I closed my eyes and hugged him back. Even as I did so, though, the guilt wouldn’t leave me. He shouldn’t be saying things like this. I thought, He’s not mine, This can never happen...
Chapter 25 – Sweet tea, spooning and Jake...
Jodie
I stared at him. He’d been shot and he was saying it casually – as if it really didn’t matter if he lived or died? Well, hello! It did to me. I honestly didn’t believe that I could live without him...
What did that say about me? It said that River had started to mean more to me than anyone else... than Jake...
Well, I wasn’t sure about that – I’d been apart from Jake for a couple of weeks – it didn’t mean I didn’t still love him... I was just confused...
“Could you help me get cleaned up?” River asked, “I just need help with my arm.”
I nodded, “Of course I will.” I said, “Come on – let’s get to the bathroom.”
River shook his head, “Not sure I can make the stairs just yet,” he said shakily, “I think the kitchen’s a safer bet.”
I nodded. “Oh, right – kitchen it is, then.”
He sat down at the table. He was as white as a sheet and looked like he was going to be sick.
“Are you okay, dude?” I asked.
He shook his head, “Kody was amazing.” He murmured, “Just took the guy out with a single shot between his eyes.”
I swallowed hard and nodded, “Good job he did,” I muttered, “Could have killed you.”
He nodded, “He was alive one second, terrifying everyone – the next second – gone... Lights out...”
He was obviously in shock and rambling.
“Do you want a sweet tea?” I asked. At his look of utter confusion I added, “You know – for the shock?”
He shook his head, “Uh, no – I don’t need anything to drink – I just need to talk to you for a while if that’s okay?” he gave me a sheepish smile.
I smiled back at him, “Come one – let’s go up to bed. I’ll come and talk to you for a while.”
He didn’t argue. Didn’t try to stop me from entering his bedroom with him. He didn’t argue when I got under his duvet with him and spooned him from behind, wrapping my arms around him and comforting him.
“Was anyone else hurt?” I asked. Stupid question really – the news had said that around ten people had been taken to hospital – of course others had been hurt.
He sighed. “Obviously Rob,” he said, “and me – I didn’t really know any of the others – it was a themed night so loads of students were in...”
I squeezed my eyes shut and hugged him a little tighter. He could have been killed tonight. As it was he’d shrugged off the fact that he’d been hurt and helped save Rob’s life. What a hero. My hero. “So Alfie wasn’t there.” I knew he was fond of Alfie.
He turned around to face me, a little frown on his face, “I’d already sent him home.” He said, “He’s all cut up about Harley being sent off on some sort of operation – I never actually told Rob – since less than ten minutes later the shit hit the fan and all hell broke loose...”
He’d been through hell tonight – he’d seen someone killed right before his eyes – he needed to talk it out, needed me to listen to him. And I was more than happy to help because whether I liked it or not, I needed him too.
*
Finally, Jake’s three weeks were up and he was home again. I was nervous. I thought he’d notice something different about me – or at least about the way River and I were around each other. We’d been able to relax around each other at home with it just being the two of us there for the last couple of days and then suddenly I could no longer lie on the sofa with my head in his lap as we watched TV with his fingers playing with my hair. We’d gotten so much closer since the attack on the nightclub. That night had been surreal. Getting the call that he was in the hospital from Seth – it was the worst night of my life. Until I saw that he was actually okay, it hadn’t even occurred to me to call Jake...
Thankfully, Jake didn’t notice a thing. He was all over River like a rash making sure he was okay after the siege. I was relieved that he was focusing on that and I eventually started to relax again. River didn’t act any differently around Jake either – in fact he seemed absolutely delighted that he was back. Something I was finding rather more difficult to do. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him back – but I was feeling more stressed out around him than enjoying having him back – and I knew that was entirely my problem – which made me feel guilty.
“I feel as if we’ve not spent any real quality time together.” Jake said, snuggling up to me on the sofa one night when River had gone to work.
I bristled slightly. It wasn’t my fault that we didn’t spend enough time together. I totally got the feeling that his job came first.
“Well, we should go out tomorrow night then – why don’t we go to Studs?”
He pulled a face, “I won’t get home in time, baby.” He said threading his fingers through my hair – something I used to really enjoy him doing – and something I couldn’t get enough of when it was River’s fingers, but right now it was just fucking annoying.
I pulled away from him, “You’ve got to work late again?” My heart sank and I could hear the whine in my voice but I couldn’t help it. That would make it the third night this week that he hadn’t been home before ten and it had been the same story from almost the night we arrived here – apart from the three weeks he wasn’t here except the weekends in between – the three weeks when River and I gave into our lust for each other and I’d had – and given to him in return – the best blow job ever...
It was beginning to grate on my nerves – not that I was particularly bothered about staying up late – if only he wanted to – but he had to be up early again so he pretty much only wanted to sleep when he got back, which was frustrating.
To be fair to Jake he’d been cool with me going to the club with River a couple of nights a week without him – and that had been kind of fun – his mates were really nice guys and I found that, apart from the one time he’d questioned me when River and I got a little drunk after his dad’s funeral – I got on really well with Seth. He was the only straight one amongst all of River’s friends. I wasn’t all that sure how straight he was if I’m honest – still his girlfriend didn’t seem unduly worried and it was none of my business which way he swung.
He was however, still incredibly interested in my relationship with Jake – and even more interested in my friendship with River. I felt as if I was constantly under scrutiny whenever we turned up together.
*
“So, your boyfriend couldn’t make it again tonight then?”
It was a few nights later – and true to form, Jake had dipped out of going to the club, blaming his early mornings and late finishes. I shook my head, sipping my outrageously fancy cocktail, “No,” I sighed, “He’s working late again – he’ll probably be asleep by the time we get back.”
He raised an eyebrow, “That’s got to be tough.”
I shrugged, “I’m getting used to it.” I said, hearing the grumble in my tone and cringing that I was complaining about my relationship with a near stranger.
“Well, better that he’s busy working his arse off for you than grinding up against a punter just for the hell of it.” He grimaced as he spoke and nodded towards River’s podium.
I turned to see him getting up close and personal with some pretty looking guy with dark hair and tight buns. I wasn’t jealous. I wasn’t… well, not really – I had no right to be in any case. Oh fuck it all to hell; I was so jealous, I felt slightly nauseous. “Yeah, he certainly attracts them, doesn’t he?” I said with forced joviality.
Seth smiled, “He does.” He agreed, “And he uses them as much as they use him – those who know him, love him for who he is – but guys like that,” he nodded to the guy grinding up against him, “that type of guy just wants him because he’s kind of well known – they think it’ll g
ive them a bit of notoriety in their circles – it’s pretty pathetic really.”
I shrugged, “Well, he must be getting something out of it too.” Lots of hot sex, no doubt…
Seth pursed his lips and shook his head, “Nah, he isn’t – not really,” he said, “he’s looking for something that he’s always believed to be out of reach – and he’s never found it yet.” He gave me an assessing look, “Or he hadn’t…” he trailed off.
He hadn’t said the word ‘before’ but I knew that was what he meant. He’d not found what he was looking for before I came here. I’d known that since he’d admitted to having a little crush on me in the kitchen the first morning I’d arrived but if he’d mentioned anything at all to Seth, I was hoping that was all he knew. If Seth knew about our passionate night I would die of shame...
The problem for me, of course, was that River’s feelings were definitely not one-sided – I was very aware of the effect he’d had on me, too. All too aware, actually, that meeting him had been like finding the missing piece in a jigsaw. We’d just seemed to instantly connect the moment our eyes had met. Maybe I was being fanciful – and totally selfish. After all, I had a boyfriend... but almost being killed by that fucking lunatic... well, thinking that I might have lost him that night – it had kind of cemented my feelings for him.
I glanced back at the podium to see him and the pretty boy kissing quite enthusiastically… Yeah, I was definitely being fanciful and I really needed to put our night together down to an experience never to be repeated. He quite clearly didn’t give a fucking shit about me – and neither should he – I was already in a great relationship...
So why did it bother me so much? Because I’d started to care about him far too much, that’s why... I realised with a bit of a jolt that somewhere along the way, I’d actually fallen in love with him.
I swallowed down the crushing jealousy that was coursing through me and turned away.
Seth noticed my melancholy. Of course he did. The man noticed everything. “It’s just part of the act.” He said softly, “It doesn’t mean anything to him.”
I shrugged, “Yeah, sure – and meeting him in the bathroom in five minutes time when it’s his break will mean nothing to him too.”
Seth smiled and shrugged, “That’s right – because he’s looking for something that doesn’t exist for him right now. He wants to be loved – he never has been – other than Jake he’s never had anyone in his life that he loves.”
I sighed, “And that’s why he and I could never be anything,” I said, “His best friend is my boyfriend. It would ruin everything.”
Seth nodded, “That’s about the top and bottom of it, yeah.” He agreed, “No pun intended…”
Chapter 26 – As if...?
River
I’d promised Jake that I wouldn’t take advantage of my time with Jodie in his absence without much thought to begin with, but once I’d thought about it, I had to admit that I was actually pretty offended by his request. I really had thought, As if I would do that to him? What sort of a guy did he think I was?
Keeping my promise was much more difficult though. His boyfriend was flirtatious – and fucking gorgeous and I’d wanted to spend every second of every minute of every hour with him, which had clearly been a mistake as we’d ended up in bed together. I could have screamed with frustration. I seriously didn’t want the young fit dude that had just climbed up onto my podium and I wasn’t encouraging his advances either but he just wasn’t getting the message.
The final straw was when he lunged at me and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Seriously? What the actual fuck?
The showman in me allowed it to happen for a couple of seconds before I gently disentangled myself from him, “That was nice.” I said, “But don’t do it again.” I added, an edge of warning in my voice.
He grinned, “Sorry man,” he said, looking anything but sorry, “Thought you were still single.”
I nodded, “Yeah, I am single – but it doesn’t mean I want to eat face every night with a different guy.”
His smile turned to a leer, “I wasn’t thinking of eating face.” He said, “Why don’t you meet me in the bathroom – and I’ll show you what else I’m good at eating.”
A few weeks ago I would have been in that bathroom like a shot – but now I felt differently. Maybe it was almost being killed the other night... but actually no. It really wasn’t that – I was just concerned about what Jodie thought of me – and I honestly had no desire to go and have sex in the bathroom with him – or with anyone else for that matter. I just wanted Jodie. “Yeah, thanks for the offer,” I shot him a charming smile, “– another time, maybe.”
I excused myself and made my way to the bar to meet up with Seth and Jodie. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face as I saw him there with the biggest cocktail known to mankind. I clapped him and Seth on their shoulders and stood between them both, “Phew!” I said with a massive sigh, “I’m pooped!”
Seth laughed, “Rubbish – I’ve seen you go for hours.”
I chuckled and nodded, “I must be getting old.”
Jodie smiled up at me, “You looked great up there – and I’m, uh, guessing you have a hot date to get to?” His smile was definitely false. His eyes gave him away – he was pissed off at the thought but he still thought I’d do it.
A feeling similar to ice settling in my gut went through me, “Nuh-uh.” I shook my head with a bit of a frown, “I’ve gotta drive you home later – I promised your boyfriend that I’d look out for you, remember?”
His eyebrows rose, suggesting that he’d understood that I was the sober one between us, “Oh, yeah,” he agreed, “I guess I’d forgotten about that,” he giggled, making my dick take notice for the first time that evening. God he was adorable… “Anyway – which bathroom can I safely enter without someone thinking I’m up for a thorough shagging?”
I choked on my lemonade at the erotic images his words had thrown up, “Come with me,” I said, “I’ll show you to the staff toilets – they’re perfectly safe.”
I returned to the bar and sat down in my usual spot. Buzz, who had just joined Seth behind the bar, was frowning at me. “What?” I asked looking back at him a little defensively.
“You’re playing with fire, dude,” he warned me, shaking his head. “Seth said you’d screw up and he was dead right, wasn’t he? You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you? He’s your best mate’s boyfriend, dude...” He gave me a pained look.
I stood up, knocking over my bar stool as I did so, “Excuse me!” I glared at the pair of them, “I’ve done nothing wrong!” I shouted indignantly, “I can’t help that his boyfriend’s working late all of the fucking time – I’m just trying to be a good friend.”
Buzz raised an eyebrow, “But you don’t just want to be friends,” he reminded me, “you want him – but he’s not yours to take. Jake is your best friend – do you really want to lose him?”
I sighed and shook my head. God, if either of them knew what had already transpired between Jodie and I, they’d be forbidding me to be in the same room as him, I was sure... And of course I didn’t want to lose Jake – he was the only family I had – what the hell would I do without him in my life?
“Because you will lose him you know – if you pursue Jodie, it will kill your friendship,” he said darkly, “there’s no going back from cheating on your friends.”
I swallowed nervously, considering his words. I’d already fucked up. I nodded, “I know,” I muttered, “I understand all of that…”
He looked at me with a mixture of sadness and frustration, “but you’re already on your highway bound for self-destruction and you’re going to pursue this with your usual relentlessness anyway, aren’t you?” he shook his head not waiting for a reply, “River, listen to me, there are hundreds of guys falling at your feet every fucking night – look at that one tonight! Just fucking pick one of them!”
He didn’t understand. No one did – I wasn’t all that sure I underst
ood what I was feeling myself. All I knew was that I’d never felt this way about anyone before, so if this was love – then hell – I was in love. I ran my hands through my hair and swore. I didn’t want the guy who’d thrown himself at me tonight. I didn’t want any of those guys. They didn’t really want me either. They didn’t see me. They saw River the hot dance guy. They’d never seen beneath the exterior flashiness. But Jodie had. I wished it was as easy as picking one of those fans – but that would be too fucking easy. No, I wanted the only one that was totally out of my reach – story of my fucking life...
Chapter 27 – Just mates...
Jodie
River seemed really quiet on the drive home. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He kept his eyes on the road, almost deliberately ignoring me. “Did Seth or Buzz or someone say something to you?” I asked. Well, I had to know…
I noticed that his grip on the steering wheel increased. I’d struck a nerve. “No.” he said in a surly tone.
I narrowed my eyes as I looked at him, “Then what the fuck is wrong with you, dude?” I asked, “One minute you had a smile that would light up the world and now you look like you could murder the road.”
He sighed, “Buzz might have warned me off you – but I was already on my best behaviour – I don’t want to be a problem to you and Jake. I love him, Jodie – he’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember – I can’t live without him in my life… so, you know – nothing can ever happen between you and I again… not that I’m suggesting…” He bit his lip and shook his head; God he was adorable, “Oh, hell – I’m really fucking this up…”
I smiled, “No,” I said, “you’re really not – I get it, River – we’re mates and we can only ever be mates, I get it too you know? End of.”
River... Redeemed (Studs & Steel Book 2) Page 10
