The End of Faking It

by Natalie Anderson

  ‘She hasn’t been back home since she went away. Not once. That’s seven years.’ Matt stared across the street. ‘Mum and Dad are desperate for her to. Maybe she’d come with you.’

  ‘I’ll talk to her about it.’ That and a few other things. Carter wanted to know so much more. Like everything.

  ‘I know I shouldn’t have mentioned Isabelle. But I wanted to see what would happen.’

  Carter knew he was in murky waters without any floatation device, so he just nodded and waited. Fortunately Matt soon filled the gap.

  ‘I saw you taking care of that.’

  Carter faked a small smile. He supposed kissing her was one way of taking care. Pretty basic but it had been effective at the time.

  ‘I didn’t think she was ever going to get over Dan and get that close to another guy,’ Matt continued. ‘When she started mentioning you in emails I couldn’t believe it. For a while I thought she might have been making you up. But you’re real. And I can see how it is between you.’

  Carter’s brain processed even faster than its usual warp-factor speed. Dan? Who the hell was Dan? Hadn’t they been talking about someone called Isabelle?

  ‘She looks better. She looks fitter than she did when I saw her in Tokyo last year,’ Matt added. ‘You’re obviously good for her.’

  Anger flared in Carter’s chest. What did it matter if she looked fit? Maybe this was why she didn’t want to see her family—were they too obsessed with a perfect image? Who cared if she put on a few extra pounds or didn’t swim her lengths so religiously? He sure as hell didn’t. He just liked her laughing. So he answered roughly. ‘She likes my cooking.’

  ‘After he died she never used to eat with us.’ Matt shook his head. ‘Those last months it was like she wasn’t there. She didn’t want to be. She got so skinny you could see every vertebra in her spine. Every rib. Every bloody bone.’

  The bottom fell out of Carter’s world completely. He couldn’t speak at all now. He stared at Matt, replaying the words, reading the tension etched on the younger guy’s face.

  ‘But she seems really happy now.’ Matt cleared his throat and kept staring hard at some building over the road. ‘I want her to stay that way.’

  Was that why Matt had looked so pleased to see her eating that chocolate mousse? Because Penny had once been so sad she’d starved herself sick? Tension tightened every muscle. Carter folded his arms across his chest to hide his fists.

  ‘She’s not going to move again, is she? She’s settled, with you, right?’

  Carter’s brain was still rushing and he didn’t know how he could possibly reply to that.

  ‘Because it’s coming up to moving time for her but she’s not going to now, right?’ Matt turned sharply to look at him.

  Carter put his hand on Matt’s shoulder—to shut him up as much as anything. ‘Don’t worry.’ He avoided answering the question directly. ‘I’ll take care of her.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Matt croaked. ‘Thanks for caring about her.’

  Matt was avoiding his eyes again now and Carter was glad because he wouldn’t have been able to hide his total confusion.

  ‘I better get going.’

  Carter fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a business card. ‘Stay in touch.’

  Matt handed him his too. Carter pocketed it and got back into the building as fast as he could. Then he took the stairs—slowly.

  Dan. Who the hell was Dan?

  Some guy who had died. And Matt hadn’t thought Penny would get close to another guy again. Penny, who hadn’t been home since…

  Seven years ago she’d have been seventeen or eighteen. It didn’t take much to work it out. While he’d yet to figure Isabelle’s place in the picture, the essentials were obvious.

  Dan must have been Penny’s first love—and hadn’t she once said the first left a real mark? That it was never just sex? Carter felt sick, hated thinking that Penny had suffered something bad.

  He’d never felt that kind of heartbreak. He’d been betrayed—but that had meant more burnt pride than a seriously minced-up heart. And since then he hadn’t let another woman close enough to inflict any serious damage. But to love someone so deeply and lose them, especially at such a young age? Yeah, that changed people. That really hurt people.

  And weirdly, right now, Carter felt hurt she’d held back that information from him. Which was dumb, because it wasn’t as if they’d set out for anything more meaningful than some fun.

  But he knew how bereavement could affect people. Hadn’t he seen it in his dad? His parents had been soul mates, so happy until the cancer stole his mum away decades too soon. And his father hadn’t coped—couldn’t bear to be alone—walking from one wrong relationship to the next. Searching, searching, searching for the same bliss. And every time failing because nothing could live up to that ideal.

  For the first time he felt a modicum of sympathy for his father’s subsequent wives. Imagine always knowing they came in second. They could never compete with that golden memory. But Lucinda was trying, wasn’t she? Giving Carter’s dad the one thing he’d wanted so badly—more family. And sticking with him now for years longer than Carter had ever thought she would—providing the sense of home and security that had been gone so long. Carter’s respect for her proliferated just like that.

  Then his attention lurched back to Penny. Questions just kept coming faster and faster, falling over themselves and piling into a heap of confusion in his head. He wanted to know everything. He wanted to understand it all.

  But he didn’t want to have to ask her—to hear her prevaricate, or dismiss, or, worse, lie. He wanted her to tell him the truth. He wanted her to trust him enough to do that. The hurt feeling in his chest deepened. Somehow he didn’t think that was going to happen in a hurry.

  He knew it was wrong. But he was a details man and he’d get as many as he could, however he could, because he was low on advantage points. In the office he opened the filing cabinet and pulled her personnel file. Her being a temp, there wasn’t much—just a copy of her CV, security clearance and the references from the agency. Brilliant ones. But it was the CV that he focused on. The list of jobs was almost a mile long. And so were the towns. She’d been serious about her travelling. She’d moved at almost exactly the same time each year. Britain, Spain, Czech Republic, Greece, Japan, Australia.

  The regularity with which she’d moved made his blood run cold. Never more than a year in the one town. He looked on the front of the file that recorded the date she’d started at Nicholls—seven months already. But she’d worked at another temp job in the city for four months before that. So her year in Sydney was almost up. When that time ticked over would she move to another place? If so, where? There seemed to be no pattern to the destinations. She just moved, running away—from something big.

  Had her heart been that broken? His own thudded painfully because there was someone in her past whose death had cut her up so badly. Who’d put her off relationships—so far for life. She acted as if she wanted fun but she could hardly let herself have it—not really. She wasn’t the brazen huntress he’d first thought. Not selfish or self-centred. Certainly not any kind of free spirit. She worked conscientiously—and she cared. She was a generous giver who struggled to accept the same when it was offered in return. And hadn’t he seen it those few times—the vulnerability and loneliness in her eyes?

  She was hiding from something even she couldn’t admit to.

  He flicked through the CV again and another little fact caught him. She’d been Head Girl at her school? He half laughed. No wonder she’d been interested when he’d mentioned he was Head Boy. And she’d said nothing, secretive wench. He looked closer. Her grades were stellar. Really stellar. He frowned—why hadn’t she gone to university? She would have had her pick of colleges and courses with grades like those. But she’d gone overseas as soon as school had finished and she hadn’t been back. She must have been devastated. And for all the party-girl, clubbing life she lived now, she obviously st
ill was.

  His upset deepened. He hated that she covered up so much. He liked her. He wanted to know she was okay. He wanted to be her friend. He actually wanted more.

  Well. That was new.

  He’d never met a woman who held back her emotions the way she did. Okay, he’d freed her from one aspect of that control. Maybe he could cut her loose from another? Even if he suspected it was going to hurt him to try. Could he bear to know the extent to which she’d loved that guy?

  Pathetic as it was, he was jealous. She’d cared so much for Dan she’d been devastated. Carter wanted her to care about him instead.

  But how could he ever compete with the perfect first love? He winced even as he thought that thought. He didn’t have to. He didn’t want her so totally like that—did he? Did he really want to be the one and only, the number one man in her life?

  No. Surely not.

  But in a scarily short amount of time she’d become important to him. Her happiness had become important to him. And he wanted her to trust him enough to talk. Sure she’d opened up sexually—but it was the only way she’d opened up. And in some ways it was another shield in itself. Just a fling—it was the defence he’d used for years himself, even with Penny to begin with. And hadn’t it turned around to bite him now? He’d never been in a situation so confusing, so complicated. An adulterous older woman and a manipulative girlfriend seeking an engagement ring had nothing on Penny and her inability to share. Hell, she must have such fear.

  His anger deepened because he wanted her to be over it and feel free to fall in love again. Preferably with him.

  In the evening at his apartment she was the same smiling flirt, teasing him, talking it up—the banter that, while fun, didn’t go deep. He had to bite the inside of his lips, bursting inside to ask her what had happened. Desperate to know where her heart was at now. But he wanted her to offer it, not to have to force it.

  She let him lie between her legs, all warm and impishly malleable, smiling at him delightfully. It wasn’t enough.

  He kissed her tenderly. As if she were one of the fragile flowers she said she didn’t like.

  ‘Don’t.’ She frowned and swept her hands across his back. He knew she was trying to hurry him.

  ‘Don’t what?’

  ‘Be so nice.’

  He carefully studied her. ‘You think you don’t deserve someone being nice to you?’

  She just closed her eyes.

  And then he didn’t even pretend to let her take the lead. He dominated. Intensely focused on making love to her. It was about more than just giving her pleasure, but about bringing her closer to him any way he could.

  Afterwards he lay holding her sealed to him, refusing to let her wriggle even an inch away, telling her more about his work in Melbourne. Stupid stories about his youth. Trying to grow the connection between them. To build trust. Blindly hoping she might talk back.

  But all she did was listen.

  CHAPTER NINE

  CARTER took a taxi to Mason. He had the files; the job was done. In theory, after this meeting, he was free to fly out. But he couldn’t bring himself to book a ticket.

  The old man had aged more in the last week than he had in the last ten years. Guilt squeezed Carter—he should have been to see him sooner. But Penny had been making daily visits with paperwork and sundry items. Even so.

  ‘I’ve got the information you need.’ He dragged out a smile and put the small packet of printouts on the dining table. ‘It’s all there. Once spotted, the pattern is pretty obvious.’

  ‘I knew I could rely on you.’ Mason sank heavily into his favourite chair.

  ‘Get in your auditors. It won’t take much to sort it out.’

  ‘He’ll have to be prosecuted.’

  ‘Yes.’ Carter nodded. ‘But I think the impact will be minimal because we caught him.’ He tried to put the best spin on it. ‘And quickly too. If anything the investors should be impressed at the efficiency of your system checks.’

  ‘It was instinct, Carter.’ Mason shook his head. ‘Just a feeling.’

  ‘Well, you’ve always had good instincts, Mason.’

  ‘And now my instinct is telling me I’ve failed.’

  ‘In what way?’ Surprised, Carter nearly spilt the coffee he was pouring.

  ‘That company is my life.’ Mason stared past him to the big painting on the wall. ‘And in the current climate it could have been swept away so quickly if this had got out of hand. It makes me wonder what’s going to be left after I’m gone. It’ll probably be bought out, the name will go. It’ll be finished.’

  Carter inhaled deeply. Mason had long been his mentor. He’d admired the dedication, the drive, the single-minded chase for success. And there had been huge success. ‘You’ve already built an amazing legacy, Mason.’

  Mason lifted his arms. ‘What is there? A house? A few paintings that will be auctioned off? Where are the memories? Where’s the warmth?’

  The unease in Carter’s chest grew. Mason’s wife had died early on in their marriage—before they’d had time to have kids. And Mason had buried his heart alongside her. As far as Carter was aware there hadn’t been another woman—totally unlike his father. Until now Carter had always respected Mason more for that. But now he wasn’t so sure—not when he was confronted with Mason’s obvious regrets. And loneliness. Another lonely person. ‘You’ve given so much to charity, Mason. You’ve helped so many people.’

  ‘Who have their own lives and families.’ Mason sighed. ‘I shouldn’t have been such a coward. I should have tried to meet someone else. But I just worked instead.’

  ‘And you’ve done great work. You’ve employed lots of people, you helped lots of people.’ That was a massive achievement.

  But personally fulfilling? Yes and no.

  ‘How’s Nick?’ Mason asked.

  Carter’s grin flashed before he even thought. ‘He’s a little dude.’

  ‘Your father is a braver man than me. I regret not having a family. I regret devoting all my life to accumulating paper.’

  ‘Hey.’ Carter leaned forward and put his hand on Mason’s arm. ‘You have me.’

  Mason said nothing for a bit, just stirred the milk in his coffee. Then he set the teaspoon to the side. ‘Is everything else at the office okay?’

  ‘Penny has it all under control.’

  ‘Told you she was an angel.’

  Carter winced through a deep sip of the burning-hot coffee. ‘Yeah.’

  A broken angel.

  He sat back in his chair and settled in for the afternoon. He’d hang with Mason. He needed the time out to think.

  Penny had been desperate for Carter to return from Mason’s—he’d gone to hand over what tricks he’d found but he’d been gone for hours and, being a complete Carter addict, she was antsy with unfulfilled need. Resenting the waste of the precious few minutes she had left. Finally he showed up, just as she was about to pack up and go to her own flat and cry.

  So she went to his apartment instead. She had no shame, no thought of saying no. They only had a night or two left, and she wanted every possible moment with him. Because she wasn’t thinking of anything beyond the present moment. She couldn’t let herself.

  He was unusually quiet as they walked into the apartment building. Maybe it hadn’t gone well.

  ‘Was Mason okay?’ She finally broke the silence.

  His shoulders jerked dismissively. ‘Pleased with getting the result.’

  Okay. He didn’t just look moody, he sounded it too. Once inside, he tossed the key on the table and turned to look at her.

  Wow. She walked over to him—obeying the summons. She tiptoed up and kissed his jaw. Did he want her to take the lead this time?

  It seemed so. She kissed him full on the mouth—teasing his lips with her teeth and tongue. His eyes closed and she heard his tortured groan. It thrilled her—maybe this was her chance to make him shatter. Was he tired and needy and impatient? The thought excited her completely because sh
e ached for him to want her so badly he lost all his finesse. Quickly she fought to free him from his clothes. Oh, yes, he wanted her—she could feel the heat burning through him. But his hands lifted and caught hers, stopping her from stroking him.

  ‘Matt called by the office yesterday.’ He all but shouted in her ear.

  She pulled back to look at him. ‘He did?’

  ‘Passing by on his way to the airport.’

  ‘Oh.’ She was sorry she’d missed him. She had to do better at staying in touch. She’d text him later.

  ‘We had a little chat.’

  ‘Did you?’ Little goose bumps rose on her skin—because Carter’s expression had gone scarily stony.

  ‘He said you’re looking better than when he saw you in Tokyo. And way better than you did years ago.’

  She blanched at the bitter tone in his voice.

  ‘You’ve put weight on, Penny. Not taken it off.’

  ‘Oh, don’t, Carter.’ She turned away from him.

  ‘What, speak the truth?’ He laughed roughly. ‘Penny, what on earth is going on?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘You lied to me. You said you were overweight as a teenager. But you weren’t, you were a walking skeleton.’

  ‘Does this really matter?’

  ‘Yes, it does.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘You’ve been using me this whole time to get off. To hide from whatever nightmares it is that you have.’

  And what was so wrong with that? It wasn’t as if he’d been offering anything more. ‘I thought the whole point of this was for us to get off.’

  ‘Yeah, well, if it’s only orgasms you want, Penny, get yourself a vibrator.’

  Oh, that made her mad. She turned back, found him less than an inch away—so ran her hand down his chest.

  He jerked back. ‘I’m not interested in being your sex toy.’

  ‘Really?’ She reached forward and cupped his erection. ‘Maybe you’d better tell your penis that.’

  ‘I can control it.’ He stepped away. ‘If you want to get off, why not go find someone else? Any of those analysts in the office will stand for you. Hell, you could have all of them at once if you want.’