you for taking me out,” she told him as serious as she could make herself at the moment.
“You’re welcome.”
“Okay. I’m going up now.”
“All right.” He paused. “Is it all right if I come up too?”
“Oh.” She had to blink several times and take a deep breath before she worked out that he lived in her apartment the same as she did. Of course he needed to come up. “Yes,” she said, pleased she was able to extend such grace. “You can come up. You might need to help me up the stairs. I think…”
“You think what?”
“I think…” She whispered the truth to him. “I think I might be just a little bit drunk.”
He laughed, and she liked the sound of it. She wanted him to laugh again. But first she had to make it up the stairs, and it wasn’t an easy prospect. She kept swaying, and Lucas had to keep his arm around her the whole time.
Not that she minded.
She liked his arm around her.
When they made it up the stairs and into their apartment, she gave a little cheer in victory. Then she remembered Michelle and Steve might be there, so she gave the victory cheer in a whisper instead.
Lucas was standing there smiling in a way she really liked.
She smiled back.
They stared at each other for what felt like a long time. Then Lucas gave himself a little shake and moved farther into the apartment.
“Michelle and Steve don’t seem to be here,” he said after looking around.
“That’s okay then.” She’d leaned over and was unzipping her boots, sighing in pleasure as she stepped out of them. “We can have some more fun.”
“I don’t know about fun. You probably want to go to bed,” Lucas said.
She frowned at him. “Why would I go to bed?”
“Because you’re just a little bit drunk.”
“Oh.” She blinked. Then nodded. Then blinked again. “I guess I am. You’re very observ-observant, you know.”
“That I am.” He sounded like he was smiling, but she was blurry again and couldn’t quite tell. She let him lead her into her bedroom, and the sight of her bed gave her an idea.
She turned toward him and wound her arms around his neck. “I think we should have a little fun,” she said in what was supposed to be a conspiratorial whisper.
Lucas’s body seemed to get very tense. She noticed it particularly.
“What do you say?” she asked him, rubbing her breasts against him. She liked how it felt. She liked how he felt. She liked everything about him.
He made a choked sound and took a step back. “I don’t think we should be having that kind of fun right now.”
“Why not?” She stuck out her lip to show him she wasn’t happy about things.
“Because when you’re thinking clearly, that isn’t something you want.”
She grabbed for him again, sliding her hand down his lovely firm chest to his lovely firm belly and then even lower.
Something else was very firm, and she really liked the feel of it.
Lucas grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away from the front of his pants. “Damn, baby, you’re going to kill me. You can’t do that.”
“But I want to—”
“You might want to now, but I don’t think you want to for real. So we’re not going to have that kind of fun tonight. Why don’t you get in bed?” His voice sounded slightly rough, strained.
With a little whimper, she flopped down onto her bed fully dressed. “I don’t have my pajamas on.”
He went to her dresser and opened the top drawer where she kept her pajamas.
“I want the pink ones,” she told him.
He found the pink ones and carried them over to her, and she pulled her little baby doll dress over her head and then got rid of her bra so she could put the pajamas on.
“Oh fuck,” Lucas muttered, turning his back to her.
She blinked at him, wondering why he was all tense again. But she was too fuzzy to figure it out.
Her pajamas were fuzzy too, so they seemed to match her.
She got them on and stretched out on her bed. “I’m done,” she told him so he could turn back around.
She stared up at him. The edges of his face and body faded into the dim light of the room. “I’m going to bed now.”
“Good. That sounds like a good plan.”
“Are you going to bed too?”
“Probably. I’ll have to take a shower first.”
“Oh.” She couldn’t figure that out, so she let it pass. “Thank you for tonight.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You sure you don’t want to come to bed with me?”
He made another one of those choked sounds. “I do, baby. Of course I do. But I can’t tonight.”
“Okay,” she said with a sigh, closing her eyes and thinking sleep sounded pretty good. Almost as good as having fun with Lucas had sounded.
She thought she heard him leaving the
room when she remembered something else. “Lucas?”
“Yeah?”
She opened her eyes and saw he had stopped just in front of her door. “What was your bam?”
He paused for a really long time. Then, “I’ll tell you some other time.”
“Okay.”
Her head was spinning now, so she closed her eyes again.
She wanted to know what his bam was.
She wanted to know everything about him.
She wanted to go to bed with him.
She wanted a lot of things.
But right now she just wanted to go to sleep.
So she did.
Six
THE NEXT MORNING, JILL woke up feeling heavy and disoriented and headachy. Her mouth was dry, and her stomach was unsettled, and she could barely open her eyes.
When she managed to get up, go to the bathroom, and pull herself together, she started to remember some of last night. She’d gone to dinner with Lucas. They’d drunk a lot and eaten a lot and had a good time.
Then they’d started to walk home.
That much she remembered.
She couldn’t recall much else, although she had vague images of Lucas in her bedroom. She had a sinking feeling she might have done something embarrassing, but she couldn’t for the life of her remember what it was.
It was after ten when she made it out of her bedroom, but no one else was around. Steve and Michelle’s bedroom door was open, but they weren’t in the kitchen or living room. They must have gone somewhere—hopefully together if they’d managed to make up after the fight last night.
Lucas’s bedroom door was closed. He was always up by now, but he wasn’t in the living room or kitchen.
She made some coffee and drank it, trying to clear her mind and remember if she had anything to be embarrassed about. The evening’s events were too fuzzy though. She couldn’t dig deep enough to figure it out.
When she’d finished her coffee, she stood up, steeling her nerve.
She wasn’t going to sit around and stew about how she might have humiliated herself. If she was going to find out, she would need to ask.
She just hoped it wasn’t too bad.
She went back down the hall and knocked on Lucas’s door.
He opened it almost immediately, and her eyes widened when she saw that his hair was wet and he was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.
Her eyes might have slipped down to check out his body. How could she help it? His body was far too fine for her mental health.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, rubbing his wet hair with one hand. He didn’t appear at all self-conscious about his lack of clothes.
“I’m fine. Headache but not too bad.”
“Yeah. You had a lot to drink. I did too, if you want to know the truth.” He gave her a little smile that made her nervousness ease a bit.
“I… I don’t remember much about… about last night. After we left the restaurant, I mean.”
“We didn’t do anything,” he said quickly.
“I know. I know. That’s not what I meant. I was just wondering…” She cleared her throat. “Did I… did I do anything embarrassing? I feel like I might have.”
His expression softened almost imperceptibly. “No.”
She sucked in a breath. “That makes me think that I did.”
“Why would you think you did when I just said that you didn’t?”
“Because you sounded almost… gentle about it. Tell me the truth. What did I do?”
The corner of his mouth went up just slightly. “You were kind of out of it when we got home. You came on to me a little. No big deal.”
She swallowed hard. She’d suspected she might have done something like that. “What did I do?”
“Jill, it really doesn’t matter—”
“It matters to me!”
He let out a breath. “You felt me up a little. I knew you’d had too much to drink. Things like that happen. It’s really no big deal.”
She felt a serious mental cringe at the thought, but she made herself shake it off. He was right. Things like that happened.
Even to her occasionally.
“Sorry,” she said.
He shook his head. “Nothing to be sorry about.”
“Thanks for… for being a decent guy.”
The other corner of his mouth went up too. “You’re welcome.”
They stared at each other for a minute.
“Oh,” she said, remembering something else. “I did want to…”
When she trailed off, he prompted, “What?”
“I had a favor to ask of you, but I’m the one who should be doing you a favor after last night.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he muttered, sounding impatient for the first time. “What’s the favor?”
She was aware of a mental resistance but pushed through it since he seemed perfectly amenable to doing her a favor. “It’s fine if you don’t want to, but I have to go to a wedding next weekend. My boss’s. I’m friends with her too, so I have to go. I mean, I want to go. But none of my friends are going. It’s just people from work that I’d know there. And I’m not dating anyone now, and I don’t really want to—”
“You want me to go with you?” he asked, breaking into her rambles. “That would be fine.”
She let out a shuddering breath, almost giggling in her relief at getting the invitation said. She’d been mulling over it for weeks now, and she couldn’t think of a better option than going to the wedding with him. “Just as friends, you know. You don’t have to pretend to be my boyfriend. I just want someone to go with me.”
“I get it. I don’t mind going.”
“Are you sure? I know weddings aren’t that exciting, but I would really appreciate it.”
“Sure,” he said, adjusting the towel around his waist and bringing attention to his lean hips and flat abs. “It’s in town, isn’t it?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s in town, and I don’t think it’s super formal or anything. And we don’t have to stay at the reception very long.”
“I don’t mind weddings. Is there an open bar?”
“I think so.”
“Then I’m definitely in.” He gave her a grin that was almost rakish.
She giggled again. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“And thanks for… for last night.”
“That was no problem either.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Her eyes slipped down again, so she made herself turn away at last, leaving him with his towel and his room.
A FEW EVENINGS LATER, Jill and Michelle were hanging out in the living room together.
Jill was curled up in a corner of the couch, watching television and occasionally playing on her phone. Michelle was sitting on the floor, leaning back against the couch with her laptop propped on her thighs.
The guys had gone to work out at the gym. Or rather Lucas had gone to work out and Steve had gone to pretend to work out and to keep Lucas company.
Steve wasn’t much into exercise.
Jill was enjoying the quiet, but she happened to glance down and see something unusual on the screen of Michelle’s laptop. “What’s that?”
Michelle glanced up to verify what Jill was asking, and then she raised her laptop so Jill could see better. “It’s a budget. For me. Lucas helped me set it up.”
“Seriously? Lucas did?”
“Yeah.” Michelle’s eyes were wide and her brows were lifted. “He went over everything with me, and we set up a budget so I can actually start saving a little money. Why are you so surprised? That’s what he does for a living, you know.”
“I know he does. I didn’t mean…” Jill trailed off and then started again. “I know he’s an accountant, but I didn’t think he worked much anymore. I didn’t realize he’d helped you with that.”
“Well, he did. He did Steve’s first, and I thought it was so cool that he said he would help me too. He’
s really good at it. I never would have thought it was possible for me to save any money, living on student loans and my assistantship. But we’ve got it worked out. It’s not much, but it’s something. Lucas is really… really pretty great.”
Ridiculously, Jill was leaning into the words, wanting to hear them, wanting to hear about how great Lucas was—professionally as well as personally.
She wished he still wanted to work.
She wished he hadn’t tossed all his ambition aside because of whatever had broken him two years ago.
She wished she knew what it was.
“You shouldn’t be so surprised,” Michelle said as if she were reading at least a few of her reflections. “Lucas isn’t really the loser you think he is.”
“I don’t think he’s a loser! I don’t! You know I like him now.”
“I know you do.” Michelle’s expression was earnest in that way she had, as if she were putting aside all teasing and laughter for the moment. “Y’all get along great. But you still… you still seem to think about him in only one way, as only this guy who hangs around and is kind of a slacker about everything. I know you like your life to always stay neat and orderly, and I can totally understand that, but people don’t always fit into one little compartment and stay there.”
“I know they don’t.” Jill was frowning, automatically defensive. “But Lucas is kind of a slacker. You know he is. He won’t even work if he doesn’t have to.”
“I know. And I don’t think it’s good that he won’t. But I do think it’s his way of coping with something that happened to him.”
“Do you know what it was?” Jill was torn between wanting to know and not wanting Lucas to have confided in Michelle and not in her.
“No. He won’t ever talk about it. But something happened to him. It must have been something bad. He’s been… trying to cope with it.”
“I know he is.”
“So if you know that, then you know that he won’t necessarily always be like this. People heal. People learn to deal with what life does to them. People get better. Why shouldn’t he get better too? Why can’t he eventually change?”
Jill stared at her friend, stunned speechless by the idea.
Of course Lucas could change.
Of course Lucas could heal.
And it was wrong for her to keep him in that safe little box, assuming he’d always only be one way.
