You’re trouble. “I guess that would depend on what you’re doing here, Ben.” She willed her heart to stop pummeling through her chest, but it didn’t listen. She wanted him here but was terrified, all at the same time.
“Well, I do have this pain,” he removed his glasses and hung them from his shirt collar. Kayley was mesmerized by the motion and found herself staring at a small patch of hair sticking up from his collar, wondering if he had more of that. “It’s right here.” He rubbed his hand over his heart. “See, it was broken and as hard as I try, I just can’t fix it.” Even though his voice was light-hearted, she had the feeling it was true.
Kayley swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. He was being lighthearted and joking with her, but when she looked into his eyes, passion simmered there in the depths of those blue eyes. She cleared her throat and attempted to be lighthearted herself. “I think you’re in the wrong place for that, Dr. Nichols. See, you my friend are the doctor, and I am only a physical therapist. I cannot help with matters of the heart.”
Ben leaned forward until she could smell the mint on his breath. “I think you’re wrong about that, Kayley. I think you’re the perfect person to heal what is broken in me.” She watched his lips as he spoke. Could anyone really fix what was broken in someone? If so, she could definitely use some fixing, and maybe he could, too. He was so close to her, if she leaned forward just slightly her lips would touch his. She found herself breathing in, waiting for him to make contact.
Ben leaned back, breaking the intense moment. “So, are you going to fix me? “
Who would say no to him? He’s probably not used to hearing a female tell him no.
Kayley was afraid to answer him. “And how would I do that?” His bright smile was contagious and she found herself smiling back at him.
“I thought you would never ask,” Ben stood, holding his hand out for her to take. “Come with me.”
“Ben-” Kayley started, but he interrupted.
“See, this new client you have, Benjamin? He cleared your schedule for the day because he’s in need of so much therapy, your other patients have been rescheduled.” Kayley stared at him, open mouthed.
“What?” she said, in disbelief. He had called and someone had cleared her schedule for one patient? She was always so booked, that was just not possible. Who in the world would he convince to do such a thing? As soon as the thought came into her head, she knew. “Did a girl named Rachel answer the phone when you called?”
Ben beamed. “Why, yes she did. It seems that she is a great friend of yours and had no problems whatsoever accommodating my needy schedule. She also seemed to know who I was. Hmm, I wonder how she would know that?” Ben looked at her with a playful grin, successfully busting her. She couldn’t tell him that Rachel knew about him from Emily, because then that would mean that Kayley also talked to Emily about him. Traitors.
“So no excuses, Kayley. Come with me,” Ben practically begged, holding his hand out to her. She looked at him, then back at her office. Ben knew she was struggling with what she should do, but he was determined to win this one. He let her win the last round.
Kayley sighed. “I need to go get my purse and my phone,” she conceded, already mentally kicking herself for allowing him to convince her. What in the world was she going to do with him? She barely knew the guy. All that she knew was he was a very attractive pediatric doctor who didn’t seem to want to take no for answer and got her friends to help him. What does he see in me, she thought to herself, and why won’t he just leave me alone? If she was honest with herself, however, it felt good to be pursued by him.
Ben stood outside Kayley’s office, waiting for her to return with her purse. He couldn’t believe his plan actually worked and she was going to go somewhere with him. He thought for sure after she left the hospital she’d forget all about him. The look on her face when he showed up told him otherwise. The fact that she told him where he could find her was a sign he took to be positive, and it seemed he was right. No matter that pushed him away, he knew it was because she was afraid.
He had to admit, what he did with Kayley was way out of his comfort zone. He had never, ever approached a patient or a patient’s mother and tried to get personal with them. But there was something about her, something he couldn’t stop himself from finding out about. She said she was damaged and not able to love anyone again. All he saw was a beautiful, strong woman that had taken the bad hand that life had given her and became an independent, wonderful mother to an adorable little girl.
After seeing Emily that day in the hospital, he had talked to her a few times over text. She had told him that Kayley had mentioned him several times, and that made him hope that it was possible he could convince her to take a step of faith and go out with him.
Ben sat on the bench, a small smile playing on his lips at the tiny victory he was just awarded. It was so great to see Kayley again. Even though it had been two weeks since she left the hospital, it had not been two weeks since Ben had laid eyes on her. He had found himself unable to tear himself away from her, and with Emily’s help, had come across her running in the park one day with every intention to engage her in a conversation, but fate had had other plans for him.
Ben jogged through Lakes Park, looking at each person as he went by. Emily had said she ran here several times a week before work, and that she would have Alexis. He asked Emily if running into her at the park would seem like stalking, but she assured him that she didn’t think of him as a stalker. Ben smiled as he thought, he really was kind of stalking her. His eyes swept the park back and forth, looking for a jogging stroller before looking at the person pushing it.
After a few minutes, he spotted her. She was stretching in front of Alexis’ stroller, leaning over and kissing her nose every time she went to stretch. Alexis grinned, waving her baby arms for her mom to do it again. Ben smiled at their exchange. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind how much Kayley loved that little girl, and vice versa. It would be nice to be a part of that, Ben thought, then gasped. He really just thought that he wanted to be part of a family- with a kid. Not that he hadn’t ever thought about having kids before, but to look at her and instantly think that, it was something. Especially after he had sworn off serious relationships.
He continued to watch her as she stretched her long, sculpted legs. She was wearing a pair of jogging shorts, and Ben had to fight himself not to whistle. He had only seen her in jeans at the hospital. Jeans couldn’t hide a great body, but these shorts- wow. The tight tank she wore enhanced her small waist and womanly shape. She turned and walked behind the stroller, now ready to run. Alexis lay back, knowing the routine. Kayley started off at a walk, started jogging, and then really picked up the pace. She could really run! Ben started off behind her, figuring he would keep her ahead of him until she stopped to take a drink and then he would ‘accidentally’ come across her and strike up a conversation. Couldn’t hurt, right?
What he didn’t expect is that she didn’t stop for many miles, and Ben had to leave to get to work. Right on cue, his phone rang in his pocket and he stopped, trying to slow his breathing before answering. “Dr. Nichols.” The nurse on the other line asked for his help, that the chief wanted him to get to the hospital as soon as he could to consult on a case. Ben looked down the path, seeing Kayley’s blonde ponytail swishing as she moved away from him. Another day, he thought, disappointed. He ran back the other direction to his car and sped to the hospital.
As he had watched her running, her lithe legs moving easily down the path, he knew he couldn’t just let her walk away and say she was too damaged. He watched her effortlessly move, running easily while pushing a jogging stroller, and he knew that there was something about this girl. That was when he had texted Emily and she had gotten Rachel in on the plan that took a week to get right, but it worked.
He was still shaky from having sat so close to her on this very bench just a few moments ago. It took everything in him to not lean over and kiss her at that
moment. He wanted to tell her that while she was the one that said she was damaged, he was just as shattered as she was.
Kayley stomped into Rachel’s office, catching her on the phone. Rachel looked up, grinned at her, and quickly disconnected her phone call. “Hey, where are you going?”
“You know where I’m going, Rachel. You and Emily! What am I going to do with you two?” Kayley wanted to be mad at them, but really, she was mad at herself. The first attractive man that comes onto her, and she gives in this easily? What was she doing, going to spend the afternoon with Ben Nichols?
Rachel stood up, her expression changing from amused to serious. “Kayley,” she began, “I’m sorry if I overstepped. I really am. We just want to see you happy. You’re a wonderful friend, an exceptional therapist, and an amazing mom to Alexis. We just want to see that gleam in your eye again. I didn’t know you with Alex, but I know you aren’t happy. We want someone to help you understand that you’re a woman still, and I think Ben Nichols is a great start. It can’t hurt, Kayley. No one is telling you to go marry the guy. Just go talk to him, be his friend, and see what happens. You can’t swear off all men just because you were hurt. You’re still alive- act like you are.”
Kayley opened her mouth, but then shut it again. She had nothing to say to that. It was all true. Just like that, her anger disappeared and she hugged Rachel tightly. “Thank you, Rachel. I’m terrified, but Ben does seem like a nice guy. Maybe I do just need to see what it’s like to have a friend again. He’s outside waiting; I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You better text me later and not make me wait until tomorrow!” Rachel called out after her. Kayley shook her head in disbelief and walked out the front door to where Ben was still waiting near the bench.
Kayley slid into the soft black leather seats in Ben’s car, feeling awkward not knowing much about him at all but agreeing to go with him on some afternoon date. She looked at her watch and then realized she would need to get Alexis in a few hours so that her mom could go to her weekly ladies game night.
“Ben,” Kayley broke the silence. “I will need to get Alexis after not too long, so I’m not sure what you had planned…” she trailed off, not really knowing how to complete that sentence.
Ben smiled, glancing over at her while still watching the road. “It’s all taken care of.” Kayley looked at him for a moment, not knowing what he meant. His full lips quirked up in a knowing smile, and she found herself staring at him again.
“What does that mean?” she asked, her eyes roaming down his arms as he gripped the steering wheel.
Ben turned to her while the car was stopped at a red light. “Emily is picking up Alexis and keeping her at her house until you come get her.” He searched her eyes, waiting for her reaction. For the second time in as many minutes, she was speechless. This was incredible. She didn’t know whether to be angry or awestruck that he had gone to so much trouble to spend time with her.
“Why, Ben?” Kayley asked softly, feeling a lump in her throat she couldn’t explain. She looked over at him, noticing he was still studying her intently, waiting for her reaction.
“Why what, Kayley?” His voice was equally as soft. He pulled into the parking lot of a small section of beach and killed the engine. He took off his glasses and looked at her, his piercing blue eyes making her stomach flutter with anticipation.
“Why did you go to all this trouble? Talking to my friends, making sure my daughter was taken care of…” Kayley willed herself not to make an absolute fool out of herself in front of him for no reason. So he was a nice guy, and wanted to spend time with her. It didn’t need to make her all sappy.
Ben took his hand carefully from the steering wheel and tentatively put it over Kayley’s. She stared at his hand, large and masculine, starkly contrasting from her small, feminine hand. The hands that take care of sick kids and their anxious parents, who took care of Alexis. She hadn’t felt another man’s hand holding hers in a very long time.
“Kayley,” Ben’s voice practically purred her name. She blinked and looked up at him, her stomach swirling at the intense look in his eyes. “I wasn’t kidding when I told you at the hospital that I wanted to get to know you. I understand your fear. I would never push you. But at the same time, I can’t tear myself away from the connection I seem to have with you. I want to see what it is. I will go as slowly as you want me to. I promise. I feel like the fact that you gave me a little bit of information about you at the hospital meant you had a slight interest in me as well. Am I wrong?”
Kayley knew he was right. She was the one that kept the door open a crack by telling him where to find her at work. She essentially asked for this to happen. Did I want him to pursue me? She asked herself. “You-you aren’t wrong,” Kayley practically whispered, looking down at her lap. “I don’t know why I told you what I told you. It was like an invitation. I felt the same connection you did, Ben. I just honestly do not know what to do about that. It’s been years since I’ve felt anything for anyone except my husband. It-it feels wrong somehow to want to get to know you. I know that sounds silly-”
“It’s not silly,” Ben cut her off. “I completely understand why you feel the way you feel. It’s been a rough year for you. Your daughter is a constant reminder of what you lost and how much you loved him. I’m not trying to replace him, Kayley. All I’m asking for is a chance to get to know you.”
She couldn’t stop them this time. Tears rolled down her cheeks with a mind of their own. She wiped them away quickly, trying to keep him from seeing her as a total basket case. Ben reached out and wiped one tear off of her cheek. She gasped at his touch, feeling like he burned her. He lifted her chin up with his finger so that she was looking him in the eyes. “I don’t want to make you cry. I want to see that beautiful smile of yours.”
Kayley couldn’t help but to smile at him. “How do you know my smile is beautiful? All you’ve seen me do is cry.”
Ben shook his head, making a piece of hair fall into his face. Kayley wanted to push it back in place, but she didn’t dare. “That’s totally not true. I saw you smile at Alexis when she woke up. I saw you smile at me today when you saw me there. I even saw you smile as you headed back inside to get your purse to go with me. And just now you smiled.”
Kayley didn’t know what to say to that, because he was right. He had made her smile, and Alexis always did. “Okay.”
“Okay what?” Ben challenged.
“Okay, I’ll get to know you,” Kayley told him, looking away from him.
Ben opened the car door and walked around to her door, opening it so she could get out. She stepped out of the car and found that he was standing very close to her. “Why do I want to get to know you, Kayley? Because what I do know is you’re beautiful, you’re a great mother, and you care about people. That’s a good enough reason for me to want to get to know you.”
Kayley had nothing to say to that, so she allowed Ben to lead her across the beach to the sand. He stopped as they reached the sand and took off his shoes, looking at Kayley. She slipped off her work shoes and carried them in her hand. “Where to?” she asked shyly.
“Down here,” Ben pointed down the beach, and they walked in silence through the warm sand, both lost in thought.
“Here we are,” Ben announced. Kayley stopped and looked at the large blanket set out on the sand with a picnic basket holding the edge down and an umbrella stuck in the sand to give them shade.
“Well,” Kayley breathed past the butterflies fluttering up her stomach, “You really knew I was going to come with you, huh?” She looked up at him and saw such a hopeful look on his face that she couldn’t help but smile.
“I was really, really hoping, Kayley. Guess my powers of persuasion still work.” Ben winked at her and threw his shoes in the sand. She did the same with hers and then settled herself on the blanket.
“I’m kind of not dressed for this, “Kayley laughed, rolling up the khaki pants she was wearing for work. Ben smiled.
“Me either,” Ben sat next to her, rolling up his jeans. He opened the picnic basket and pulled out two drinks. “Water?”
“Thanks,” Kayley said, watching Ben as he opened his bottle and gulped it. Watching his lips on the bottle, and his throat as he swallowed… She shook her head, chastising herself for staring.
She opened her bottle and sipped slowly, watching Ben out of the corner of her eye. She felt so— awkward being here. She hadn’t been in a situation like this with a man other than Alex in so long, she had no idea how to make small talk. When she had met Alex, she had no baggage to worry about. She was a carefree college kid, and Alex was instantly her best friend. Now she had a lifetime of worry and heartache, and didn’t know how to escape that to try to find a new friend. Kayley loved to go to the beach, but hadn’t been here since the anniversary of Alex’s death, just two months ago. It was something they always loved to do, living in Florida, and she felt a pang of longing in her stomach as she looked out to the blue water, waves crashing gently onto the shore. The breeze ruffled her hair, and she turned her face to the sun. What was she doing here? Was she doing the right thing, allowing this man into her life?
“Penny for your thoughts,” Ben murmured, suddenly very close to her ear. She jumped, then turned her face slightly so she could look at him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” he laughed. She shook her head and laughed as well. “So, tell me something about yourself. Obviously I know your name, and that you have the cutest little girl named Alexis, and you’re a physical therapist. Tell me something I don’t know.”
Kayley went through the files in her head. Hmm, what would he want to know? How old she was? About her family? Where she went to school? “What do you want to know?” she asked, trying to stuff the memories of Alex away and lock them up.
Living Again Page 7
