by K. C. Enders
All of that is enough to send me off the deep end. As soon as the plane lands, I pull the airline website up on my phone and try as I might, I can’t make a reservation on a flight back. I close down my phone and tuck it away as I approach the customs area. The anger vibrating inside me is barely contained as I stride through to the next available agent.
“Papers.”
I shove them across the counter.
“Can you help me? I tried to make a return reservation as soon as I deplaned and the system won’t let me. Do you know what that’s about?”
I need to get back to the States as soon as possible. I need to explain to Lis what happened—that Lorna lied.
To both of us.
“Sir, there seems to be an issue with your last visa. How long were you out of the country?” Fuck.
“Since March? But I started the process of renewing it—changing the designation before I left the States. I need to get back.”
He flips my passport closed, hands it back to me and waves me through.
“You’ll want to go to the state department and start working on that to get things sorted. Should be able to travel back in a couple months. Next.”
“What? No, I can’t wait. I have to go back soon—now.”
He yells, “Next” again, and I’m absolutely fucked.
Lorna sniffles as she takes her papers from the agent next to mine and moves slowly toward baggage claim to collect her case.
“Did you hear that? Did you, Lorna?” I’m doing everything not to draw attention, but I’m livid. “I’m stuck here, for months. Months until I can get back to Lis and try to fix this shit.”
I’m tired. My face is red and I am shaking all over and no matter how much control I want to have, my voice is rising. I’m not surprised to see a TSA agent striding toward us.
“Is there a problem here? Ma’am, do you need us to escort this man away? Is he threatening you?” He’s got a hand on his baton and one on his walkie, ready to call for backup.
“No, I’m fine. Thank you.” Thank Christ.
“About fucking time you start telling the truth.” I grumble it low. The last thing I need is to be detained in the airport.
“I’m sorry, Aidan. I’m so sorry.”
I’m done with her. Done. But I’m not a complete asshole. I grab both of our cases from the conveyor and head for the exit.
It’s pissing rain and my phone pings as I move off to the side of the door.
It’s my dad.
Traffic is snarled and he’s going to be a bit.
It’s the middle of the night in Beekman Hills, but I don’t care. I send the first of what will be a million texts to Lisbeth, hoping she’ll listen—that she’ll forgive this mess.
Chapter 40
Lis
My phone has been pinging with incoming texts since two o’clock in the morning. I only hung with Gracyn and Kate until about midnight. We’d had dinner and gone to a club dancing, but when they decided to go to McBride’s, I just couldn’t.
Not yet.
Instead I grabbed my bag from their apartment and drove home.
Home.
All of Aidan’s stuff was in the storage room behind the pantry. His closet empty, his drawers cleared, toiletries gone. I had a new understanding of how he must have felt when he saw the empty spaces I had left last week.
Only a week has passed. How was that possible? It feels like a lifetime.
I twist my ring in my pocket. I still can’t put it back on, but also can’t bear to not have it near. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to.
Searching for signs that that woman left some mark while she was here, I dragged my bag back to our—my room.
I hate her.
There was no way I was willing to take any chances that she’d had the decency to change the sheets before she left, so after taking care of that, I crawled into bed. I flipped and rolled until I finally got comfortable only to hear the pinging of my text notification. I had turned it off, but now—now it’s time.
There are more than twenty messages. Mostly from Aidan, telling me he loves me, needs to talk to me. They are full of excuses, claiming I don’t understand. No shit.
The last one though, is long. Desperate, almost. His tone is different, prompting me to really read it, not just scroll through it like I did with the others.
A: Please call me as soon as you get this. I’m stuck. I can’t get back to you. This is the biggest cockup ever and I need to talk to you, I need to see you and I fucking can’t. Please, Lis. Please call me.
I lay there thinking. Do I want to talk to him? Do I want to give him a chance to feed me lines and bullshit excuses?
I feel so overwhelmed between the letter yesterday and all of these messages. I don’t know what I want.
That’s not true. I know what I want, I just don’t know that I can have it, that it’s still in my reach.
The messages and calls continue, making my phone buzz and ping until I just turn it off again.
I let days pass—weeks. I’m getting ready to start my last semester of college. I can’t piss away all my hard work because of a bump in my road. Because I made a mistake. I gave too much of myself, too soon and it ended poorly.
He’s all I think about. It’s taken until tonight to even step foot back in McBride’s, and it was awful. I was nervous walking in there, but it was so much worse than I’d imagined.
The unfamiliar face behind the bar caused my steps to falter. The accent, the lilt of his voice wasn’t right when the new bartender asked for my order.
It surprised me, shocked me, that this is what affected me so severely. This was Aidan’s place. This was where we started, and in a way, it’s where we came undone.
I felt his loss like a heavy blanket, weighing me down. Suffocating me. I couldn’t stay, everything about being there felt wrong. I turned and left without a word, shaking the tears away.
Safe in my bed, I read each of his messages. I’ve read them so many times, I have them memorized yet they give me nothing, no direction. No idea of how to put this behind me and move on. Gripping the case so hard it creaks, I swipe the screen waking the display and see another text from Aidan.
Please.
My thumb hovers over the button, and something in me cracks. I need closure.
The message was sent hours ago. Probably as he was lying in bed. I talk myself in and out of calling him a thousand times before I do it.
“Lisbeth.” He answers right away, like his sole purpose since he left was waiting for my call.
It’s three o’clock in the morning in Dublin.
“Hey.” Now that I’ve done it, broken down and finally called him, all my thoughts fly from my head, leaving me with nothing.
Silence drags, weighing the air between us. There is so much he needs to explain to me, so much I need to say and suddenly, it doesn’t feel right, doing this over the phone. We’re too far apart, too disconnected.
“I need to see you.” I hardly breathe as I force each syllable past my lips.
“I can’t come back, I—there’s an issue with my visa. I—”
The words tumble from my mouth. “I’ll book a flight. I have a few days right before classes start. I need to know what happened, what I did, where I went wrong. This is my last semester and I can’t afford to flake on this now. You owe me this.”
I don’t know where that strength came from, but the lead blanket that has been sitting on my chest for the past couple of weeks seems to have shifted.
“I’ll pay—please—anything.” His voice washes over me wrapping me in his sadness.
I’m glad. Glad he’s upset, glad that I’m not alone in this.
“No. I’ve got it. You’ve paid the rent on our apartment, I can do this. I-I’ll send you my arrival information in the morning, but I have to finish up some things here before I leave.”
“Of course, yeah.” Relief with a touch of desperation, bleeds through the miles.
“I love yo
u, Lisbeth.”
“Okay. Um…I’ll text you in the morning. Bye.” I disconnect quickly, harshly, but that’s all I can handle right now.
I pull my computer off the nightstand and book a flight to Dublin.
Why am I doing this? The customs area is jam packed with tired cranky people wanting to get their luggage and breathe fresh air for the first time in hours.
I pull my phone out to let Aidan know I’ve landed. The guy behind me in line taps my shoulder and point to the sign that mobile phone use is strictly prohibited in this area. With a tight smile and a nod of thanks, I put it back in my bag catching the glare of a customs agent.
The line creeps forward so slowly. The thoughts I’ve barely suppressed since I boarded the plane bombard me. Tired and nervous, I shuffle my feet, one step forward, wait, wait, wait.
Am I going to have to see her? Being civil to that woman is not something I think I can do.
It takes almost an hour to make it through this mess and to baggage claim. The conveyor is empty, bags lined up along the wall—all of them except mine.
My bag sits on the floor next to the man I’m here to see. Hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans, he shifts on his feet and smiles tightly.
“Hi.” I wipe my sweaty hands on my pants.
“Hey. Did ye have a good flight?”
His gaze bounces from my face to the ceiling, the wall behind me, finally landing on mine.
Pressing my lips together, I nod and lean in to grab my bag.
Aidan stoops, grabbing it before I can get to it, settling it on his shoulder.
All I want is to step into him, his arms wrapped around me—enveloped in him. Instead, I follow silently out to a small blue SUV.
We stand staring at each other over the top of the car, neither of us saying a word.
Things have changed. Every single time we’ve gone out together, Aidan has always—always—opened my door for me. Until now. I blink back the tears threatening to fall; I shouldn’t have come.
“Think you’re up to drivin’ after your flight?” His voice is soft and a little hesitant. Maybe I’m not the only one feeling off balance right now.
“What? No, I…”
Of course. I’m on the wrong side of the car. My lip between my teeth, I walk around to where Aidan has the door open for me and climb in. I watch him stride around the car, appreciating the way he moves, missing everything about him.
“I brought you a coffee.” He nods at the cup holder as the aroma makes its way through my foggy brain. “You probably want to nap, but it really is best to just try and get on the local time.” Hotels and long-term parking fly by as I sip. It’s perfect—of course it is.
“Thank you. This is great.” I don’t know what to say, the awkwardness is creeping in. I should have planned this better, I’m here for three days and I didn’t think to get a hotel room. Never considered how this would go beyond getting on a plane and seeing Aidan. Talking to him.
I lean my head against the window as we wind through the city, eventually pulling onto a tree-lined street more than an hour after leaving the terminal. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you lived so far from the airport. I could’ve taken a cab or something.”
With my bag in his hand, Aidan guides me through a bright red front door and whispers, “I just wanted to have a quiet moment with you before the pandemonium.”
I almost miss his words as he tucks my bag inside the door and a toddler comes tearing around the corner, hands in the air squealing. Aidan scoops him up and tosses him in the air, blowing raspberries into his tummy.
“Jaysus wept, was yer flight delayed getting in? What took ye so long? Come in, love, come in. Och, Aidan, don’t wind ’im up like that. We’ve got ’im all day.”
Aidan’s mom swoops in and wraps me in a warm strong hug. “I’m so glad to meet you, love. Come in and have a seat. Can I get ye something to eat? Did Aidan show ye through the city in the morning traffic, then?”
She’s a flurry of efficiency, taking my jacket, setting my purse on the table by the door.
I try to keep up with her, I do. But I miss half of what she says, unable to focus.
“Um, I-I’m fine, thank you. Mrs. Kearney.”
Swaying slightly, I reach for the closest solid surface to steady myself, and find my hand on Aidan’s arm.
She smiles as she takes me in. Is it significant that I reach for Aidan when I’m unsteady?
“Love, it’s Ann. Come on, then.” She’s lovely, of course she is.
“D’ye need a moment? To freshen up after your flight?” My breath catches in my chest at Aidan knowing I need to catch my breath.
I turn to him and nod, grateful for him.
“I’ll show you up. Henry, go with Granny for a treat, yeah?”
He sets the sweet boy down and grabs my bag, leading me upstairs to a bright sunny bedroom at the back of the house. The pale creamy walls are covered with pictures of Aidan and his siblings. And as much as I want to fall into the soft ivory bedding, I step closer to one of the more recent photos, studying the faces.
“Are you a twin?” I glance over my shoulder knowing that Aidan is still with me.
He’s leaning against the doorjamb, arms folded across his chest, looking past me to the framed photograph.
“That’s Michael. He was fifteen months older than me.”
It hits me then; how little Aidan has talked about his brother with me.
“I’m so sorry.” I take a step toward him and stop. I want to go to him, put my hand over his heart. Comfort him.
His gaze settles on mine and he sucks in a deep breath, almost like he’s bracing himself. “I want to do this now—talk—get things sorted, but.” He glances at his watch and scrubs a hand down his face. “But all hell is about to break loose and we need time.”
I scrunch my brows together, not really getting what he’s saying, when the front door flies open and the sound of love and laughter float through the house.
“They’re all dyin’ to meet you, insisted on it, so we’ll not have a quiet moment for quite a while.” Meeting his family is not what I came here for. This is not how I imagined this would go. Not at all.
“Take some time. The bathroom’s just across the hall. I’m so sorry for the chaos, I’m sure it’s the last thing you want to do after traveling and…everything.” Aidan backs out of the room shaking his head, his smile forced. “Just come down when you’re ready, yeah?”
I flop down on the bed, disappointed, annoyed as shit. I feel dizzy, light-headed. Closing my eyes, I breathe deep, trying to calm my racing heart and push down this bitter pill.
Did he plan this? Is this to throw me off balance? Why am I here? Why the fuck am I spending the day with his family? I’m here to say goodbye—to let him go.
I allow myself ten minutes to wallow and curse and mentally stomp my feet before dragging myself to the bathroom. I wash my hands and brush my teeth, trying desperately to center myself for what is, no doubt, going to be the longest day ever.
I swipe on some lip gloss, hoping it’s enough armor for what I’m about to face.
Chapter 41
Aidan
Chaos is the only way to describe it. My niece and nephews are running around the house. My mum and sisters are waiting to pounce the minute Lisbeth comes down the stairs. And I just want to have her alone. I hate every minute that we have to put off talking. Clearing this mess up.
Good or bad, our day has been taken over by my family. Just as Lis comes down the stairs, Henry rounds the corner at full two-year-old speed. I catch him as he slips, falling on his arse. This is the best age, when they fall and can’t quite decide whether they should cry or not. Eyes wide, he looks to me for a hint at what he should do.
Lis claps her hands and smiles huge. “Good job, Henry—look at you!”
It’s exaggerated and so over the top, but does the trick and the little monster giggles and reaches for her.
I’m jealous, and horribly in love,
as he wraps his chubby little arms around her neck. I want this. Christ, how I want to have this with her. Babies, and little monsters and all the love in the world.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
“Of course. He’s darling, two-ish?”
“He is. My oldest brother, Sean’s, son. They’ll be by later.” I take a deep breath and blow it out between pursed lips. “Actually, they’ll all be by for dinner. I’m sorry. I tried to get them to hold off a day, but—”
“Everyone? What does that mean?” I’ve not seen her face this hard, tense, not ever. She narrows her eyes at me, her voice cold. “She won’t be here, will she?” Lis is practically vibrating, she’s so tense.
“No. Of course not, they wouldn’t do that to you—I wouldn’t do that.”
The air is thick with tension. I’m ready to grab her hand and pull her out the door. Take her out of here so we can sort this.
My mum’s voice rises above the clamoring in the kitchen. “Aidan, bring Lisbeth in here and let us have her a bit. You’ll have plenty of time tomorrow.” Any hope I had of talking to Lis today dissipates immediately.
I shake my head, afraid to meet Lis’ gaze. Her frustration is written all over her face.
Lis slips into the kitchen pasting a polite smile on and sits at the table. Mum and Bridget start asking about her trip and school and how we met while my youngest sister, Kathleen, splashes a little whiskey in each of their coffee mugs.
“Uncle Aidan, will ye take us to the baker for a treat? Mum and Granny said ye would while they talk to yer pretty friend.” Eagan’s big blue eyes are joined by his big sister’s and Henry scrambles down out of Lis’ lap.
“Me, too. Wanna go too.”
I throw Bridget a look and am met with a bright evil smile and a five-pound note.
“Here’s a list for me as well, love. Pick this up while you’re out.” Mum hands me a scrap of paper and waves me off.
