Unholy Birth

by Andrew Neiderman

  They congratulated each other and slowly left the room, closing the door behind them.

  My baby, I thought. He’s my baby.

  There was no dilation and extraction.

  I was never being protected from evil, nor was the world. The Guardians belonged to Satan.

  I started to turn away, when I heard the baby’s cry. It drew me back to the window.

  I waited to see who would return.

  The baby cried on, but the music was louder and the laughter and celebration in the living room was in high swing. No one heard.

  The baby wailed. Surely he’s hungry, I thought. Why didn’t they have a nurse, someone?

  I pressed on the window and with ease it went up. Pushing away the shutters, I crawled into the room and went to the bassinet. The baby either saw me or sensed me and immediately stopped crying, its small arms swinging up and down. I felt this terrific circular warmth under my breasts, this longing for the baby’s lips on my nipple. It was a drive, a force, a desire beyond anything I had ever felt or imagined feeling.

  I pulled my right arm out of my jacket and lowered my nightgown. Then I carefully reached in and lifted him to me. Hungrily, he suckled at my breast, and the feeling that ran through me as he did so was overwhelming, sexual and ecstatic. It filled me with the greatest sense of completeness I could ever imagine.

  It took me back to my dreams of birthing, the dreams that used to annoy Willy. It was truly as if a prophecy had come true and I could resist it no more than I could resist the urge to survive, to defy Death. I was like any other living creature struggling to live, to escape any threat, any predator. I had a revelation. With my baby beside me, part of me, I was invulnerable. Nothing could ever harm me; nothing could keep us apart.

  The music grew even louder and the laughter longer and louder as well. It sounded like a raucous bacchanalia, and when I opened the door slightly to look out, I saw them, naked, coupling, drinking, passing each other around like hors d’oeuvres on a silver tray, breasts to lips, hips hugging and gyrating, bodies entwined on sofas, chairs, even on the floor. They were quite taken and occupied with each other. No one looked my way.

  I closed the door softly.

  My baby continued to feed.

  With great care, I moved to the open window and slipped my legs over the sill. For a moment I sat there waiting to see if there was anyone outside. It was dark and quiet. I dropped gracefully to the ground, my baby never pausing in his feeding. I didn’t run. I walked slowly down the lawn to my car. Finally, he pulled away from my nipple. I burped him and then opened the car door and set him softly on the seat beside me.

  I started the engine and pulled away from the curb to turn into another driveway and then back out. As I drove past Dr. Aaron’s office and house, I saw the front door opening. My heart skipped and fluttered. I accelerated, but looked back through the rearview mirror.

  A group of them had stepped out, still naked, still holding each other.

  They were looking my way.

  I made a turn and they were gone from sight as was I was gone from theirs.

  My baby slept all the way home.

  The garage door was still open and Willy was still asleep when I arrived.

  The baby nestled comfortably in my arms and huddled against me as I sprawled out beside Willy. She moaned as if in a dream of her own, but she didn’t awaken.

  The three of us slept together just as I had envisioned so many times.

  Epilogue

  “HOW CAN YOU BE SURE he is your baby?” Willy wanted to know.

  It was a logical question, but it wasn’t something easily explained to someone who had never been pregnant, never become a mother.

  “Oh, I know,” I said. “I’m sure. There is no question. I know with my very being, body and soul.”

  “Kate, you might very well have kidnaped another mother’s child. You can’t keep the baby.”

  “They saw me leave, Willy. They saw me drive away and by now they know the baby is missing, right? Why aren’t there police knocking at our door?”

  She couldn’t answer, but I saw she was very nervous. Finally, she went into another room and called Dr. Aaron. She thought I wasn’t listening but I was at the door, peering in at her.

  “I don’t understand, Dr. Aaron. These people told me the baby had been aborted.”

  She listened.

  “How long did you know your security had someone on the inside?”

  She listened and nodded.

  “Yes, I can understand that, but when did you retrieve the infant?”

  She shrugged as if Dr. Aaron could see her.

  “So, why wouldn’t they have come to us to tell us?”

  She listened and said, “I see. Yes. But if the child is proof of the validity of your research…

  “I understand. Of course. No, I doubt she would ever surrender the baby now. Whatever your reasons, Dr. Aaron, I have a good mind to sue you or expose you.

  “Lucky for you,” she added after Dr. Aaron’s response. She hung up without saying goodbye. I saw her just sit there staring. The baby started to cry and I returned to him.

  When Willy stepped into the bedroom, I looked up smiling and said, “We have so much shopping to do.”

  She nodded. It was Sunday. The plant was closed. I could see the fear in her face. Our roles had been reversed. I was filled with a sense of inner strength, a contentment and power, and she was the one trembling.

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “It will be all right. Everything will be all right now.”

  She looked at me with surprise, but also with the realization that this was to be, that nothing would prevent it.

  It wasn’t difficult to create a plausible story. After all, no one but Dr. Matthews, Dr. Aaron, and Eve knew how long ago I had been inseminated. Dr. Malisoff accepted that I had been close to a mental breakdown and very confused. He could see no other possible explanation for the baby reaching term. Furthermore, when we took the baby in for him to examine, he found him to be in perfect health and as alert and developed as infants even somewhat older.

  Right before we went to the doctor, Willy and I discussed what name we would give the baby. We ran through family names and went on the Internet to look at what was popular. We still couldn’t decide. Finally, I said, “We should call him Adam for so many reasons. I’m sure it would please Eve.”

  Willy wasn’t pleased, but in the end, she agreed. We also agreed to use my last name for him. I offered to use hers, but she thought mine sounded better with Adam. I was afraid she was trying to create some distance between herself and the baby, but even if that was so, in time that fear dissolved. She turned out to be more doting than I was and far more protective of him. No matter what he did, she found an excuse or a rationalization. Adam could do no wrong in her eyes.

  Despite finding my pregnancy and birthing incredulous, my parents became doting grandparents as well. They flooded our home with gifts and sought any opportunity they could to visit or have us visit them. As I had been told, a child does bind a family, mend fences, and thicken the blood ties. My relationship with my brother and his family even warmed.

  One late May day three years after I had brought Adam home, Willy and I were relaxing at our pool and watching him explore the yard, challenging birds, hunting down different insects as he made his way over the grass. He was as firm and muscular as Willy had hoped he would be. I could see her envisioning all the athletic training she would give him. She had no fear about his being competitive or aggressive.

  I had never told her exactly what I had seen at Dr. Aaron’s home. All she knew was, I had found the baby there and brought him home. I was afraid that she would think I had even gone farther off the deep end, or she would believe every word and not want to go near Adam.

  I knew she wondered if I still harbored what she called my fantastic beliefs.

  “Tell me something, Kate,” she said as a cloud passing over the sun dragged its shadow over Adam, following him on
his journey toward the casita.

  “What?”

  “Are you ever afraid?”

  “Of what?”

  “Of him?”

  I started to smile and then stopped.

  “No,” I said with as much confidence as I could muster.

  “Why not? You don’t think he’s inherited evil?”

  “Not any more than any of us,” I replied, and she laughed.

  “Seriously,” she said. “No more of those nightmares, no more of those dreams?”

  “It doesn’t matter what comes. A mother’s love is more powerful,” I said. “It can defeat it all.” She started to laugh at me and then stopped.

  “You really believe that?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Not the power of the Almighty? Just the power of a mother’s love?”

  “Yes.”

  “Sounds pretty vain, Kate, pretty arrogant. Isn’t pride Satan’s favorite sin?”

  “I’ll risk it. For him,” I said.

  Willy laughed again, but it was a thinner, more nervous laugh.

  And Adam, who had reached the casita, pulled himself up to look in the window. He stood there, gazing through the glass as if there was something truly wondrous inside.

  Then he turned slowly to look our way.

  And in his face I saw that I had truly gone too far to be saved.