Captain Bartholomew Quasar: The Bounty Hunters from Arachnxx Three

by Milo James Fowler

  Episode 20: Intruder Alert

  Captain Quasar had never seen his first officer look so surprised.

  "Intruder alert!" she sounded the alarm, whipping out Quasar's spare Cody 52 Special from the hidden compartment in his deluxe-model captain's chair. She trained its muzzle on the alien as she rose, demanding in a voice as cold as Saturnian ice crystals, "Relinquish your hold on the captain."

  At that moment, Hank and Gruber also materialized out of the air, each embraced by a Ciliac soldier and carrying the two reactor coils the Magnitude so desperately needed.

  "Take those straight to engineering," Quasar said, slipping free of the princess and struggling to keep his balance as an Arachnoid incinerator blast cut into the ship, rocking it to its core with a brittle shudder. Somehow, the Magnitude had refused to succumb to the assault, but it was unclear how much more damage she could sustain. "Status report!"

  Wan blinked as he relieved her of the Cody 52 Special and holstered it on his thigh.

  "Situation critical, Captain. Hull plating is down to nineteen percent. Decks seven, ten, and twelve were compromised and have been sealed." Her cautious gaze had yet to leave the Ciliac princess and her two armed soldiers, all three of whom stared about the bridge of the Magnitude as if they'd never seen a vessel so spacious or advanced. Quasar was sure they hadn't. His ship was one-of-a-kind, the best star cruiser ever to be birthed from the lunar shipyards of United World Space Command.

  Gruber raised both eyebrows as Hank hefted one reactor coil with his left arms and the other with his right pair. "Need a hand?"

  "Humph," said the Carpethrian. But realizing the sincerity of the request, and that it wasn't a lame attempt at humor, he added, "Lead the way, Chief."

  With a nod and a quick brow-mopping, Gruber jogged toward the rear exit of the bridge with Hank shuffling along behind him.

  "We'll have her up and running again in no time, Captain!" Gruber called back.

  Quasar had to admire the fellow's optimism. Beckoning to Princess Sya and her soldiers, he dropped into his captain's chair and pointed at the viewscreen. The hulking Arachnoid vessel with most of its lights out and systems down loomed before them. In the background, there was no sign of the Ciliac/Bromidian Homeworld. Their cloaking technology was that good.

  "You may want to transfer yourselves back to your planet, Your Highness. If we can't get our propulsion system back online, we—"

  "Intruder alert!" Commander Wan declared yet again, this time from her station.

  "Commander," Quasar said as patiently as possible, considering the circumstances, "I understand the shock it may have caused you to see your captain appear out of thin air in the embrace of an alien female, but I assure you, Princess Sya and her men have had ample opportunities to harm me, and the worst I've received so far is a browbeating or two—and perhaps a few threats of bodily harm. Believe me when I tell you they are our guests, and if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here right now."

  Wan blinked. "Not them." She pointed at her console, then brought up the display on the main viewscreen. "Them."

  On the port side of the ship, an Arachnoid transport vessel was attempting to couple with the Magnitude's deck four airlock. It was an awkward sight to behold, much like watching a small terrier struggle to hump a Great Dane. The attempt was fruitful, however, and in a matter of seconds, the vessel had gained purchase. The Arachnoids wasted no time forcing open the airlock door from their side with strange-looking spear-rifles that fired red flaming incinerator blasts.

  "Torpedoes away!" Quasar ordered, launching himself from his chair and dashing for the exit.

  "Where are you going?" both Commander Wan and Princess Sya said in unison. Frowning at each other, they quickly returned their gaze to the captain.

  "To welcome our guests!"

  "Go with him," the princess ordered her soldiers, both of whom nodded eagerly and drew their laser pistols, racing after the captain at full tilt.

  "Wan, you have the bridge—again." Quasar nodded to her.

  "Acknowledged."

  She turned to find Princess Sya already sitting comfortably in the captain's chair with her shapely crimson legs crossed. Oblivious to the chain of command, she stared at the viewscreen with rapt attention.

  Wan glared at the back of the princess's head and turned sharply toward the captain as if expecting him to do something about it. But with a mute shrug, Quasar gestured for the Ciliac soldiers to come along as he sprinted down the corridor to the nearest ladder chute.

  It never ceased to irritate the captain that United World Space Command had spared no expense on the Effervescent Magnitude—except when it came to inter-deck transportation. A single speedlift should have been an obvious necessity; half a dozen would have been even better. But to build an entire star cruiser with nothing but ladders leading from deck to deck? It was ridiculous.

  Quasar felt a hand on his shoulder as he prepared to climb down the first chute.

  "We can get you there faster," said one of the Ciliac soldiers.

  Captain Quasar grinned. Of course they could.

  A split-second later, the three of them stood on the starboard side of deck four with their weapons drawn. Shaking his head to clear a little matter-energy-transfer-induced vertigo, Quasar set off on tiptoe down the vacant corridor and gestured for the Ciliac to follow, heading toward the opposite side of the ship where the Arachnoids had breached the airlock.

  Holding up one hand to halt his alien entourage, Quasar paused to listen. The ship rocked and lurched under the abuse of the Arachnoid ships, but other than the structural moaning and screeching, there were no other sounds. Either the Arachnoid invaders were trained in stealth, or they had already passed through this part of the ship and were headed elsewhere.

  To the bridge? The engine room? Quasar's insides tightened at the thought of the hideous creatures having free rein on his ship.

  Employing a complicated series of hand signals, he silently ordered the two Ciliac to remain where they were while he scouted ahead. Fortunately for him, their grasp of his gestures was weaker than Commander Wan's.

  For just as he forged ahead, an incinerator blast sliced through the air where his head would have been—if one of the Ciliac soldiers hadn't knocked him to the floor.

  Episode 21: At an Impasse

  From his new, improved vantage point, Captain Quasar noticed something he hadn't seen before: a trail of burns across the corridor's industrial, stain-resistant, flame-retardant carpet. Unfortunately, it had been ill-equipped to withstand Arachnoid acid. The bounty hunters had passed through this way, drooling their thick yellow saliva, but they'd doubled back to lie in wait.

  Clever creatures.

  The Ciliac tugged at Quasar to retreat, but the captain had no such inclination. Rolling to his feet, he aimed his Cody 52 Special down the passageway at the throng of six Arachnoids who stood hunched and leering, their fuzzy upper legs cramped against the ceiling, their rifle-spears pointed at him and ready to fire, glowing red-hot at the tips.

  "It appears we are at an impasse," Quasar announced.

  The Arachnoids stared at him with their array of eyes, then burst out laughing—a strange chortling, click-clacking sound that spewed yellow acid all over the walls and each other in a vulgar spray of uncouthness.

  "You are mistaken, Earth Man!" one of them strode forward, unintimidated by the captain's pulse weapon. Quasar recognized the creature as the captain from one of the Arachnoid vessels—the same fiend that had fired upon the Magnitude while still in orbit around Carpethria. Quasar had failed to get the monster's name; there hadn't been time for such pleasantries.

  "So we meet again." Quasar narrowed his heroic gaze and assumed the stance he would be famous for someday: the Confident Starfarer.

  "I see you remember me." The Arachnoid's mandibles chittered in an undecipherable garble before he continued, "Good. Then you know I have no problem taking you back to Goobalob High Command in one piece or several."

&nb
sp; "I believe the proper phrase is dead or alive." Quasar tightened his grip on the Cody 52.

  "Oh, you'll be alive either way." More alien laughter erupted from the creatures behind him. He silenced them with a chopping motion from one of his upper limbs. His crew had no problem understanding the gesture. "The same goes for your ship, Earth Man. We may need to take her apart and tractor-tow the chunks back to our world to be reconstructed at a later date—without the Carpethrian reactor, of course. That I plan to keep for my vessel."

  Quasar couldn't stand the thought of these sordid creatures being in possession of the cold fusion reactor. Just thinking of all the worlds they would be able to terrorize at near-lightspeed made his head spin. Likewise, imagining them in possession of the Ciliac matter-energy-transfer magic filled him with a cold sense of dread.

  Somehow, Captain Quasar needed to gain the upper hand in this situation right here, right now. Trillions of lives depended on him. He didn't know how many exactly, but he assumed as much considering the size of the universe, and it was enough to get him to do the unthinkable—something he swore he'd never do again after that incident with the Goobalobs.

  He fired his Cody 52 Special into the Arachnoid's face.

  The pulse round exploded inside the creature's head, and a shower of goop splattered in all directions as the Arachnoid's body twitched and recoiled. Then it collapsed onto the deck like a limp marionette, never to rise again.

  After a moment of stunned silence, the other Arachnoids wasted no time. Roaring unintelligible threats and firing their rifle-spears, they charged en masse at Captain Quasar.

  "What now?" cried one of the Ciliac soldiers, cringing.

  "Now we retreat!" Quasar turned on his heel and broke into a mad sprint for the nearest ladder chute. The Ciliac were right behind him.

  "You killed him," one of them stated the obvious as they clambered hand-over-hand up the ladder. "Right in the middle of negotiations!"

  "Those weren't negotiations. Those were his last words." Quasar halted, glancing down between his boots at the Ciliac below him. "What the heck are we doing? Transfer us to the bridge with all haste!"

  With a nod, the Ciliac grabbed hold of the captain's ankle. A split-second later, the three of them were back on the bridge of the Effervescent Magnitude.

  "Seal the exits!" Quasar ordered, pointing at the rear doors. "We're going to have company."

  Then he noticed a new addition on the viewscreen: a bigger-than-life three-eyed fellow with cobalt blue eyes, thick jet-black hair combed back, and a well-trimmed beard. He wore the royal blue uniform of House Bromidia and watched Captain Quasar with somber curiosity.

  "Oh. Hello there," said the captain. He glanced at Princess Sya, kicking back in his chair as if it were her throne. She appeared to have been in the middle of a very serious conversation with the man on the screen before Quasar's interruption. "My name is Captain Bartholomew Quasar—"

  "This is Prince Barclay of House Bromidia," the princess said with a broad smile, giddy to the point of bubbling with excitement.

  "Oh?" Quasar frowned slightly at the fellow. He wasn't nearly as ugly or as old as the princess had led him to believe—but he didn't announce this observation out loud.

  "Not what you expected, is he?" She giggled with a loud snort at the end.

  "Greetings, Captain," said the prince quietly, hunching his shoulders in a mild-mannered sort of way. He seemed to think he was in a library, worried that his voice would carry. "I am afraid there has been a grave misunderstanding. It was never my desire that you should assassinate Princess Sya of House Ciliac. Unfortunately, I have been holed-up in the palace alchemy lab, and my chancellor has been acting in my stead—even going so far as to impersonate me in relations with House Ciliac, and with Princess Sya in particular."

  "The chancellor is truly an ugly old man," she interjected. "It was he who ordered my assassination, you see, not Prince Barclay."

  "If I had known of such a horrendous thing, I would have had the order annulled immediately and the chancellor removed from office."

  "Not executed?" The princess looked disappointed.

  "I believe there has been enough killing on our Homeworld. Do you not agree, Your Highness?" Prince Barclay raised all three of his narrow eyebrows hopefully.

  She shrugged, bouncing one leg across the other and shamelessly drawing the prince's attention to their exquisite shape. It was obvious he'd been in his alchemy lab for a very long time. Had he been attempting to create his own matter-energy-transference?

  "Where is your chancellor now?" Quasar said.

  Prince Barclay lowered his voice, leaning in toward the viewscreen. "He has his own cell in one of our deepest, dankest dungeons."

  Quasar didn't envy the prisoner—assuming Bromidian dungeons were as awful as the Ciliac variety.

  "Shall I send a group of Bromidian fighters to drive off those aliens attacking your ship, Captain?"

  Quasar blinked. "Yes please." It couldn't hurt, though he doubted the fighters' laser cannons would be much use against the heavily armored Arachnoid vessels.

  "I will order a Ciliac squadron to join them." Princess Sya beamed. "For once, the fighters of House Ciliac and House Bromidia will not be firing at one another!"

  A common enemy could create strange bedfellows, Quasar supposed.

  Just then—speak of the devil—a tremendous clamor arose from outside the starboard exit door. The Arachnoids from deck four had finally arrived, and they sounded furious.

  Quasar was sure climbing those ladders all the way up to the bridge hadn't improved their mood any.

  Episode 22: Fire with Fire

  Commander Wan cringed at the blasts from the Arachnoids' rifle-spears. So far, the door was holding, but it had started to bulge inward and creak with every hit.

  "It won't hold them for long, Captain."

  Quasar stood with his Cody 52 Special at the ready. "We'll fight their fire with fire!"

  His first officer raised her pulse pistol in like manner, standing shoulder to shoulder with him. The other eight bridge officers did the same, abandoning their stations for a show of armed solidarity. Even the two Ciliac soldiers joined them with laser pistols at the ready.

  "Your crew is loyal, Captain." Princess Sya slid out of the captain's chair and approached Quasar. Pausing mid-stride to retrieve a mini laser pistol from the small of her back, she cocked it expertly and let the charging whine hold the moment. "Count me in, as well." She aimed at the door and gave Quasar a wink with her third eye.

  For the first time, it was a welcome sight.

  When the Arachnoids broke through, they came pouring onto the bridge slobbering and lurching with their limbs flailing and their rifle-spears firing in every direction. Blasting the interior without much in the way of aim, they managed to shatter the viewscreen, instantly ending visual communication with Prince Barclay in the process.

  "Fire!" Quasar ordered a moment too late as two of his bridge crew collapsed to the deck with incinerator burns devouring their torsos.

  The captain's pulse round caught one Arachnoid somewhere in the middle of its eight eyes, and its head exploded the same way its commander's had. The creatures behind it shoved the twitching torso out of the way and fired their rifle-spears at the humanoids in the middle of the bridge standing their ground with great fortitude in the wretched face of adversity.

  Princess Sya shrieked an unexpected war cry and aimed the beam of her laser pistol with impressive precision, slicing off the weapon-carrying limbs of two Arachnoids. Stunned for a moment, they scrambled to retrieve their rifle-spears with their remaining arms, but Commander Wan quickly decapitated them with a pair of well-placed pulse rounds, sending splatters of thick yellow acid upward like fountain works. The two women gave each other a nod of camaraderie in the heat of battle, and the sight made Captain Quasar's heart glad. He always appreciated it when the women in his life got along.

  But then his heart sank as the ship's computer suddenly announ
ced: "Engine failure. Life support systems at twenty percent. Engine failure. Life support systems compromised."

  As if to remind him of the battle raging outside the Magnitude, a massive shudder coursed through the deck, heaving the entire ship toward its port side. The remaining three Arachnoids struggled for balance on their fuzzy legs and fired off another volley of rounds, taking out one of the Ciliac soldiers with an incinerator burn through his chest. Quasar took quick aim and fired, blowing a hole through one of the giant spiders. It lurched backward, collapsing outside the bridge in a tangled heap of limbs and yellow drool.

  "Spread out, and take cover!" Quasar shouted, ducking behind his deluxe-model captain's chair as the two remaining Arachnoids retreated just far enough outside to continue firing random shots onto the bridge with their rifle-spears.

  "Life support is at sixteen percent and declining," the ship's computer reported over the loudspeaker.

  Quasar jerked his head to activate the comm device in his collar. "Give me some good news, Hank!"

  The Carpethrian cleared one of his throats on the line, giving his voice an oddly harmonic quality. "The reactor coils don't fit, Captain."

  "What?"

  "We'll make them work. Shouldn't take more than ten Earth minutes—give or take."

  "Life support is at twelve percent," the computer continued its gloomy countdown.

  "I don't think we have that long, my friend." Quasar fired his Cody 52 Special, taking off an exposed leg of one of the Arachnoids. It shrieked and ducked out of sight. "The ship's taken too much damage. Even with that near-lightspeed reactor back in business, it'll be no good if we can't breathe!"

  Princess Sya crawled over to him on hands and knees. "I can get you out of here."

  Quasar shook his head. "I won't leave a single member of my crew behind." He traded another pair of shots with the Arachnoids. Were they just biding their time out there, waiting for reinforcements? Could they survive without O2?