In a Heartbeat

by Carla Cassidy

  He confused her because she was drawn to him and didn’t want to be, and she knew there were things about him, about his life, that she didn’t know.

  It’s just a movie, she chided herself as she pulled the green dress off a hanger. A movie shared in the company of a neighbor. She was foolish to be so nervous. It was ridiculous to feel as if she were sixteen years old and this was her very first date.

  She had been a wife, was a mother, she’d left dating and teenage angst behind a long time ago. She survived abandonment by her father, desertion by her husband and lived through the near death of her daughter. Surely she could handle a single dutch date with one handsome Caleb McMann.

  By the time she was ready, she’d managed to put her anxiety behind. She would be pleasant to Caleb, would enjoy seeing the movie and that would be the end of it. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just a simple evening out.

  Her doorbell rang at precisely seven-thirty and a renewed burst of apprehension fluttered in her stomach. She grabbed her purse, drew in a deep, cleansing breath, then opened the door to greet Caleb.

  “All ready,” she said briskly. She stepped out on the porch and pulled the door closed behind her.

  “Great,” he replied.

  Together they walked toward his car parked in the driveway. When they got to the car, he opened the passenger door for her and she slid in.

  As he walked around the front of the car to the driver side, she noticed how his jeans clung to the length of his legs and cupped his shapely behind. The navy dress shirt hugged his broad shoulders and the tail of the shirt was neatly tucked into the jeans, emphasizing his lean waist and hips.

  He slid behind the wheel and fumbled with his keys. Finding the correct one, he flashed her a quick smile, then started the engine and pulled out of the driveway.

  For a few minutes neither of them spoke and Erica was aware of a strange tension radiating in the air. If she didn’t know better, she would think he was as nervous as she.

  She didn’t want him to be nervous. That gave too much importance to the evening. It was bad enough that she felt a ridiculous case of the jitters. “How’s the work on your house coming along?” she asked, more for conversation than from some desperate need to know.

  “Good. You’ll have to come over and take a look. I’m anxious to show off the progress to somebody.”

  She nodded, although she knew there was no way in this lifetime she would volunteer to enter his home. Somehow she knew in doing so they would muddle the boundaries she wanted to keep with this man.

  Within minutes they arrived at the theater. As she’d told him earlier, she paid for her ticket and he paid for his own.

  “Are you a front-row sitter, or a back-row?” he asked as they entered the dimly-lit theater.

  “Middle of the center section,” she replied.

  “Ah,” he said, a twinkle in his eyes. “Psychologically, that’s very telling.”

  “Telling how?” she asked as they sank into seats directly in the middle of the center section. She didn’t want to look at him. His navy shirt deepened the blue of his eyes, making them…making him impossibly sexy.

  “There have been many scientific studies done on the subject. People who sit right up front want to be as close to the action as possible. They’re risk-takers. People who choose to sit in the back want to remain distant, removed.”

  Despite her reluctance to look at him, she did. In the semidarkness his eyes gleamed teasingly. “But the ones who sit in the middle are terminal fence-sitters, unable to commit to anything.”

  “That’s the biggest pile of hooey I’ve ever heard,” she retorted. She shifted positions so his warm thigh wasn’t pressing against her. “Psychological study, indeed. You just made that up.”

  He laughed, a low, deep chuckle that sent an unexpected rivulet of warmth shooting up her spine. “Busted,” he agreed. “But it sounded scientific, didn’t it?”

  She grinned. “Like I said, it sounded like a pile of hooey.”

  “Before we get all settled in and the movie starts, what’s your pleasure? Popcorn? Soda? Candy? A movie can’t be fully appreciated without the benefits of junk food.”

  “Nothing for me,” she replied, then took a deep grateful breath as he left to return to the concession stand in the lobby.

  She’d only been sitting next to him mere minutes, but already her senses swam with the scent of him. He smelled of cool streams and fresh sunshine, and an underlying clean, male fragrance. Definitely pleasant. Definitely evocative and unsettling.

  She smiled ruefully, wondering if she would have been more comfortable if he’d smelled of dirty sweat socks.

  While he was gone, Erica took the opportunity to look around at their fellow moviegoers. The showing of the classic had not brought in much of a crowd and none of the younger set.

  Several elderly couples were sitting down front and nobody sat behind Erica. Another smile curved her lips as she thought of Caleb’s supposed scientific hypothesis.

  She had a feeling the elderly couples sitting up front were there because of failing eyesight rather than from any desire to take risks. One couple in particular held her attention. The man had his arm around the lady’s shoulders, and their heads were together as they whispered to each other.

  It was easy to guess that they were married, had probably been married for nearly fifty years. Erica had once held dreams of silver and gold anniversaries, of sharing secrets and dreams with the man she’d pledged her heart to, but fate had decreed that she’d live her life differently.

  She had adjusted to living without a soul mate, without a spouse. She had resigned herself to the fact that she would probably always be alone, but that didn’t mean she didn’t occasionally entertain a small, wistful hope for things to be different.

  “Please tell me you’re going to help me eat this,” Caleb whispered as he returned to his seat. He held a container of popcorn the size of a small washtub. “If I eat this all by myself, you’ll have to roll me out of here.”

  Erica laughed. “I might have a bite or two.” She relaxed somewhat, realizing that she could no longer smell Caleb’s pleasant scent. All she could smell was buttery popcorn.

  As the lights dimmed and the coming attractions flashed on the screen, Erica settled back in her seat and focused her attention on the big screen.

  It Happened One Night was definitely her favorite movie and she normally got completely caught up in the story, but this time was different. Normally, she immediately lost herself in watching love bloom on the screen, safely and vicariously living through the characters what she would never again chance for herself.

  But this time she was far too aware of Caleb next to her. His shoulder touched hers, and his thigh would occasionally bump into hers. The space the seats pro vided seemed to shrink, encouraging an intimacy that was both thrilling and frightening.

  It had been years since she’d been close enough to a man to smell his scent, feel his warmth and there was a part of her, a part she’d nearly forgotten, that was enjoying Caleb’s nearness.

  She steeled herself against the pleasure, knowing better than to trust it. It had been these same kinds of feelings that had once drawn her to her husband. And they hadn’t been enough to keep her husband by her side.

  The memory of Chuck’s desertion left a bitter taste in her mouth. She’d handled it, managed to put it far behind her. She’d become stronger for it. Strong enough, smart enough to know she never, ever wanted to give any man that kind of power over her again. No man would ever work his way into her heart, only to leave her aching and alone. Never again.

  As Caleb nudged the popcorn container toward her, she smiled at him, buoyed by the strength that suddenly flowed through her.

  She could be his friend and not get entangled any deeper. She could be his neighbor and not cross the boundaries of neighborliness. Granted, he was handsome and smelled good, he was nice and had a wicked, wonderful smile, but she wasn’t some pathetic, weak woman eager
to gain a man in her life.

  Been there, done that, she thought to herself. She had experienced the heartbreak of abandonment.

  Thankfully, Hannah had been too young for Chuck’s desertion to have left any real, lasting scars.

  But Hannah had enough scars—real physical scars—and the last thing Erica would ever do was bring a man into her life who might add to them.

  Grabbing another handful of the buttery popcorn, Erica once again directed her total attention to the romance unfolding on the screen. Vicariously…it was the smartest, safest way to experience a romance.

  Caleb found himself observing Erica watching the movie. Again and again his gaze was drawn to her, the classic on the screen forgotten as he found pleasure in watching her features register reaction to the movie.

  Earlier that evening, when she’d first opened her door to greet him, he’d felt like an adolescent schoolboy experiencing his very first date.

  Painful self-awareness had flooded through him as he gazed at her beauty. He’d suddenly felt as if his arms and legs were too long, had a fear his voice might crack and he just might say something stupid. Thankfully, he’d managed to put the momentary teenage flashback behind.

  He cast her another surreptitious glance. She looked like one of those after-dinner mints in the pale green dress, as if she would melt in his mouth and leave a sweet, sugary aftertaste.

  Dangerous thoughts. He grabbed a handful of the popcorn and tried desperately to focus his attention on the screen. But it seemed as if all the surroundings conspired against him. How could he focus on the charms of Claudette Colbert when all he could smell was the exotic scent of Erica?

  He’d told a little white lie when he’d said this movie was one of his favorites. He’d never seen it before. He hadn’t been much of a moviegoer until Katie had turned four, but from then on, every Saturday father and daughter had gone to see whatever children’s movie was playing at the local theaters.

  A whole new world had opened to Caleb, the world of talking pigs and flying ants, a world he’d loved sharing with his daughter.

  He shoved away thoughts of Katie. He didn’t want to think about the tragic circumstances that had brought him here, to this place and time with this particular woman.

  He didn’t want to think of the past, or the future. He didn’t want to delve into the question of what, exactly he was doing. Tonight he just wanted to be a normal man, enjoying the company of a lovely neighbor.

  They whispered occasionally, pointing out something on the screen, and Caleb relished the momentary, pseudo-intimacy that came from the movie-theater setting and the whispers in the dark.

  By the time the movie was over, Caleb was fully at ease, no longer worrying about what he was doing with Erica, or why he was so attracted to her. He sensed as the movie had progressed that she had relaxed too.

  Several times their hands had met in the popcorn, and the smile she’d flashed him had seemed genuine and without any underlying stress. He’d felt her tension when he’d initially picked her up, knew that she had been manipulated into agreeing to coming in the first place.

  “How about we stop somewhere and get a cup of coffee?” he suggested when the movie had ended and they were leaving the theater. “It’s early…not quite ten o’clock.”

  “Oh, thanks, but I really should get right home. I need to pick up Hannah from Sherry’s.” She flashed him an apologetic look. “I…I never leave her with anyone. This is the first time in a long while that we’ve been apart for any length of time.” Her cheeks burned a becoming pink. “I know it sounds neurotic, but with good reason.”

  “Erica,” he touched her arm lightly. “You don’t owe me any explanations.”

  “But, I do. I mean, I’d like to explain it to you.” The color in her cheeks intensified and Caleb felt a thick dread course through him. He didn’t want her to tell him about Hannah, because then he would have to tell her about Katie.

  They reached his car and he opened the passenger door, trying to think of something, anything that might halt the conversation he knew they were about to have.

  And yet, at the same time there was a part of him that was pleased that she felt as if she could confide in him. He slid behind the steering wheel with a curious sense of anticipation and resignation.

  Neither of them spoke until he’d started the engine and pulled out of the theater parking lot. “Look, rather than taking you home, then you having to get into your car to pick up Hannah, why don’t I just swing by Sherry’s house and collect Hannah?”

  She hesitated a moment. “You sure you don’t mind?”

  “No problem, as long as you can give me directions to Sherry’s house.”

  “Okay,” she agreed and settled back in the seat.

  Caleb breathed a sigh of relief, hoping he’d managed to circumvent any discussion of Hannah’s heart condition. He cast her a quick glance. She stared out the window, a thoughtful frown creasing her forehead.

  Finally she spoke. “Have you ever wondered how fate chooses who will run through life seemingly without heartache, with little strife, and who will carry horribly heavy burdens and be forever scarred?”

  He looked at her in surprise. He hadn’t been expecting a discussion about the fickleness of fate. He wasn’t sure which of them might teach the other about heavy burdens and scars. They’d both had more than their share. “I try not to think too much about fate,” he replied truthfully. “I figure the best you can do is get through it all one day at a time and not try to analyze why things happen to you.”

  “They say you’re never given more than you can handle.”

  He smiled. “Now, that’s a bunch of hooey.”

  She laughed, the sound wonderfully feminine and musical. “I completely agree.” She pointed to the corner in the distance. “Turn left at the light,” she instructed.

  “Have you and Sherry been friends for long?” he asked.

  “It feels like forever. We went through high school, then college together.”

  “She seems nice.”

  Erica nodded. “Sherry is ambitious, driven, and at times a bit of a kook, but she’s the nicest person you ever want to meet. She’s helped me through a lot of things in the past. Sherry’s always been there to offer all kinds of support.” She pointed again. “Turn right at the next corner.”

  Caleb turned onto the tree-lined street, slowing down as Erica pointed to a house on the right. “This is it,” she said. Caleb pulled along the side of the curb and shut off the engine, then both he and Erica got out of the car and headed for the attractive ranch house.

  Erica knocked on the door and they waited only a moment before Hannah answered. “Oh Mommy, are you here already?” Dismay was evident in the little girl’s voice.

  “I’m glad to see you, too,” Erica replied dryly.

  Hannah giggled, then pulled her mom down and gave her a quicksilver kiss on the cheek. “Wanna see the picture I made?”

  Erica and Caleb followed her through the living room and into a light, airy kitchen. Sherry stood at the sink, obviously doing paint cleanup. “Hey, you two, you’re earlier than I expected. How was the movie?” She reached for a towel to dry her hands.

  “Good. How did things go here?” Erica asked.

  “We’ve had a terrific time. We ate Chinese food and finger painted. We ate popcorn and finger painted. We ate pizza and finger painted,” Sherry explained.

  Erica groaned. “I hope you’re on call later if she gets sick from eating too much.”

  “I won’t get sick, Mommy. I had fun, fun, fun! The bestest time ever.” Hannah danced up and down. “Now, look at my pictures. Look Mr. Man, here’s a picture of our tree house. See, you and me are in it and we’re looking out the window.”

  Caleb studied the picture with interest. “What a great picture,” he exclaimed as the little girl preened.

  “You can have it,” she said. “You can put it on your ’frigerator.”

  “Thank you, Hannah. It’s the be
st picture I’ve ever had.”

  He watched as Hannah showed Erica the other pictures she’d painted. As much as he loved watching Hannah, tonight his gaze was drawn again and again to Erica. Her hair was a waterfall of silky brown and his fingers itched to stroke the shiny strands. A man could get lost in the gleaming length of her hair, just as he could drown in the lagoon blue of her eyes.

  “Pack it up, kiddo,” Erica said. “It’s past time for you to get home and into bed.”

  “Let’s just stay a little longer,” Hannah protested. “I don’t want to go to bed yet.” At the same time she was saying the words, she rubbed her eyes, her tiredness obvious.

  Caleb scooped her up in his arms. “Come on, little one. It’s not only past your bedtime, but it’s way past mine.” He tickled her, then set her back on the floor.

  She giggled and gathered up her paintings as Erica threw Caleb a look of gratitude.

  Within minutes they’d said their goodbyes and were back in the car. They’d only gotten a block from Sherry’s place before Hannah was sound asleep in the back seat.

  “I think somebody had a little too much fun,” Caleb observed.

  Erica smiled. “Yes, she went out like a light.” She sighed softly. “It was probably good for her…being away from me for a little while.”

  Caleb heard a touch of sadness in her voice. He reached out and lightly touched her hand. “I guess letting them go is the most difficult thing parents do.”

  She nodded. “It’s been just me and Hannah for so long. Before, that was always enough for both of us. But I guess she’s getting to the age where she needs other people besides me.”

  “And you need other people besides her,” Caleb replied.

  “Oh, I don’t know about that. I’m satisfied the way things are,” she protested.

  “But, things never stay the way they are. Every day Hannah will get older, more independent. You can’t build your life around a little girl, because little girls grow up.”