In a Heartbeat

by Carla Cassidy

  She touched his cheek and nodded, then lost herself in him as he moved his hips against hers, taking complete possession of her body, her heart, her soul.

  Caleb couldn’t get enough of her, but knew the long-suffering anticipation coupled with the reality of making love to Erica would make the entire act pass far too quickly.

  He tried to maintain control, tried desperately to make each moment, every sensation last as long as possible. But her mouth tasted too sweet, her body accepted his with such evocative warmth, and he felt all restraint slipping away.

  Not yet, his mind pleaded, not wanting it to end, wanting to take her with him to the highest peak of pleasure. Faster and faster they moved together, and he felt her tension rising…building…and when his release came, she cried out his name as he carried her with him over the edge.

  For a long moment they remained entwined, their bodies covered with a light sheen of sweat as their heartbeats slowed to a more normal rhythm.

  “You okay?” he finally asked her. They untangled and he propped himself up on one arm so he could look at her. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips slightly swollen, and she’d never looked more lovely to Caleb.

  She smiled, her eyelids fluttering with drowsiness. “I can’t remember the last time I felt this okay.” She snuggled against him, her breath warm against the hollow of his throat.

  Caleb rubbed his hand down the length of her slender back and a fierce protectiveness surged through him. A few minutes later, a wave of tenderness followed as he realized she’d fallen asleep.

  She’d probably been up at the crack of dawn pre paring for the party. It had been a big day for her…for Hannah…and for him.

  He thought of that moment when Hannah had opened his present, when he’d realized for the first time that he’d somehow been searching for pieces of Katie in Hannah…for pieces that weren’t there.

  Katie’s heart had given Hannah life, but it hadn’t given Hannah memories of Caleb. Although the realization that his little girl was gone forever hurt, there was also a calming sense of peace in the knowledge that he didn’t have to search any further than his own heart for the loving memories he needed to sustain him.

  But at the moment his mind was not filled with memories of Katie; it was full of Erica. Making love to Erica had been better than his best dream. Her touch excited him, her beauty humbled him, and her abandoned passion had stirred him to heights he’d never reached before.

  Even now, thinking about what they had just shared caused his blood to heat and made him feel as if he were capable of making love to her all over again. He threw an arm across his forehead, enjoying the snuggly warmth of Erica’s body against his.

  Then, all at once, a cold wind of guilt blew through him.

  What in the hell was he doing?

  How could he make love to Erica, hold her in his arms, and still keep the secret that burned in his heart? What kind of a man was he?

  Yet even as the questions unfolded in his mind, he knew the answers. He hadn’t told her about Katie and Hannah yet because he knew it would destroy the fragile, but miraculous relationship that was building between them. He hadn’t told her yet because he knew she would send him away…and he was falling in love with her.

  And he didn’t know what in the hell to do about that.

  Chapter 9

  Caleb sat on his back porch, watching Hannah play in the tree house. A little while before she had carried half a dozen stuffed animals up the stairs, explaining to Caleb that they were her baseball team and she was going to coach them for the big game.

  From his vantage point he could see Erica sitting at the picnic table in her backyard working on a laptop computer. He knew she was working on a newsletter she wanted to get out by the next day.

  Although there was nothing he’d like more than to go over and join her, he didn’t want to make a nuisance of himself while she was working.

  She was sitting outside because Stanley had a crew of men painting the interior of the house. She didn’t know Stanley’s attentiveness was thanks to a healthy check Caleb had written for the work. The day her central-air unit had been installed, he’d watched her dance happily throughout the rooms, marveling that the entire place was wonderfully pleasant in temperature.

  He sipped a glass of iced tea, enjoying the cooler temperature an overnight shower had brought. July was half gone and August was just around the corner. It was hard to believe that he’d been in St. Louis for over five weeks.

  It had been a week since Hannah’s birthday party, since the night he’d held Erica in his arms, tasted the sweetness of her lips, enjoyed the pleasure of making love to her.

  Throughout the past seven days, the three of them had spent a lot of time together. They had gone to the movies, seen a ball game and spent the rest of the evenings sitting on her back porch watching Hannah play. Idyllic times…the stuff of dreams.

  Every minute of every one of those seven days, Caleb had wanted to make love to Erica again, but the opportunity hadn’t presented itself. Even without making love to her, the depths of his feelings for her had grown daily. What had begun as a quest to get to know Hannah had ended with him falling in love with Hannah’s mother.

  What filled him with abounding joy was the knowledge that Erica was falling in love with him as well. Although she hadn’t expressed her growing feelings for him in words, each gesture, every glance spoke eloquently of her deepening emotions where he was concerned.

  He frowned and took another sip of his iced tea. Someplace in the back of his mind, he knew what he was doing. He was hoping if he waited long enough, if he gave her more time, she would love him too deeply to send him away when he finally told her the truth about who he was and what had brought him to St. Louis. He was gambling…and knew it was the most important gamble of his entire life.

  Loving Erica had filled him with a new sense of hope, opened the door to old dreams and new possibilities, unleashed a renewed fervor for life, one that had been previously stolen from him by tragedy.

  “Mr. Man.” Hannah peeked out the door of her tree house.

  “What, munchkin?” He smiled up at her.

  “If I play baseball on a real team, would you teach me how to catch real good?”

  “Sure,” he agreed easily. “And I’ll teach you how to pitch, too.”

  “Oh boy! Thanks, Mr. Man.” She disappeared once again into the little house.

  He smiled to himself. Definitely not Katie. The last thing Katie would have ever wanted to do was join a baseball team. Katie would have preferred to stand on the sidelines at a game wearing a cheerleader outfit with matching ribbons in her hair.

  Two very separate little girls. Both special, and both owning a piece of his heart. But, never again would he confuse the two.

  “I love you, Daddy Doodle.” If he closed his eyes and listened real hard, he could hear Katie’s sweet, childish voice. She would always be with him in spirit. The peace his thoughts brought him let him know his healing continued.

  He heard Erica’s phone ring and watched as she picked up the cordless by her side.

  Erica.

  He loved her.

  He loved the way she tucked her hair behind her ear as she thought. He loved the way her eyes lit with laughter first, before it reached her lips. He loved everything about her and it filled him with the kind of happiness he’d thought he’d never find again.

  He stood as he saw Erica approaching. As she came through the gate into his yard, she flashed him a smile, although he sensed tension in her body.

  “Everything all right?” he asked, fighting the impulse to touch her, pull her into his arms.

  She nodded. “Hannah?” she yelled up the ladder to the tree house.

  Hannah reappeared in the doorway. “Hi, Mommy. Wanna come up and visit?”

  “No thanks, sweetie. I was wondering if you’d like to spend the night with Aunt Amy and Uncle Keith and Mary, Samantha and little Billy?”

  “For real?” Hannah�
�s face lit up with excitement.

  “And I could spend the whole night, and wake up there in the morning?”

  “The whole night,” Erica agreed. Although she smiled at Hannah, Caleb could see the shadows of doubt, of fear that darkened her eyes.

  “Oh, boy!” Hannah scampered down the ladder and threw her arms around her mother’s waist. “When can I go?”

  “As soon as you pack an overnight bag with your pajamas and toothbrush.”

  Before the entire sentence was out of Erica’s mouth, Hannah was racing for the house to prepare the bag.

  Caleb laughed. “I think she’s a little excited.”

  Erica nodded. “I wish I were.”

  Caleb wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. “She’ll be fine,” he assured her.

  She smiled up at him. “Intellectually, I know that. I know this is right. It’s time I let her go, and Keith will take good care of her. But, emotionally, it’s a little bit frightening. A whole night away from me.”

  “But it’s the best thing.” He squeezed her close, as always half-intoxicated by her nearness.

  She nodded. “I know it is.” She moved out of his embrace. “I’d better go help her pack.” She started to leave.

  “Erica?”

  She turned back to look at him.

  “While Hannah is at your brother’s house playing childish games, why don’t you come over here for supper about seven and I’ll teach you some grown-up games.”

  Her eyes flashed her pleasure at his suggestion. “I’d like that,” she said softly, then turned and ran back to her own home.

  Caleb watched her go, his mind already whirling with thoughts of the evening to come. He’d do a candlelight dinner, complete with good wine and soft music. They could spend time talking, sharing…then make love.

  And tonight…he would tell her the truth.

  “She’ll be fine,” Keith assured Erica as they walked toward the front door.

  “I know,” Erica replied.

  Within minutes of arriving, the three girls had become happily involved in a game of Candy Land. Their girlish giggles filled the house, along with the scent of the popcorn Amy had made for a snack.

  “Hannah, want to give me a kiss goodbye?” Erica called from the door.

  “I’ll kiss you double tomorrow,” Hannah replied, obviously not wanting to leave the game for a moment.

  “She’ll be fine,” Keith repeated. “We’ll have her home around ten tomorrow. Is that all right?”

  “Sure.” For a moment Erica felt lost.

  Keith touched her arm lightly. “Thanks, Erica. I can’t tell you what this means to me and Amy.”

  Erica nodded, said her goodbyes, then left. Mo ments later she was driving home, her thoughts on her daughter. Was it possible to hope? Was the future a shining promise rather than an unknown agony?

  Hannah’s heart was working better than any of the doctors had dreamed. It appeared that her health problems were finally, irrevocably behind her, but could Erica trust in that? Oh, how she wanted to believe that Hannah would now be able to live a normal, happy life. It was all Erica had ever wanted in life.

  Not quite, a small voice whispered in the back of her head. At one time, Erica had entertained other hopes, other dreams. With Hannah’s apparent good health, those nebulous fantasies she’d pushed aside for so many years were now re-emerging.

  However, Erica knew it wasn’t just Hannah’s well-being that had evoked the stir of old longings. It was Caleb. His name made her heart soar. He’d given her back her hope. He’d made her realize that not all men ran when the going got tough. Some men stayed, and loved forever.

  She looked at her watch as she pulled into her driveway. She had an hour before she was supposed to go over to Caleb’s for dinner. Heat suffused her.

  Dinner. He’d made it clear that his offer had been for far more than a meal and her heart sang with the knowledge that tonight she’d once again be held in Caleb’s arms, taste his lips against hers, feel his body moving intimately against hers.

  It wasn’t just the thought of making love to him that filled her heart to bursting. It was the connection she felt spiritually when he held her, when he touched her. Desire was one thing…but what she felt for Caleb McMann was far more than just desire.

  She pulled into her driveway, her thoughts skipping from Caleb back to Hannah. This would be the first time she and Hannah were apart for an entire night. All those nights in the hospital when Hannah had been so ill, Erica had always slept on a cot or in the chair nearby.

  It was the natural order of things that children grew away from their parents, developed identities and personalities that were quite separate. Physically, Hannah was healthy, but in order to encourage her mental and emotional healthiness, Erica had to give her daughter the freedom to grow.

  Tiny wings. Hannah was developing tiny wings that would carry her toward the kind of independence that would eventually make her an autonomous, well-adjusted young lady. Yes, the process had already begun, and Erica felt both a bittersweet wistfulness and a fierce pride in Hannah’s growth.

  She wondered if she’d be so complacent about Hannah’s new independence if she didn’t have Caleb in her life. If she’d been truly alone, would Hannah’s natural development away from her be more frightening?

  Thoughts of Caleb once again sent a rush of heat through her. She turned off the car engine and hurried inside the house, wanting time for a long soak in a bubble bath before she met him for dinner…and whatever else the night promised.

  An hour later she stood on Caleb’s front porch, nervously fiddling with her purse strap. Ridiculous to feel nervous, she chided herself. She hadn’t felt nervous around Caleb since the first night they’d gone to the movies together.

  He opened the front door, the sparkle in his eyes a perfect foil for the white shirt neatly tucked into a pair of black denims. Dark wisps of chest hair peeked out of the open collar and taunted her with the desire to tangle her fingers into it. “Hi,” she said.

  “Hi yourself,” he returned. He leaned down and kissed the side of her neck, a lingering kiss that inflamed every nerve in her body. “Mmm, you smell like a luscious, ripe strawberry,” he said as he ushered her inside.

  She laughed. “I used Hannah’s strawberry bubble bath.” Her breath caught in her throat as she looked around. She hadn’t been in the house since he’d done all the work.

  There was no furniture in the living room to detract from the gleaming oak floors and trim. The fireplace had been cleaned and the stones glistened with their natural beauty. “Oh Caleb,” she said softly. “It’s so beautiful.”

  “It turned out nice, didn’t it?” There was no mistaking the pride in his voice. “I’ve got an appointment tomorrow to talk to somebody about carpeting for this room.”

  “Oh no!” She blushed apologetically. “Sorry.”

  “No need to be.” He looked around the room, then back at her. “You don’t think I should carpet?”

  “I think it would be a sin to cover this glorious floor. Maybe a couple of area rugs,” she suggested.

  His gaze lingered on her thoughtfully. “You’re right. Come on, let me show you the rest of the place.”

  She followed him into the dining room, then the kitchen with its new, gleaming cabinets. “Everything looks just as I always imagined it would…even better.”

  She gazed at him in admiration. “I used to stand at my kitchen sink and fantasize how this place would look with a little love and attention. You’ve managed to far exceed my fantasies.”

  He smiled and held out a hand to her. “Let me show you the upstairs.”

  His hand was warm and firm around hers, and she liked the way it felt for them to be climbing the stairs side by side. It was far too easy to allow her imagination to take flight, to imagine that they were going up to their bedroom together at the end of a day of shared married life.

  Slow down, girl, she cautioned herself. Just because she knew what was i
n her own heart where Caleb was concerned, didn’t mean he felt the same way about her.

  Oh, she had no doubt about his desire for her…but desire was very different from love and the kind of life commitment Erica yearned for.

  He led her first into a large, airy bedroom obviously meant as a guest room. Again, there was no furniture in the room, but the paint was fresh, a sun-kissed yellow that gave the room a cheerful personality despite the lack of furnishings.

  The next room was the master suite. A bed and dresser let her know this was the room where Caleb slept. She would have known the space as his in any case, for it smelled of him…the pleasant scent of clean male and refreshing cologne.

  The bed was neatly made with a navy spread and she could smell the faint scent of lemon polish, as if he’d cleaned the room moments before she’d arrived. The adjoining bathroom also held the same fresh scent and clean navy towels hung on the holder.

  “Nice,” she said, wondering if he’d cleaned because he knew sooner or later in the evening they would be in this room, in his bed, making love.

  “This is my real masterpiece,” he said as he led her out of the master suite and into the room across the hall.

  Erica clapped her hands together in delight as she walked into the bedroom that was specifically designed with a child in mind.

  She ran her hand along the railing of the bunk bed, touched the golden wood of the window seat. The window provided a perfect view of the tree house and it was easy to imagine Hannah spending her quiet time sitting there reading a favorite book.

  “Hannah would love a room like this,” she said softly, wondering if she would ever be able to provide something similar for her daughter. She turned to look at Caleb once again. “It’s wonderful, Caleb. Truly wonderful. You should be able to sell the place with no problem whatsoever.”

  “Yeah. If that’s what I eventually decide to do. We’d better go downstairs and let me check on our dinner.”

  If that’s what I eventually decide to do. His words echoed in Erica’s mind with promise as they went back downstairs to the kitchen. So he hasn’t made up his mind yet, she thought. Maybe he’ll stay. Please, please…make him stay.