Choices

by Skyy

  “Yeah, people are going to talk, but I was fortunate to end up with a very nice, sweet, loving roommate, and I wouldn’t change her for anything.” Lena blushed. Susan looked back at her. “Okay, so, I have a question. Have you ever seen her in the act?” Susan giggled at her own question.

  “No, actually she really doesn’t date. She is really into school and all.”

  “Yeah, or she’s saving up for you.” Misty laughed.

  “Whatever. Let’s just change the subject?”

  “Well, you know, I hear that Mary Ann dabbles with women.”

  “Honey, Mary Ann will dabble with anything that will touch her skanky ass,” Misty added and they all laughed.

  The country club was decorated to a high level of elegance. Tables were lined with the finest linen and crystal. The centerpieces were lavish, filled with orchids and other exotic flowers. Women and men dressed in their finest formal wear conversed about politics and gossip.

  Lena noticed the children’s area. She remembered when she was a little girl wearing a dress that cost as much as her mother’s. She realized that she did miss some of the elegance that came with her life while she had been at school.

  Lena heard a familiar voice call her name. She walked over to a group of what she called “old money” people. Lena knew it was time to perform. She had become a pro at putting on a good act in front of her family’s high-society friends. In their eyes she was just like them; in her mind she was dreading every bit.

  “So, Lena, where did you end up, Harvard, Yale?” Ms. McGee was an old, rich woman who put the capital S in snob.

  “No, actually I attend Freedom University.”

  The crowd became silent. Lena looked around at their blank faces.

  “Why on earth would you go there?” a man asked. “That’s not Ivy League by far.” He stuck his nose up in the air.

  “It may not be Ivy, but it is a fine institution. After all, my mother and father graduated from—”

  “Yes, back when there wasn’t an option, dear,” Ms. McGee added. “All those black schools have gone to the dogs, no true sense to get an education. How do you expect to get a job after school?”

  “She won’t need one.” Misty walked up and interjected. “This one is destined for celebrity wife status.” Misty smirked at Lena; she was completely aware of the can of worms she had opened.

  Lena rolled her eyes at Misty. She knew that she was always jealous, but to put her business out like that was unforgivable. She quickly wanted to be at home with her real friends.

  The rest of the night was downhill. She was subjected to many conversations about her life and how she was ruining it. Lena felt sick to her stomach at some of the things that the prominent black people of Atlanta thought. How could they all be so stuck-up and arrogant? Lena decided she couldn’t take anymore and called the car service to pick her up.

  “Where are you going?” Susan walked up to Lena as she headed out the door.

  “Susan, I can’t take it anymore. I am going home.”

  “I understand. Look, I am sorry for giving you flack earlier about your friends. I am sure they are really nice.”

  “Yes, they are.” She smiled at the thought of Denise.

  Susan noticed the look on her face. “Um, Lena, I wouldn’t be your friend if I didn’t ask you this. What’s really up with you and those girls? Are you dating one of them?”

  Lena quickly popped out of her daze. “No! Why is it I can’t have friends? They are the nicest and most down to ear—”

  “Because of the look on your face, Lena. You’re thinking about someone, and considering we’re not talking about Brandon right now, my next guess is one of them.” Susan looked Lena in her eyes. “Okay, look. I will tell you something, but you can’t tell anyone, okay.”

  Lena noticed the look on Susan’s face and knew she was serious. They both sat down on a bench.

  Susan continued. “I have been seeing a woman for a while.”

  “What! Get the fuck out of here!” Lena couldn’t believe what she’d just heard.

  “I know. It was something that happened at Yale. She is someone very high-powered, but she is also very gay. I like her a lot, but we both have too much to lose, so it can never be more than an affair.”

  “Susan, you shouldn’t have to hide who you want to be with.”

  “Yeah, okay. Look at where we are, sweetie. Do you know who my family is? We are two of a kind, Lena. We’re destined for something more. Hell, you more than me. My suggestion to you is, if you ever feel yourself getting that urge to be with a woman, suppress it. Don’t do it. Your life is already mapped out. Don’t do anything to mess it up for you and everyone in your life.”

  Susan and Lena stared at each other as the sleek black car pulled up. They gave each other a hug.

  “If you ever need me, I am just a phone call away,” Lena added. Her phone started to ring as soon as the driver took off.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, baby. Merry Christmas. I miss you so much,” Brandon said.

  She forgot that she hadn’t spoken to Brandon all day. “Hello, Brandon.” She said it with an attitude. She couldn’t help but still be a little mad at him for not meeting her for Christmas.

  “Baby, don’t act like that. I am missing you so much. So how is the family doing?”

  Lena realized she forgot to tell him that she was going to Atlanta. “I’m sure they’re fine. I am actually not in the Hamptons right now; I came back to Atlanta.”

  The phone became silent. She knew that Brandon was not happy now.

  “So, you’re in Atlanta with Denise, huh. You just couldn’t stay away from her, not even for the fuckin’ holiday!” Brandon yelled.

  She didn’t expect him to get so upset. “Brandon, calm down. I am really kicking it with Misty and Susan. Carmen is here, too. I just got here today and I just left the Country Club.”

  “Whatever, Lena. I’m starting to wonder . . .”

  “Wonder what?” Lena could feel her blood boiling. She knew what he was about to say, and she couldn’t believe it. “What? You think your girlfriend is gay or something? Come on, Brandon, get off it, okay.”

  “Well, damn, baby, think about it. You are with them dykes all the time. You don’t hang with any normal girls. You got my boys and folks talking and shit.”

  “Oh, so, now it’s about your boys. And I don’t hang with those girls ’cause they are fake as hell. The only reason they want to talk to me is because of you.”

  “How do you know? You won’t even give them a chance. You’re too busy with the rainbow coalition.”

  The phone became silent again.

  Brandon took a deep breath. “Look, baby, I’m sorry. I’m just stressing because I miss you and you’re off with some girl that has a crush on you.”

  Lena started to think about the “almost” encounter with Denise earlier. She wondered if Brandon was actually right.

  “She doesn’t have a crush on me, and you have nothing to worry about. I love you and I miss you.”

  The car pulled into her driveway.

  “Yeah, I know. Look, I have to go meet with some people. I will call you later.”

  They said their good-byes and hung the phone up.

  Lena stepped out of the car. She could see Denise through the window in her room. Her mind went back to the almost kiss. She felt herself get a little heated. She took a deep breath and walked into the house, determined not to think about it anymore.

  Chapter 16

  Carmen looked at herself in the mirror, jeans and a baby doll shirt. She liked herself in the outfit, and she headed out the door. Cooley, Denise, and Lena were waiting in the living room, all looking upset with how long she made them wait.

  “Gotdammit, Carmen! You made us wait all that time for you and that’s what you put on!” Cooley said.

  “What’s wrong with this?” Carmen asked, looking down at herself.

  “Nothing is wrong with it, Carmen,” Denise quickly added
before an argument erupted between Cooley and Carmen.

  They all got into Lena’s father’s Mercedes to head out to see the town.

  “So, how was the country club?” Carmen asked Lena. “I bet there were some movers and shakers there.”

  “Yeah, it was horrible, they were all up in my business about why I go to Freedom and not an Ivy League school. Seems that the high-society black folk who all graduated from the historically black universities now think that they’re too good for the places that made them who they are.”

  “Damn, that’s fucked up. Well, you would be the same way if you didn’t have Dee and Carmen keeping your ass grounded,” Cooley added and laughed.

  “Whatever,” Lena said

  “It’s true, and you know it. You even needed to redecorate your room so that it would be to your standards.”

  “That wasn’t my doing; that was my mother’s doing, so don’t go there.”

  “Yeah, okay, you came to Freedom to get away from that high society or to be up under Brandon, one or the other.” Cooley made her point.

  “First off, I came to Freedom because I wanted to meet my own kind of people—black, normal people.”

  “Oh, so we were a sociology project. The little rich girl wanted to rebel against the high society she was accustomed to, to meet regular people who would love her for her. Well, you found it ’cause we all love you for you, boo, with your siddity ass.”

  “Chill out, bruh,” Denise interjected.

  “No, I never meant it like that.” Lena couldn’t believe what Cooley was saying. Could she have really been that bad?

  “Cooley is just fucking with you, girl,” Carmen added. “We are glad that you took the time to get to know us and to try something new. You could have easily gone to an Ivy League, but you decided to try something out of the normal, and that takes courage.”

  “Thanks, girl. So are you ready for Chi Theta when we get home?” Lena quickly changed the subject off of her.

  “Oh, I am. I want it so bad.” Carmen wanted to be a member of Chi Theta more than anything. Ever since she came to the school, Chi Theta was what she wanted, and hopefully it was about to become a reality. “I just hope they take the time to see me and not just other things.”

  “I don’t know why you want to do that bullshit anyway. You know they gon’ trip off you being gay,” Cooley added.

  “No, they aren’t. They pick women because of quality, not who they sleep with.” Carmen wanted to believe what she just said, but she knew it was a big possibility that they would look at her sexual orientation and not accept her.

  “Whatever, man. Don’t you think those bitches think that who you sleep with does affect how you are? Just look around campus. Bitches still frown up at us when we’re on the yard. Men still disrespect y’all femmes ’cause they think you’re going. It’s okay to watch us on TV, but joining their secret society is a whole different thing. We can entertain them, just not become them.”

  Everyone got quiet. They knew Cooley was right that time.

  “Denise, what do you think?” Carmen asked Denise.

  “Well, honestly, Carmen, I think you’re going to have a hard time.” Denise didn’t think it was a good idea for Carmen either. She didn’t want her to be hurt anymore than she already had been.

  “See, that’s what I’m talking about. You’re not Legacy, so they can’t just accept you,” Cooley added.

  “I’m Legacy, and I really don’t care if they accept me or not,” Lena added. She had no desire to be a Chi Theta, but was only going through with it for Carmen and her mother.

  “I wish I had it that easy,” Carmen said.

  “Girl, please. If they don’t take you, they aren’t going to have me, ’cause I’ll be damned if I go through that without my girl,” Lena said to Carmen.

  That made Carmen feel better. At this point she didn’t care if she got in because of Lena. She just wanted those letters. “Hey, are we in the gaybrohood?” Carmen asked as she started to notice rainbow flags on many of the buildings they were passing.

  “What’s a gaybrohood?” Lena questioned.

  “It’s the neighborhood that is really gay, with all the gay stores and stuff,” Carmen added as they passed another store.

  “Hey, isn’t Brushstrokes close? Let’s go, please. I need a shirt. Lena, do you mind if we go into the gay store?”

  “Um, no, I have never been in a gay store before. Let’s do it.”

  They parked the car and hopped out in front of the building. It was adorned with rainbow flags and triangles. They walked inside to hear the sounds of techno music playing.

  Lena’s eyes widened as she noticed some of the gay magazines. “This is wild.” She turned around to find everyone was off on their own, looking at the items they wanted. There was a wall covered with various gay logo T-shirts.

  Carmen headed over to the lesbian shirt section. She always wanted some gay shirts, but usually couldn’t fit the cute girly ones. She picked out three baby doll shirts including one that said SINGLE in the rainbow colors.

  Cooley and Denise looked around the store. Neither of them really wore rainbow paraphernalia. Cooley never needed to; her look was enough paraphernalia for her orientation.

  Carmen looked at the stickers. She saw one that read, “I’m straight not narrow,” which she bought for Lena.

  “Lena, I got this for you.” She handed Lena the sticker. “It’s not many girls who would choose to be friends with a bunch of lesbos. Thanks.”

  They hugged, and everyone walked out of the store.

  “So, what’s up people? What are we getting into tonight?” Cooley asked as they got into the car.

  “I don’t know. What’s up?” Denise said.

  “How about that club we went to Christmas Eve? That would be off the chain,” Cooley responded.

  “Oh, wait, you guys. I have somewhere we can go. Jam Zone Records is having a party tonight. I forgot all about it,” Lena added; she hoped they would want to go. She didn’t want to be home alone while they partied at the gay clubs.

  “Jam Zone, that sounds cool. I bet the line is gonna be long as hell.”

  “No, no, I can get us in as V.I.P. I’m a socialite, remember.” She smirked at Cooley.

  “Oh, okay, okay. Do your thang then; Jam Zone is off the chain.”

  “It sure is,” Carmen added. “Now, I gotta go find an outfit. I hope Supa Sonic is gonna be there. God, I love her.”

  “Supa Sonic isn’t gay,” Lena said, causing everyone to laugh.

  “Man, Lena, we are going to teach you some things. If Supa Sonic isn’t gay, I am not gay.” Cooley said. “I personally believe that all the women in the industry are goin’, and when I get into the industry, I am going to fuck every last one of them, starting with Beyoncé, Janet, oh shit and Nia Long.”

  “Cooley, none of those women are gay. Isn’t Beyoncé with Jay-Z?”

  “And your point is?” Cooley said to Lena.

  “You have to excuse Cooley,” Denise said. “She lives by the motto that all women are gay. Who knows if celebrities are gay or not? Cooley is just running off at the mouth.”

  “Okay, I don’t think all women are gay. I just know that all women are goin.”

  “Goin,” Lena questioned.

  “Yes, goin. It means that they will go for someone of the same sex. It’s the truth. Man, all women think about being with another woman at least one time in their life. There are just those that don’t act on the feeling. But it takes a pimp nigga like myself to turn any girl out,” Cooley boasted.

  “Cooley, that’s ridiculous. You do realize I am standing here and I am straight. I am not goin’.”

  Everyone got silent.

  Cooley opened her mouth to respond, but caught a quick punch by Carmen to let her know not to go there.

  “Well, um, maybe you are the exception. But I am telling you, most women are goin’. They just haven’t found the right girl to bring that shit out of them. Do you know how m
any so-called straight girls try to get on me daily?”

  “How many, Cooley?” Denise jumped in.

  “Plenty. They all say the same shit about just having a strange feeling, and just wondering what it’s like. They get a piece of Cool and lose their damn minds, ready to leave their husbands, give me their damn credit cards and shit.”

  They all laughed, knowing Cooley had possession of a married woman’s credit card as they spoke.

  “Well, that still doesn’t mean all straight girls are,” Lena said.

  “Okay, if you say so. But I’m telling you, I bet you I can pull at least one girl up in this mall. And if I don’t pull them, even if they curse me out, for the rest of the day they’re going to think about that fine-ass girl that looked like a boy that tried to pull them in the mall. That simple. I have sparked their curiosity, making it even easier for the next girl to come along and pull her ass.”

  They all laughed.

  “So, Cooley, how did you get that nickname of yours?” Lena asked.

  “Well, when I was in high school I was real cool with all the dudes; they liked my style and started calling me Cool Carla. I changed it to Cooley, and these chicks on campus started that Killa Cap shit.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “So, you been out since high school? How long have all of you been out?” Lena looked at Denise.

  “Hell, I was the first to come out,” Cooley jumped in. I’ve been fuckin’ bitches since the eighth grade. One of my dad’s women was my first.”

  “What!” Lena looked at Cooley. “What did your dad do?”

  “Not shit. He walked in on us and everything. He laughed actually. He said he always knew I was gonna be a pussy magnet like him.” Cooley laughed. “I talked Dee into coming out.”

  “Really,” Carmen said. “I didn’t know that.”

  “Don’t believe everything you hear,” Denise said, smiling.

  “Dee, you know I helped you come out. We went to high school together, and I hooked her up with her first girl. Gwen.”

  Denise laughed. “Damn, I forgot about that. Yeah, she is right, after all.”