Rock Her Heart (A Bad Boy Rockstar Romance)

by Megan West

That brought up a thought– she wanted to ask him about it, but perhaps it was too much. Besides, the more pressing issue between them still up for discussion was about their relationship, or lack thereof. She knew they were in a dangerous grey area now more than ever. It would be all too easy for them to fall into a “friends with benefits” sort of pattern. As much as she enjoyed sex with him, she knew that would only end up screwing her over. It would hurt too much.

  “Shannon,” he said suddenly. She turned to look at him, waiting on baited breath. He had said it in the same tone she wasn’t familiar with. What did it mean? “I have missed you every single day since I left because I am still madly in love with you.”

  Shannon felt like her heart could stop right then. She had absolutely no idea what to say or how to react. It was impossible to really process what he had just said. The only thing she could say was, “I think you should go.” He looked at her shocked, but nodded. Without a word, he stood up to gather his clothes when he stopped cold.

  They turned to see Kyle standing at the door of the apartment, gaping at them. It wasn’t long before his expression started morphing into anger. “You should definitely go,” she muttered. Ash got dressed in a rush and brushed past Kyle without a word.

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Kyle said. He sounded empty, but he looked furious. Shannon could understand him having a negative reaction, especially walking in on them still naked in her bed, but she thought maybe he was going to go a bit too far.

  “What the hell, Shannon?” He slammed the apartment door and locked it before taking a couple steps forward. He stopped and covered his eyes. “Get dressed for fuck’s sake!”

  Shannon rolled her eyes and hastily threw on a robe before walking into the living room. “Kyle,” she finally said.

  He turned to look at her and she saw his cheeks were red. She couldn’t figure out if he was embarrassed, felt awkward, or was really that angry. “What were you thinking?”

  He was dead serious. She couldn’t think of a time she had seen him like this, much less had him talk to her in such a tone. An icy chill went straight down her back. She took a deep breath since she could feel herself slipping into a defensive mode. She wanted to tell him she owed him no explanations. She wanted to storm into her bedroom and lock it, ignore him and never speak of it. Everything she wanted to do was the wrong thing and incredibly immature. As her best friend, she understood why he was involved. Besides, he had just seen her break down recently over a simple phone call and now he had walked in on them. It would be incredibly unfair of her to expect him to be cool with it and have absolutely no opinion on the matter.

  “Kyle,” she repeated.

  “I don’t get it. I don’t get you. You ignore his calls and then crumble when you finally answered. You worry about talking to him. You hate how he still affects you. Your answer to all that is to fuck him?” He rubbed his hand over his face and groaned in frustration.

  “Kyle,” she repeated, tone much more firm. “Look, it’s not like I thought that was the solution. Do you honestly think I’m that stupid?” His silence stunned her. She felt like she had just been slapped across the face. “Wow,” she breathed out, sounding hurt.

  “No,” he finally said. “Don’t misinterpret my silence.” They both stared each other down. Shannon knew better than to make this a problem between the two of them, but she just felt like she was on some sort of downward spiral. She needed to get control of herself.

  “You should know I don’t think you’re stupid.” More silence. More staring. “But I know how these things can be tricky. I know how it is when emotions get the best of you. Shannon, you can’t blame me for worrying about you.”

  He took a few steps forward and cupped her face between his hands. It was so tender and so unlike the way Ash ever held her face. She felt a warmth spread over her body she only ever got from Kyle and she recalled the night he rejected her. He had, of course, done the right thing.

  “You know how much I care about you,” he said softly. “I’m just scared of you walking down a path that will-”

  “I know,” Shannon interrupted. Her tone and gaze had both softened considerably. “I know,” she repeated. She wasn’t sure how much or how little to tell him. “I still love him, Kyle. He loves me. I just don’t know what to do. This is all a mess and I’m supposed to be focusing on the band.”

  “Hey,” Kyle said, “Until the band suffers from it I see no reason they need to be mutually exclusive.” He sighed and pulled her into a hug. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “I know,” she mumbled against his chest. “But, to be fair, a big part of the reason I was hurt last time was my own fault.” Then it hit her. She pulled back and looked into Kyle’s eyes apologetically. She didn’t actually have to say anything. He got her. He nodded in understanding and she bolted into her bedroom, hastily changing into the first thing she found before running out the door of the apartment. It wasn’t until she was out on the street that she realized she had no clue where to even look for Ash. So she called him.

  “Where are you?”

  “What?”

  “Just tell me where you are, Ash!”

  “Around the corner,” he told her.

  She stopped in her tracks. Taking a deep breath and ending the call, she jogged up the street and around the corner until she spotted him leaning under the archway of a building. The street was rather lonely and he was barely visible where he stood.

  “Ash!” She stopped and stared at him for a moment, heart pounding in her chest. She knew she had to be careful with him no matter what, but careful didn’t necessarily mean avoidance. She walked up to him and placed her hands on his chest.

  “Why should we stay away from each other when, clearly, what we really want is to be together?” He looked like he was about to tear up, but he said nothing. It was clear he was giving her the freedom to say whatever she needed to. “It’s scary and it can blow up in our faces, but wouldn’t denying this also run that risk?”

  “After all this time, I haven’t gotten over you,” he told her honestly.

  “And I haven’t gotten over you,” she responded.

  He ran his hand through her hair. He looked at her with a sad expression. “I’m not in a good place. My life, it’s messed up, and it’s my fault. I don’t want to drag you into a mess,” he admitted. He sounded more vulnerable than she had ever heard.

  “I know,” she whispered. “But that’s something I can help you get through. You know you have my support. You know I love you, Ash.”

  He nodded. “Do you know how much I love you? Shannon, I never told you because I didn’t want to guilt you or add pressure to your life, but I wanted you to come here with me so badly. I understood it wasn’t right for you at the time and I wanted to respect your decision, but not a day has gone by that I haven’t wished it had been otherwise.”

  Shannon’s heart raced even faster. Whatever her reasons at the time, they didn’t matter now. Things were different for both of them now and she wasn’t going to let him go so easily this time.

  She leaned in closer and whispered against his lips, “Let’s just move forward now. Together.”

  Then she bridged the gap and kissed him. Her new life would be independent, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be a part of it.

  They leaned back from the kiss and stared at each other for a moment, their eyes saying all the words that needed to be said.

  Somehow, they’d find a way.

  Somehow, they’d make it work.

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  Chapter One

  Emma didn’t even notice the haze of the dust anymore. She didn’t notice it especially when she was watching the fist of her boyfriend’s opponent collide with his cheek. Blood splattered out of Nathan’s face for the first time that night and she cringed. She watched as he stumbled backward and blinked, as if he suddenly felt confused about where he was and what was going on.

  She didn’t even notice when she had grabbed a big lock of her flowing, natural red hair to twist it around her hand the more anxious she grew. She winced as Nathan’s opponent took advantage of his confused state to deliver another punch. Then another and another, until he stumbled back against the ropes. The crowd around her exploded in screams and booed at Nathan, making her stomach clench even tighter.

  “Get it together!” a drunken man to her right screeched in near panic.

  “The fuck! Blast that fucker, Nathan! What is this shit?” another man, immediately behind her screamed in fury.

  She knew he had bet a large sum of money for her boyfriend Nathan to win and it seemed now like he was going to lose. She also knew Nathan always heard these types of hoots and hollers from the crowd, and it affected him. She couldn’t imagine how it wouldn’t. Now she only hoped it spurred him on to beat his opponent and not overwhelm him instead.

  Emma gulped and closed her eyes when the opponent’s fist flung out at Nathan again. She didn’t want to watch it anymore, but she had to be ringside– for her boyfriend and for her job. It was loathsome. She opened her eyes again, but looked off to the side. Past a small opening in the crowd she saw the bar area where the cocktail waitresses were gathered, waiting on the drink orders they needed to deliver to their customers. She heard some sort of crack in the ring and she winced. She didn’t want to turn around and look at whatever had caused such an awful sound, she only hoped it wasn’t a part of Nathan’s body.

  So she chose instead to focus on Elaine, who was delivering a drink to a man even though he clearly didn’t need any more alcohol. She was wearing a tiny, tight leather vest that pushed her cleavage far out and exposed her tight abdomen paired with miniscule denim shorts from which the bottom of her ass cheeks peaked out. She had opted for flat boots that day, but she still looked fantastic and all the men loved her.

  It was the typical attire for the women who worked as cocktail waitresses at The Ring, the dusty old place owned by Nick for these underground fights.

  Emma shuddered. To think she once dated that millionaire who set up and run this place made her blood run cold, especially now that it was home to the man she truly loved. It seemed like an entirely different life when she had been with Nick. Now she was working at this place, essentially working for him.

  It was strange the way things happened. She turned back to look at Nathan, who was still getting knocked around. She could see the dried blood on his chin and the cuts on his face. He was going to have some serious swelling and bruising in no time at all. She gulped and held back the tears that had been fighting to come out for a while now.

  “Let me place a bet on The Tank,” a hoarse and slightly slurred voice said into her ear.

  Emma turned to see a man leaning over towards her, holding a big wad of cash.

  She cleared her throat, “Betting is closed the moment the bell rings in round one.” She looked at him with a stern look on her face. He was one of those jokers who waited to try cashing in on what looked like the obvious winner. Of course it bothered her that her boyfriend’s opponent was the one in the lead, but not as much as these men who tried to push her around, make a quick buck, and try to impress her with a big wad of cash she was sure hadn’t been earned by any honest means.

  Mainly bored millionaires with low moral compasses populated this place and a lot of them weren’t honest men. Their wealth hadn’t been inherited or amassed in a legal way. And those who earned their money legally were still despicable men, in her opinion. The Ring attracted a certain kind of individual; the type of individual Emma found repulsive. But it was the world she was a part of and she couldn’t wait to escape it.

  The man eyed her with annoyance, shoving the big wad of cash into his pocket. “Fucking bullshit,” he barked at her. She could hear him muttering more expletives as he stalked off into the crowd with a strut.

  “He would have lost his money anyway. They don’t call Nathan the Comeback Kid for nothing,” Emma’s co-worker, Laura, said as she leaned into her ear.

  Emma smiled for the first time since she had set foot into The Ring that night. She turned and looked into Laura’s kind, brown eyes and sighed. It was likely her friend and co-worker was right about that, but waiting for Nathan to have his ‘comeback’ was always gut wrenching for her. She hated the whole process of it.

  Every time she watched her boyfriend get hit it felt like getting hit herself. She felt the physical and emotional pain of every single punch and she wasn’t even in the ring. Her thoughts were broken by going into a fit of coughing, brought on by a man who had stepped up beside her and blown cigarette smoke practically right into her mouth.

  She had grown used to inhaling smoke second hand, the haze of it constantly hung in the air. But it was entirely different to have it blown into her mouth. She saw the man look at her with a condescending smirk, but he made no motion to step away. Emma took a step back and looked over at Laura with annoyance. It wasn’t the time to get into some kind of pointless argument with the man.

  There were a lot of things to want to fight about in The Ring and cigarette smoke wasn’t one of them. She looked back at Nathan, but her vision was out of focus. She wanted this to end; not the fight, the lifestyle. Everything about the underground fighting lifestyle was something she very much wanted to leave behind– everything except Nathan that was. She looked at his strong body despite the punches he had already taken and knew he would fare well in California alongside her. He was as strong in spirit as he was physically.

  Getting out of this underground fighting lifestyle and moving to California wasn’t a distant dream for her, even if it often felt like it. They were very real dreams she wanted. She needed them.

  She looked at Nathan and her heart started pounding. As much as she loved him she couldn’t continue on in this type of life. She couldn’t continue to watch him get beat time after time before he turned around for the win. She hated every danger associated with The Ring. She was approaching the breaking point and she was approaching it fast.

  As her eyes followed Nathan’s clenched fist, colliding with The Tank’s already bruised cheekbone. As she watched Nathan land a solid punch her mind raced with a million emotions. It tore her heart of her chest to think she would have to leave him behind if he refused to get out of this fighting circuit and move to California with her.

  It wasn’t for lack of love and she knew it. She was confident in how much Nathan loved her, just as much as she loved him. But he had his own goals and motivations. Not only did he want to be crowned the best fighter in the underground world, he wanted to go at it professionally. That thought alone was enough to twist her insides so much she felt nauseous. How could she even handle that? But at the same time, she could see the worry in his eyes if she mentioned him giving up fighting. It was all he had ever known, from the very first moment he decided to do something for money. It was his only skill and passion. At least that was his point of view on it and himself.

  Her only comfort was that, if he ever did go pro, it was likely not like the underground scene. She knew she would never be okay watching him take a beating, but maybe it would be more bearable if it wasn’t in such a despicable place. Or maybe those were the things she told herself to be okay with him following her to California and continuing to pursue his dreams away from Nick and The Ring.

  She had no clue how any of it would work and it was something she tried not to think about in too much detail, only because it made no sense any way she framed it. She
figured she was drowning herself in negativity and creating unwarranted confusion.

  Nathan ducked and narrowly missed a powerful swing from The Tank. Nathan’s opponent stumbled against the ropes before quickly turning around and facing him again. Emma let out a sigh of relief after avoiding that one. The one punch seemed like it could have knocked him out entirely if he hadn’t ducked down in time.

  Every muscle in her body was tense as she watched the fight continue, the thundering of her pulse in her ears drowned out the drunken cheers around her. Right then a loud smack resonated from the ring just as the bell rung. Nathan had given the other man a swift punch to the gut. Emma held her breath for a moment as she watched The Tank double over, clutching his stomach. The crowd went wild, jumping up and down with excitement when The Tank didn’t stand back up.

  It was a punishing uppercut that finished off Nathan’s opponent, declaring him the winner. Once again he had lived up to his title “The Comeback Kid”. He had turned around and came back with something to end the fight, even after such a bad beating at the start. The crowd went wild but Nathan only punched the air upward for them before immediately leaning against the cage and staring across the crowd, directly at Emma.