by K. C. Enders
I end up trotting the kids down the lane and back. The baker, the grocer—Mum’s planning is impeccable. She’s kept me out with the kids until they’re all starving and it’s Henry’s much needed naptime.
“Erin, take this for me.” I hand the baker’s satchel to my niece and scoop a whining Henry into my arms where his thumb goes straight to his mouth and his blond curls tickle my neck as he nestles in. It takes about four steps for his breathing to even out and he relaxes into me, his bum resting in the crook of my arm and his little legs tucked up between us.
“You gonna marry her? Can we call her Aunt Lis?” Erin lisps over Lisbeth’s name, not quite used to the gap in her smile. Ever since she lost her first tooth, Eagan’s been working on his.
It’s not that I haven’t given this question a ton of thought over the past few weeks—longer, if I’m being honest.
“Erm…well…” We’ve been talking about school, and the zoo, and her friends and dance class. She’s hardly spent any time with Lis. “I’d like to, but I’m not sure she feels the same.”
“Why?” And here we go, Eagan’s favorite game.
Sighing, I try to figure out how to put the quickest end to his questions. “I might’ve hurt her feelings, made her mad at me.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize my answer is far too open ended for a five-year-old boy.
“Why?”
I stop outside the house and wait for Erin and Eagan to look at me.
“Because I’m but a simple man, and while my love is big and strong and my intentions are good,” their attention is fleeting and both kids are looking up toward the door, “I made a mistake and now I need to beg forgiveness.”
Erin scowls at me. “You should buy her flowers and chocolates. That’s what Da does when he messes up.” And with that bit of advice, she skips up the steps and into the house.
Eagan, however, is very serious in his response. “You should share something very special with her. That’s what I did in school when I hurt Josi’s feelings.” This must be his little friend that Bridget was telling me about. “I shared my most favorite crayons with her, the ones I don’t let anyone use because they’re my favoritest. Girls have to feel special sometimes, Uncle Aidan.” He nods like he imparted the world’s greatest secrets on me. And maybe he has.
The rest of the day is filled with my family occupying Lis in every way. We eat and talk and the kids fawn over her, wanting every bit of attention they can get.
Lisbeth is polite and engaging. I’m sure no one can see how hard she’s working to keep it together. I see it. I don’t miss a thing. Each time she looks at me, I feel her stress, her frustration straight through to my soul.
And at dinner it starts all over again. The introductions as my brother Declan and Bridget’s husband, Cian, follow my dad in from work, chatting Lis up. Sean and Aileene waltz in a half hour later beaming with happy news of another baby on the way.
Dinner winds down and Mum shoos us out to the lounge while she and Kathleen clean up, and Lis grows quiet. She’s settled in at the corner of the couch with Henry on her lap and his sturdy book in her hand.
I take in the way she cradles my nephew to her, not just reading him the little book, but asking him about the animals on the pages. Both have heavy eyes, and I watch as they slip into sleep, his head on her chest and her check nestled against his curls. And my heart squeezes. I hope it’s not too late.
“Aidan, why don’t you get Lisbeth settled, you’ve a big day tomorrow.” Mum rests her hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention. “She’s lovely, I’m glad we had today with her.” She pins me with her mum look. “Be honest, but don’t let her go. She’s one worth fighting for.”
“She is.” I squeeze my mum’s hand and stand. “What was this about today? We could have had this sorted by now, if you’d have just let us be.”
I need to know why she bombarded Lis like this.
“I want her to know your family, the good in us. If Lorna’s the only one she’s met, after the mess she’s made, Lis would have no problem telling you to piss off.” She wraps her arm around my waist and nods toward the faces staring at me from around the room. “The way you’ve talked about her since you got home, it’s obvious you love her and that she has your heart. I love Lorna, but she had no right to do what she did and I won’t let her be the reason you lose the woman you love.”
Sighing, I scoop Henry up and deposit him still asleep into Sean’s arms. “Thank you, Mum. I hope it works.”
I shake Lisbeth gently, waking her. “Lis, let’s get you to bed.”
Her eyes go wide and dance nervously around the room. Much as I would love to take her to bed, we’re in my parents’ home and we have a lot to sort before we’re ready for that. I smile and shake my head slightly, ruefully.
She says her goodnights and heads up the stairs.
“I’ll be back down as soon as I’ve got her settled.”
Sean stands, adjusting his son’s sleepy body. “I think we’re away, then. See you tomorrow.” Aileene gathers up Henry’s things and they file out. But not before she has her say. “I like her, Aidan. Make things right.”
It’s late morning when I finally give in, I can’t stay away any longer. I lie on the bed, watching her. Every cell in my body drawn to her. Wanting to take her pursed lips, kiss her senseless.
I slide a lock of hair off her cheek and through my fingers causing her to stir awake.
“Morning,” she mumbles.
“Not for much longer.” I tuck the hair behind her ear, caressing her cheek. “Are you up for a drive, or d’ya want to stay in? Everyone’s gone for the day.”
I don’t want to do anything to pop this bubble of time where there’s no stress, no fuckups and nothing but sleep-rumpled Lis.
“Yeah. Let’s go out. Just give me thirty minutes to clean up?” She doesn’t make any move to get up.
“Lis, I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was coming to visit. I—” She rolls away from me, throwing her arm over her face.
“Stop. Just forget it, this was a stupid idea.” Her words are muffled, but she sounds defeated. Like she’s giving up.
Christ, I don’t want to lose her.
“She’s my sister-in-law. Was my best friend growing up. But none of that excuses me leaving you when you needed me. I should never have walked out of that wedding without you. I broke my promise, and you have every right to be mad, but…”
Her arm flies off her face, and she sits up clutching the duvet to her chest.
“You don’t get it, do you? I’m not mad, Aidan. I’m hurt. You discarded me, threw me away like everyone else has. You made me trust you—fall in love with you. I gave you my whole heart and you went running without a word.”
I sit up facing her. “Lisbeth, I—”
“No. I came here for me. So I could have my say.” She blinks away the tears glistening in her eyes. “You didn’t say a word to me about what that emergency was. Did you think that I wouldn’t understand? That I’d hold you back from a friend? All of this could have been avoided, if you’d just talked to me.
“Instead, you left me clueless. Guessing at what I was seeing in McBride’s with you bent over her, crying. Why? Why would I have thought it was anything other than what it looked like? You hadn’t even told me Lorna was pregnant. Have you asked yourself why? Why you didn’t share that really important tidbit with me?
“Because it’s just about all I’ve thought about. All that’s been going through my head. That and why I’m not enough. Never enough.” Tears gather, threatening to spill.
“Lisbeth. My God, I love you. I was thinking of all the things I need to do to create our life together. Lorna and Michael’s baby never crossed my mind aside from a few phone calls with my mum. I was so focused on us—you and me. Getting work to support us. Sorting my visa. Finding a way to make me irresistible to you—so that you’d have no other option but to choose me.”
I want to touch her, need the connection with her. Wiping the tears from her c
heeks, I push on. “I wasn’t hiding anything from you. Not intentionally. It just wasn’t relevant. I’m so sorry. I fucked this up with us. I made you feel less than the most important thing in the world to me.” I run my hands down her arms, taking her hands in mine, rubbing circles on her wrist. “You are my world. I failed miserably, but please, please give me a chance.”
She tugs at her hands, trying to pull them away from me. I hold on for dear life, not wanting to let her go.
“Sh-she said you were going to raise the baby together. She—”
“Yeah. I found out what she said to you halfway across the ocean, stuck in a seat next to her for another three hours. I was livid, tried to get right back on the next flight out. She had no right to try and play us like that. The shite she told me you said—”
I shake my head, shoving the anger back down. It won’t do us any good now.
“Lis, I don’t know why she thought she needed to do that, be manipulative. That’s not how she was growing up, that’s not anything I would have ever expected from her. I think…I think the grief, the loss of Michael—maybe the raging hormones?—made her act irrationally. I don’t want to make excuses for her, but it’s just not who she is.
“This whole thing is a mess and you’re absolutely right. If I’d told you, if I’d stayed with you…” I lift her chin so she’s looking at me, so she can see my sincerity. “You’re my world. Lisbeth. My bloody world, and I will do anything to prove that to you. Please tell me it’s not too late. Please tell me we’ve a chance—that I’ve a chance to share your life with you.”
Her gaze bounces back and forth between my eyes for far longer than I’m comfortable with. My heart forces the blood through my veins.
That’s it.
I close my eyes and nod slowly, sure that this is the worst day of my life. Far worse than burying my brother, my best friend. He was taken from me by an awful disease, one that has no cure. I’ve lost Lis through no fault but my own.
“It’s not.” My head whips up, searching her face. “It’s not too late. I-I want to try, I want to be with you, Aidan. I love you.” She leans in, brushing her lips across mine.
Chapter 42
Lis
The minute my lips touch Aidan’s I feel the spark, the shock of electricity as it courses through my body. I’m finally able to breathe for the first time in almost a month. My world spins in the right direction and my heart fills with hope and possibility. It hits me, just how lost I’ve been without him. My heart only stuttering, not truly beating, until now.
Before Aidan, love was conditional, sometimes even cruel. I let Lorna’s words get to me, affect me, because that’s what I’ve known for most of my life. Much as I thought I’d given my whole heart to Aidan, I realize that I’ve still been holding back, shielding myself. Only giving him pieces of me. This is it, though, it’s time to bare my soul and give him all of my heart— cracks, scars, flaws—all of it.
He releases my hands, grasping either side of my face and pulls me to him deepening the kiss. Not wanting any space between us, I crawl forward onto his lap, my knees firmly planted on either side of his thighs. I need to be close, need to feel our connection again. Show him how much he means to me.
Aidan groans deep in his throat as I settle myself, grinding against him. My skin tingles as he runs his hands over me, touching me everywhere. Pulling me closer until there’s nothing between us but thin layers of cotton. His touch, warm and comforting, singes my skin through my thin sleep shorts and t-shirt. His warm palms press my ass closer, closer, closer as I push his shirt up his torso, revealing the bumps and valleys of his muscles.
My need for him making me forget all rational thought. I pull back just long enough to get his shirt over his head and out of my way, crashing my lips back to his as soon as it’s clear. His muscles shift and flex across his back as his hands glide up my thighs and dig into the flesh of my hips—pushing me, pulling me.
I work my hand between us and fumble desperately with the button of his jeans. Frantic to feel him, to be with Aidan, I struggle with the closure and groan in frustration.
“Lis—” he breathes across my lips. “Jesus, I can’t believe I’m saying this. Lisbeth, stop.” Aidan grabs my hands and stills them, clasping them tightly.
I pull my head back panting and search his eyes, not understanding. “What? Why…?” Surely, I didn’t misread him.
He leans back, putting even more space between us.
“The last thing I want is to take you in a rush, fuck you like a secret in my parents’ house.” He looks to the clock on the nightstand and then over his shoulder to the open bedroom door. “I’m not sure when they’ll be back, but I sure as hell don’t want that to be on my mind while I show you how much I’ve missed you. I want you to myself, Lis. Completely to myself.”
I look past him, out the door, biting my lip.
“Yes. But—” My brain is fuzzy with lust and I blink several times trying to make sense of what to do next. My body physically aches for him. My heart thunders in my chest, pushing the blood through me in the familiar rhythm I’ve come to associate with Aidan. His grip on my hands loosens. I feel his thumb graze the skin on the underside of my wrist like he’s measuring the beats.
Aidan brings my knuckles up to his lips and stops, staring at my fingers. “Where’s your ring? Did Francie not give you the letter?”
“It—it’s in my bag. I brought it to give back to you. I couldn’t…I just couldn’t wear it,” I whisper, not wanting to give the words life, to admit that I was coming here to say goodbye.
With one arm wrapped around, holding me tightly to him, Aidan leans to the side grabbing my purse from the nightstand. “Where? I need it.” His words rumble through my chest, making me catch my breath.
I pull out my wallet, unzip the inner pocket. Fully prepared to return this ring, I never expected to wear it again. The thought that I will, brings tears to my eyes. I place the ring in his waiting palm, giving him my right hand. He kisses my knuckles again and places it over his heart, before reaching for my left hand. “Lisbeth, this is more, so much more than just dating. I won’t lose you again.”
He flips the ring so the point is out, toward my fingertips and slides it on sealing it with a kiss over the ring and one to my lips. “This is just a place holder until I’m home with you. But I won’t—let—you—go.”
Each word is punctuated with a brush of his lips across mine.
I feel like time has stopped. And once again, the thought flies through my head, that this is not why I came here—but it’s so, so much better.
“You good with that? Or we can go to the jeweler right now and get you a proper engagement ring.”
“No. No, this is perfect. I don’t need anything else, just you.” The beat of my heart syncs with the thump of his beneath my palm. I bow my head and press a kiss to his chest, tasting the salt of the single tear that escapes my lashes. The veil of my hair covering my emotions.
Aidan lifts my face to his with a lone finger under my chin. I want to hide, but I know I need to let him in. Let him see me.
With a shuddering breath, I look up into his eyes. This single moment is so much more intimate than any we’ve shared. The recognition of what this is, what is passing between us, spreads across Aidan’s face, changing his look of confusion to one of tenderness and love.
His gaze slides down, landing on my lips. His kiss filled with the love and emotion his features hold. Breaking the kiss, he rests his forehead on mine, sighing. “Let’s get dressed and go. I’ll show you a bit of Dublin before we can check in.” His words give me all the pause I need to collect myself.
Twenty minutes later, I meet him by the front door catching the tail end of his phone call. “…right, so that’s the soonest? You’ve nothing earlier? Right, yeah, that’ll be fine. Thank you.” Aidan slings his bag over his shoulder and grabs mine from me.
“You ready?”
“Where are we going?” My stomach growls as we wal
k out, locking the door behind us. I slap my hands to my stomach and feel my cheeks flame red as he turns, a smile stretching across his beautiful face.
“Erm—we’re going to get you something to eat and then I’m going to share one of my favorite things with you.” I cock an eyebrow at him trying to suppress a giggle-snort.
Aidan chucks our bags in the back of the car and straightens up. Hands low on his hips, shaking his head as he laughs. His eyes sparkling with mischief and desire.
“Yeah, I intend to share that with you later. But Eagan gave me his views on love yesterday and how to win over the girl. I want to test his theory.”
“Really? Advice from your five-year-old nephew? You’re that desperate?” Chuckling, I climb into the correct side of the car this time.
“If I were truly smart, I’d have taken Henry’s lead and wrapped myself around you last night.” He pulls my hand to his lap and drives us into Dublin. We park near the Woolen Mills at Ha’penny Bridge and go in to the café there.
We settle in to our lunches and watching the people pass outside the huge plate glass windows.
“Is this what you’re sharing with me? Your favorite thing in Dublin?” I sip at the best pint of Guinness I’ve ever tasted. “For the love of God, this is amazing. It tastes so—so different.”
“Yeah, it’s fresh here. Better, right?” He smirks at me; our easy conversation is back. God, I missed this. I missed him. I think a part of me knew all along that I was coming back to clear things—that I couldn't live without him. “And, no. This is just lunch to keep you from scaring off my next surprise.” He pops a bunch of fries in his mouth being particularly obtuse.
“You’re not going to tell me. Is it that awful?” I’m teasing, baiting him when suddenly my blood runs cold. He wouldn’t, would he? I press my shaking hands flat to the tabletop, and stare at him.
She’s his best friend. And she sure as shit should be scared of me, but I’m not doing this today. No way in hell. I take a bracing breath and bite back the anger and disappointment that threatens to bubble up and overflow.
