Tainted Bastard

by Terri Anne Browning

  The two security guys were gone when I opened the door, and it took me a second to realize the noise that was suddenly assaulting my ears was coming from the direction of the stage. I took off running, knowing something must have happened to one of the Blondes. The clenching in my gut told me an overzealous fan must have gotten up onstage.

  It was pure chaos out on the main floor. Half a dozen of the security team were pushing people back from the stage, while Tiny, the huge motherfucker who was head of security, protectively kept the Blondes behind him.

  Everyone who was in the front row earlier was now trying to storm the stage, the majority of them male. I chanced a look at the railing on the second floor and saw the shock on my friends’ faces. Gray caught my gaze and mouthed “holy fuck.”

  In the entire year we worked there on Thursday nights, the craziest things had gotten was when Kin’s slutty stepsister jumped up onstage, taking Jace by surprise with a kiss. But we were five huge guys who could take care of ourselves. The Blondes were tiny little things, even if a few of them were taller than average. With all these horny motherfuckers desperate to get close to them—especially to get to Roanna—a few bulky men in security gear weren’t going to stand in their way.

  Roanna screamed as a drunk guy charged at the stage, breaking through two of the guys and heading straight for them. Seeing the panic on her face, the glitter of fear in her eyes, I lost it.

  I shoved people out of my way, sometimes physically lifting them and moving them so I could get through. I reached the guy just as he was about to confront Tiny, who had already moved to protect Roanna. It appeared three of the Blondes were closing ranks around her as well.

  I caught the guy around the chest from behind and then slammed him facedown into the stage, making the wood beneath us protest from the force of it. The guy rolled, trying to break free, but he was drunk and sloppy. I’d only had a single beer and was pissed as fuck. My fist smashed into his face. The pussy had a glass jaw and was out cold with the first punch, but I hit him a second and third time just for scaring Roanna.

  Standing, I moved to give Tiny some backup as the rest of security pushed their way to the front of the stage and started ushering people out of the club. The huge man shook my hand in appreciation, but my focus was solely on the shaking chick in the middle of her bandmates.

  “Ro, it’s okay. You’re safe now,” Aubree was assuring her. “We’ll get out of here as soon as we can, babe. Just keep taking deep breaths so you don’t pass out.”

  I pushed between the Blondes so I could get to Roanna. She was pale as a ghost, and her legs were shaking so badly it was only a matter of time before her knees buckled. I swung her up into my arms and headed off to the side of the stage that was finally clear.

  “P-Put m-m-me down. P-P-Please!”

  I tucked her closer. “I’m not going to hurt you, sweet girl,” I vowed close to her ear. “Just trying to get you out of this craziness so you can breathe again.”

  She didn’t argue, but her fingers fisted in my shirt as I used my shoulders to make a path for us. As we finally entered the green room, the other Blondes rushed in behind us.

  “Sit her on the couch,” Aubree ordered, grabbing a bottle of water. There was a small shelf with towels, and she took one, soaking it with the cold water before putting it on the back of Roanna’s neck as soon as I placed her on the couch.

  Roanna still had a death grip on my shirt, so I crouched down beside her, not wanting to leave her any more than she seemed not to want to release me. The shaking had transferred to the rest of her body, and now her teeth were starting to chatter.

  “London, get your chocolate,” Aubree called out.

  London was already pulling a chocolate bar out of her gym bag. “Got it!” She unwrapped one end and broke off a piece, putting it in Roanna’s mouth.

  “Gen, you got any of those travel bottles of tequila left?” A tiny bottle of Patrón was produced. Unscrewing it, Aubree tipped it up to Roanna’s lips. “Take a few sips, Ro. It’s gonna make you feel better, baby.”

  Roanna turned her head away, clinging tighter to my shirt. Her nails were biting so hard into it, they pierced the material and scraped over my chest as she fought the liquor her friend was trying to force on her.

  “Yo, Sin, get out of my way so I can take care of my girl,” Aubree commanded.

  I started to stand, figuring she knew better how to take care of Roanna than I would, but Roanna made a whimpering noise when I tried to move away. The sound wrenched my gut, and I covered her hands, silently promising her I wouldn’t leave her.

  Seeing the exchange between us, Aubree pushed the bottle of Patrón into my hands. “Then you need to get her to drink some of this. It will help calm her down.”

  I took the bottle and gently placed it to Roanna’s lips. “Come on, sweet girl. Just a few sips for me.” Her mouth opened a tiny bit, and I smiled at her in encouragement. “Good girl,” I told her quietly as I poured a little of the tequila into her mouth.

  It took a while, but eventually, her shaking stopped, and her fingers slowly released their hold on my shirt. Her hands fell into her lap, and she leaned back against the couch, closing her eyes. London offered her more chocolate, which Roanna took without bothering to lift her lashes.

  I brushed my thumb over the back of one of her hands lying on her thigh. “You okay now, sweet girl?”

  “Yeah,” she choked out. “Thanks.”

  “Any time, babe. I got your back,” I promised.

  Harris and Tiny came into the room. Harris’s face was like a thundercloud; I’d never seen him so pissed before. “Are you all okay?” he asked. “Does anyone need medical attention?”

  “No, no, we’re fine,” Genesis told him. “Ro just had a little bit of a panic attack. She’s good now, though, thanks to the Knight.”

  “I’m going to have to hire more security for Thursday nights,” Harris told them. “I never expected the crowd to get so out of hand. I’m closing the club for the night, and the guy Sin took down is being arrested, along with half a dozen other people.”

  “I don’t think I’ll be singing that song again,” Roanna whispered.

  “It was just a song, Roanna. Nothing wrong with that. Those idiots were just drunk and disorderly. Sing it again if you want. I don’t care. Next week, there will be double the security around the stage to keep you safe, I promise.”

  “Thanks, Harris,” Peyton simpered as she walked over to join him and Tiny.

  While they discussed the security measures they would be adding, I focused on Roanna. She was still ghostly pale, but the fear had finally died in her eyes when she lifted them to look at me. My thumb continued to caress the soft skin on the back of her hand.

  “You going to be okay?” I asked quietly.

  She lifted one shoulder, but it seemed like the movement cost her some much-needed energy. “My girls will make sure I am.”

  “That doesn’t answer my question, sweet girl.”

  “Yes, Sin, I will be fine. Thanks to you.” She turned her hand over, catching my fingers in her cold ones and giving them a squeeze. “Would you…like to maybe eat with us later?”

  Her voice was so soft, so full of a shy innocence that I couldn’t explain why I found myself smiling. I wanted to protect her from all the bad things in the world that could touch her, keep her safe and innocent like that forever.

  But there was something in her eyes she was too vulnerable to attempt to mask right then, and my smile began to fade. There was a darkness she was trying to hide from in there.

  Something I recognized instantly because I’ve been hiding from it myself for years.

  Chapter 5

  Roanna

  I pulled the weighted blanket tighter around me before taking the paper plate loaded with greasy pizza from Genesis. Beside me, Sin was already devouring his second slice, and despite everything that happened earlier, I found myself wanting to smile.


  After changing clothes, we decided just to go home. I had another brief wave of panic, not wanting to leave the room for fear of the mob of people trying to attack us again. Then Sin told me he wouldn’t mind grabbing some food, and he offered to drive me home while the others stopped for pizza on the way.

  The idea of getting into a car with him hadn’t sent me into an immediate panic attack or made me turn into a human statue, but I still asked Aubree to come with us. She was my security blanket, most likely always would be. But every therapist I ever talked to said that was normal.

  All three of my soul sisters might have saved me, but it was Aubree who destroyed Sicko Stan’s chance of hurting anyone ever again. Given how close I was to the knife she brought to fight him off so they could save me, I got a front row seat to his penis nearly being severed when she sliced through it. If the cops Genesis called before they ran to my rescue hadn’t arrived when they did, he most likely would have bled to death.

  Aubree might have been the smallest Blonde, but she was the most badass chick I’d ever met. Before she came to live with us at the foster home, she’d lived on the streets, hiding from the system after running away from home. She knew how to take care of herself—and others, if they needed help. As easily as she handled the knife that night, I knew she must have learned how to use it at a young age.

  As Sin chewed, he glanced around our living room, taking in the posters on the wall of the female rockers we all worshiped. Older rockers like Janis Joplin and Joan Jett were hung up beside Lzzy Hale, Maria Brink, and Gabriella Moretti. Other than those five posters, we didn’t have many pictures to decorate the place. But one day, I dreamed of seeing platinum records on the walls and a Grammy on each end table. One day, the Blonde Bombshells poster would hang up there with those other five amazing female rockers.

  “Gabriella Moretti comes into the club sometimes with her husband,” Sin said with a nod at the rocker’s poster. “Liam Bryant is pretty tight with Harris. All of the members of OtherWorld are always dropping by whenever they’re in town.”

  “Ah man, I would kill to have her play with us,” London sighed dreamily. “She is my unicorn.”

  “One day, babe,” Aubree told her with a grin. “One day.”

  “When you guys get a record deal, make sure to have your manager talk to Annabelle Brockman. She represents Gabriella. She could probably make that happen.”

  “Harris will set it up for us,” Peyton informed him, her tone heavy on the bitchiness. “He will do whatever I tell him to.”

  Sin snorted. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

  “He will. Just wait and see. I’ll talk to him about Gabriella tomorrow.”

  “Let’s watch a movie,” Genesis cut in, keeping Peyton from sputtering any more stupid shit that might piss Sin off and make him leave.

  I didn’t want him to go. I liked having him there, liked how he sat close to me without making me nervous. This guy saved me, took down a 200-pound drunk to protect my soul sisters and me. I kept remembering how his voice softened when he was calling me “sweet girl” and how I only wanted to hold on to him when I was having the worst panic attack I’d had in years.

  Genesis produced three different Redbox rentals she must have picked up when she got the pizzas. “What will it be? I got one bloody and action-packed, one claiming to be hilariously endearing, and some nonsensical rom-com.” Her lips twisted with disgust, letting us all know her opinion on the romantic comedy.

  “Action!” Aubree called out.

  “I’m good with either comedy. Unless it’s redneck comedy.” London tossed in her vote.

  “Rom-com,” Peyton added.

  “Ro, what do you want to watch?” Genesis asked, giving me an imploring look that begged me not to pick the rom-com.

  “Is Gerard Butler in the action movie?” I asked with a grin. “Ah, Gen, you know I love every one of his movies.”

  “I prefer Statham myself,” Sin commented, taking another bite of his pizza.

  “I love Jason Statham movies!” I cried, excited that someone in the room could appreciate my admiration for the actor.

  Sin shifted closer. “Yeah? I have a collection of all his movies. My mom and I used to watch them together all the time when I was a kid.”

  “Fuck, they’re soul mates,” I heard Peyton whisper to London. My head snapped around, glaring at the other girl, but London was already telling her to shut her mouth.

  “We watching this movie or not?” Genesis complained, waving the DVD box around. “I would like to eat my dinner before it gets cold, bitches.”

  “Yeah, play it,” I told her, lowering my gaze to my pizza I hadn’t even touched yet. I was hungry a moment ago, but after hearing Peyton say that about soul mates, I only felt queasy.

  Genesis turned off all the lights in the room except for the standing lamp in the far corner and retook her seat on the floor, using the coffee table as her dinner table like she did most nights.

  As the opening credits appeared, I felt Sin’s hand grasp mine, and I couldn’t help how I tensed. It was how I always reacted to human contact, no matter who touched me. He pretended to ignore my reaction and just held the tips of my fingers, his thumb skimming softly over my knuckles.

  Slowly, I began to relax, realizing he was holding my fingers to show me he wasn’t trying to threaten me. It was nice, having a hot guy whom I kind of liked hold my hand during a movie. It felt juvenile, like we were on a middle school date, but I enjoyed every second of sitting there just having a guy touch me so innocently, and not freaking the fuck out.

  Halfway through the movie, he nudged me with his elbow. “Eat,” he commanded quietly.

  “I’m good,” I whispered back.

  “Eat anyway,” he said, tugging at my fingers before going back to rubbing his thumb across my skin.

  Fighting a smile, I picked up a slice of my veggie pizza and took a small bite. It was cold, but it tasted good, and I realized how hungry I really was. By the end of the movie, I’d eaten almost everything on my plate.

  As the ending credits began to play, Genesis stood and grabbed everyone’s dirty plates. “I’m exhausted,” she said with a yawn. “Think I’m going to crash.”

  “Yeah, me too,” London announced. “I want to get in an early workout in the morning anyway.” Standing, she blew me a kiss. “Night, everyone. See ya around, Sin.”

  “Night,” he called as they left the room.

  “I’m going to call Harris,” Peyton said, her phone already pressed to her ear.

  My heart started racing as I realized what they were doing, and I glanced at Aubree. My best friend lifted her brows at me, silently asking me if I wanted her to follow the other three to bed or if I needed her to stay. Sin’s hold on my fingers moved to swallow my entire hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze, and I knew what my answer was.

  “Night, Aubree,” I told her and felt my cheeks fill with heat.

  She smiled as she stood. “Don’t stay up too late, babe,” she advised, passing me. “Night, Sin.”

  Now that we were alone together, I suddenly didn’t know what to do next. Shyly, I smiled at him. “Want a beer?”

  He shook his head. “Nah, sweet girl. I’m good.”

  “Feel up to watching another movie? We have Netflix and Hulu, so the options are infinite.” My face felt like it was on fire.

  “I should probably get going,” he murmured, but he didn’t look like he wanted to leave yet. “I have work tomorrow afternoon and have to hit the gym with Gray and Kale before.”

  “Oh,” I whispered, disappointed he was going to leave. “Okay.”

  I liked having him there with me, liked how just sitting beside him made me feel safe. I’d never felt that way with a guy before. Every guy who got close usually reminded me of Sicko Stan in some way, and then the past would drop on me like a ton of bricks, making it impossible to see anything but the memories that were just below the surface at any given min
ute of the day.

  “Whose song was that you were singing tonight?” he asked out of the blue. “I’ve never heard it before, but you mostly do cover songs.”

  I shivered, everything from earlier in the evening flooding back in, but I tried to push those thoughts away, wanting to enjoy what little time I still had with him. “Kin gave it to us. She wrote it, and I guess she thought it would work better for a female voice. Did you like it?”

  “It had me all twisted up, just like it did everyone else. I actually went to the green room to wait on you before I realized something was going on that was delaying you.” He scowled, his thumb pressing into my hand roughly for a few seconds before relaxing. “Maybe you shouldn’t sing that song again for a while.”

  “I didn’t want to sing it in the first place, but it’s a great song. I didn’t want to let Kin down by not singing it at least once.”

  “That panic attack you had earlier, does that happen a lot?”

  It was my turn to scowl—at my own inadequacies and mental health issues. Embarrassment had me pulling my hand from his. “Enough that my friends carry around chocolate and booze to fix me up when it happens.”

  “Roanna, I wasn’t asking to make fun of you,” he tried to assure me.

  “I know.” I forced a smile, reaching for my bottle of water so I could hide my eyes from him, wanting so badly to be normal.

  “Is there a reason you have panic attacks? Did something happen to make you—”

  I tossed back my weighted blanket. “Maybe you sh-should go,” I stuttered, not wanting to have this conversation. He held my hand, made me feel safe, but that didn’t entitle him to be privy to my worst memories, the reasons I couldn’t stand too much human contact, why everything and everyone were the enemy until they could prove to me that I was safe with them.

  Before I could stand, he caught my wrist in a firm yet gentle hold, keeping me in place. “When I was fifteen, my stepmother decided my father wasn’t doing it for her anymore, and when I got home from school, she walked into the bathroom while I was taking a shower.”