The End of Faking It

by Natalie Anderson

  Abruptly he turned, facing the window. The plane waited out on the runway, the luggage carts were driven warp speed by the baggage handlers. And with her fingers she squeezed her ragged tissue into a tighter and tighter ball.

  She heard him clear his throat but still he said nothing. Her doubts returned—had she just freaked him out? Was he regretting what he’d said earlier already?

  But then he held out his hand. The simple gesture seemed to offer so much. She drew a sharp, shuddering breath and put her hand on his.

  He guided her to stand beside him. With his other hand he scooped up the handle of her case, wheeling it behind them—away from the flight queue.

  She couldn’t really see where they were going, the tears still fell too fast. And she kept her head down, unsure if she could believe this was actually happening or if she’d gone delusional.

  ‘The great thing about airports is that they have hotels very close by.’ He sounded raspy. He matched his pace to hers—slow—but kept them moving steadily. ‘You need a shower and a rest, Penny. You look beat. And I need…’ He stopped and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he took a deep breath and began walking again. ‘We’ll fly tomorrow.’

  They went out of the doors and straight into a taxi.

  ‘How did you find me?’ she asked once Carter had instructed the driver.

  ‘Been stalking you all day.’ His hand tightened.

  ‘Why did you wait so long?’

  His expression twisted. ‘I thought you were going to go somewhere else. I sat there and waited. It was torture. Every minute I expected you to just get up and go to the counter and buy a ticket who knew where. But then you did and you went to that departure lounge and I had to see if you were really going to do it.’

  ‘It was the only place I could go.’

  He was silent a long moment. ‘Why did it take you so long to realise?’

  ‘Because I was scared.’

  ‘Of what?’

  ‘My feelings for you.’ Her whisper could hardly be heard. ‘Your feelings for me.’

  He turned his head sharply, but the taxi stopped, interrupting them. But it took only a few minutes to book into the hotel, another couple to ride the lift and then be in privacy.

  She walked into the middle of the room—needing to say her piece before passion overtook her mind. ‘I don’t want you to feel like you have to rescue me, Carter. I don’t want your pity.’

  ‘I have no intention of rescuing you. I want to rescue myself.’

  That startled her. ‘From what?’

  ‘From a life of meaningless flings.’ He shrugged and looked sheepish. ‘In fact there wouldn’t be any more flings anyway. I don’t want to sleep with another woman ever. Only you. So, you see, you have to rescue me from a life of celibacy and terminal boredom.’

  ‘Carter—’

  ‘I’m not the person I was a couple of weeks ago,’ he said quickly. ‘I believe in you like I’ve never believed in another woman. I trust you like I’ve never trusted another woman. You make me want to love and be with just one woman.’

  She swallowed. Yeah, she still couldn’t quite believe that. ‘I’m hardly exciting. I’m not flashy or amazingly talented or anything. I’m just a temp PA.’

  He walked nearer. ‘You want to know what you are, Penny?’ He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. ‘You’re warm, you’re funny. You’re competitive, you definitely have your ball-breaker moments. Sometimes you’re misguided but you’re passionate in everything you do. You have such heart. You can’t hide it. And I want it.’

  But it was still a very scared heart.

  ‘You’ll like Melbourne,’ he said. ‘We can find a house. My apartment is nice but we need more space and our own private pool and a deck big enough to dance on so you can have raves at home.’ He winked. ‘It takes a couple of weeks to organise the licence but we’ll get married as soon as it’s possible.’

  She shook her head, had to interrupt the fantasy at that point. ‘Carter, that’s crazy talk. We’ve only known each other a week.’

  ‘Nearly two,’ he corrected.

  ‘Yeah, and I’ve been on my best behaviour.’

  Laughter burst from him—just a brief shout. She gave his shoulder a little push, but inside the fear was resurging. This was happening too fast—he’d changed his mind too fast; he might change it back again just as quick.

  ‘I’m serious. You can’t go making a decision like this so quickly. I’m a cow. I get moody. I get itchy feet.’

  ‘Okay.’ He gripped her just above the elbows and pulled her close. ‘Here’s the deal. You move to Melbourne and move in with me. I’m making my claim public and I’m proud to. Give us six months to settle, and then I’m asking you again. I guarantee we’ll be even happier by then. There’ll be no answer but yes.’

  ‘Six months is still too soon.’ It was still lust-fuelled infatuation territory—for him anyway. For her, well, her heart had long been lost to him already.

  ‘It isn’t. You know it isn’t. You can trust me. There’s nothing about you that’s going to put me off. I already know you’re not perfect, Penny. No one is. But we can both be better people together.’

  She couldn’t move, too scared to blink in case she was dreaming this. Was she really this close to having everything? Still the shadows in her heart made her doubt.

  ‘Six months to the day, sweetheart,’ he said firmly. ‘And I’ll tell you what else.’ His hands firmed up too. ‘I’m taking you home. You take my hand and we go to your parents’ anniversary party Matt told me about. And you show me that tree. We’ll face it together, and maybe we’ll plant something under it. A bulb or something so every spring a new flower will grow and then it’ll die and then another will grow. You like to leave the flowers to grow, right? But we’ll grow too—we’ll get on with life together. And maybe in a year or two we’ll grow a family together.’

  Penny pressed her curled hands to her chest, unable to say anything, unable to blink the searing tears away.

  ‘I know you’re scared.’ He gently cupped her face. ‘But I’ll be with you and I won’t let you down.’

  She pressed her cheek into his palm. ‘I don’t want to let you down either.’

  ‘You won’t. Give us the time. You know this is right. You know how happy we’re going to be. We already are. You just have to let it happen.’

  ‘You have the details all worked out.’

  ‘I do.’ His gaze dropped for a moment. ‘You once promised me honesty. Will you give me it now?’

  ‘Yes.’ That was the least she could give him.

  He paused, seeming to consider his words. ‘Do you really…want me?’

  Her eyeballs ached, her temples, her throat and all the way down her middle right to her toes—every cell in her system screamed its agony. ‘Oh, yes,’ she cried. ‘It hurts so much.’

  ‘It doesn’t have to hurt, sweetheart.’ His arms crushed her tight. ‘It doesn’t have to.’

  He lifted his head so he held her gaze, seeing right into her. And she should have been afraid. For a second the panic swept up in a wave inside her because he saw it all. How deep her longing went. But then he kissed her.

  And then, for the first time, his patience left him.

  ‘I need to be with you,’ he groaned. ‘I need to feel you.’

  Now she saw his vulnerability. Saw just how much her leaving would have hurt him. How much he’d been hiding from her—or more that she’d been too blinded by fear to be able to see. How much he wanted her, and wanted to care for her.

  He whipped off his top, undid hers too. His hands shook and fumbled to unzip her skirt and slide it off. His breathing roughened, his hands roughened.

  So she helped and soon she was naked and he was naked and warming her. He didn’t kiss her all over, didn’t tease or torment her with his fingers or tongue. He just held her close and kissed her as if there was nothing else on earth he’d ever want to do, as if he needed her more than anything.


  She loved the weight of him on her. The way he held her hair hard so he could kiss her. The way he ground his body and soul into her. He moved—all power and passion and pure frantic force. He held—truly, tenderly, tightly held her as he poured his want and need and love as deeply into her as he could. And she clung, feeling the sublime beauty between them, so awed that they could make such magic together. And then there was no room for thought. She was reduced to absolute essence—pure emotion.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he panted. ‘I just couldn’t hold back.’

  She turned towards him and smiled.

  He lifted his head slightly from the pillow, his eyebrows shooting up. ‘No way.’

  She nodded.

  ‘You’re not just saying that?’

  ‘I’ll never fake it with you. Never have. Never will.’ She gazed at him. ‘I loved it. I loved feeling how desperate you were to touch me.’

  ‘I’ve been desperate to touch you since the minute we met.’ It wasn’t a teasing comment, but honest vulnerability.

  She snuggled closer, so content she thought she might burst. And the fantasy he’d painted for her rose in her head.

  ‘You really want children?’ she wondered aloud—her heart still stuttered over that step too far into the realm of paradise.

  ‘Can’t have Nick acting all spoilt like he’s an only child. He needs a nephew or niece to give him a run for it,’ he joked. But the next second he went totally sober again. ‘I never thought I wanted them. Or marriage. You know that. But it took meeting the one woman who’s so right for me to make me realise just how much I do want those things. The problem before was that I hadn’t met you. Now I have. So now I know.’

  The most incredible feeling of peace descended on Penny—as if he’d soothed every inch of her, inside and out. With utter serenity and certainty, her faith blossomed in the strong man beside her. In herself. In what they already shared and could yet share if she let them.

  She shifted position, curling even closer and resting her head on his chest.

  ‘Your heart is beating so fast.’ She swept her hand across his skin, feeling the strong thudding beneath. ‘Must be all that coffee.’

  Carter let out a helpless grunt of laughter. ‘No. It’s you. All you.’

  He slid his hand down her arm, down the slim wrist, until his palm pressed over hers. He bent his fingers and felt her mirror the action, locking their hands together.

  ‘I love you,’ she finally whispered. ‘I love you so much. I want to live with you at my side.’

  ‘Then that’s where I’ll be.’ Carter trembled. Having never before in his life trembled, he trembled now as he felt her absolute acceptance of him. And of every ounce of love he had to offer.

  Their future had just been born.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Five and a half months later.

  PENNY sat glued to her laptop, trying to fritter away the last hour before Carter got home. Thank heavens that in New Zealand Matt was still at work and she could instant message him.

  Have you asked that cute bookstore girl out for a date yet?

  Working up the courage. Concentrate on your own love life.

  Working up the courage here too.

  Why are you scared? He’ll love it. He loves you. He put up with Mum and Dad fawning for an entire week for you. Case proven.

  Still scared. OK, excited too. Very excited.

  Bordering on TMI.

  Ha-ha. Wish it was over already.

  ‘Where are you?’

  Penny jumped as Carter called out downstairs. She hadn’t even heard the door. A stupidly happy giggle bubbled out, even though her heart started thudding so fast it threatened to dance right out of her chest.

  Have to go. He’s here.

  She slammed her laptop shut and raced down the stairs to meet her so very real man. Nervous as she was, she couldn’t stop her smiles, lifting her face to kiss him. He was earlier than she’d asked him to be. But then he always gave her more than she asked for. And she loved him for that.

  ‘So why do you need me home from work so early?’

  ‘An adventure,’ she said, her mouth cabin-bread dry. ‘I’m driving,’ she said. ‘You just sit back and enjoy the ride.’

  He followed her out to his car. ‘A mystery tour?’

  ‘Yes.’ She bit her lip but still couldn’t stop smiling. It was that or cry with the nerves.

  He’d been right, of course, that day in the airport hotel. Everything had got better. They’d visited her parents, she’d gotten to know his dad and his wife and little Nick. They saw Mason regularly and his company had weathered the skimming scandal no problem. Even the sex between them continued to blossom—she’d never have thought that could possibly improve. But it had. She’d fallen in love with Melbourne too. She temped—short-term contracts—refusing to work for Carter, claiming she needed to maintain an element of independence. Something she knew he wasn’t entirely happy about. But he had absolutely no cause to worry.

  She, on the other hand, was still nervous.

  She drove the route she’d been along a million times already. The last fifty times she’d rehearsed this moment in her head. But the reality wasn’t anything like she’d imagined. Every cell was so aware and on edge it was as if she had acute vision and hearing and a heart still beating way too fast.

  But in a good way. She wanted it to be so good.

  It was the very end of winter, so the garden was at its most dormant phase. But still so very beautiful—private, tranquil and spacious. She walked slightly ahead of him, hoping he didn’t mind the dropping temperature of the late afternoon. She showed him the lawn, pointed out the pathways and the water features of the by-appointment-only private grounds that had been built by an older couple—wonderfully mad visionaries whom Penny had gotten to know and adore.

  ‘In six months it’ll be summer and there’ll be so much colour.’ She gestured wide around her. ‘Flowers everywhere.’ She turned back to face him. ‘I won’t need a bouquet because we’ll be in the midst of one.’

  ‘A bouquet?’ A half-step behind, he didn’t take his eyes off her.

  ‘Yes…’ She swallowed. ‘I wanted to know if…’ She took a breath. ‘Will you marry me? Here? Then?’

  He didn’t move.

  Nor did she.

  It was one of those moments that took for ever but where the anticipation was a painful, heart-stopping pleasure. A moment she’d treasure the rest of her life. Because as she watched, the smile stole into his blue and green and gold eyes. It spread to his mouth. And his whole face filled with that rakish, irresistible charm.

  ‘Yes.’

  She simply fell into his wide open arms, struggled to get her own around him so she could hold on tighter than ever, kissing him with every particle of passion she had.

  Eons later, she managed another breathless question. ‘You don’t mind I beat you to it?’

  ‘I like it most when you beat me to it.’

  She giggled and pressed her hot face into his neck as she whispered, ‘I wanted to ask you. I wanted to offer you everything I have.’

  Because he’d already given his all to her and she knew it and she wanted to be an equal match for him.

  He tugged her hair so she looked back up at him.

  ‘I’m honoured you asked,’ he said, intensely sincere. ‘I know what you’re saying.’

  That she truly believed in him, in them and finally in herself.

  ‘I want you to understand how happy I am.’ She smiled softly through a trickling tear.

  ‘I do.’ He smiled back. ‘And nothing would make me happier than to be your husband. We’re a really good team, Penny.’

  Her smile spread. ‘You do realise this means more time with my parents.’

  ‘More time with my step-mother,’ he countered.

  ‘You know she’s lovely.’

  ‘Just as you know your parents are lovely. And so is Matt.’

  She nodded vigorously and they both laug
hed.

  The difference in her life was so dramatic—full of family, full of fun—real, every day and every night joy. It was because of her anchor—the strongest, most loving man. And the most shameless.

  Because now he swept her back into his arms and took control of the situation. ‘I’m so glad we’ve got you over your dislike of public displays.’

  But there was no one around to watch him pick her up and carry her out of the chill wind, into the glass building that housed the exotic plants in the cold season. And there, under the bowers of some giant green monstrosity of a plant, they made sweet, perfect, sizzling love.

  ISBN: 978-1-4592-0793-6

  THE END OF FAKING IT

  First North American Publication 2011

  Copyright © 2011 by Natalie Anderson

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  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

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