by K. C. Enders
Scrubbing the tears from my face, I stand and slide the ring on the little finger of my left hand. Without thinking I reach for Lis’ school bag knowing she keeps a pad of paper in there. My hand drops to my side and with a shuddering breath it hits me again that she’s gone.
I shuffle out to the kitchen and pull my credit card from my wallet, letting it fall to the counter. I slide it to Lorna. “I have to run out, need to let Francie know I’m leaving. Can”—Jesus, I can’t believe I’m doing this—“can you book me a flight home? End of this week, if you can get us on the same flight. I’ll be done with the shoot late Thursday, so—I don’t know, as soon as possible.”
My eyes never leave the counter as the images of eating breakfast—making dinner—with Lis flash through my memory.
Francie opens his door after three raps of my knuckles and zeroes right in on the bruise blossoming on my cheek.
“Looks like Finn talked to you already. Come in and tell me your troubles, then.”
Francie’s little house backs up to the pub and looks like an eighty-year-old grandmother lives here. He straightens a lacy circle on the back of a chair before offering me a seat on the dainty floral couch.
It’s my first time here and I can’t help looking for the twenty-three cats he’s probably collecting.
I perch on the edge of the uncomfortable couch, hating what I came here to say. There’s no reason to put it off any longer. I twirl my key ring around the key to McBride’s.
“I’m leaving.”
He leans back into the uptight chair he’s sitting in, his forehead wrinkled in surprise. “That’s not what I expected. Have ye told Lis?”
“It was her idea, Francie. Said I was a distraction. To go home and see my family while she sorts herself.”
I feel him staring at me, but I can’t face him. I can’t look him in the eye.
“I leave in the morning for a photo shoot in New York City and then we’ll fly out Friday. Don’t know when I’ll be back.”
I pull the key to the pub off the ring and place it on the glass-topped coffee table.
“We?”
“I’m booked on the same flight as Lorna.” My voice catches and I have to swallow back the tears that burn behind my lids. “It just makes sense to travel home with her.”
“Not a thing about this makes sense and ye know it.” He fixes me with the same look he gave me last night.
“Leaving Lisbeth is the last thing I want to do,” I grind out, pain shooting through my bruised face as I work my jaw back and forth.
“Then why are you doin’ it? Stay. Tell ’er how important she is. That you’ll do what she needs, stay out of ’er way, if that’s what she wants. But do it from here.”
He’s spent so much time in the past six months threatening me—pushing me away from her. The change of heart throws me off.
“Why? She doesn’t want me here. Why are you so invested in this now? You’ve been warning me off at almost every turn.”
“Because I love that girl like she’s my own. And I’ve not seen her this happy, this settled in all the time I’ve known her. Let me talk to her, find out her reasoning before you go.”
He’s right. Nothing makes sense anymore.
I pull the envelope from my back pocket, her ring safely tucked inside. “I’m going. I’ll visit my family, then…I don’t know, then I’ll come back if she wants me. Will you give her this, though? Please?”
He makes me wait a lifetime, before he reaches out to take the envelope.
A tight-lipped nod.
A heartfelt hug.
A silent farewell.
And I go back to the flat I shared with Lis for far too little time. Avoiding Lorna, I go straight to the bedroom and pack my bag, only what I need for work and a visit to my parents. The rest of my stuff I box up and move to the storage room off the kitchen.
Chapter 38
Lis
Five days. He’s been gone five days and I’m pretty sure I’m dying.
He’s not even really gone, though. Or maybe he is. I don’t know.
I knew he would be in the city all week, I was prepared for that part. I was prepared to spend all weekend just being with him, neither one of us scheduled to work.
I never imagined that I would lose him.
Stupid.
So instead of hanging out all weekend with Aidan, I wake up on Gracyn’s couch again. Not that I really slept. I can’t.
“Hey, what are you doing awake so early?” Gracyn shuffles out and drops down in the corner of the couch.
“Not really sleeping all that great.” I push up so I’m sitting in the opposite corner, blankets all wrapped around me. “What did I miss? I just don’t understand, G.”
She doesn’t have the answer any more than I do.
There is no answer.
“You should come out with us tonight, Lis. Just for one drink—” She starts pushing as soon as I start shaking my head.
“I don’t think so. I…I have things I have to take care of today. I need,” Lord, this hurts, “I need to find a place to live.”
I twist the blanket around my fingers, avoiding looking at her.
“Nuh uh. This is your apartment too. You can stay here as long as you need.”
“I can’t. It’s not fair to you and it sure isn’t fair to Kate. She moved in here to get away from relationship shit, she doesn’t need mine.”
I’m feeling so sorry for myself, I can’t even pretend to hide it.
“Fine. Look for a place, but you can’t commit to anything today. Promise me. And come out for a drink with us. You can’t sit here all weekend, you have to get out.”
I open my laptop and start looking for a place to live while Gracyn makes coffee. There’s nothing. Nothing I can afford alone.
“Mornin’.” Kate stumbles out in a hungover haze and heads straight for the kitchen.
I know it’s fruitless, but I do a search for roommates wanted and come up empty there as well. Kate and Gracyn bring steaming cups of coffee and the rest of last night’s pizza, dropping the box on a stack of magazines on the table.
Kate dives into the pizza, not saying another word until she’s downed two slices. “So, you’re going out with us tonight?”
Jesus, it’s not even ten o’clock in the morning and the hungover kindergarten teacher is making drinking plans for the night.
I tilt my head side to side, not ready to commit. “Maybe? I guess?”
Kate nods like it’s a done deal—set in stone—while I’m still trying to think of ways to get out of going.
“I’m gonna run some errands this morning, I-I’ll be back later.”
I climb off the couch, starting back toward Gracyn’s room. She cleared some space in her closet for me but this needs to end. I can’t stay on the couch for much longer.
“Want me to come with you?” Gracyn is right behind me. Ready to catch me, like she knows I’m gonna fall.
“No, I just…” I don’t know what I need. Well, I do, but he’s gone. “I just need some alone time. I need to figure this out, G.”
I grab some clothes and shower as fast as I can. I miss my bathroom. I miss my tub. I miss Aidan.
I get in my car and drive aimlessly. People are out, living their lives and I’m—I’m what? Sleeping on my best friend’s couch, because someone else is living in my old room.
Just like someone else is loving my old boyfriend.
I stop at the farmer’s market on my way through town and grab a couple peaches and a scone. Cold pizza didn’t do it for me earlier.
Without thinking, I drive north toward the river and head to the mansion. I sit on the massive stone deck, leaning against a marble column. Usually this place gives me such peace, a sense of calm. Today, my heart hurts and being here, looking out over the water does nothing for me.
I wander down to the gardens. The gardens. If I can’t get him out of my mind, I might as well surround myself with him. Make myself sick on the memories of us. Mayb
e then, I can purge them. I sit on steps where Aidan stood taking the picture of me that hangs on our bedroom wall.
My mind won’t stop racing through our time together. Looking for the signs I obviously missed. The signs that there was someone else and once again, I am temporary and easily replaced.
“Lisbeth, you have a minute?” Francie calls to me from the bakery across the street. I’d stayed in the garden far longer than I had planned and of course, got nowhere on finding a place to live. “Come, let me buy you a cuppa and a treat, yeah?”
With a quick check for traffic, I cross the street and run straight into Francie’s arms. He holds me tight and pats my back, shushing me until my grip around him relaxes a bit. He guides me inside and to the counter.
“Hey, Roxie, can I have a large iced coffee with almond milk?” I place my order and move to the side.
“A cuppa black for me and two of those chocolate tortes for us. Thanks, love.”
I hit the trifecta—groan, eye roll and smile at sweet Francie. “The chocolate. How’d you know I need that?”
“Figure we need it for our chat. How’re ya?”
He steps back giving me the lead to find a table. We settle in by the window and Roxie places our yummies in front of us and skips away. I want to feel that carefree again.
“I’m alright.” I shrug a shoulder and pick at the smattering of raspberries centered on the torte.
“Yeah? You’re not a very good liar. Never have been.” Francie eyes me over his steaming mug and chuckles. “Haven’t seen much of ye this week.”
I fight the tears and push a big sigh out through my nose, lips rolled in between my teeth. I shrug again.
“I didn’t really feel like peopling this week.”
“Stop playin’ wit’ your food and eat it already. Where’ve you been? Stayin’ wit’ Gracyn? Doesn’t she have a new roommate now?”
I nod, taking a bite of the dense chocolate cake. Trying hard not to think of all the times Aidan and I shared this dessert—the heat in his eyes as I slid the decadent confection off my fork.
“Mhmmm. I looked online for a new place, but I can’t afford anything on my own, and the whole strange roommate thing freaks me out. I-I miss—”
“I know. Still don’t understand what happened,” he says.
I have nothing to say. I don’t really know what happened either, so I stare out the window and avoid looking at my friend. When enough time has passed, that he knows I’m not going to make eye contact, Francie pulls an envelope from his shirt pocket and places it on the table in front of me.
“He came by Sunday. Asked me to make sure ye got this. I held off hoping he’d come to his senses, but…”
I tear my eyes away from the pot of flowers I’ve been staring at and look at the envelope. My name is scrawled across the front of it. Aidan’s ridiculously beautiful writing over the top of an odd bulge.
“I don’t want it. I don’t need his excuses.”
I push it away, the bulge taking shape.
Nonono.
Tears form and hang on my lashes. “I can’t, Francie.”
“Lissy, I don’t know much about anythin’ other than nothin’, but I can recognize when things have gone tits up. You’re both thinkin’ the worst and maybe…maybe you’re both wrong.” He slides a napkin across the table to me. “Do you want me to leave ye while ye read it?”
I dab at my tears and shake my head. “Stay.” I hold the envelope, feeling the weight of it, knowing that it’s going to rip the scab off the barely stemmed flow of my fragile heart.
I unfold his note, placing the ring on table next to my plate. The words blur as my hands tremble and shake.
Lisbeth,
This ring is yours, always. How you wear it is up to you. I want it all, but I’m afraid I’ve driven you away and that was never my intent.
I’m away to Dublin to see my family and give you the space you need. The last thing I ever wanted was to become a distraction. You and your needs were always first and foremost in my mind.
Our flat is paid up through the end of your school term. Stay there. I want to know that you’ve a safe place to stay. I’ll stay at the loft when I get back.
“Too many people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.” I value every moment we’ve spent together, and every memory we’ve made.
I love you always,
Aidan
Oscar Wilde—he quoted Oscar Wilde. My heart tap dances beneath my ribs.
“I don’t know where you both got lost, but I’ve not seen that man as devastated since he showed up in my pub after his brother died, Lis. Sure, it didn’t help that Finn got his fists to him first, but Aidan was ruined.”
I twirl the ring around on the table, lift it and test it out on my pointer finger, spinning it around. “What do you mean? Finn hit him?”
Something feels off—wrong—somehow.
“Called him to the pub Sunday morning and laid him low. Told him how things might’ve looked to ye, not knowing Lorna.” Francie stacks his empty plates and pushes them to the edge of the table.
“What?”
Chapter 39
Aidan
“These were the only seats available when you booked us?”
I fold myself into the postage stamp-sized space. In the center of the plane. In the middle bank of seats. In the center of the row. And all I have running through my head is the song “Stuck in the Middle with You,” Bublé’s version, not the old one. We’re so tucked in here, changing seats with Lorna won’t win me any extra leg room.
“There were the two seats in first class.” She smirks at me.
This last-minute fare set me back a ridiculous amount of money, no way was a first-class upgrade even an option. I push myself back into my seat as far as I can, hating everything about this trip.
I check my phone for the millionth time this week, the millionth time today. Not that I really expect Lisbeth to call or text, not if I’ve been labeled a distraction. I have seven hours of absolutely no distractions to think about what happened. To think about Lis.
The past week had been so busy with shoots, editing the final product and getting things squared away for the week or so that I’ll be gone. I don’t intend for it to be any longer than that. I’ve started building my life—the life I want is here in the States.
I scrub my hands over my face, and check my phone one last time before turning it off for the flight. I try again to relax and get comfortable, but it’s just not going to happen. The flight attendants run through their bit and I really only pay attention when they get to the part about the booze available.
“You excited to go home?” Lorna tries to chat with me, but I’m tired. I’m cranky.
“Yeah. Sure.” I close my eyes, hoping she’ll stop. I just don’t want to talk.
“Your mum will be so happy to have you back.” She’s not getting it.
I tune her out for a bit as the plane taxis and takes off, counting the minutes for the pub in the sky to open and let me drown my sorrows.
It’s pretty obvious I’ve been ignoring Lorna when my eyes pop open at the formal offer of a beverage. I order whiskey for me and the three pregnant women in my row, not that I plan on sharing with them.
How does that even happen? How is it that I’m squished into this tiny space with three women growing tiny humans? Maybe that’s why it feels so damn crowded in here.
“Thanks,” I mumble as the four little bottles of liquor are distributed through the row, along with the drinks the ladies actually wanted. I’m not fooling anyone and we all know it. The stewardess, Marta, must feel for me, or something. The little bottles appear on my tray table as soon as Marta moves on to the next row.
As the third one empties down my throat, Lorna starts again, trying to draw me out of my fit.
“It’s been almost six months, Aidan. It’s time you’re home. Your family needs you. The life you have in Dublin is still there for you.”
“My life i
s in New York,” I huff out, disgusted with this whole thing. “What—what exactly did she say to you, Lorna? It’s killing me. I feel like I finally found what you and Michael had. I love her, fought so hard to get her to trust me, to give me a chance.”
I roll my head on the seat back to face her. I line the empty bottles up in a nice neat row across the top edge of my tray. “What did I do wrong? How did I screw this up?”
We’ve been friends for so long. So. Long. Surely Lorna can help me understand where I went wrong. Her cool hand picks up mine, stilling it from the nervous fiddling with the bottles. She holds it possessively on her belly, my nephew moving and stretching. The pressure calming both of us, lulling both the baby and me into a state of security.
Lorna’s melodic voice is quiet, soothing. She practically coos at me.
“She said she made a mistake. That she was wrong about your relationship. Said you’re not right for each other, and she was going to go home, spend time with her family as well, and focus on herself. That she needed time for her.”
Lies. Nothing but lies and they roll off her tongue effortlessly.
I pull my hand back and glare at her while keeping my voice even and low. “You’re full of shite.”
Lorna and the woman on the other side of me both gasp.
“Wh-what? I—no—that’s what she said.” Lorna’s face is turning red and her left eye is twitching. It’s her tell.
This girl and I lied our way out of all kinds of mischief growing up, I’ve seen that eye twitch more than I care to think of right now.
“Her family’s not in her life. Certainly, they’re not her ‘safe’ place. Not where she’d go to sort herself.” I turn toward her as much as I can in this tiny seat. “What really happened? Tell me the fucking truth, Lorna. The truth.”
Her deception is too much. The way she played Lis, the lies she wove, there’s no excuse for those. Having to sit next to her for the remainder of that flight while she cried and I seethed was uncomfortable for everyone around us.
