Getting a Life

by Chrissie Loveday

  'Well, the offer's there. Think about it. And let me know soon.'

  'I'll think about it. I'm sure he won't want to come though. He has a family too and they are certain to want him to go to them.'

  'Well don't let him persuade you to go with him.'

  'Oh I'm cure he won't. I'm going to them at New Year.'

  'Well now, it seems only fair that he should come with you here at Christmas.'

  'I'll think about it,' she promised. Was she ready for this whole family thing yet? She really didn't think so.

  Back at her house that evening, she gave thought to the whole business of Christmas. Horrible affair, was Christmas. All the family jollity and everyone getting together. She would have liked a good book, a frozen dinner and time alone. But that was unlikely to happen. Should she invite the lovely Mike? She would give it some thought. Meantime, she couldn't wait to see him again on Tuesday afternoon.

  Chapter Three

  The feeling of excitement was still with her when she awoke the next morning. She stared at herself in the mirror. Same Joanne. No changes. But inside, she knew that she had made a break though. She had come alive. The years when she felt slightly scared of men were over and done. She'd first felt this fear of looking foolish when she'd gone out with a whole group of people at University. She had very quickly realised she was the outsider. Joanne had been to an all girls' school and never really had much to do with the opposite sex. The main problem she seemed to have developed was when talking socially to a group. Without wishing to blow her own trumpet, she realised she probably knew more than most of them. She was very bright. She also learned that most members of the male species feel threatened by a clever woman. What a crashing bore she must have been. No great interest in pop music: rarely went to concerts or theatres. She honestly didn't know where her youth disappeared to. Now it was all about to change. No more Joanne. Jo, from now on. She experimented with the sound of the shorter name a few times, and liked it.

  After the encouraging start with Mike, she promised herself she was about to become the femme fatale of the I.T. section. If men liked the occasional helpless little woman act, she would surely be able to oblige. It would probably take some doing but she was certain she could manage it. She was actually planning major life and character changes. Unfortunately, she was unable to start making changes right away as she was teaching pretty well all of the day. She felt exhausted by the time she arrived home. She noticed the answering machine flashing and was tempted to delete the message without playing it. It was bound to be her mother but she played it anyway. She played it a second time, unable to believe what she heard.

  'Hi Joanne. Just wondered if you're free this evening? I fancied a film. Call me back.' There was a number. The voice was unmistakable. Mike. He'd actually called. He'd said he would but most people say that and never do. She pounced on the phone and dialled the number he'd given. She was shaking slightly ... nervous tension, she supposed. His answering machine cut in.

  'Sorry ... machine speaking. Why don't you speak to it? It always tells me who called, provided you tell it who you are.' She laughed softly. Nice message.

  'Hi Mike. Just got your message. Bye.'

  She put the phone down and cursed herself. If she had answered it right away, she might have been in time to catch him. What would Trisha have done? Undoubtedly, she would have made some move or suggestion. She tried ringing again. The phone was engaged. Odd. She dialled again. Still engaged. She put her phone down. She could try again later. Her phone rang and she pounced on it.

  'Hallo dear. Only me. How are you?'

  'Oh, Mum,' she said, the disappointment clearly showing in her voice.'

  'I'm sorry to disappoint you,' she snapped. 'I just wondered if you've asked him yet. For Christmas,' she added.

  'I'm a bit busy at the moment,' she said, wishing she'd take the hint and clear the line.

  'Oh that's nice.' Jo mouthed the words with her. She went on talking for ages.

  'Look, I haven't seen him again. But I will ask him. Gotta go now. Bye.'

  Suppose Mike was trying to call back? He'd be going out again if she didn't call soon. Mike's number. Still the answer phone.

  'Jo? Sorry, Joanne. It's Mike.'

  'Not to worry. Sorry I missed you.'

  'Your phone was constantly engaged for about half an hour,' he accused. 'I tried to call you right back but ...'

  'My mother.'

  'I'm sorry. I'm afraid I'm working after all. A late call up. But I'll see you tomorrow?'

  'Oh, of course. You're bound to be booked up anyway, at this time of year.' She felt like weeping. She couldn't bear the thought of him being charming to some other woman. Dammit, she could have booked him herself, if she'd only thought of it.

  'I'm really sorry. I have to go now. I'll see you tomorrow, at college..'

  She put the cover over the computer, just for the sheer novelty of not staring at the blank screen. It was almost nine when she finally sat down with some tinned spaghetti for supper. She wondered what Mike was doing. Was he eating a sumptuous meal with a lovely lady? She hoped not. She tossed the remains of the spaghetti into the bin. It tasted like tomato flavoured cardboard. She opened a bottle of wine and sat sipping it, wondering which colour wine he was drinking. She hated this job of his and promised herself she would find out why he did it and if it was really necessary. Not that it was anything to do with her, of course.

  It was a restless night. It was freezing cold in the bedroom. Jo always thought it was healthy to sleep in a cold room but by three o'clock in the morning, she decided it was sheer stupidity and switched on some heating. She then fell deeply asleep and didn't wake until eight-thirty.

  'Help,' she squeaked. Just when she wanted to look nice for Mike at college that afternoon, she woke late and had to rush. She showered in seconds, made some coffee and still just made it to her lecture by nine-fifteen.

  When Mike arrived, along with several others in her class, she felt her heart leaping again. He was still as handsome as she remembered, clad in his leather top and jeans that had certainly seen better days. She delivered her class and set them all tasks to work on. Her heart beating faster than she was used to, she stopped beside him.

  'Hi,' she said softly.

  'Hi yourself. You look nice.'

  'Not sure why. I dressed in seconds this morning. Sorry, I mustn't chat like this to you. I'll see you afterwards?'

  'Okay. Sounds good.'

  When the class finally reached its end, she made her final speech.

  'There is only one more week before we break for the Christmas holiday. Make sure you bring everything won't you? I need your course work in next week. Thanks.'

  The usual buzz went on in the room and soon, she was left with Mike. He picked up his leather jacket and hooked it over his shoulder.

  'Shall we get a drink in the café?' he asked her.

  'Okay. I'll just switch off everything and I'll be with you.'

  They went to the main café, now full of students.

  'Is there a table anywhere?' he asked.

  'I'll go and look. I think there's one in the corner.'

  'I'll go for coffees if you can grab it.'

  'Sorry about last night,' he said when he arrived. I thought I was going to be free but a late call came in.'

  'I was disappointed. Where did you go?

  'Oh just out. I really don't want to talk about it.'

  'Why do you really do it? Be an escort, I mean?'

  'Why did you book an escort?'

  'Because I didn't want my friends to know I don't have a boyfriend. Not a real one, I mean.' She blushed as she spoke. It seemed such a shameful thing to have to admit.

  'So, there you have it. That's why I do the job. There are lots of female escorts on the agency's books, too. So it isn't just females who don't like going to functions on their own. I need to earn some extra money and this is one way to do it. I don't understand why you haven't got a whole swarm of men in
tow.'

  'Probably because I'm too fussy. And I'm quite brainy. Men don't like that. If I know more than they do, they soon get bored. Emasculated or something.'

  To her surprise he laughed like mad. She felt annoyed. What had she said that was funny?

  'An intelligent woman is a delight,' he said. 'You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to look interested when some woman drones on about clothes or make up. Honestly, they do. They seem to think I'm actually interested in what they bought in the town or how long it took to change their hair colour.'

  'I have the same problem with my female colleagues. I'm boring, because I love my work and if I talk about it outside the college, I'm booed.'

  'I can understand that. Typical of the world really. It's quite tough being a mature student. Most of the rest of the groups are rather young. I have to make it work though, for my family's sake.'

  'Why?'

  'We have a family business. Small manufacturing ... electronic components. My father runs it and my sister and I both work there. We need to develop various new projects. I'm also updating various systems and it appears that I need to have a recognised, formal qualification. Meantime, I also need to earn extra money.'

  She listened to his story. He must work very long hours, trying to fit in his college stuff and everything.

  'I'm really sorry,' she told him. 'I never should never have gone on nattering for so long.'

  ''Nonsense. I'm enjoying the conversation.'

  'I don't know how we're going to manage to form any sort of relationship with all you have to do,' she said.

  'Won't be easy,' he smiled.

  'You mean, you actually, want to ...? Great.' She sat blushing.

  'Jo ... sorry, Joanne,' he began. She remembered her decision.

  'Jo will do just fine,' she said with a smile.

  'Jo, then. You must stop putting yourself down so much. Get yourself a life. Go out with people ... other men. You're a gorgeous, sexy woman. You have a good wit and excellent conversation skills.' She finally blushed as if there were no tomorrow.

  'And I'm good with animals and hate small children,' she added frivolously. 'None of it comes naturally to me. You are perfectly charming to everyone.'

  'There you go. You have to learn to accept compliments. I really mean what I say. The charm is purely a role I play.'

  'I don't believe that, not one bit of it.

  'Do you fancy a film?' he asked suddenly. 'There are one or two I'd like to see, if you're in the mood.'

  'Why not?' she agreed.

  They went to the little town's one and only cinema. She was actually surprised to discover that there were several theatres within the building and several films were on offer. Just shows how stupid and out of touch I am, she was thinking.

  'Our own little multiplex,' she murmured.

  'Mini-plex, more like,' he laughed.

  It was a pretty bad film but sitting so close to him, she felt slightly unnerved. She kept wanting to touch him. To feel his arm round her, like the couple in front of them. She left her hand lying casually on her lap, near to his. What a kid she was. He bumped into it at one point and looked at her. He smiled and joy of joys, he picked it up and gently pressed his lips to her fingers. She felt such a rush of whatever it was, she nearly burst with pleasure. She smiled in the darkness and squeezed his hand back. She'd never dare tell anyone about how she felt. Most twelve year olds today, had already experienced the sort of emotions she was going through. If only she wasn't so pathetic. She had honestly, never felt such pleasure in touching another human being. Of course she had touched other people ... kissed friends and colleagues but never had this sort of reaction. Did love at first sight have a grain of truth? But even if it did, she'd certainly seen Mike for several months, at college. He was one of her students, after all. Had she felt attracted to him at any other time? She couldn't remember anything. But, her mind was always focussed at college. And there was the small matter of a dozen or more other students in the room.

  She could hardly wait for the film to end.

  'Shall we have a drink and something to eat?' Mike asked as they left the cinema. His hand was tucked under her arm. Just as it had been on that Friday at the dance.

  'Hallo you two,' came a voice from behind them. Joanne swung round.

  'Oh, Trisha. Dave. How are you?'

  'Fine. Rotten film wasn't it?'

  'Seen better,' they all agreed.

  'Fancy coming for a swift drink?' Dave asked.

  'I don't really think I want one,' she replied. 'We're going home for a coffee.'

  'And something else no doubt' she laughed. Joanne looked at Mike and they both smiled. 'Okay. Enough said. See you tomorrow.'

  'Sorry to deprive you but I didn't want to get into a long discussion about where we'd met. Hope you didn't mind too much.'

  'Not at all. I mustn't be too late though. Early start tomorrow.'

  'Know the feeling,' she sympathised. 'We've only got a week more to go before the Christmas break'

  'About the New Year's Eve party. I meant it when I asked you to come with me. No strings of course.'

  'Thanks. I'd like that,' she replied, a warm glow sweeping over her. Something to look forward to. A family party. It could never be like one of her family's parties. No Aunty Ethel singing her heart out with some ancient old crone called Sally, living in an Alley.

  'It will be quite a large party, probably in the village hall. It's a reunion to celebrate the Australian contingent's visit. Can't think why they want to come to the UK in the middle of winter.'

  'What should I wear?' she asked in sudden horror. She didn't fancy going through the pain of buying another dress she'd only wear once.

  'Would you wear that glorious silvery thing again? I loved it. You'll have the entire male membership of the family ogling you. But I'd actually rather like that.'

  'OK. If it you think it's suitable.' she smirked inwardly. It all sounded very promising.

  They swapped notes on their respective prospects for Christmas itself. She told him how duty bound, she felt, being at home and suffering from terminal boredom. Same old jokes about the turkey. Same old routine with crackers, unfunny mottoes and paper hats.

  'Sounds quite peaceful compared with my lot. I get nearly demented with my brother and sister's kids. They seem to go to bed at midnight and be up again by about three. I did think of bailing out and going away somewhere. But that's not much fun on your own.' Mike looked thoughtful.

  The idea hit her at almost the same moment as the words were streaming out in full flow.

  'You could always come home with me and help save my life,' she blurted out.

  'Er ...' he mumbled, looking shocked. Bad idea, she thought.

  'Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It came out before I thought. Of course you wouldn't want to spend a totally boring time with my parents. In any case, my mother would expect us to announce our wedding day before the roast potatoes were dished out.'

  'Wedding day? Heavens no. Can I think about it?' he asked. 'If it was a serious invitation, I mean?'

  'I was half joking,' she responded, her jaw still somewhere down on her chest. 'You don't have to think about it. I wasn't really serious,' she added lamely. Poor bloke was obviously totally embarrassed. She'd put him in a real spot, now.

  'I ... well, I'd quite like to come with you. Trouble is, I'm working on Christmas Eve and won't be free to leave until Christmas morning.'

  'Please don't worry. I was only ... well... thinking how nice it would be to have something to look forward to. Forget I said anything. Please, just forget it.'

  Back at home, she made two mugs of coffee and started to chat about any irrelevancies she could think of. She felt acutely embarrassed and just wanted him to go. Why did she seem to spend half her life wanting something to happen and when it did, she couldn't wait for it to be over? As she showed him to the door, he caught her hand. He pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms round her. She waited with her
eyes closed for the kiss that she knew was coming. So incredibly gently, his lips touched hers. She waited for the world to begin turning again and held her breath. The gentleness gave way to a firmer, more insistent pressure and she responded. At this moment in her life, she knew she'd fallen in love. Whatever he'd said about her not being serious about him, she had fallen in love. She could feel his warm breath on her cheek. She could feel his heart beating against her body. She could sense his blood as it coursed through his veins. She wanted it to go on for ever. She clung to him as if trying to pull his very essence of life into hers. She released his lips briefly, intending to take a much needed breath. He gasped and pulled her back. Obviously, he was feeling something of the same intensity as she was. She lost track of time as they stood, cramped in her tiny hallway. When he stopped for breath a second time, he murmured in her ear.

  'I think I should stop kissing you now, or I may never be able to stop.'

  'Fine by me,' she said, pulling him back. His body scent filled her nostrils, bringing with it, a whole new flood of desire.

  'Jo, I have to leave. This is too fast for both of us. Don't let's spoil anything.'

  'I'm sorry.'

  'Hey, don't look like that,' he laughed. 'I'm saying, don't let's rush things. I'm sorry but I can't ... I must go now. It's late.'

  After he'd left, she leaned against the door feeling like a love sick adolescent. At last, she really did have someone special in her life. If Trisha plagued her with questions, there was something to talk about. Really something.

  The final days of term passed in such a whirl of activity that she hardly had time to think. When they finished, she realised she hadn't heard anything at all from Mike. He hadn't even been to college that final day. She hoped nothing had gone wrong or worse still, that she hadn't been dreaming at the weekend. After the inevitable last evening of drinks at the pub, the gang were swapping details of the joys of the coming Christmas. It seemed that every single member of the group was dreading the prospect.

  'Why don't we abandon all our plans and just get together for a booze up?' one of the blokes suggested.