Defining Riley

by JJ Ellis

  RILEY’S MOTORCYCLE skidded to a stop at the curb of the modest rental house at the far edge of town. The car he’d hoped would be in the driveway was there. Without hesitation, he jumped off the bike, momentarily realizing he’d been riding without a helmet. At the door, he didn’t bother with the bell. Some of his frustration could come out as he banged on the door. “Aidan let me in. I can explain.”

  He waited until the count of ten and did it all over again. This time the door opened a crack.

  “What do you want, Riley?”

  “Please let me come in. I can explain.”

  Aidan looked at the ground. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Come on, man. It wasn’t what it looked like.”

  “So, my boyfriend wasn’t kissing his girlfriend?”

  Riley put his large hand on the door when he noticed it inching closed. “My best friend kissed me. Please let me come in. Your neighbor is trying to listen from his porch.”

  The door floated open as Aidan walked away from it. “You’ve got five minutes then you need to leave.”

  With a terrified sense of urgency, he rushed inside, throwing the door closed as he went. But his boyfriend was the first to speak.

  “Why didn’t you tell me she was coming?”

  Riley walked over and grabbed his arm. “I didn’t know she was coming either. She called me right before lunch and asked me to meet her. I had no clue she was moving back.”

  “Seriously? She’s moving back? I’ll never be able to compete with a healthy Princess Samantha.”

  “Hey,” Riley whispered spinning Aidan around. “There’s nothing to compete with. She’s my best friend but there’s nothing romantic.”

  “Then why are you still with her? Why can’t you let her go?”

  Riley looked at the ground and back up. “You know I don’t want to hurt her, especially when she’s fighting cancer.”

  “It’s been three years, Ri.”

  “She’s my best friend but I love you,” Riley murmured moving back over to stand in front of him. “Please, A, if she’s better I’ll break it off. If she’s dying...”

  Aidan silenced him with a harsh look. “I heard you tell her you’d try to rebuild the relationship.”

  “I’ll make sure we can’t rebuild things. And then she’ll break up with me and I’ll be free.”

  “I don’t believe you.” Aidan held his stance.

  “I promise, A. Once it’s over with Sammi, It’ll be just you and me like it’s’ supposed to be.”

  “She’s your safety net, Riley. Your beard or cover or whatever you want to call it. As long as you have her you don’t have to face the fact that you’re bisexual and you don’t have to even contemplate coming out or acknowledging me publicly.”

  Riley knew he was one-hundred percent correct but he tried not to let the truth enter his mind too often. “That’s not it and you know it. Samantha has always been someone I’ve felt needs protecting and I can’t seem to do that unless she tells me to stop.” Riley reached out to wrap his hand around the back of Aidan’s neck and pull him close. “I only want you, A.”

  “Don’t do this.”

  “Please, forgive me,” Riley whispered as he kissed the corner of Aidan’s mouth. “It will all be okay.”

  When he kissed the other side of his mouth, Aidan gave in, surrendering to a kiss he knew he could never resist. “I’ll forgive you.”

  Riley grinned and kissed his boyfriend again walking him backward to the hallway. “Where are your parents?”

  “My mom is working overnight, and my dad is in the oilfield for another week,” he managed to get out between kisses.

  “Good,” Riley chuckled. “Then they won’t mind if I spend the night.”

  RILEY WAS LACING UP his boots when Aidan walked out of his bedroom the next morning. “Hey, how did you sleep?”

  “Better than I have in a long time,” Aidan said with a satisfied smile. “Now tell me why I see the remnants of a black eye?”

  Riley hesitated but decided it was useless to keep it from him. “My old man found out I lost the quarterback position to Ben Croft.”

  “So, he’s actually hitting you now?” Aidan asked as more of a statement than a question. “I knew this would happen.”

  Riley shrugged it off. “I’m not afraid of him. He’s just a big bully.”

  Aidan just gave his boyfriend a questioning look then poured them both bowls of cereal. “I have something I need to tell you.”

  “Oh?” Riley questioned taking a couple of quick bites.

  “Yeah, uh...I won’t be at Harper’s Rock High on Monday.”

  “What do you mean?” His mind raced with a dozen thoughts as to why, the first being that his boyfriend was leaving town again.

  “I’m going to the alternative school. I think I’ll fit in better there.”

  Riley’s heart beat calmed and his breathing returned to normal. “Oh, okay. That’s going to be kind of strange for me but they say it’s a good school.”

  “That’s what I’m hoping. And now that your...uh, Samantha is back at least I won’t have to see you two together every day.”

  Riley finished his cereal and rinsed his bowl. “It’s probably for the best, huh?”

  “Yeah. I’m going to shower. Could you lock the door on your way out?”

  “Sure. I’ll text you later.” He did as Aidan had asked, hopped on his bike and roared away. Hopefully, he could sneak into the condo while his dad was still asleep and he’d never know he’d been gone all night. But even if he did get caught at least his dad would never know he’d spent the night with a guy. That would get him another black eye or worse. He hated that being anything but a straight ladies man was frowned upon in the Johnson family. It was already bad enough that he’d had a steady girlfriend for three years.

  7

  GIRLFRIEND RETURNS

  RILEY LOVED HAVING Samantha back in his life...for the most part. He loved going places with her and doing all the stuff they used to do together but when she wanted to hold hands or kiss, his two-way guilt tried to take over.

  Samantha’s mother opened their front door obliterating his guilty reverie. “Hello, Mrs. Marsten. I believe Samantha is expecting me.”

  “She sure is,” the tall striking woman said opening the door all the way for him. “She wasn’t feeling the best and went to lie down in her room.”

  “Thanks,” Riley smiled and headed down the hallway. He knocked twice before pushing the door open. “Hey, Sammi.” He paused when he saw how worn down and pale she looked. “You okay?”

  “Yeah!” she smiled and sat up on the edge of the bed. “I just didn’t sleep well last night. What’s the plan for today?”

  “Well,” he murmured looking her over. “I was thinking about taking you out to old Harper’s Rock but today probably isn’t a good day for that climb, huh?”

  Samantha breathed out, her whole body shaking. “Yeah. I thought maybe we could go to Movie and a Pizza Place for lunch and a movie...maybe we can hike another day.”

  “Sure. Do you want to go now or rest some more?” She really did look like hell and that’s why he wasn’t as disappointed about not climbing the rock as he normally would have been. And if she wanted more rest, that would give him time to text Aidan and warn him to stay away from the multiplex.

  “We can go now!” Samantha said with an enthusiasm that seemed to steal her breath.

  “Are...are you sure, Sammi? We could just watch a movie here and order takeout.”

  “I’m fine, Ri. I want to get out of the house. The fresh air will do me good.”

  After so many years of knowing Samantha, he knew when to cease and desist. If she wanted to get out of the house, they would be doing just that. “Okay. Let’s go,” he said, reaching out for her hand. This time when she held on and leaned against him, he didn’t mind. He was pretty sure she needed the physical support.

  HARPER’S ROCK’S MAIN claim to fame besides the giant ro
ck that stood in the middle of town was Movie and a Pizza Place. It was also a place Riley loved spending his free time. It was one place he knew he’d never run into his dad because it was owned by the mother of the boy his dad and uncle Johnny had targeted so many years before; Ben Crofts grandmother. “Did you decide which movie you want to see?” he asked Sammi as they pulled into the busy parking lot of their destination.

  “The new superhero one,” she said excitedly. “I saw the first one in Denver, did you see it?”

  Riley had to wait for her to stop coughing to answer. “Yeah, I did. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, just my allergies. You know how bad they get in the fall.”

  He couldn’t argue there, she’d always been sneezy and coughy until the weather turned. “I’ll get us a table then I’m going to run to the bathroom.” He could text a warning to his boyfriend from there. But as they waited to be seated, Riley discovered he was too late. Aidan was coming out of the arcade, heading straight for them.

  “Hey, Ri! How’s it going?”

  “Uh...hey, Aidan. Have you met Samantha? She moved away from Harper’s Rock shortly before you moved here.”

  “So, you’re Samantha,” he said with a smile. “Riley told me so much about you.”

  Sammi smiled back. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Would you like to join us?”

  “No!” Riley proclaimed. “I...I mean he’s always so busy. I hardly ever see him anymore.”

  Aidan looked amused. “Actually, I’m free right now. I’d love to join you.” As Samantha walked ahead of them to their table, Riley shot his boyfriend a look of disgust while Aidan returned it with the same look of amusement that had yet to waver.

  “You guys up for a movie after?” Aidan chuckled at the pained look on Riley’s face as he accepted his fate for the day.

  ALL DURING LUNCH, RILEY had to constantly check himself to make sure his feelings for his boyfriend didn’t come out in the words and expressions he chose. He thought he’d done a fairly good job of it too until Aidan excused himself to the restroom.

  “Did you two have a fight?” Samantha asked as she picked at her food.

  “Uh, no...why do you think that?”

  Sammi shrugged and pushed her plate away. “You just seem really uncomfortable with him. I thought you guys were practically best friends.”

  “You’re my only best friend,” he said softly as he kissed her cheek. “Maybe it’s just weird having my two closest friends together finally.” It sounded plausible so he was going to go with it.

  “Could be,” she admitted before starting on a small coughing fit. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to hit the restroom before the movie. I’ll meet you guys in front of door three.” She smiled at Aidan as she passed him.

  “So, where’s she going?”

  “To the bathroom. And you and I are going to talk.” Riley was suddenly pissed as he dragged his boyfriend to the theater box office then through to the door marked with a neon three. “What the hell were you thinking?”

  “I was thinking I could get to know my competition better,” Aidan smirked.

  “How many times do I have to tell you that she’s not your competition!” Riley snarled. “She’s wondering what is going on between us now, though. She noticed the tension.”

  Aidan backed up and leaned against the wall. He didn’t meet Riley’s gaze. “I’m sorry. I just really wanted to meet her...to see for myself.”

  “I thought we were cleared on this...” Riley kept his voice low so no one could overhear.

  “We were,” Aidan agreed. “But I saw you and...” Without warning, he pulled Riley close and kissed him.

  Riley fought to free himself. “God, A! You can’t do that here in public.”

  “I could. All you have to do is tell your dad, take the beating and then we could do whatever we want, wherever we want. I love you, Ri.”

  “I love you too, A. But I have no place to go if...”

  A gasp came from behind him. When he turned, Samantha’s grief-stricken face swam before him. “Sammi, I can explain.”

  “What, that you cheated on me? That you were only with me because you couldn’t break up with the girl with cancer? Or maybe that I’ve been your beard, your cover?”

  “No, Sammi. I...we...please.”

  “Spit it out, Ri.”

  Riley approached Sammi but she backed away so he stopped. “I’m so sorry, Sammi.”

  “Don’t call me that,” she seethed. “You lost that privilege.”

  “Samantha, please. I love you. You’re my best friend. But we grew apart while you were gone. I fell in love with Aidan.”

  “Then you should have broken up with me,” she cried.

  “I tried,” he murmured. “But...”

  “But I have cancer. If I was truly your best friend, we could have figured it out. You breaking up with me wouldn’t have changed my prognosis.”

  “I know,” he admitted tears shining in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Samantha.”

  Sammi pulled her phone out of her pocket and called her mother for a ride. As she put it back in her pocket, she caught Aidan’s gaze. “He’s all yours. I don’t ever want to see or speak to him again.” Without another glance at Riley, she ran out of the theater area.

  “Sammi, wait!” Riley cried. “Sammi!”

  A hand settled onto his shoulder. “Let her go. She needs time.”

  “I didn’t want this to happen. What have I done, Aidan?”

  “I want to hold you,” he whispered “But we can’t here. My parents are gone. Let’s go to my house.”

  Riley nodded numbly. “We’re toxic, you know. We’ll probably end up screwing just hours after I broke my best friend’s heart.”

  “I know,” Aidan admitted. “You get needy when you’re hurting. And I love to indulge you.”

  “And you’re all I have left.”

  FOR TWO DAYS, RILEY tried to get ahold of Samantha. He called her and her mother with no results. On the third day, he finally decided to show up at her house. She’d had enough time to think, it was time to talk.

  As he pulled up to the curb, he was relieved to see the car in the driveway. Someone was home so he could at least get a message to Sammi. The trek up the walk seem two miles long but he was soon ringing the doorbell.

  As soon as the door opened, he blurted out what he had to say. “I know she hates me, but I need to speak to Sammi.” But as soon as he stopped talking and saw Mrs. Marsten’s face, his world tilted.

  “Oh, Riley, I left a message with your dad. Haven’t you heard yet? Samantha passed away yesterday morning.”

  His world froze. He vaguely remembered Laura Marsten pulling him inside and making him sit on the sofa. And then he was sipping from a glass of water in his hand.

  “Are you going to be okay?” Laura asked with concern.

  Riley covered his eyes with one hand and set the glass down with the other. “Yeah. I just...what happened to Samantha? She was better, that’s why you moved back.”

  Laura sat down next to him. “She didn’t tell you the real reason we came home?”

  Riley closed his eyes to try to make sense of what she was saying. “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, Ri. We didn’t come back because she was cured. We came back so she could see you and die in her true home. The doctors couldn’t do any more for her.”

  “Why didn’t she tell me?” he whispered. But the minute he opened his mouth the bile broke free of his churning stomach and made its way to his throat. He ran for the hall bathroom.

  “Ri are you okay?” Laura asked from the doorway.

  “We had a huge fight,” he sobbed. “How did she die?”

  Laura leaned her head against the door jam as tears soaked her face. “It wasn’t your fault. She had pneumonia. It’s common for cancer patients.”

  “The cough?” he said coming out of the bathroom.

  “Yes. The night she came home from the movies early, we took her to the hospital. All they
could do was keep her comfortable. Her respiratory system was so damaged.”

  “I feel lost. I never got to apologize or make things right again. I never got to say goodbye.”

  “I think we all feel lost and will for a while,” Laura said as she hugged him. “Thank you for being her protector all these years.”

  “Please don’t,” he croaked. “I...I should go.”

  “Okay, Riley, let me know if you need anything.”

  “I...you too, Mrs. Marsten.” He kissed her cheek and walked out the door. Before he got on his bike, he texted Aidan. “I need to see you, now!”

  “I can’t. What’s going on?”

  “I killed Samantha, that’s what!”

  8

  NEW LIFE, NEW HOPE

  AS WYOMING’S FALL WINDS blew September into October, Riley changed. He thought he’d embraced his full bully status but there was so much more to be done. Despite having left the ranch, he still had his pack behind him. After Samantha’s death, he took the term bully to a whole new level. His natural anger, when mixed with alcohol, became a volatile combination.

  “Riley James! You been stealin’ my booze?” Terry Johnson hollered.

  “Fuck you, old man,” he murmured to himself. “No. You probably drank it!”

  Riley took a swig of the rum he’d managed to take from the liquor cupboard before stashing it under the bed. Now maybe he would be numb enough to sleep. But he didn’t sleep for long. Three hours after he finally dozed off, he woke to the sound of banging on the front door. By the time he got his pants on and stumbled out to the living room, his father was in handcuffs, being led away. “What the hell is going on?”