by K. C. Enders
I loosen my tie and grab some blankets and a pillow from the hall closet, throwing them to the couch.
Relieved to see nothing new from Lis, I call my mum, peeling off my suit while I fill her in on Lorna.
LIS
I can’t stay at this reception any longer. I have smiled and nodded politely through all the comments about everyone assuming it would be me and Rob getting married. I have answered all the tacky questions about when Rob and Maryse “started” dating. I stuff down my desire to tell every single one of them what a lying cheating bastard he is and how much they deserve the misery of each other.
But I don’t.
I sip my drink, far slower than I want to. It’s the same one I started the night with. Aidan was supposed to be by my side for this. He was supposed to be my buffer from all of these shitty meddling people. When he told me he had to leave, that Francie called with an emergency, I tried to be understanding. I tried to have a brave face.
I tried.
I set the watered-down whiskey on the table with a sigh and reach for my bag to order an Uber and meet Aidan at McBride’s.
Somehow, I’ve been able to avoid Rob’s parents. Do they know he cheated on me? Do they care? I don’t know. I’ve managed to avoid Maryse and Rob, too.
Until now.
Like she’s on a mission, Maryse bustles through her audience cutting off my escape. “You weren’t going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?” Hand on her hip, champagne glass in the other, she literally blocks me from leaving.
I paste a smile on my face. “Of course not, Maryse. Congratulations to you both and thank you for inviting me to celebrate with you. Your wedding was just lovely.” My words are as fake as our relationship and it shows.
I try to step around her, but she’s not done with me.
“Where’d your date go? Couldn’t keep hold of him either?” she sneers.
“What? For the love of God, Maryse, leave it alone. You won, okay? You have Rob, and really, Aidan wanted to thank you both for that in person, but he had to leave unexpectedly. There was an emergency and he had to rush off.”
I have never understood why she hates me so much, but this is the end.
“Mhmmm—his emergency. I heard him on the phone earlier, have fun dealing with that…again.”
Why? What is wrong with these people?
The Uber driver tries to make conversation, but I have nothing more for him than an occasional uh-huh, and a thank you when I hop out at the pub. Thinking my night can’t get any worse, I step through the door and my heart—my heart stops.
I close my eyes, trying desperately to convince myself that I’m not seeing this. When I open them again, my heart cracks, the pain slashing through my chest almost convinces me I’ve died from this.
I drag my gaze to the bar and see Finn seething at Aidan. The sound of a pregnant woman soothing Aidan as he rests his hand on her belly, his shoulders shaking. Telling him they’ll be okay.
That’s what truly breaks me.
Hopeless and destroyed, once again, in less than a year, I turn and walk away from the man I love. But it’s worse this time. So much worse.
Tears stream down my face as the door slams behind me.
What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? I can’t go home. Home. God, I can’t do this.
On autopilot, I head up the street to my old apartment praying that Gracyn is home. My mind is blank but spinning a hundred miles an hour. My car, he has my car. Kate. Gracyn has a new roommate. I shake my head, running up the stairs. I don’t know what I’m going to do if they’re not here. I knock on the door and wait. It’s Saturday night, they’re probably out.
I knock again, pleasepleaseplease falling off my tongue.
“Gracyn—please.” I call into the crack of the door.
“Lis, honey, what happened? Come here.” The sound of her voice, here at the door of this apartment—Gracyn ushers me in and when my back hits the wall, I slide down to a heap on the floor. Down into the misery of another broken heart. Down into the familiar place of despair and confusion.
I let the sobs wash over me and cling to Gracyn. Just barely registering when she hisses, “I’m gonna fucking kill him.”
I cry.
I sob.
I fall apart tucked into Gracyn’s side. And once again, a wad of tissues is thrust into my hand as my best friend soothes my hair out of my face and rubs my back.
“Hey, come on, Lis. Tell me what happened. Where’s Aidan?”
All I can manage through the hiccupping sobs is to shake my head. I can’t say the words. I can’t. I want so much for this not to be real.
“Oh shit.” Kate huffs out as she walks out of my bedroom—her bedroom. What am I going to do? “Do we know yet if this is a chocolate cry or are we going straight for the tequila?”
“I sure as hell need some tequila, maybe a dull steak knife to castrate the bastard,” Gracyn grits out. “I warned him—I told him I’d cut it off if he broke her heart. Jesus.”
It should bother me that Gracyn and Kate are talking about me like I’m not here. But their murmured threats and plans to take care of me, protect me, calm my sobs to a steady stream of tears.
“C-can I stay here tonight? I can’t go home, G.” Kate’s face is filled with sympathy as she pushes up off the floor and heads down the hall. “Sorry. I don’t—I can find somewhere else.”
“Why would you do that?”
Glasses clink in the kitchen before Kate comes back around the corner. Dropping a t-shirt and leggings on the back of the couch as she passes, with her hands filled with tequila, my bottle of bourbon, and a couple shot glasses.
“Go get changed, Lis, we’re gonna need the whole story.”
After changing into Kate’s clothes and scrubbing my face, I shuffle back into the living room and drop down in the corner of the couch. Gracyn hands me a box of tissues and a tumbler of bourbon while Kate finishes sending a text—from my phone.
“What—did he send a message?” I hate the hope bleeding through my question, my voice still thick with tears.
“You let him know that you’re spending the night here.” Kate glances down as my phone pings. “And he says he wants to talk in the morning. You ready to spill?”
She powers my phone down and sets it in the kitchen.
“This whole day can eat a dick.” I gulp down half my bourbon and revel in the warmth as it slides down my throat. “I was leaving the reception to catch up with Aidan, and Maryse had some shit comment about him running off and that she heard all about his emergency and—”
“Wait, he left you at the reception? What the hell?” Gracyn plops herself on the other end of the couch.
“Yeah, he had a bunch of texts and missed calls. Francie was blowing up his phone. Said there was an emergency and he needed Aidan at McBride’s immediately. So, he left and, the things people will say—unreal.”
As bad as the wedding was at the time, relaying the horrors of it are far better than thinking about what comes next. I know the wait is killing Gracyn, but she gathers all her patience and fills my tumbler while I tell them about Tyler at the church, the comments at the reception. I even laugh at some of the shit people thought it was okay to ask me.
“But why did he leave you, Lis? What was the big issue at McBride’s?” Gracyn pushes me, knowing I’ll avoid this as long as I can.
It’s not cold in the room at all, but I pull the blanket off the back of the couch, wrapping it around me. When I have that settled, I reach for a throw pillow still feeling far too exposed. Hugging it to my chest, I blow out a big breath readying myself for opening the scabs and scars on my heart.
“I walked into McBride’s and he was bent over a pregnant woman with his hand on her belly, crying.”
I almost can’t get the words out. Tears stream down my face again, the little details I couldn’t process at the time are all I can focus on now. The way they held hands, the soft way she looked at him. The sweet lilt of her voice as she talked abo
ut this baby—their baby.
“She’s Irish, I heard her talking, shushing him while he cried over her. Telling him…” I have to pause. I grab tissues from the table and wipe my tears.
I’m so sick of crying.
“Telling him what, sweetie?” Kate folds her long legs into the chair across from me.
“…that they can get through this together. That everything will be okay, now. They were both folded into each other, crying and holding on to the baby between them. This is worse—so much worse.”
The pain where my heart used to beat is excruciating. It’s off the pain scale. The pile of tissues on my lap is growing with each passing minute.
“Maybe…maybe it’s not what it looked like?” Kate offers hopefully. “How pregnant do you think? Could it, I don’t know…”
“It doesn’t matter. Tonight, we drink and eat ice cream. Tomorrow, we’ll deal with this shit.” Gracyn nods, her plans made, everything in its tidy little box.
I just can’t with this whole thing. I reach for the bottle, filling my tumbler again.
I fell asleep curled into the couch with Gracyn tucked into the opposite end. My face is swollen from crying, my head hurts from bourbon and I drag myself into the bathroom to see just how bad the damage is.
One quick glance in the mirror and I get the shower going. With my forehead on the cold granite counter top, I dig deep, building the wall back up around my heart. With repetition, comes strength. There are so many sayings for moments like these. Lemons and lemonade. Bootstraps. Not getting more than you can handle. I run through them like a mantra as I shower and grab some clothes from Gracyn’s room.
I braid my hair, and tiptoe to the kitchen, grabbing my phone. There are no new messages when I power it back on. Just the one Kate sent last night and Aidan’s response.
I order an Uber and jot Kate and Gracyn a note. Gracyn would go with me in a heartbeat, but I need to do this alone. I grab a coffee from the bakery across the street and send Aidan a text that I’m on my way.
Chapter 37
Lis
I haven’t heard from Aidan, but the door is unlocked like he’s waiting for me. I shouldn’t feel nervous walking into our apartment, but my palms are sweating and the hairs are standing up on the back of my neck.
“Aidan?”
He doesn’t answer, but I hear water filling the tub. Could I have totally misread what I saw? Maybe it’s not what I thought. I drop my purse on the counter next to where he left my keys and head down the hall.
The sheets are rumpled on my bed, my candles are lit in the bathroom. And the woman he was with last night walks out of my bedroom with my robe wrapped around her perfectly round pregnant belly.
Nonononono.
“Back already, love? Did you forget your wallet?” Her singsong voice slices through me and I can’t help the gasp that escapes me. Startled, her hand flies to her chest and, “Jaysus wept, ye scared me.”
I have no words. My mouth opens and closes, but nothing. I stand there like an idiot staring at her, my heart trying to decide whether to race—or just stop.
“You’re Lis, then.” She looks me up and down, appraising me. Her tone is not as sweet as when she thought I was Aidan. Her eyes narrow. “He’s not here. He ran out to grab a few things, for the next couple days, just until we go to the city this week.”
“Who—wh-what do you mean?” There they are, those words I’ve been waiting for. And they are absolute gibberish.
“Aidan and I are going to the city. He’s a job there this week and then we’re on to Dublin. Did he not tell you?” Her hand rubs lazy circles on her belly drawing my attention to the baby growing in there.
She knows his schedule. She’s in my house.
Cocking her brow, she jeers, “He didn’t tell you about this then, either? To be fair, it happened just before he left. Aidan didn’t even know about the baby for a few months. He needed to get away and I love him enough to have given him that. But you have to understand, we always planned to raise our kids together. Always. And that didn’t change with Michael’s death.”
Her hands are splayed across her, smoothing my robe. Showing off the innocent child that will kill me.
There is no way in hell that I can come between them. I can’t do it. Aidan was obviously hers first. They have a past.
And that past is growing into Aidan’s future.
Nodding my head, listening to her words, it becomes clear to me. I love him too much for there to be any other choice.
“I-I need to grab some of my things. I—”
“Of course. I’ll just pop in to take my bath, stay out of your way.” She smiles victoriously.
I won’t keep him away from this baby.
The quiet click of the bathroom door launches me into action. I grab my suitcase and fill it with clothes, throwing shoes on top of my scrubs, clearing out as much as I can jam in there. Shoving my makeup into my computer bag.
With a quick look around the room, my eyes land on the picture on Aidan’s nightstand. It’s from the beach. He’s squinting at me, the bright sunlight glinting off the water. We’re laughing, his arms thrown around me. Arms I thought would keep me safe, give me comfort.
Arms that will soon be holding and loving a new baby.
Willing my tears away, I twist off the beautiful ring he gave me and set it in front of the picture frame. My bags behind me, I rush through the apartment stopping only to grab my purse and keys.
I stumble on the stairs, laden down with my heavy bags, barely catching myself before I fall. I need to go. I need to be gone before Aidan comes back.
I shove everything into my car and drive straight back to Gracyn’s curling up on her couch and losing what’s left of my heart.
AIDAN
My love-hate relationship with the pub is strong this morning. Finn insisted on ripping my arse, face to face, and I missed Lis’ text while he was stressing just how badly I’d fucked up with her.
“Fuckin’ watched ’er ’eart break when she walked in the door.”
His fist takes me by surprise, snapping my head back.
“Told ye I’d kick yer arse, if ye fuckin’ dicked ’er ’round.”
As his fist struck my jaw for the second time, it pounded home the fact that what she walked in on may have looked very different from what it was. I thought I would be introducing my best friend and the love of my life, but now I need to do a little crisis management instead.
Busting through the door of the flat, I call out for Lisbeth.
“She’s come and gone already. I was in the bath, but it sounded like she packed a bag and left,” Lorna answers around her cup of tea.
I push past her, striding into the bedroom. The bed is perfectly made, everything looks in order, but her case and computer are gone. Her drawers and closet empty. I pull out my phone and click on her contact. Six rings. Six hundred beats of my heart, and no answer. I try again. And again. I try until my calls are automatically rejected.
I send text after text. I’m on the tenth message when I see they’re not being delivered.
“What happened? What did she say?”
This is so much worse than I ever imagined. I turn, facing Lorna, pleading for her to help me make sense of this. My skin is too tight, and my jaw aches from Finn’s right hook.
Lorna gasps as she feathers her fingers over my swelling cheekbone. “Oh my God, Aidan what happened? Were you attacked?”
I push her hand away, shaking my head.
“Lorna, what happened?”
Tears cloud her eyes. “I’m sorry, Aidan. She said she made a mistake. That you were just a distraction.” She puts her hand on my arm trying to ease the bomb she just dropped on me. “She said if you love her at all, you’ll respect her need for time and a little distance. She suggested you go home, visit your parents while she sorts herself.” Tentatively, she wraps her arms around my waist, hugging me.
Resting a hand on her shoulder, I close my eyes trying to figure out what
to do.
How often have I told Lis that I don’t want to be a distraction? That I won’t come between her and school. Maybe I pushed her too hard. Wanted her too fast.
She pulled back after our first dinner out, it took her weeks to come back ’round and talk to me. The time we spent in the garden and then the darkroom. That’s when things really changed. I should have held back, not taken advantage of the heat of that. Fucking hell, I couldn’t even help her study for her class, without having to push things further.
And then pushing her to move in—make this commitment.
I look at the wall above our bed. The picture I took of her in the garden, sunlight filtering all around her. The one of her soaking in the tub, bubbles spilling over the edges. Moments of love captured and frozen in time.
“Can you give me a minute? I need to talk to—” My voice thick with emotion, I realize the only person I want to talk to, is the one who needs space. The one who needs time away from me. I untangle myself from Lorna and wait as she closes the door softly behind her.
I sag down on the edge of the bed, elbows on my knees. I shouldn’t have left her last night. She needed me and I left. Finn was fucking right. I failed her when she fucking needed me the most.
I call Gracyn, desperate to know where Lisbeth is, but the call goes nowhere. She must have blocked my number.
The only thing I can do is give her what she’s asked for. All I’ve wanted was to help her, to make things easier for her. To give her the love and support she needed to reach her goal—and I fucked it all up.
I drop my head into my hands making peace with what I know I have to do. The light streaming in through the window glints off the photo Lis took of us at the beach.
I pick up the frame and knock something to the floor. When my fingers meet cold metal, the lump in my throat becomes too hard to swallow around. I clutch her ring over my heart. My arse hits the floor when I slide down off the mattress, my back propped against the side of the bed. I don’t know how long I sit there, the symbol of all I hoped for clutched to the spot Lis always rested her hand. I held it right fucking there yesterday.
