The Cottage at Hope Cove

by Hannah Ellis

  “No!” Elizabeth wiped at her tears. “I can get another job. And I’ve got savings.”

  “So what’s your real fear?”

  “That I’ll never see Max again,” she said. She took a deep breath. It was a relief to talk about him and be honest about her feelings. Generally, she wasn’t even honest with herself when it came to Max.

  “Right, well, what with the internet, it’s a small world these days. We can find him.”

  “What if he doesn’t feel the same? He’s engaged too. What if he’s happily moved on with his life?”

  “We can find that out on social media, easy-peasy!” Josie reached for her laptop. “What’s his last name?”

  Elizabeth shook her head. “I don’t know.”

  Josie frowned. “Liz, the internet’s good, but it’s not that good! Give me a clue. Where does he work?”

  Elizabeth shook her head again. “At a cosmetics company.”

  “Really?” Josie said, raising her eyebrows.

  “He’s a lawyer at a cosmetics company.”

  “That sounds more your type. Which cosmetics company?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “We’re a bit stuck, then. I didn’t even know it was possible to fall in love with someone without stalking their social media pages. You’re a freak, you know?”

  “I didn’t say I was in love with him,” Elizabeth said, but the ache inside her was back. She frowned. “You need to help me! What should I do?”

  “I have no idea,” Josie said. “Stick with Phil?”

  “No!” Elizabeth said. “I’m quitting my job. And leaving Phil…” She paused and took a deep breath. “And then I’m going to find Max. Somehow.”

  Josie let out a triumphant cheer.

  Chapter 35

  Elizabeth didn’t go home on Monday evening. Instead she chatted with Josie, and composed her resignation letter. What on earth would Karen say? Elizabeth was dreading the conversation, but at the same time she felt a giddy excitement that she was going to go through with it all: leaving her job, leaving Phil, looking for Max. She wasn’t a hundred per cent sure about the last one, or at least wouldn’t let herself think too much about it. She didn’t want to get her hopes up. He was engaged, after all.

  Elizabeth and Josie stayed up chatting and laughing into the early hours until they finally fell asleep on the couch.

  When Elizabeth called home to shower and change the next morning, Phil was waiting for her, lurking like a jailer, trying to appear nonchalant as he asked why she’d stayed at Josie’s. If she told him quickly, it would be over and done with. Like ripping off a plaster. I’m leaving you. Sorry. Goodbye.

  It couldn’t be that quick, though, and it was going to be complicated. She owed him an explanation, but she didn’t know where to start. Instead, she told him she was in a rush, but insisted she would talk to him properly that evening. Definitely. She would tell him everything, then pack her bags and leave. It was going to be an interesting day.

  Her determination turned to nerves when she walked into Karen’s office armed with her resignation letter. She kept it well out of sight at first, and had to listen to Karen rattling on about deadlines and meetings, and other mundane issues.

  “I actually wanted to talk to you…” Elizabeth said gravely, taking a seat and hoping that Karen would take the hint and sit down. Thankfully, she returned to her desk and dropped into the swivel chair.

  “Sounds serious.”

  “It is,” Elizabeth said. It was hard to know whether to blurt it out or build up to it. Karen would probably prefer the direct approach. “I’m going to be leaving…” She tripped over her words and, when Karen looked puzzled, she realised she hadn’t been as direct as she’d wanted. “Quitting, I mean. I’m quitting my job. I’ve got my notice here…” She waved the envelope. That was more to the point.

  Karen shook her head and frowned. “You’re what?” She reached for the envelope and scanned the letter, then sat holding it, staring at Elizabeth. “You’re leaving?”

  Elizabeth nodded. “I know you need four weeks’ notice, but if it’s possible I’d like to take two weeks’ holiday and finish in two weeks.”

  Karen was lost for words, so Elizabeth filled the silence. “That would take us up to the next production deadline and I hoped that might be a good time. I don’t want to leave you in the lurch…”

  Quietly, Karen handed the letter back. “I think you should take some more time to think about this.”

  Elizabeth was stunned. “No,” she said. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I need a change.”

  “You’ve been distracted,” Karen didn’t make eye contact with Elizabeth, and seemed to be thinking aloud, “but I thought things were getting better.”

  “I guess I have been. It’s not just work, to be honest. I’ve been doing some soul searching—”

  “Is it the old biological clock? I know you mentioned kids before. You can have a family and a career. Don’t let anyone say you can’t.”

  “No.” Elizabeth shook her head. For some reason, she’d expected this to be easier. “It’s not that. I don’t want kids.” From out of nowhere an image popped into her head: sitting on the beach at Hope Cove with Max, his arm around her as they watched their kids jumping in the waves. She heard their giggles. Her chest tightened as she forced herself to focus. “I just need a change.”

  “Take some time off, then. A sabbatical. Recharge your batteries and then come back refreshed. I can keep your job—”

  Elizabeth shook her head forcefully. She should be able to explain better. “I’m moving,” she said.

  “Where to?”

  Elizabeth hesitated. Where was she moving to? And what happened to making a proper plan? ‘Quit job and leave Phil’ was fairly vague. Where would she live when she left Phil? What was she going to do for a job? She’d had one thought about that, at least. As she’d been editing Emily’s book she’d been musing about editing for a living. It felt like a pipe dream, though. And she should probably worry about finding a place to live first.

  Annoyingly, when she thought of where she would live, Max sprang to mind again: cooking in the kitchen at Seaside Cottage while Elizabeth sat at the little table and watched him. It was ridiculous. She couldn’t give up her whole life because of some silly romantic notions. Could she?

  “I’m not sure where I’m moving to yet…”

  “Did Phil get a new job?” Karen asked, looking increasingly puzzled.

  “No. I’m leaving Phil,” Elizabeth blurted out. Afterwards, she thought it might have been better to let him be the first to know, but never mind. “That’s why I’ll be moving. I’m having a whole new start.”

  Karen looked at Elizabeth as though she thought she was mad. At that moment Elizabeth would have agreed with her.

  “It’s not about that guy in Devon, is it?”

  “No,” she said. “Well, yes, in a way.”

  “I thought you’d put all that behind you.”

  “Not really, no.”

  “I think you probably need time to think this through,” Karen said condescendingly. She gave the letter of resignation back again.

  Elizabeth pushed it away. “I’m sorry,” she said, pulling herself together and forcing confidence into her voice, “I know I sound unprofessional, but my mind is made up. I have thought this through. Please don’t make this more difficult for me.”

  Karen looked hard at Elizabeth. “I thought you were going to be editor-in-chief.”

  “I was. But things change. It’s not what I want now. And I can’t pretend it is.”

  “I’ll be sorry to see you go,” Karen said. “But if you’re sure…”

  “I am.”

  “Then I wish you all the best.”

  “Thank you.”

  Karen’s features softened. “We’ll keep in touch, won’t we? I’ll miss you.”

  Elizabeth promised they would, and then slipped back to her office. For the rest of the day she tried
to get on with work as normal, but it was hard to concentrate. She didn’t want to slack off just because she knew she was leaving, but it was difficult to care about any of it any longer.

  Her mind wandered; she couldn’t help it. The thoughts she’d had about Max while she was in Karen’s office left her feeling very uneasy. They were pure fantasy and if she was quitting her job and leaving Phil because of some crazy romantic ideas about a future with Max, she worried she was making a huge mistake. Her motives were all wrong.

  By the time she reached home that evening, her thoughts were clearer, and she felt better. She wasn’t doing all this so she could be with Max. She was doing it for herself. It was the right thing for her – regardless of whether she ever saw Max again or not.

  Stopping to look up at the house before she went in, she felt nothing. It had never really felt like home and she wouldn’t miss the place at all.

  Phil was sitting in the kitchen, drinking a glass of wine. She suspected he knew what was coming. He must have some idea.

  A forced smile flashed across his face when she joined him at the table, then quickly disappeared.

  “Will you please be honest with me?” he said, holding a hand out to her. She took it and nodded. “What’s going on with you?”

  She paused. Not because she didn’t know what to say, but because she didn’t want to say it. He’d been a huge part of her life for so long and she had no desire to hurt him.

  “Are you seeing someone else?” he asked.

  She shook her head and tears pooled in her eyes. “No.”

  “You said you’d be honest…”

  “I’m not seeing anyone,” she said sadly. “But I can’t go on like this…”

  “Like what?”

  Tears rolled silently down her cheeks and splattered on the table. “I don’t love you any more.”

  “Are you leaving me?” he asked.

  She nodded sadly. “I’m sorry.”

  “Can you at least explain why?” he asked, far too calmly.

  When she hesitated, his air of calm evaporated and he shot up from the chair. “If there is someone else, I’ll find out eventually! I may as well hear it from you.”

  She watched as he paced the room. “I’m not leaving you for someone else,” she said slowly. “But I am leaving you because of someone else.”

  He stopped abruptly. Elizabeth took a deep breath, hoping she could explain things to him better than she had to Karen.

  “I met someone when I was in Devon.”

  He nodded. Obviously he knew that was when she’d changed. When everything had started to go wrong.

  “Nothing really happened,” she said, wincing. Talking to Phil about Max seemed bizarre. “We just became friends. I haven’t seen him since. I did feel something for him, though. More than friendship. I’ve tried to get on with things, but that week made me question so much about my life … and now I realise that I want something different. I’m not even sure what I want yet. But I need to find out.”

  He banged his fist on the counter. She flinched. Then silence filled the room. Phil moved to the window and gazed out over the back garden. Part of her wished he’d shout at her. Seeing him so upset was killing her.

  “I quit my job,” she said, needing to break the silence.

  He moved back to sit beside her. “You really don’t love me any more?” he asked. “There’s no fixing this?”

  She shook her head sadly. “No.”

  “So you don’t know what you want, but you know what you don’t want?”

  She nodded. That was exactly it. The next chapter in her life was a complete mystery but one she needed to move on to. At that moment it was so daunting she felt physically sick.

  She just hoped everything would work out in the end.

  Chapter 36

  Phil had been surprisingly calm about everything. After they’d talked, she’d thrown a few things into a suitcase and headed to Josie’s. She’d collect the rest of her things later and they’d have to decide what to do about the house. They would have to cancel the wedding. Thank goodness they weren’t already married, or things would have been much more complicated.

  Elizabeth was lying awake beside Josie when her phone rang late that evening. She crept out of the bedroom to answer it. It was Phil. She was tempted to ignore it, but she suddenly felt compassion for him. She’d spent the last month panicking about her future with him and it was a relief now that he was part of her past. And it hadn’t been an awful past; she didn’t feel that she’d wasted her time with him. He’d been right for her at one time and they’d had a lot of good years together. She could look back fondly.

  As soon as he spoke, it was clear he was drunk. He wasn’t a huge drinker, and she only remembered a handful of times when he’d overdone it with the wine.

  “You can’t just leave,” he said, slurring his words. Elizabeth sighed. Perhaps things weren’t going to be as easy as she’d thought.

  “I love you,” he said. “We’re getting married. You can’t leave.”

  She sank into the couch and pulled a blanket around her. “Things haven’t been right for a while, Phil. You must have noticed. We grew apart. We focused too much on work and not enough on each other.”

  “I didn’t grow apart,” he said. “You did. And you need to come back. You’re just confused…”

  She shouldn’t have answered the phone. It felt like this could be a long conversation that would never get anywhere.

  “It was me,” she agreed. “I changed. I want different things. And we can’t be in a relationship if we want different things out of life.”

  “Whatever you want is fine. I want whatever you want.”

  “No you don’t,” she said firmly, not sure why she was bothering to argue when he was in such a state.

  “Whatever you want, you can have.”

  “But you obviously want to move to Paris and further your career…”

  “I was joking about Paris,” he said, his words garbled. “We won’t move to Paris. And if you want a baby, we can have a baby.”

  “I don’t want a baby with you, Phil, and I don’t want to discuss this now. You’re drunk. Sleep it off and we can talk again when you’re sober, if you want.”

  “I just want you to come home.”

  Oh God, he was crying.

  “I’m really sorry,” she said.

  “Can’t you come home?” he sobbed.

  “No, Phil, I can’t. I’m going to hang up now. Go to bed, okay?”

  The phone rang again a few seconds after she ended the call. She switched it off. She was doing him a favour. He’d be mortified the next day.

  She stayed on the couch, feeling awful for Phil and wondering if she was doing the right thing. Of course, breaking up with Phil wasn’t going to be easy. She had to give him time. Maybe they could even stay friends once he was over the shock.

  Everything will be okay, she told herself before she finally fell asleep.

  The next morning, she turned her phone on to find a barrage of messages and voicemails from Phil. She didn’t listen to or read any of them. She’d call him later.

  At the office, she dived into work for a few hours and then stuck her head out of her office to look for Emily.

  “Psst!” she said, getting Emily’s attention along with that of most of the other people in the room. “Come in here a minute.”

  “Is everything okay?” Emily asked, following her back into the office.

  “Fine,” Elizabeth said, swivelling in her chair. “I’ve started to edit your book.”

  “Really?” Emily said excitedly.

  “Yes. I should have it finished in a couple of weeks.”

  “That’s amazing.”

  “I need you to do something,” Elizabeth said. “Once I’ve finished, you need to find an agent and get it published.”

  “Well, hopefully one day.”

  “Definitely,” Elizabeth said. “I think it’s great.”

  Emily frowned.
“Why are you so keen?”

  “I want it to be a bestseller so I can tell everyone I edited it!”

  “What’s going on?” Emily asked. She seemed decidedly unnerved by Elizabeth’s good mood.

  “I quit my job yesterday!”

  “What? No way?”

  “Yes,” Elizabeth said heartily. It felt fantastic to tell someone else.

  “But why? I thought you loved your job.”

  “I want to edit books,” Elizabeth said. “It’s so much fun. I need a change. I’m going to set up as a freelance editor and work on projects that interest me, like your book.”

  The idea had come to her as she lay awake, worrying about her future. The thought of going back to her original plan of working in a publishing house had been niggling her, but she knew her chances of getting a job were slim due to her lack of experience in fiction editing. Then she had the idea to set up on her own. She’d do the training and get some experience and, at the end of it, she’d be her own boss.

  After sleeping on the idea, she was positive it was what she wanted to do. The more she thought about it, the more sure she was that it was the right thing for her.

  “That’s amazing,” Emily said, taking a seat.

  “I’m so excited,” Elizabeth said. “And I’m excited for you too. Your book is so good. And it’s going to be the first thing I list in my portfolio when I set up my business.”

  Emily laughed. “Maybe I will try to get published. If you’re following your dreams, perhaps I should too. You’re very inspiring today!”

  “I’m glad,” Elizabeth said happily. “Following your dreams is a great thing to do. I don’t think it’s going to be easy for me, though. First, I need to find more jobs to build up my portfolio.”

  “Would you do editing for free to get the experience?”

  “Yes. I’ll need to work for free to start with. That way I can get some experience while I do the training and get the proper credentials. I just need to find some authors.”

  “I know authors,” Emily said eagerly. “And they’d fall over each other for free editing!”

  “How do you know authors?”