My Sparkling Misfortune (The Lakeland Knight)

by Laura Lond

  “I hope you are not planning to invade King Osmund’s land, Lord Arkus.”

  Not yet, my friend. I am not crazy.

  “Of course not, how can I possibly do that? I have no warriors, except yourself, and even though you might be worth a whole army, I have no way to make you fight a war of conquest… Isn’t that right?”

  Jarvi smiled.

  “That is correct, Lord Arkus. I am very glad that you understand.”

  “Well then, don’t be saying silly things. I am just gathering information.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You should be. Now, go on. You said King Osmund has not fought for a while, how come? Doesn’t he have any enemies?”

  “None big enough to start a war, only occasional trouble here and there, which his warriors handle well.”

  “Are there any villains in the land?”

  “Nothing serious. A clumsy witch whose spells tend to backfire, a couple of robbers, and a toothless old werewolf who no longer hunts.”

  So I had no competition. Excellent.

  “Ulkaria’s main danger,” Jarvi continued, “comes from being so close to Silky Lake. Sometimes gormacks make mischief.”

  “I see.”

  I took some time to think. Until I had an army, military actions were out of the question, no matter how tempting of a target such a relaxed peaceful kingdom was. In order to hire an army, I needed gold. As to obtaining gold, there were several options. I could find out when King Osmund received tribute from his subjects, trace delivery routes, and intercept a load or two. That, however, would be too much like highway robbery, very distasteful. Another option was kidnapping and taking ransom, and I had some experience with that, as I believe I have mentioned earlier.

  “Does King Osmund have children?”

  “Two. Princess Litinia and Prince Philip.”

  Lovely. Now, which one do I go for?...

  “How old are they?”

  “The princess is nineteen, and a beauty, and Prince Philip is only ten.”

  Well, the boy would be a better bet, but probably next to impossible to capture: being so young, he wouldn’t leave the palace much, if at all. The princess, on the other hand, was old enough to be going to balls and other events. I don’t know what prompted Jarvi to mention that she was a beauty, but I was glad he did. It made my next question sound perfectly innocent.

  “A beauty, you say? I wish I could judge for myself… Do you think it would be possible for me to see the princess, Jarvi? Does she make public appearances?”

  “Oh yes, very often. She attends tournaments and other competitions and celebrations and regularly visits the poor.”

  How careless on the king’s part to let her. But then what would you expect from someone who hasn’t faced any serious danger for years? Peaceful life makes one lose caution.

  Very well, Princess Litinia. I am sorry, but it looks like you will have to live through some unsettling moments during your next charity trip. I will do my best to make it all as civil as possible, and I hope your father will be wise enough not to prolong your captivity.

  ***

  It took some careful thinking and many smartly put questions to obtain all the necessary information, but by the end of the week I knew exactly when Her Highness the Princess was going to travel, what village she’d go to, what road she would take, and even how many guards she would have with her (only five). I checked the route and found a perfect spot to attack—in the middle of a narrow valley with thorny hills on one side and forest on the other. That part of the road was rather bumpy, too, so if the coachman decided to speed up, he would be unable to do so.

  I didn’t have a good place to keep the princess at, but, considering my limited resources, the cave where I rested after my visit to the lake would have to do. It needed some adjustments, of course, but I had no doubt that Jarvi would cooperate when I had the princess and help to make the young lady’s accommodation more comfortable, as well as secure.

  Having double checked everything—armor, sword, horse, rope, and blindfold (I made sure Jarvi didn’t see the latter two)—I set out for the valley. The sparkling followed, happy with my explanation that I wore my best armor because I wanted to impress the princess, if we happen to meet her. Sometimes he was too naïve in his goodness. I almost pitied him.

  When we reached my chosen spot, Jarvi was in the middle of a story I prompted him into telling to divert his attention. I did not think he would thwart the attack; on the contrary, he would be forced to help me out if the princess’s guards happened to overpower me, which I highly doubted. After the sparkling’s sword training, I felt strong enough to face far more than just five.

  The carriage showed up right on time, drawn by four splendid white horses. The coachman had no weapon at all; he was actually dozing, obviously thinking that it was the guards’ job to watch out for danger. They were not doing the job very well, either, following a bit too far behind.

  I was ready to plunge when the forest on the other side of the road erupted with shouts, and dozens of rough looking fellows in familiar feather-decorated helmets ran out from behind the trees, wielding swords, axes, and clubs. The Dolmanians! Here?...

  “What in the world?!”

  They stopped the carriage, threw off the coachman, and swarmed at the guards who desperately fought back but stood no chance against such a crowd.

  “It looks like they want to capture the princess,” Jarvi said. “You are not the only one who thinks it’s a good idea, Lord Arkus.”

  So he knew my intentions, after all. Well, it didn’t matter right now. I was not going to let these barbarians take my prize.

  I drew the sword and charged.

  “Back off, you dogs!!”

  I do not know how many I struck before they took notice of me, I didn’t count. Jarvi followed close by, his shining sword bare, covering my back. His help was not needed though. The Dolmanians turned on me, but as soon as they had a better look, their faces went white, and they fled, screaming and dropping their weapons.

  “Ghost! Ghost! The Dreaded Lord rose from the dead! It’s a ghost!!”

  Ah, so they thought me dead, too, just like everyone else. How convenient. Knowing their superstitious minds, I didn’t even have to fight anymore, but this was too much fun to end so soon.

  “I see that you recognize me! Good!” I shouted, chasing them farther away. “I hope this is enough of a warning! Get out, and don’t let me see you again in this land!”

  I heard applause behind me. Puzzled, I stopped and turned the horse around.

  At the open door of the carriage stood three ladies; one, a striking beauty with a thin diadem in her auburn hair, was, no doubt, the princess. A plump older lady next to her had to be the princess’s lady-in-waiting; I knew she was supposed to accompany her charge on the trip. The third one was a young girl in a simple dress, modestly standing back, obviously a servant. Her presence was a surprise, and not a pleasant one—more screaming women to deal with.

  Right now though, they had no intention to scream. All three were looking at me with unspeakable admiration and clapping their hands in a mesmerized, devoted manner. What’s worse, all five guards were standing right next to them, dismounted and battered, but with the same blissful expression, applauding as well. Jarvi grinned from ear to ear, and do I need to say that he also participated in all that ridiculous clapping?... I glared at him, but it only made his grin wider.

  “Thank you, oh noble knight!” said the princess, at last interrupting all that noise.

  “I am not a knight, Your Highness,” I hurried to inform, “and you should not thank me, because—”

  “Oh, I know. No true hero expects a reward, but it is our royal duty to reward such brave deeds. When my father, the king, hears about this, you will be knighted, I’m sure.”

  True hero?...

  “What is your name?” she proceeded.

  No way. I wasn’t going to tell her my name, not after what she’d just called me
. I did not want to ruin my reputation forever.

  “I cannot reveal it, Your Highness.”

  All I could do was to dismount, and hope to find my way out of this without further embarrassment.

  The princess looked surprised.

  “I admit I have no first hand experience with heroes, so forgive me if I say or ask things I shouldn’t. I did not know you might have reasons to keep your name secret.”

  “That’s because of modesty, Your Highness!” the plump lady cut in, clearly unable to hold her enthusiasm any longer. “I know that’s what it is—modesty in its finest form!”

  She turned to me.

  “I heard those horrible men call you a ghost, is this because you are swift as a phantom, showing up at the time of need and delivering justice?”

  Where do people come up with such things??

  “No, madam,” I answered, “I can assure you that’s not the case.”

  The princess smiled.

  “Allow me to introduce my impatient companion: Madame Clementina, my lady-in-waiting.”

  The lady curtseyed, blushing; I had to bow in response. If fellow-villains saw me now they’d die laughing.

  “As to myself,” the princess continued, “you have indicated that you already know my identity by addressing me Your Highness. I can only confirm that you are right: I am Princess Litinia, daughter of King Osmund of Ulkaria.”

  I bowed again.

  She went on to introduce her guards, coachman, and the servant girl, all of whom wouldn’t get their delighted eyes off me.

  “We owe you our lives today,” the princess concluded. “I do not know where these despicable raiders came from, nothing like this has ever happened before. If it wasn’t for you and your timely intervention…”

  “Please, Your Highness, do not mention that,” I interrupted. I couldn’t take it much longer. “Now that you are safe, may I wish you a pleasant journey home.”

  She blinked.

  “But I must know at least where to find you…”

  No, you mustn’t.

  “That is unnecessary. I do not wish knighthood. If I happened to be of service, I am glad, and let it be the end of it.”

  “I think I might have the answer to Your Highness’s question,” Madame Clementina cut in again, with a sly expression. “Our rescuer must be the mysterious hermit of Lakeland! You know, the one people have been talking about?”

  “You are mistaking me for someone else, madam…”

  “No, no, I think I am right!” She was growing more excited each minute. “The man who took residence on the Lakeland border, nobody knows exactly when, and who, as everyone thinks, has built those two white towers that now protect us from gormacks!”

  The princess’s eyes lit up with curiosity.

  “Is this true?!”

  “Oh, he will not tell us, of course!” the impossible Clementina interposed before I could answer. “Modesty, remember? We should ask his attendant here.” She turned to Jarvi. “Tell me, young man, was it your master who built those white towers?”

  “Jarvi, I will be very displeased if you start saying things you shouldn’t!!”

  What I really wanted to say was, of course, quite a bit stronger, and I hoped he could read it in my eyes.

  “So you are called Jarvi,” smiled Madame Clementina. “What a lovely name… and what remarkable hair, I must add, I thought your head was on fire when I first saw it. Well, Jarvi, don’t be shy, tell me. I am sure your master is kind and generous, he will not be angry. Did he build the towers?”

  “No, madam,” the sparkling replied.

  At least he had some sense… I hoped…

  “No?” She looked disappointed. “Now, you would not lie to me, would you?”

  “Of course not. I never tell lies.”

  “Perhaps you do know who built them though?”

  “Yes. I did.”

  “Ah! By your master’s order, of course?”

  “Yes.”

  Clementina turned to the princess, triumphant.

  “See, Your Highness?! What did I tell you?”

  ***

  Chapter 5

  You cannot imagine how long it took to finally get rid of the princess and her companions. Madame Clementina begged that I escort them to the city, fearing that the raiders might return. I tried to assure her that it was very unlikely, but when the princess joined her in her request, I had to oblige. Forced to ride next to the carriage window, I endured the silliest questions and comments. To Princess Litinia’s credit, they were not coming from her, and she even tried to restrain the others, but with little success.

  Refusing to go all the way to the royal palace, I managed to disengage when we left the forest and saw the walls of Traban, the capital city, showing up ahead. As soon as the carriage disappeared from view, I turned on my treacherous servant.

  “Jarvi, you trickster, I’ll strangle you!!”

  “You can’t, I’m an immortal spirit. What’s the matter, anyway? What did I do?”

  “What did you do, you ask?! You set it all up, on purpose! You’ve made me look like a hero, that’s detestable!!”

  “I didn’t force you to rescue the princess. You did it yourself.”

  “Don’t be trying to hide that grin, I saw it! And it tells me you planned it all!”

  “Are you suggesting that I invited the raiders?”

  “Did you or did you not know that they were going to attack?”

  The sparkling stepped a little away.

  “Well… I have to admit that I did.”

  “I knew it, you wicked orange rat!!”

  I chased him all the way to the house. I was on horseback, as you remember, and he wore out both me and the horse, dodging, ducking, always staying just a step ahead and yet out of my reach.

  “If you entertain hopes of turning me into a hero, forget it!” I told him when I caught my breath. “You hear me?”

  Jarvi sat down on the ground in his favorite position, hugging his knees.

  “What a funny notion. Nobody can be turned into a hero against their will.”

  “Well, if you understand that, then why are you wasting time and messing up my life?!”

  He shrugged.

  “I am a sparkling. I do what sparklings do. If you don’t like it, you can always release me.”

  He had no idea how much I would love to get rid of him. If it wasn’t for the monster…

  “Don’t get your hopes up. You will serve your five years, and I’ll make it as painful as possible.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re so upset, anyway. The king will reward you. You wanted gold, and you will get it, only without the risk of being caught and executed for kidnapping.”

  “The princess was talking about knighthood, not gold.”

  “But you refused it, and the king still must reward you, it’s a matter of honor. Gold is the next best thing. Trust me, I know kings.”

  He was right. On the next morning, a messenger from the king showed up at my door, accompanied by two guards. Staring at me with the same wide-eyed delight I’d had my fill of the day before, he relayed in many eloquent words that King Osmund of Ulkaria was humbly asking me to accept a small gift, too insignificant to represent even a tiny portion of the king’s deepest gratitude to me for saving his daughter. The insignificant gift was a set of five marvelous daggers in golden sheaths, decorated with numerous gemstones. Each was worth a fortune, and sold as a set they’d probably bring a sum sufficient to hire a hundred men, long term—if I was foolish enough to get rid of something so precious.

  So yes, I granted the king’s request and accepted it. The messenger was elated, he must have been worrying that I might refuse, for which he’d probably have to answer. Much relieved, he proceeded to tell me that the king begged me to make him and the rest of the royal family exceedingly happy by attending a dinner in my honor that he was going to have that evening at the palace.

  I did not know what to say, really. As you can ima
gine, nobody ever hosted a dinner in my honor before. I wasn’t exactly used to kings humbly asking and begging me, either.

  I looked at Jarvi. The sparkling winked.

  “If you go to the dinner, you’ll save a small miracle,” he whispered. “I won’t have to conjure food today.”

  He had a point. Besides, the king’s cooks would certainly treat me to something better than his well made but always simple dishes.

  “Very well,” I said to the messenger. “Please relay to His Majesty that I certainly did not expect any of these generous gestures, but I appreciate his attention, and it will be my pleasure to come.”

  The messenger jumped for joy (no exaggeration) and hurried to inform that the delivery will be here at three o’clock to carriage me to the palace. Jarvi snorted at that; the messenger caught himself, turned bright red and bumbled to explain that, of course, it was the other way around, he meant the carriage, not delivery, the carriage to deliver me, that is. I couldn’t help laughing, which made the fellow even more miserable. Before I could think what I was doing and why, I patted him on the shoulder and told him it was all right.

  “Delivery or carriage, I’ll be there, so your mission is accomplished,” I told him. “Don’t fret, you did good. The king will be pleased.”

  His wide-eyed delighted stare returned. He profusely thanked me, bowed, added that my attendant was invited to the dinner as well, bowed again, and finally left.

  “That was very nice of you, Lord Arkus,” Jarvi remarked.

  “Shut up. I just had to play my part.”

  “No, that was sincere. I saw it.”

  “Shut up!!”

  ***

  The carriage arrived exactly at three. I’d had a serious talk with Jarvi prior to that, laying out strict rules of how he was to behave. First and foremost, he was forbidden to reveal that he was a sparkling. Secondly, he was not to tell anyone my name or any information about me that could lead to it being discovered. He was to keep quiet and avoid answering questions as much as possible. The sparkling had no objections.