Alien Education

by Gini Koch

  “Meaning if we don’t stop it, then half of Hollywood will be robotic before the end of the year,” Chuckie said.

  “There might not be a downside to that,” Tito said. We all stared at him. He heaved a sigh. “This could honestly be the answer to disease and longevity.”

  “If there are no horrible side effects like self-destructing or becoming an evil-controlled automaton,” I pointed out.

  “And if you don’t want to be involved in any form of natural childbirth,” Tito added. “Kristie’s reproductive functions are not going to be able to work like a normal human woman’s would. We got to Joe and Randy in time, but if what was done to Kristie would be done to a man as well, then those functions would be destroyed.”

  “Again, that sounds like most of Hollywood’s personal wet dream. And since we know that cloning is working, that’s your reproductive answer. In some ways, that’s not as gross as it sounds, by the way. Not that I am signing up for it, in case anyone was worried.” Jeff in particular.

  He grinned at me. “Good to know.”

  “Practice later,” Chuckie said quickly. The rest of the group nodded. Haters.

  “But you said that Ansom and Talia are still human,” White mentioned, possibly to get the conversation off of our sex life. “And that their brains are more like the Christopher-Bot’s? Is that right?”

  Tito nodded. “The Christopher-Bot has gray matter. I can’t tell if it’s human or some other animal, by the way, because all the tests so far are coming back with odd readings and we haven’t had time to run more, but it’s smaller than the gray matter in the other three. The wiring is just as tightly entwined, but there’s more of it.”

  “Compensating for the smaller brain?” Managed not to make a Young Frankenstein joke now, though I desperately wanted to ask if the Christopher-Bot’s brain had been taken from Abby Normal. Knew that would make Reader and Tim laugh, but again, no one seemed in the mood for levity right now.

  “That makes the most sense,” Tito said. “But again, I don’t have the right equipment here to be sure.”

  “It sounds like it’s time to take a look at the Kitty-Bot,” Tim said. “Regardless of what Butler and Maurer want.”

  “Maybe look at John and Cameron, too, if they’ll allow it,” I suggested. “Though we know that those two are Marling creations. But I still think it’s key to know who created the Kitty-Bot, since we’re pretty sure she’s the original.”

  “There’s no way they created the Christopher-Bot too long before Jamie was born,” Jeff said. “And I can agree that Butler and Maurer are Marling’s work, because we’ve seen inside them and they masked as human perfectly.”

  “You know, in all the science fiction films and stories, androids were described more like the Kristie-Bot, and robots were more like our actual androids.” Hey, it needed to be mentioned.

  Chuckie shrugged. “Our reality is different. That can’t shock you all that much.”

  “No. Though our Bots don’t give off the same emotions as our androids, so I guess that tracks.” Jerked. “Meaning that Marling had to have had an empath working with him. Maybe that was Ronald Yates, but maybe it wasn’t.”

  “Granddad was dead well before we ever discovered that androids were around,” Jeff said slowly. “So even if he’d been who Marling worked with originally, someone else would have had to be there as the test subject. Do you think it was Stephanie?”

  “No, because I think she was testing the overlays and such, meaning that she was already ‘dead’ to the emotions from the androids. Frankly, Stephanie’s dead to emotions pretty much totally, other than the misguided ones.”

  Reader groaned. “So we have another A-C traitor we need to find? And that means that traitor is still around because, as I remember, no one in the former Diplomatic Corps was talented in any way, so even though they were all traitors and they’re all dead, they can’t have helped with the empathic side.”

  “Though they were indeed traitors, you’re correct, James, they weren’t talented,” White confirmed. “Pointedly, by the way. They claimed that talents weren’t needed in those jobs. A way to discredit Theresa, I suppose.”

  “Or else they were hella talented and none of you knew it. Doreen has become a good Liar—what if they were troubadours or something and kept it hidden?”

  Jeff ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know who we’d ask about that. My father, maybe?”

  White shook his head. “Alfred wouldn’t have hidden these people’s talents from me, Jeffrey. Ever.”

  “I agree,” Serene said. “We should ask Doreen and any of their remaining family members.”

  My brain nudged. But I wasn’t sure why.

  “But this probably means we need to look at the older generation of A-Cs,” Claudia said, “because they were more likely to be swayed by Yates.”

  My brain nudged harder. “Um, why just the older generation? I’m thinking we need to look at yours right now.”

  Everyone stared at me. “Why?” Reader asked finally.

  “Because when the entire Diplomatic Corps ‘disappeared,’ the only surviving family member I paid attention to was Doreen, because she was the only one I knew. But those people all had families, and, seeing as how you’re all essentially related to each other back through the generations, big families most likely. We already know that we have human agents who were working for the former Diplomatic Corps who turned against Centaurion once we defeated their bosses. What if we have some of those bereaved family members, children in particular, who aren’t as on board with us as Doreen is?”

  “You mean,” Tim said, “what if we’ve ignored a whole lot of A-Cs who view us not finding their parents as a betrayal and have therefore gone to the Dark Side, possibly years ago?”

  CHAPTER 27

  “YEAH, that’s exactly what I mean. They could have turned like Stephanie did, when they were young, or after we all apparently forgot to keep on looking for their parents. I don’t even know who they are. I realize this will shock everyone, but I never paid attention to who they were once the Poofs, ah, handled the removal of evidence.”

  At the mention of their species, heard a soft mewling from inside my purse and several little balls of fluffy fur appeared in my hands. The Poofs were alien animals. Most thought they were from Alpha Four, but I knew they were actually from the Black Hole Universe. Algar had brought the original two Poofs with him when he’d fled.

  Poofs were androgynous, and the original story was that they mated whenever a Royal Wedding was on the horizon. Either our Poofs considered that every single royal in the galaxy counted, or else they were on a far different plan, because we had constant Poof Population Explosions. Considering that the Poofs were literally the cutest things ever—balls of fluffy fur with black button eyes, ears and paws mostly hidden by the fur, and adorable purrs—more Poofs was never an issue.

  That the Poofs could and routinely did go Jeff-sized with giant, razor-sharp fangs when danger threatened just made them better in my book. The Poofs were carnivores and had ensured that the former Diplomatic Corps would never harm anyone again by eating them. After White and I, along with Naomi and Abigail and Melanie and Emily, Lorraine and Claudia’s mothers, had killed them all first. But still, the Poofs had provided vitally important cleanup duty.

  However, once Jeff and I been shoved into the roles of the Head Diplomatic Couple and we’d confirmed that Doreen was with us and on our side, I honestly hadn’t thought about anyone else who might have been wondering what had happened to their parents, siblings, or children. Felt bad. Not for the dead Diplomatic Corps, because they’d been the definition of traitorous evil. But still, even if your parent was a traitor that didn’t always mean you didn’t love them.

  Nuzzled the Poofs, whom I loved unconditionally. Harlie, who was the Head Poof and ostensibly Jeff’s, Poofikins, who was my Poof, and Murphy, who was
Jeff’s real Poof, all nuzzled me right back. Felt a tad better. The Poofs attached to whoever named them, and they were really lax on what they considered a name. My firm belief by now was that the Poofs chose who they wanted as their owner, then jumped at the first sound they found acceptable to answer to for their foreseeable future.

  Lorraine was texting. “Tito, I know you wanted to keep this small, but now I think we need her.” No sooner was she done speaking than Doreen Coleman-Weisman appeared, hyperspeed remaining awesome.

  Doreen was now our Head Diplomat along with her human husband, Irving. Doreen had broken with her parents because they’d hated Irving and had wanted her to marry Jeff. Yeah, some things bonded you for life, and everything that had happened at Jeff’s parents’ house during Operation Drug Addict had definitely bonded me and Doreen.

  We brought her up to speed on what was going on and our latest Worry Theory. She nodded slowly when we were done. “I think we have cause to be worried. I know everyone, of course, and I’ve continued the fiction that we’re still searching for the missing people.”

  “Oh, go team.” Thank God someone was on that particular ball.

  Doreen grimaced. “Sort of. But realistically, your concern is the right one, Kitty. We haven’t made any progress at all, because, of course, we can’t, since they’re all dead. But it’s very clear that no one’s really looking for these people anymore. No one’s made any kind of official statement about them for years now, and if I didn’t know what had happened, I’d be asking questions.”

  “So, who’s asking what questions?” Jeff asked.

  Doreen shook her head. “That’s just it, Jeff. No one is. There were five other diplomatic couples when my parents were in charge. As far as I know, all their families have accepted the party line that they all disappeared due to enemy activity and we’re hoping to find them alive and well. The first month or so after they ‘disappeared,’ sure. But other than a few questions in the first few months, no one’s asked me if I know what’s going on, and no one’s come forward to anyone else that I know of, either.”

  “No one’s spoken to me about it,” Gower said slowly. “And as the Supreme Pontifex you’d think they would have. Richard, what about you? Maybe they wanted you instead of me, since I was brand new as Pontifex when this all happened.”

  White shook his head. “No one has approached me about this since right after the events in question. And I confess that I shirked my duties, since I’d retired as Supreme Pontifex, and didn’t search anyone out for counsel, since I didn’t want to try to lie to them. Which was why I didn’t encourage you to reach out, either, Paul. Just because those twelve people were traitors doesn’t mean that their families were.”

  “But it doesn’t mean that they weren’t,” I said. “Stephanie being the prime Exhibit A that I’ll always be bringing up. We already know that their human drivers and such were loyal to them, since those people did a fast fade from Centaurion Division so they could race off and join up with our still-living enemies.”

  “You think the humans believe that the Diplomatic Corps went missing?” Jeff asked.

  “No,” Chuckie replied before I could. “Humans are all too aware of what kind of treachery can happen.”

  “I doubt that every single family member believes what we’ve told them,” Doreen said. “My family is smaller than the average, but my remaining relatives only believe that we’re still searching for my parents because I’ve said that we are. They also don’t talk to me about them much because they know we weren’t speaking when they disappeared.”

  “How many of the other Diplomatic Corps children wanted to marry humans?” Wondered how many of them had moved to Caliente Base when I’d annexed it as our Refugee Camp way back when.

  “About half,” Doreen replied. “The others were already married within our community. Realistically, I don’t think that we have anything to worry about from those who did marry humans. They’re all much happier now than they were when we were all living in the Embassy.”

  “What about those married into the community? Have we done any investigations into any of them? Not to mention the rest of their families.” None of whom I knew. Realized I didn’t even remember the names of any of these people, other than Doreen’s parents. How I’d been the American Centaurion Ambassador without being fired was beyond me.

  “The CIA wasn’t given access,” Chuckie said. “Until these people fell off my radar.”

  “I apologize for that,” White said.

  “Me, too,” Gower added.

  Jeff ran his hand through his hair. “No, that’s all on me. I’m the one who was constantly putting walls up to keep Chuck out.”

  “Let’s be honest,” Reader said. “It was all of us.”

  “Not me.” Hey, it was true.

  Chuckie grinned at me. “True enough, on all of it, including that Kitty was never the person trying to keep me out. However, I should have remembered these people—they did try to kill all of us, after all.”

  “And almost succeeded,” Reader added.

  “Yeah, but Richard and I saved the day, and yes, I like to bring that up all the time, especially on days when nothing else is going right. Besides, the people who tried to kill everyone, we handled. And there was a lot going on. You’re allowed to lose focus just like the rest of us.” I was in no way going to berate anyone for forgetting about this, because I wasn’t big on hypocrisy.

  Chuckie shrugged. “I appreciate the support. But even if we’d been allowed in it doesn’t mean we’d have found much. The intel we need would be far more likely to be found by an insider.” Noted that he pointedly didn’t look at Serene when he said this. No one else seemed to catch this. Wondered how long we’d go before Serene had to let the rest of Alpha Team in on the fact that she was running the A-C CIA without their knowledge or consent.

  Gower looked troubled, though, but he wasn’t speaking up, which wasn’t like him. “Paul, what do you think?”

  He heaved a sigh. It was going around. “Honestly, Kitty? I don’t know. I don’t want to start a witch hunt. We’re all working on supposition and conjecture. For all we know, the families of the former Diplomatic Corps are all going on about their lives with no ill intents and the culprits we’re looking for in terms of everything going on with androids and Bots and all the rest are Ronald Yates and the Tinkerer only. While we might have a traitor or traitors in our midst, there’s no guarantee that we do.”

  Serene cleared her throat. “Actually, Paul, we definitely have traitors on the inside.”

  Okay, apparently Serene had decided that the time to share was now.

  CHAPTER 28

  “HOW DO YOU KNOW?” Tim asked. “I mean, you sound certain.”

  “I am.” She heaved a sigh, which was apparently our team’s Go-To Move of the Moment. “Chuck, your thoughts?”

  “I think everyone here is trustworthy at the highest levels,” he replied. “After all, everyone in the world knows my agency exists and yet we still manage to do what we have to do.”

  Reader’s eyes narrowed. “Are you insinuating what I think you’re insinuating?”

  Decided now wasn’t the time to pussyfoot. “Yes. Serene’s running the A-C CIA, using our worldwide network of troubadours. I’m sure there are some empaths and imageers and just plain regular A-Cs in there, too, but it’s mostly troubadours.”

  Reader, Tim, Lorraine, Claudia, Doreen, and Tito all had roughly the same reaction. They were quiet, looked pissed for a moment, appeared to think it through, then relaxed and nodded. “Makes sense,” Reader said. “And you didn’t tell me about this why?”

  Serene smiled sweetly. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

  “Or be told no,” Tim said. “Let’s face it, that was your first reaction, James. I know it was mine.”

  “Mine, too,” Lorraine said. “Only, like James said, it makes sense.”
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  “How long has Kitty known?” Claudia asked.

  “My bet is longer than anyone not involved,” Doreen said.

  “True enough,” Serene said with a laugh. “And she approved it.”

  After it was already in place, but why spoil the mood? “The uncles knew about it. And also approved it.”

  “Good enough for me,” Tito said. The others nodded and they all relaxed fully.

  The uncles were two Russian cousins, and they weren’t related to me by blood—they’d literally chosen to consider me their beloved niece. They also weren’t with us any longer, having sacrificed themselves to save me during Operation Epidemic. I still missed them, terribly at times. That I’d gotten so emotionally attached to the two best assassins in the business was just one of those ironies life enjoyed throwing at me.

  Of course, they’d been attached to me, too, hence the sacrificing. It was because of them that we were all still alive, had Culver working willingly on our side, had joined Siler and therefore Lizzie into the fold, and had stopped any number of Bad Guy Plans du Jour. Sure, they’d been hired killers. But unlike so many we’d met, they had honor. They’d killed for money and to protect me and mine, but never for fun or enjoyment.

  So far as we knew, no one else outside of our Inner Circle knew that the Dingo and his partner, aka Peter and Victor Kasperoff, were dead. Siler wanted it kept that way for as long as we could manage—the uncles had put a No Kill order onto me and mine, and as long as they were presumed alive, we were presumed a little safer. That the others had relaxed because Serene’s secret organization had gotten The Uncle’s Stamp of Approval was just a testament to how much we’d all come to rely on them and trust their judgment.

  “Good to hear,” Serene replied briskly to Tim’s vote of confidence. “Because I’m certain the traitors are gearing up to make their moves. And we have more of them than any of you are going to like.”

  “You mean in addition to the people we were just talking about?” I asked Serene. She nodded.