Back To Good

by Laura Benson

  Something looked strange. “That’s not how I left it, is it?” I asked myself.

  Joey stayed close to the door as I spun around the room, probably looking like I was about to topple over at any minute. I stopped for a moment and drank him in.

  “Are you gonna come over here?” I purred at him.

  He smiled at me but didn’t move. “I know what you’re doing, Charlie.” His eyes narrowed in my direction.

  I flopped back on the bed. “I’m drunk and don’t know what you’re talking about.” I kicked off my sandals, scissoring my legs in Joey’s direction. “I can’t see you now,” I said, while leaning on my elbows.

  “Yes, Charlie, you have great legs. Yes, I want to fuck you. No, I won’t because you’ll hate yourself and me in the morning.”

  I pouted at him, and he came closer to the bed. When he was within reach, I pulled up on my knees and grabbed him. I guess I wasn’t aware of my strength because we both fell backward, the mattress bouncing beneath our weight.

  I laughed and nibbled his ear. “Isn’t this what you wanted earlier?”

  He groaned, trying to pry himself off of me. I took the groan as a good sign and bit a little harder on his lobe.

  “You’re killing me, Charlie. Killing me here.”

  Once I let go of his ear, he managed to detangle himself from me, and I whined, “No, no, no. Just one night. Let’s just have one night together. I miss you.” I got back up on my knees and tore my tank top off. My chest was heaving as I stared down at him, and I found myself sobering up a bit. I started to second guess myself. Did I want to be with him? What would one night together do to us? All these thoughts bombarded my brain, but they were all a jumble. I couldn’t tell one from the other.

  Shoving that mess away, I told myself, I do want this! I do!

  Joey stared at me in my lacy powder blue bra. I was starting to unbutton my shorts when he pulled me forward, grabbing my hands and stopping my striptease. “For the love of all that is holy, do not take those off.”

  I bit my lip, looking up demurely at him. He closed his eyes and ran a hand across his shaved head. “You told me ‘no’ earlier. What’s different now?” he asked me softly.

  I’d brought my hand to the top of my bra, rubbing my fingers over my breast, knowing that I was not playing fair. I pulled my hair out of the tie and tossed it around my shoulders.

  “So?” His jaw pulsed as he tried to hold back his raging lust.

  “Who said anything was different now?”

  Joey sat back, throwing his legs off the edge of the bed. “Don’t give me that shit, Charlie. A few hours ago, you were pissed because I kissed you, and now you’re begging me to take you right here! You can’t play this game with me!”

  “It’s not a game, Joey. I changed. My. Mind. I’m a woman. We do that, you know.”

  Joey took a deep breath and paced around the room. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to talk him into something or out of something. I felt my mood slipping as the buzz dwindled, and I was starting to feel foolish. This was a game I was playing. Fuck.

  I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands. “I fucking suck,” I moaned. Looking between my fingers, I watched Joey stop pacing.

  He kneeled in front of me. “Is this my Charlie?” he asked, and I whacked his shoulder. “You would’ve really hated me in the morning if I took advantage of you.”

  I curled in on myself, pulling my legs in. All I could do was nod. He was right. This was wrong. All of it. We couldn’t bring the past back. One night wouldn’t make us what we once were. What we had was gone. Forever. Lost in the sea of women he chose over me, the lifestyle that took him away from me.

  His eyes flickered down to my barely-clad breasts, and he waggled his eyebrows. Yep, there’s the Joey I remember.

  I immediately brought my hands up to cover myself. “Ass.”

  “So now you’re gonna play shy?” he teased. Then his eyes softened, and he gulped. Turning, he headed for the door and rested his hand on the handle as he said, “Thank you for tonight, Charlie.”

  “You’re welcome,” I whispered, even though it made no sense to respond. I glanced down at my half-naked body and wanted to cry.

  With one last deep breath, he opened and the door and walked out.

  I woke with a blinding headache and cotton mouth. Groaning, I pulled the sheet back. I was still sleeping in my bra and shorts. Slowly, I pushed myself up as I looked around the room. Last night…it took me a few seconds, but things came back. I closed my eyes, remembering exactly what happened last night and groaned loudly in the extra pillow. What an emotional fucking rollercoaster yesterday was. Why did I do that to myself? What the hell was wrong with me?

  We’d been over for years, and then in a drunken rage, I threw myself at him?

  I suck. I suck. I suck.

  Burying myself back underneath the comforter, I let that play in my head. This was getting out of hand. All of it. Being Joey’s publicist was turning me into someone I no longer recognized. Both Matthew and Joey were too under my skin for my comfort level, and I needed to back the fuck off. I thought about texting Joey to apologize, but I chickened out. I checked my messages and email, barely able to keep my eyes opened. I hadn’t drunk that much alcohol since college, and today I was really feeling the effects.

  I ticked off a mental checklist of the things I would need in the very near future—a shower and food...greasy food. Those were the answer.

  I was in the shower when I heard a knocking at the door. Hopping out, I threw a towel around my body and opened the door.

  Matthew stood there, grin on his face, as he watched me try to keep the towel in place.

  “Why are you here?” I stuttered.

  “Can I come in?” He nodded toward my room.

  I swallowed and stared at the floor, opening the door wider for him. Shit. Shit. shit. Why was he here, and why was he grinning? Needing a moment, I muttered, “I need to finish my shower. Give me a few minutes.”

  I mean, I still had shampoo in my hair! But I had no idea why Matthew was here. We didn’t have any meetings today, and I was planning on sticking close to the hotel. And not drinking myself silly.

  Once I finished the shower, I dried off and put on the guest robe that hung in the bathroom. My hair was turbaned in a towel.

  Stepping out into the room, I clutched the robe to me, flickering curious eyes to Matthew. He was sitting in the chair nearest the side table, his foot bouncing up and down. After my night with Joey, I really didn’t want to have to deal with him. I sat down in the opposite chair as far away from him as possible.

  Despite my worries, I couldn’t help but take him in. He looked really good today. Dark jeans, light Banks T-shirt and his ever-present Chucks. His hair was messily styled, but that was Matthew. Run a hand through his hair, and he was done. It pissed me off.

  “So?” I asked, waiting for him to explain himself. I was ready for my greasy food, and I planned on eating it alone.

  “So…”

  I rolled my eyes. “Cut the shit, Matthew. I had a late night and I’m hungry.”

  He raised his eyebrows up at me. “That’s why I’m here.”

  I must have looked confused because he smiled back at me. He pulled something out of his back pocket and threw it in my direction. The first was a picture of me and Joey, dancing at the bar. The second one was of him kissing me.

  “Shit! Where’d you get this?”

  “It’s all over the Internet, sweetheart.”

  “So what? You thought you’d come here and perhaps kill two birds with one stone? Thinking that Joey was here last night?”

  He looked down at the pictures, then back up at me. “I didn’t know what I’d find.”

  I looked down at the photos again, disgusted that someone would exploit our one stupid night together. Plus, how would I explain to Matthew that the picture wasn’t what it seemed?

  “We were dancing. He kissed me. I told him to knock it off and that’s it.
”

  Matthew leaned his elbows on his knees as he quietly explained, “There are more pictures of him coming here. They’re time-stamped, and they have him leaving approximately forty-five minutes later. What do you think the gossip sites are saying right now?

  I stood up suddenly. “So you’re going to believe those sites over me?” I hissed.

  “I didn’t say that.” He rubbed his hands together. “It’s a compromising situation. You’re his ex, and also his publicist. Hired by the label.”

  I know! I grabbed my wet hair by the fistfuls. “Fuck!” If my father got wind of this, he’d have my ass back in Phoenix before I could say sorry. “Nothing happened. I got exceedingly drunk. Joey helped me back to my room. We talked for a bit and he left.”

  “It poses a problem for the meeting tomorrow with the label, Charlie.”

  I closed my eyes and groaned loudly. Dammit! “Maybe we can work this in our favor. You guys want a clean break from them. Perhaps this will be incentive.”

  “So you’re saying to make it look like you were whoring yourself out?” he shot back at me.

  “I never said anything like that!” I started wringing my hands as I paced back and forth.

  Matthew pinched the bridge of his nose. I’d noticed he’d do that when he was frustrated. He stood up. “We’ll think of something. Get dressed, and we’ll get breakfast.”

  “It’s all out of context, Matthew. Nothing happened. I wouldn’t let anything happen, and then he wouldn’t.”

  Matthew looked at me sideways, and I realized I gave too much information away.

  “Just…get dressed, Charlie.”

  I grabbed clothes from the closet and rushed into the bathroom. I can fix this, I told myself. Though I didn’t really believe it. Fuck! Looking down at the toilet, I finally threw up everything I drank last night. Worst day ever.

  Breakfast consisted of dry toast and tea. After emptying my stomach, I thought it safer to eat light. Throughout the meal, Matthew was distant and cold. I wasn’t sure what to do or say to make him feel better, but I rationalized that I didn’t owe either of them anything. The only thing I had to worry about was my dad finding out and tearing me a new one.

  Once I had a piece of toast in me, my stomach felt calm enough that I didn’t feel the need to constantly jump up for the bathroom.

  “How much did you drink last night?” He took a sip of his coffee.

  “Too much. At one point I couldn’t see a damn thing.”

  Matthew swore under his breath. “I guess alcohol poisoning never crossed either of your minds?”

  “I guess not,” I said primly.

  Matthew just shook his head and looked me over. I felt like shit, so I must’ve looked it. We sat in quiet companionship until my phone buzzed in my purse. I pulled it out of my bag and swore when I saw who was calling. This would not be good.

  “Andrew!” I answered brightly.

  “Oh no, no-no, dear. Don’t you dare give me that fake ‘happy to hear you’ voice.”

  “Andrew,” I grumbled.

  “That’s more like it. You should be glad it’s me and not your father. I had to talk him off the ceiling today. What the bloody hell is going on there?”

  I rubbed my forehead and pulled the phone away, turning to Matthew. “He’s using the British slang. It’s bad.”

  “Who are you talking to?” Andrew asked.

  “Matthew,” I told him. “We’re having breakfast. Andrew, those pictures are completely inaccurate.”

  Andrew said something that sounded like a foreign language. “Your lips and his lips are co-joined, how is that inaccurate?”

  I rolled my eyes. “He kissed me, but I stopped him. Nothing happened. Just let Daddy know that those pictures are not telling the whole story.”

  “I’m not sure if your father can be talked down,” Andrew said doubtfully. “He was yelling to get you back here. You’re meeting with the label tomorrow for Christ’s sake, Charlie.”

  I took deep breaths.

  Matthew was shaking his head back and forth, probably hearing everything.

  “I’ll call Dad later. When he’s cooled down. Right now I’m going to eat my dry toast and bland tea.”

  “Got pissed, did ya?”

  “Very. And right now I’m pissed off. Cheers, Andrew.” I looked down at my watch. “Blimey, look at the time…I’ve got to ring off.”

  I could hear him chuckling on the other end of the line. “Wise ass.”

  I smirked, though he couldn’t see it. “Of course. Talk to you later.” I hung up and proceeded to shut my phone off. I didn’t need any more distractions today. Only reason Matthew got through was because he fucking showed up at my door.

  “Your Dad?”

  “Is completely livid,” I replied miserably. I rubbed my face with my hands. “I’ll never hear the end of it. Even if I explain what really happened, he won’t see it that way. He’ll see it as his little girl, who couldn’t deal with being professional and somehow she screwed it up.”

  “I don’t think he’ll see it that way, but I do have a question to ask you, and I want you to be absolutely honest with me, okay?” He leaned his head over the middle of the table.

  I was dreading this already. “Okay.”

  Matthew closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. His blue eyes that looked back at me were clear and bright. “What did you mean when you said Joey also stopped anything from going any further?”

  I twisted the paper napkin in my hand as I tried to remember everything that happened last night. I was three sheets to the wind, but throwing myself at Joey was the wrong thing to do. Especially after rejecting him earlier in the day.

  Matthew tilted his head, waiting on me to speak. To tell him what he wanted to hear. He tapped his fingers lightly on the table as I counted down.

  Through a scratchy and dry voice, I began. “I was completely wasted last night. After Joey kissed me, I was mad at him, but he wanted to buy me a drink. One led to fifty and I could barely stand up. He brought me back to the hotel where I stripped and threw myself at him.”

  Matthew gripped his coffee cup so hard, I thought it might break. He wouldn’t look at me. The pulse in his jaw was jumping double time.

  I swallowed and went on. “It was stupid of me, but he left. Nothing happened. But even now as I think about it, I’m embarrassed. My relationship with Joey is over.” I slipped my hand over his, squeezing gently.

  “I have no right to be jealous of him, Charlie. But dammit, when I saw that photo of you kissing him…” He trailed off.

  I kept my hand on his. “You’re right, you have no right to be jealous. Even if something had happened between me and Joey, you were with another woman when just an hour earlier you told me how much you wanted me.”

  I pulled my hand back, but he grabbed it. “I slept alone that night.”

  “You had plans with Eva. She seemed very ‘interested’ in you.” I was trying to keep jealousy out of my voice, but I was failing miserably.

  He turned my hand over on the table so it was palm up. “I was a fucking idiot. I never wanted her. But you’d already left, and I thought if I followed you…” “Well, it was better that I didn’t.”

  I chanced a glance at him, and his eyes bore through me. It was that look that he had for me and only me, and it made my heart skip a beat. I thought of Joey and my behavior last night in the room. I thought of Matthew and his letting me think that he and Eva had gotten together. I was screwing up left and right since that damn concert.

  I smiled at Matthew. “We’ll figure something out in regards to the label tomorrow. I’m a publicist, I can spin anything to my liking.”

  “And?”

  “And?” I repeated.

  “Are you willing to see where this,” he pointed between us, “is going?”

  “I need time to think, Matthew. I can’t just run into a relationship with you. I need time.”

  He sunk back in his chair, dropping his hands in his l
ap. He looked defeated. “Sure. Okay.”

  I leaned over the table and cupped his face with my hands. “I want you more than not, Matthew. But I just need you to be patient for me.”

  He nodded. I saw the emotions warring within him. Sometimes I felt like I was a ping-pong ball being tossed back and forth between him and Joey. I knew this could be a mess of epic proportions, and once my stomach calmed down and my head wasn’t as fuzzy, I’d be able to tackle everything thrown at me. Matthew seemed far away as he stared at nothing. I hated making him feel this way.

  The waitress came by and refilled his coffee, pouring out more hot water and leaving a teabag for me. Stirring my tea, I thought about how I could put everything back to the way it was. Joey and I were over. That was a fact. I’d learned that last night, and the shame of that lesson learned still lingered. Joey was right to leave. I was thankful for that now. If anything had happened, it would’ve been a colossal mistake.

  Matthew, however, was a different nut to crack. What was so different now than he was eight years ago when we couldn’t stand each other?

  He was still in a dazed state as I watched him. The glazed look in his eyes gave the blue color of them an extra depth. I took all of him in. His hair that never looked combed, but was simply incredible. His handsome and grown-up face. His patrician nose, straight and long, but perfect for his face.

  Biting my bottom lip, I surveyed his full mouth. His lips that had kissed and caused me to lose all rational thought. Then my gaze wandered to his broad shoulders, and I found myself wanting to wrap myself around him. My breathing became labored as naughty thoughts of us wrestling in bed took over my mind.

  No. Don’t do this to yourself. Yet, it was at this moment when I realized that my feelings for Matthew were developing more so than my relationship with Joey ever were.

  Mentally slapping myself, I forced my gaze away. If he knew this was going on in my head, he’d think I was a complete kook. And he’d probably push for something I wasn’t ready for.