Touching the Surface

by Sabatini, Kimberly

  “Hey, you okay?” Samantha directed her attention back on Emma. She very slowly moved her arm through the column of air and draped it around Emma’s shoulder, pulling her in close and rubbing her hand up and down Emma’s arm—mistaking the moment for a real chill instead of an emotional one. “Look! He’s getting ready to go.”

  “I’m not cold—” Emma’s voice was low, more like an mumble from under her breath, but while it may have been hard for Samantha to hear, being in Julia’s Delve made her words distinct to everyone who was a witness in her head. “I want you to be my Passenger.”

  I felt topsy-turvy. It was like I’d taken a swig of sugared coffee, expecting it to be light and sweet, only to find out I’d grabbed the salt by mistake. She’d wanted me to be her Passenger? No, this couldn’t have been how it happened . . . could it?

  Oblivious, Samantha pointed up to Dapper Guy. My stomach coiled, tightening around this ugly piece of information.

  The ring had stopped moving and Dapper Guy was standing in front of an archway glowing with light. “He’s getting ready to jump streams,” Samantha said. “I love this part—particularly when it’s someone else making the leap into the unknown.”

  Without glancing back, Dapper Guy walked into the light and disappeared. The ring dropped back down into place and the wind died away.

  Emma took a deep breath, but it was Samantha who jumped in first. “Emma, I think I need your help. I mean—I think I need your help again. You were amazing in our last life and so supportive at the Obmil. I hate to think about the choices I might have made if you hadn’t been nudging me in the right direction.” Emma started to interject, but Samantha held up her hand. “Please, just listen. I know how much you’ve helped me and I think I was close—really close—to figuring out my growth plan. Don’t make that face. You can’t blame yourself, you did everything you could. I’m so lucky to have you, but now there’s { color: #420862; font-family: "VenetianBTStd"; font-size: 1g before something else you can do that might really make a difference . . .” Emma leaned backward as if she was trying to get out of the trajectory of Samantha’s words. I could feel myself leaning with her, wanting to get as far away from my own self-absorption as I could. There was nowhere to run.

  “Emma, I know it’s crazy to ask you this, and I haven’t really thought it through, but there isn’t time. This is my last chance. I don’t want to be stuck back at the Obmil or worse. You know what they say, that some people don’t get to come back.” Samantha’s voice dropped several octaves but her face was puppy-dog eager, like she was waiting for someone to throw her a tennis ball or scratch her behind the ears. Like she knew that the answer to something was just within reach. I could feel Emma shrinking in on herself and I wanted to switch the channel. I didn’t want to watch this stupid show anymore.

  “I—I don’t know what to—” Emma paused and took a deep breath.

  Before Emma could continue, Samantha’s head shot up and whipped to the side, like she was privy to the frequency of a dog whistle. Emma’s attention tore off in the same direction, wondering what had caused the reaction.

  I would have rubbed my eyes if I could have made Emma’s arms do my bidding. Coming out of the water were two identical guys. Mid-forties, salt and pepper hair, the kind of guys you’d see walking the red carpet at the Oscars. Oh, this was double trouble. As they stepped out of the pool, they were shoulder bumping each other and bantering back and forth. Mid-jab they froze, as if they’d heard the same dog whistle as Samantha. Emma rubbed her eyes after all, but it didn’t make my double vision disappear. The twins were headed our way and I could feel my own displaced heart racing faster as they drew closer. They stopped directly in front of Sam, watching her like she was the sun, the moon, and the stars—all rolled up into one little universe. Both of their hands reached out to touch her at the very same moment. All I could think was that they had long fingers, nimble like a pianist and then—BOOM! The moment they made contact with Samantha, my head exploded like a firecracker in a tin can.

  • • •

  I don’t know how I knew it so instantaneously, but I did—we’d switched Delves. These were my memories now. It was as if the magnetic surge of energy from the twins’ touch had to be experienced firsthand. My head throbbed from the sudden jolt of switching roles. I felt like a time traveler. I was in Samantha’s head, but now that I’d watched her, I didn’t know if I wanted to be.

  The twins had dropped their hands but both stood, focused on Samantha—on me. Waves of emotion flowed off of them, landing on me as if I was the shore. The brother on the left was sending off a vibe that made me want to hug him. He was the tide when it gently meets the beach, hypnotic, slowly washing away the rough edges of life. There was a rhythmic ebb and flow of energy between us. To my right, it was a different story. This brother was a force that made my heart race. He was the uncontainable ocean that inundates the rocky cliffs where it isn’t safe. And while the water was icy cold, the sheer will of it, forcing itself into every crack and crevice, created its own kind of heat. How could two people who { color: #420862; font-family: "VenetianBTStd"; font-size: 1g before appeared identical be so insanely different?

  “I don’t mean to interrupt, but . . .” Emma turned to the twins. “We were sort of having an important conversation when you guys arrived. I need to ask Samantha something.”

  I shook my head, clearing the fog.

  Emma finally had my attention, for the first time since the guys had shown up. I examined her closely, trying to see if the twins had the same weird effect on her as they had on me. It didn’t appear to be the case, and now in retrospect, the whole thing seemed bizarre. Who were these guys and why did I feel this way? What was I doing? Yes, she was right, we needed to finish up this Passenger conversation. “I’m sorry, Emma, I didn’t mean to lose track of what we were talking about.” I looked back at the twins, trying to explain. “I know it’s a big thing to put out there, but I’m asking Emma if she would be my Passenger for my third time around.”

  “But . . .” Emma sputtered.

  I held up my hand to stop her and looked at the twins. “She’s my best friend. There’s no one else I’d ask. No one else I could trust.”

  “But I said that—”

  Emma seemed as if she was going to crumble. My stomach felt sick because I could see the train wreck coming even though Samantha didn’t have a clue. Or maybe I felt nauseous because I knew I should’ve seen it and I hadn’t.

  “So, what do you say, Em?” Samantha asked.

  Emma took a deep breath. “No. I’m sorry, but I say no.” Two tears plopped down on the smooth marble. I wasn’t sure if they were hers or mine.

  “Why?” Samantha asked, her voice shaking.

  “You really have to ask?”

  “Are—are you mad at me?” Samantha stuttered. “Did I do something?”

  Emma bit her lip hard. “I’m not mad at you. I mean, maybe I am. But—no—I just wanted—Does it matter, Sam? I just can’t.”

  “I’ll be your Passenger.” Both of the twins said it at the same exact time.

  “What?” Emma and I replied in unison, making it slightly creepier.

  The twin on the left, the gentle one, reached out and grabbed my hands. “I know you don’t know me, but I have this feeling, this strong feeling that this is right. I’d be more than happy to be your Passenger.” His eyes twinkled with sincerity and I felt mesmerized by him all over again.

  “Hey—” The other twin, intense and edgy, took a step forward and grasped me by the shoulders, commanding my attention. “I don’t think you want to do that.” He raised his eyebrows and waited, making me feel as if there was an answer I should provide.

  _ even dy“Okay. I mean—why not?” I was suddenly very confused.

  “I should be your Passenger.” The intense twin was staring me down.

  “Don’t listen to him.” The gentle twin butted back in, pulling my gaze. “He’s got a competitive streak. Can’t you feel the c
onnection between us?”

  I felt like a Ping-Pong ball, bouncing back and forth between the two. Now the intense twin was back, cupping my chin in his hand and bringing my attention back to him. He leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be important in your life. I can feel it.”

  The warm air from his mouth sent icy hot ripples down my spine, but then I felt a yanking sensation coming from the pit of my stomach. The pull of the ring had started and it was strong. I gave a little involuntary yelp of surprise. I wasn’t prepared for this yet. I didn’t have enough time to think. My eyes rocketed back and forth between the twins. I couldn’t tell if either of them was experiencing the pull. That would have been an easy way to decide if one of them was really supposed to go with me. I glanced around, trying to find a clue to help make the decision. Emma! She was still standing there, a weird expression plastered to her face. I sighed. It was obvious that Emma’s expression meant she was feeling the pull too. My feet were moving toward the ring. It was making me dizzy not to honor the pull.

  “Samantha, you have to choose.” I wasn’t sure which brother said it. My mind was reeling. I needed a Passenger. I couldn’t be a failure again.

  “Okay, I’ll pick, but I need to move over here.” I motioned toward the ring and bo/span>. I trie

  9

  suspending

  disbelief

  It was eerily quiet when we all returned from the Delve. But Trevor didn’t stay speechless very long. “This is bullshit!”

  “You should be glad she even wanted you along,” Oliver said.

  But Trevor wasn’t watching his brother. He was locked on to me. I could feel red heat flooding my cheeks, despite the penetrating chill emanating from him. He looked volatile. I wasn’t feeling the magical magnetic pull anymore—it was more like repulsion. I turned my head away from him and caught Julia staring. She seemed shocked; wounded. I groaned—things had just gone from bad to worse in the friendship department. Now that she remembered what had happened at the Basin, she had new ammunition. This new incident was just icing on the Elliott-screwed-up-again cake. I opened my mouth, wanting to say the right thing, but before two neurons could get together and at least attempt a plan, Julia burst into tears and dashed from the room.

  “She’ll be okay.” Oliver put an arm around my shoulder. The sweetness of it was baffling.

  “Doesn’t seem that way.” Trevor’s voice had a sarcastic bite. And he was correct. There was no reason for Julia to be all right. It hurt me to admit it, but she had bad taste in friends.

  Oliver interrupted my thoughts. “Seriously, don’t worry. We’ll get it all sorted out. Julia is going to be fine.” He glared at Trevor. “My brother is the king of misguided emotion. He’s just sore because you picked me to be your Passenger. He seems to think that you’re his soul mate.”

  Mt. Saint Trevor looked as if it were about to erupt. Up until now he’d been so cold, but it appeared that Oliver knew how to cause friction. Acrid smoke rose all around him as if something had ignited inside and was eating all the oxygen in the room. I noticed that he’d reengaged his billboard T-Shirt. It now said GO TO HELL! I wrapped my arms around myself, the slogan giving me the shivers. It felt too much like a premonition. Trevor stood there long enough to make his commentary known and then turned and strode out the door.

  “Are we done, Mel?” Oliver asked.

  Mel glanced over at Lily, the other Third Timer in our group. “You interested in Delving today?”

  Lily ran a hand over her silky scarf and sighed. “I Delved yesterday and, honestly, I’m feeling tired from reliving the chemo. Maybe I could skip it today?” She gave Mel a subtle nod and I knew she must have been a mother in her last life. She had that I’m-going-to-do-whatever-is-best-for-the-kids expression on her face. I felt torn between being appreciative and feeling manipulated. Unable to decide, I figured I’d just ignore the whole situation.

  “Wanna walk back to the Haven, Elliot?” Oliver said.

  “You sure you want to go with me?” I asked, my heart skipping little beats of surprise and hope.

  “Yup.” His curls bobbed up and down.

  I nudged him with my hip. “If you’re sure you want to go slumming.” I said it with a light, airy tone in my voice, but I knew I meant it.

  “Don’t say that.” Oliver’s brow furrowed.

  “But it’s the truth. You were there. You saw what I did to you. The way I treated Julia when she was Emma.” I tipped my head and hid behind a curtain of hair, trying to buffer myself against the truth.

  “Look—maybe it makes you feel better to say that kind of stuff, but it makes me feel bad.” He rubbed his temples like he could smooth away the headache I was giving him. “If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me.”

  “Do what?” Now I was confused.

  “Give yourself a break.”

  I stared at him, trying to gauge his level of sincerity even though I somehow knew that he was honest to a fault.

  “If you can’t believe it, fake it. Okay?”

  I couldn’t help it, a sigh escaped. I had a feeling that fooling myself was something I might be really, really good at. I shrugged my shoulders, sensing that Oliver had me wrapped around his little finger. “Sure,” I replied, shaking my head but smiling.

  • • •

  As we walked out of the classroom, Oliver launched into a description of a project he was working on with Freddie. They were building a greenhouse with a retractable roof for Freddie’s vegetable garden. Although it would be easy enough to create the food, just like most things here, we all tended to want to do things the familiar way. Even if it was ridiculously time-consuming, everyone had certain stuff they were nostalgic for. And of course, some people just liked the challenge. Or maybe they wanted to avoid thinking about other things. Oliver stopped short and tapped his fist into his palm. “Damn.”

  “What’s the matter?” I was immediately on guard.

  “I just remembered—I was supposed to check with Mel about what materials we should use. We were thinking about having the roof open and close automatically depending on the temperature. You never know what the weather is going to be like around here, with so many people and their different moods. A lot of tomatoes could be ruined by one of Trevor’s frosty outbursts.” Oliver’s face crinkled up in laughter.

  “Well, why don’t you go talk with her now?”

  “I promised I’d walk back with you.”

  “Because you want to or because you’re worried that I’ll go fetal again if left alone?”

  He blushed. “Would it be so bad to say a little bit of both?”

  “Nah,” d="BE6TT">R

  10

  tilt

  I shouldn’t have cared one bit about who that idiot was kissing, yet Oliver’s words jumped into my head and repeated like a ticker tape in Times Square: He seems to think that you’re his soul mate.

  Thinking about it was causing a disorienting, warm flutter in my lower gut. Really? I visualized a fisted hand thumping me on the noggin. The ridiculous words rattled around momentarily like a shiny orb in a pinball machine and then dropped out of sight. Tilt.

  My temples throbbed. Julia and Trevor were still attached at the lips. “Oh, for God’s sake, get a room.” I instantly pictured walking in on a tangled pile of Trevor and Julia, and quickly added, “And I don’t mean mine.”

  Julia stiffened and peeked out from under Trevor’s arm. She looked like Dorothy after being blown into Oz. No clue as to how her little house had migrated from Kansas.

  Trevor turned around with calculated ease. He kept his grip on Julia, who seemed like she wanted to bolt.

  “Elliot, um, I . . .” Julia sputtered.

  I couldn’t stop staring at her mouth, puffy from being kissed. Without making eye contact I barked at her. “Spit it out—you’re in charge now. Remember?”

  Trevor released Julia and sauntered up to me. “I’m sorry”—his sarcasm had extra bite—“but is t
here some reason why this is your business?”

  I could feel the color drop from my face like an elevator with its cable severed. Why was it so hard for me to think things through before barbs started flying out of my mouth?

  “I asked you a question.” Trevor’s voice tightened.

  I stared at him, realization crawling over me like mold. The kind that you see in fast-forward on a National Geographic special. I was being invaded by the nasty green knowledge that possibly, maybe, I could be slightly, just a bit—jealous. What the hell? all my empty spaces.er through ll

  “Leave her alone,” Oliver said. He must’ve snuck up behind me.

  Leaving me alone seemed like the last thing that Trevor wanted to do. His face was anything but inviting, yet he was looking at me like I had something that belonged to him and he wasn̵ off and heade

  11

  revelations

  I braced myself, expecting to be swept away in his anger and hatred, waiting for the vise to tighten.

  “He’s my brother.”

  It was a quiet and simple statement and I couldn’t get a lock on the motivation behind it. Then I remembered Trevor’s despair at Oliver’s funeral, his crumpled form.

  Oliver tugged at my hand, but I let my fingers slip from his grasp. For the first time, I tried to see everything from Trevor’s point of view. I didn’t want to admit it, but his new memories must’ve been as shocking to him as mine were to me. It didn’t matter how big of an ass he was, his Delve to the gravesite had been heart wrenching.

  I decided to extend the olive branch. It was obvious that he’d been hurt too. Like Mel had suggested, maybe we were in this together. Besides, he didn’t have a Passenger watching out for him.

  I glanced up at Trevor. Correction. I obviously wasn’t in anything with anyone. Julia moved forward and entwined her fingers with his. The placement of each finger was like the tumblers of a lock falling into place. She was on one side and I was on the other, separated by a wall of Trevor. I focused on the newest slogan printed in neon across his chest. reason for being here. through ll