by Hannah Ellis
“What are you doing here?” she asked, shooing her out of her chair.
“Waiting for Emily. We’re going for drinks. Thought I’d call in and say hi to my favourite sister!”
“Hi,” Elizabeth said dryly, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. She took a sip of coffee and then set it aside.
“You wanna come for a drink with us?”
Elizabeth snapped her head to Josie, surprised by the invitation.
“No,” she said frostily. “I’ve got work to catch up on.”
“Did you get behind on your week off?”
“Not really.” Elizabeth glared at her. “Did you want something?”
“No.” Josie moved to the door, shaking her head. She stopped in the doorway. “Are you still annoyed with me about the shoes?”
“What shoes?” Elizabeth asked, with her eyes on her computer screen.
“The wedding shoes…”
Chills ran through Elizabeth and she froze.
“I know you think I was just trying to annoy you,” Josie said. “I’ll wear the beige shoes if you want. They hurt my feet, that’s all.”
“Wear whatever you want,” Elizabeth whispered.
“What?”
“I don’t care what shoes you wear,” she repeated. “I’ve got work to do.”
“Sorry,” Josie muttered. “I’ll go then.”
Elizabeth stared at her computer, but could sense Josie hovering. “Are you okay?” Josie finally asked.
Elizabeth bit her lip. Josie being nice to her was more than she could deal with. She was trying so hard to quash her emotions. Now she felt like they would erupt like a geyser just because her sister asked her if she was okay.
“I’m fine,” she said, turning and smiling tightly. “Have fun with Emily.”
Finally, Josie left. The door to the office had barely clicked into place when Elizabeth let out a sob. She felt as if she was drowning. The wedding that she’d been so excited about felt overwhelming and extravagant. Why had she been so consumed by her wedding day? It was just one day. One day when people would look at her and congratulate her and envy her. But it was all a big joke.
Shaking her head, she tried to laugh at herself. Why was she being so irrational? An image of Max filled her head and she wanted to scream. She wiped her eyes and tried to focus on work, but only managed to stare numbly at the computer screen.
She barely registered the knock at the door.
“Me again,” Josie said cheerfully as she made her way quietly into the office, waving a bottle of wine.
“I thought you were going out with Emily?”
“I said I’d meet her later. I thought we could have a drink and talk weddings!”
Elizabeth glanced up. Josie might have had the best intentions, but Elizabeth really wasn’t in the mood for company. “I don’t want wine. And I don’t want to talk about the wedding.” She hoped Josie would get the message and leave, but instead her sister’s eyes filled with tears. Great.
Josie ran out of the door and Elizabeth fought her instinct to go after her. It didn’t matter; Josie shot back into the room seconds later.
“What did I ever do to you?” she demanded.
Elizabeth sighed. “I don’t have time for your temper tantrums, Josie.” Actually, she didn’t have the energy for other people’s emotions. It was hard enough battling through her own.
“Well, I am so sorry for interrupting your perfect little life!” Josie turned to leave again. “Have a great evening, Liz!”
The way she spat the name stirred something in Elizabeth. It’s Lizzie! she wanted to scream.
“Just because I don’t treat you like a princess!” Elizabeth shouted, standing and daring Josie to come back and argue. She desperately needed someone to scream at or she might explode.
“What?” Josie asked weakly.
“You don’t like that Mum and Dad think of you as their little princess, but I see you for exactly who you are: a spoiled brat with no direction, no responsibilities and no regard for consequences.”
“That’s not true.”
Elizabeth laughed scornfully. “You don’t have a job. Mum and Dad pay your rent!”
Tears rolled down Josie’s face. Elizabeth retreated, knowing she was right but not sure why she felt bad about it.
“It’s all so easy for you.” Josie’s voice quivered with quiet anger. “You’ve known what you wanted to do since you were a kid. You had everything planned and then everything fell into place. Lucky you! You have no idea what it’s like not to know what you want out of life. And to make it worse, my perfect sister has it all figured out and constantly looks down her nose at me.” She sniffed loudly and walked out of the office.
Elizabeth stayed in the silent room for a long time. For the first time ever she felt that perhaps she could relate to Josie.
What if all the things she’d been striving for weren’t what she wanted after all?
Chapter 27
The shops were busy on Saturday morning. Elizabeth trudged around three shoe shops before she found what she was looking for: white Converse with a smattering of glitter. She didn’t see what all the fuss was about, but then, on a whim, she plucked another pair off the shelf – classic white ones – and asked the shop assistant for a pair in her size.
Bouncing up the stairs to Josie’s apartment, she was surprised by how comfy the shoes were. They didn’t look too bad either. When Josie had buzzed her in to the building she’d sounded surprised – no wonder, really. Elizabeth never visited. Josie greeted her with a scowl at the top of the stairs.
“What do you think?” Elizabeth asked, looking happily at her new shoes.
“I think you’re a complete bitch,” Josie said, marching back into her apartment. The door banged shut.
Elizabeth winced. That hadn’t gone to plan. “I bought you some too!” she shouted, then waited hopefully.
The door opened a crack. Elizabeth held out the shoe box and eased the lid open. With a squeal of delight, Josie flung the door open and grabbed at the shoes.
“I love them!”
Elizabeth smiled sheepishly. “Peace offering.”
“For the wedding?”
“You can wear them now,” Elizabeth said with a sigh. “I’ll get you new ones nearer the wedding.”
“Oh, thank God! I don’t think I could wait. Thank you! You’re the best.” She flung her arms around Elizabeth.
“That was easy. Have you got any coffee?”
Josie grimaced. “Not to your standards. Just instant stuff. And the place is a mess.”
“It’ll do,” Elizabeth said, determined to clear the air with Josie. Their argument the previous evening had left her unsettled, and she kept remembering her mum’s comment that it was she who caused the distance between them, not Josie. It probably wouldn’t kill her to try to get along with her only sibling.
Josie switched the kettle on and randomly tidied up as they moved through her small apartment.
“You don’t have a cleaner, then?” Elizabeth sat on the couch as Josie tried on her new shoes. “You’re not such a princess after all.”
Josie opened her mouth, then caught the teasing in Elizabeth’s eyes and laughed instead. She scuttled out when the kettle clicked and returned a couple of minutes later with two cups of coffee.
Elizabeth copied Josie and put her feet up on the coffee table, showing off her new shoes. They rocked their feet, the bright white trainers swaying in unison. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Josie spoke. “What’s going on with you?” she asked hesitantly, clearly worried that she was going to ruin their newfound truce.
“How do you mean?”
“You’ve been acting strangely. You were so uptight about the wedding that I was worried you were going to explode. Then you went away on your own for a week…”
The reminder of the week with Max filled Elizabeth with sadness, and she worried Josie could see it.
“And now you’ve
bought me shoes!” Josie said. “Something’s not right.”
“I don’t know,” Elizabeth said honestly. “I might be going a bit crazy.”
Josie nodded. “That’s good.” A slow smile spread across her face. “I could cope with you being a bit crazy sometimes. It would be a nice change, Little Miss Sensible!”
“The trouble is, I don’t have the luxury of going crazy. I have commitments and people expect me to be… Well, they expect me to be me.”
“Who cares what anyone expects? Do what you want.”
“It’s not that simple,” Elizabeth said, trying not to get irritated.
“Okay.” Josie crossed her legs on the couch and sat up straighter. “If you could do anything you want, right now, what would you do?”
“I don’t know.” What a ridiculous question. People couldn’t just do what they wanted; that wasn’t how the world worked. Her mind drifted regardless. She’d go and pack a bag, then she’d drive to Hope Cove and find Max. Of course, he wouldn’t be there so it was a crazy idea. He’d be sitting in his cosy kitchen at home, enjoying brunch with his fiancée. The thought made her nauseous.
“Tell me!” Josie said excitedly. “You have something in mind, I know it. Tell me what you’d do if you threw caution to the wind and went for it.”
“I wouldn’t do anything,” Elizabeth said, standing abruptly. “I’ve spent far too long being Little Miss Sensible to start throwing caution to the wind.”
“Are you going?” Josie asked, disappointed.
“I’d better get back to Phil,” she said, hating the thought but needing to escape. “Thanks for the coffee.”
“Thanks for the shoes,” Josie called after her.
It wasn’t long before Elizabeth wished she’d never left Josie’s couch. Phil followed her around the house, asking her a string of mundane questions. No, she hadn’t had any more thoughts about sightseeing trips for their honeymoon. Yes, she would call his mother to update her on wedding plans. No, she didn’t want to go out for dinner. Why wouldn’t he just leave her alone?
“I’ve actually got a bit of work to finish,” Elizabeth said finally. “I’m afraid I’ll be holed up in the study all afternoon. Why don’t you see if your dad fancies a round of golf?”
He gave her a peck on the cheek. “Great idea.”
She told him to have fun and went up to the study until she heard him leave. Having the house to herself for the afternoon felt like the ultimate luxury. She lay on the couch staring at the ceiling, contemplating how everything had gone wrong. She missed Max so much. There really was a part of her that longed to get in the car and go and find him. Except then what? Would he actually leave his fiancée and run away with her? It was absurd. But if she could go back to that last morning on the beach, Elizabeth knew she wouldn’t be able to walk away again. She’d agree to anything; no matter how outlandish it seemed. If she’d known then how much she’d miss him, there was no way she’d have left.
If only she’d taken his number. She’d call him now, just to hear his voice. Tears dripped slowly down her cheeks and she wiped at them angrily. What was she thinking? Was she really considering giving up the life she’d worked so hard for? Could she walk away from her job? From Phil? From her home? And if she did, would she be happy?
What she needed to do was stop taking things for granted and being so negative. She had a great life and she needed to focus on all the positives. She’d make more effort with Phil and remind herself how lucky she was. Jumping up from the couch, she decided she’d go shopping and cook a romantic meal for that evening.
Everything would be fine.
Chapter 28
After some consideration she made baked salmon, flavoured with lemon and black pepper, with new potatoes and asparagus. It was a relatively simple dish but she was proud of it nonetheless.
“Why did you cook?” Phil asked when he arrived home. “I’d have taken you out for dinner.”
“I felt like eating at home,” she said. “I might start doing more cooking. I quite enjoyed it.”
She waited while he chose the right wine to go with the salmon, then they sat down together in the kitchen. The plan had been to set the table properly, with a cloth and candles, but in the end that had seemed frivolous and silly. Phil would probably make some annoying comment about it.
“How was golf?” she asked.
“Great. The weather was fantastic. The course wasn’t too busy. Can’t complain at all.”
“How’s your dad?”
“He’s all right. Slowing down, but that’s age for you. By the way, Mum wants you to call her. She wants to talk about flowers for the wedding. If you haven’t booked the florist yet, she knows someone, apparently.”
“Hmm,” she replied, focusing on her food. “I had a voicemail from her. I’ll call her later.”
“Have you booked a florist already?”
“No.”
“Great. Mum will be happy. Don’t forget to call her.”
“I won’t.”
“This is nice,” he said, nodding at the food. “Maybe a little more lemon next time.”
She ignored him.
“If you’re going to do more cooking, maybe you should take a course.”
She shook her head in exasperation. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“No, it tastes fine. I just thought if it’s something you’re interested in…”
“Can we not make such a big deal out of me cooking dinner?”
“Sorry,” he muttered.
They ate in silence for a while, the meal punctuated by the scrape of cutlery on the plates and the extractor fan – which Elizabeth had forgotten to switch off – humming gently in the background.
“How was work this week?” Phil asked. “All caught up after the holiday?”
Her heart raced. The holiday. Max. She was trying so hard not to think about it, but her mind took her back there time and time again. “Work was fine,” she said. “Good to be back.”
“I bet Karen missed you.”
“Yeah.” Even though she’d apologised to Karen for her little outburst, things had remained tense between them all week. “We had a bit of an argument.”
“Really? What about?”
“Work stuff. Nothing important. But there’s an awkward atmosphere now.”
“You should talk to her and clear the air. It’s no good having an atmosphere at work. Especially with the amount of time you spend there. And Karen’s been a good friend.”
“She has. You’re right. I should talk to her.”
“And you need to stay in her good books if you plan on taking her job.”
“You make it sound very underhand,” she said. “Karen knows I want her job. And she’s happy for me to take over when she retires.”
“Speaking of bosses, did I tell you I was at Dennis’s house last week? I went round to go over everything before the presentation.”
Elizabeth nodded. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s okay. Staying away from the office will be the hardest thing for him. Anyway, they’d just got a wood burner installed. I was thinking we might get one in the living room.”
Her forehead creased. “We don’t have a chimney.”
“We could get one installed.”
“It sounds like a lot of disruption.”
“It’d be lovely and cosy in the winter. I thought you’d like the idea of cuddling up to me in front of the fire.”
“It does sound nice.” Her heart was racing again, and it occurred to her that she wouldn’t do well on a polygraph test at that moment. The idea of cuddling up in front of a fire was lovely. But not with Phil.
Her thoughts scared her. She was marrying Phil in a matter of months. Surely she shouldn’t feel indifferent towards him?
“I’ll do some research,” he said.
After they’d finished, she took the plates to the sink, glad of something to do.
“Stick them in the dishwasher,” Phil said.
She hadn’t even noticed she’d begun to wash up, but she had the urge to be busy. Phil came and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Why don’t we watch a film? It’d be good for you to relax.”
“I’m fine,” she said, bristling when he kissed her neck. “I’m going to tidy up here, then I’ve got some work to do.”
“I thought you worked this afternoon?” he said, moving away from her and topping up his wine.
“I went shopping, and cooked. I’ve only got a bit to do, but I’d rather get on with it. You watch a film.”
“Okay,” he said, before disappearing into the living room.
Elizabeth felt strangely exhausted when she sat down in the study and opened her laptop. She didn’t have anything specific to do but she wanted to be alone, and Phil wouldn’t bother her if he thought she was working.
Her fingers seemed to work alone, typing Max’s name into a search engine. Of course she didn’t know his last name so she typed ‘cosmetics company’ and ‘lawyer’ instead. Then she hit delete as she realised how crazy she was being. If she really wanted to find him, she could. His aunts at the farm would be a better starting point than an internet search with his first name. Or she could go back to Hope Cove and ask around the locals. Someone would surely have contact details for his mum, since she had a house there. Or she could drop a note through the door of Seaside Cottage.
Again, she was left wondering what she was really hoping for. She’d only known Max for a week – she couldn’t turn her life upside down because of him. The irrational thoughts were driving her crazy and she needed to get them under control.
After closing the search engine, she scrolled through her personal emails, and was puzzled by an unopened email from herself. It had an attachment. The document that Emily had left on her work computer. On a whim, she opened it and began reading.
From the word count it appeared to be a full-length novel, and Elizabeth soon found herself completely absorbed in it. It was hours later, when the words began to blur on the screen and she kept having to blink to focus, that she realised how much time had passed. It was almost midnight. Phil had put his head round the door at some point and said he was going to bed. Without taking her eyes from the screen, she’d told him she’d join him soon.
