In Search of Love

by Christine Lynxwiler

  Chapter Five

  “What do you mean? You can’t possibly want me to stay.” Annalisa’s voice was incredulous and, just as she’d been doing during their whole conversation, she squeezed the locket around her neck.

  What did he mean, Cade wondered. Why not just let her go? He motioned her back into her chair. She sat and stared up at him with long, damp lashes. “Look, I hired you to cook, and that’s what you’re going to have to do. Please. I can’t find someone else on such short notice. Two wrongs don’t make a right.” He shook his head. “You shouldn’t have deceived me, but leaving me in a lurch is no way to correct it.”

  She drew a shuddering breath and met his level gaze. “Okay, then, I’ll stay... at least until you can find someone else.”

  “Believe me, I’ll call Mrs. Spencer tomorrow and have her start interviewing applicants again. You should be out of here in a couple of weeks.” Cade’s mind was racing with the unfolding of events of the last hour.

  Annalisa sat, without moving, in the easy chair, her face turned away from him. He noticed with irritation her shoul­ders were, as always, totally erect.

  Lord, don’t I have a right to be angry?

  With obviously fraudulent intent, this woman had managed to jeopardize his new life. Going back to investigating was not a possibility. The boys’ ranch had to succeed, or he knew he’d never have peace of mind again. How could it succeed without a cook? He walked back over to the fireplace, gazing absently at the pictures and mentally running through the possibilities for a temporary chef. He quickly crossed Aunt Gertie off the list. Marta had specified no cooking before she took the job, so he knew that wasn’t her forte. Unless George was hiding some great culinary talent, that left Cade.

  He could cook a mean breakfast, but other than that, his kitchen expertise was limited to reaching for the phone at the end of the counter to order take-out, something that wasn’t available here. Even if they did figure out how to heat micro­wave dinners, he was pretty sure social services would frown on that menu.

  Annalisa would have to stay. These children’s lives depended on them being at the ranch. Whether she had any regard for a child’s happiness or not, he certainly did.

  At that contradictory thought, guilt seized him so suddenly that he pivoted back around to face the recliner, sure she must be glaring at him. Her face was still turned to the wall. She hadn’t moved.

  His own words had convicted him. Hadn’t she been carry­ing a torch for her sister for seven years, refusing to allow anything to extinguish her flame of hope?

  Observing her steadfast profile, he wanted to beg her for­giveness, but he knew nothing would matter to her now, except him agreeing to find her sister. No matter how bad he felt about how he’d treated her, he couldn’t do that.

  “We’d better call it a night. It’s bound to be a long day tomorrow. The boys aren’t going to be put off much longer about horseback riding, especially Tim.” Cade offered a smile, hoping to erase the harsh words he’d spoken earlier.

  “We wouldn’t want to disappoint the boys, would we? After all, children matter, don’t they, Mr. McFadden?” Each word struck him as if she’d dipped her verbal arrows into his guilt-poisoned conscience and aimed them at the core of his soul.

  “Yes, they do.”

  “The ones who are important to you do anyway. I’d better hurry to bed, so I don’t let them down.”

  “Annalisa...” He reached out and touched her arm.

  She shook his hand off her arm like it was a snake. “Don’t touch me. You’ll never know how important this was to me.” She gasped back a sob, but fiery sparks seemed to shoot from her brown eyes. “I’ll work until you can replace me, then I’ll be gone so fast it’ll make your head spin.” Apparently unable to fight the tears any longer, she almost ran from the room.

  He noticed her shoulders were slumped for the first time since he’d met her. Had she really expected him to take on a case that was seven years old and had been entirely legal? Apparently she had.

  Her last words lingered in the air... until you can replace me. He knew Mrs. Spencer could find another cook, but he had a sinking feeling he’d never be able to replace Annalisa Davis.

  If he waited a few days to call his office manager, maybe they could work things out. He couldn’t find her sister for her, but maybe he could make her realize the futility of trying to change something that happened seven years ago.

  He sank down in the recliner, still warm from her body, and wondered what it was about her that fascinated him. Yes, she was beautiful, but he had known countless beautiful women. She was vulnerable, but so was every woman who had walked into his office clutching a picture of a missing child in her hand.

  She had an inner strength, as she’d shown tonight by her refusal to give up her quest. Remembering her faith that had gone beyond the terror during the cattle incident, he was humbled. She’d known he’d come to rescue her because she’d prayed he would. Had she prayed he’d help her find her sis­ter? Would she ever understand his refusal?

  He’d overheard her with Juan tonight and had been impressed with her apt handling of the teenager. She probably would be a fantastic mother. It was a shame she’d been so young when her mother died. Her sister could have done much worse in the parent department.

  He slowly stood and walked down the hall, hoping sleep would come quickly. When he heard muffled sobs coming from Annalisa’s door he turned to his own room, certain there would be no rest for him tonight.

  ***

  “Hey, Cade, look at me.” Tim grinned at Cade from his posi­tion of honor on Old Sweetie’s back, while George safely held the reins.

  “I’m looking, Tim. You’re doing a great job.” Cade glanced up at Juan, riding on Bubba. “You doin’ okay, Juan?”

  “Duh. . .this is stupid kid stuff. I still don’t understand why you have to lead me.”

  Cade met the boy’s glittering black eyes with a level gaze. “Juan, I think you need to understand a little about respect. You see, I respect you enough to not want you to get hurt—either your feelings or your backside from falling off a horse. You need to do the same for me, and think before you speak. Hop down now, and let Matthew give it a try.”

  Their gazes remained locked, but Juan sullenly slid down from the horse. Once on the ground, he averted his eyes and stomped toward the bunkhouse. Cade suppressed a smile. The social worker had warned him the boys would test him to see what they could get by with.

  Cade led Bubba to where Matthew stood drawing pictures in the dirt with the toe of his boot. “Matt? Why don’t you give it a try, Buddy? Bubba is really gentle.”

  For the first time, Matthew looked him squarely in the eye. Sorrow washed over Cade as he recognized the combination of overwhelming grief and stark fear. Matthew shook his head, but did reach out and pat Bubba’s soft nose, finally burying his little face in the horse’s shoulder.

  Was this what drove Annalisa to find her sister—the fear that somewhere she was out there walking around with a sim­ilar expression? The thought made Cade’s blood run cold.

  ***

  Annalisa watched through the window as Cade coaxed Matthew into patting the horse, then she turned back to the sandwiches. Anger surged through her again as she remem­bered Cade’s harsh words last night. That man, she thought, tears welling in her eyes, his heart is tender to everyone but me. In spite of her sarcastic words to Cade, her own heart had gone out to these boys, so she could certainly understand his com­passion for them. So why couldn’t he understand her situation?

  She’d expected so much more from him. She fumed as she prepared the simple lunch Cade had requested. This morning he’d been professional, treating her as a respected employee, completely ignoring their earlier exchange concerning Amy.

  The sound of the glass doors sliding open and closed was quickly followed by many footsteps. Annalisa frowned as she realized the only boyish voice she heard was Tim’s. The other boys were entirely too quiet. If she planned
to stay around, even just for two weeks, she’d have to remedy that. She fin­ished slicing the red juicy tomatoes and arranging them on a plate. Right on cue, Aunt Gertie breezed in.

  “Oh, my, Hon! Once again you’ve got it all under control. Let me help you carry that out.” Her sweet voice soothed Annalisa’s frazzled nerves, and she gratefully surrendered the platter of meat and cheese. When she followed the older woman out, her gaze flitted to Cade standing at the end of the buffet. She looked away and cast a glance around the room.

  Marta smiled and patted the chair beside her. “Come sit down, Annalisa.”

  “I can’t just yet. I still have to get the glasses and tea.” Annalisa shook her head as Marta started to rise to help. “No, you stay there and save my seat. I can get them.”

  When she hurried back into the kitchen, Aunt Gertie had the tray of iced glasses. Annalisa grabbed the pitcher of tea, and they walked out together.

  Sliding into the seat Marta had saved, Annalisa bit back a groan. From this spot, every time she looked up from her plate, she would be staring straight at the man she wanted to avoid.

  Cade asked George to lead the prayer. As soon as he finished, everyone tackled the sandwiches with enthusiasm. The meal was fairly quiet until Tim burst out, “Oh, no! I lost Buddy!”

  “Buddy?” Cade asked.

  “My frog.” Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes. “I put him down on a rock when I was getting ready to ride Bubba, and I forgot to go get him.” He swiped his eyes with his sleeve. “I know he’ll be gone now.”

  “I’ll help you look for him after lunch,” Annalisa offered, sympathy welling up in her heart for the distraught little boy.

  “Nah.” Cade shook his head. “Buddy’s at home right now eatin’ lunch with his family. Maybe he’ll show up to play again some day, Tim.”

  The boy looked doubtful. Annalisa’s temper flared, and she shot Cade a hard look. “When you lose something important, you look for it.”

  Cade met Annalisa’s gaze with a steely one of his own. “Yes, but sometimes it’s better off left lost.” Abruptly looking away from her, he turned back to Tim, “That’s the way it is with Buddy. He’s better off with his family than he would be living in your pocket.”

  “Perhaps he’d be happier living with Tim, especially since Tim so obviously loves him and would take excellent care of him. Besides, how can we even know his family is around? Maybe they didn’t even notice he was missing.”

  “Regardless, Tim has no right to keep the frog, even if he does love him. Especially if he loves him, he has to think of what’s best for Buddy.”

  “And you think you know what’s best?” Annalisa became aware of the other adults’ startled expressions, but she couldn’t stop. “Why not ask Tim? After all, it’s his frog!”

  Tim considered this for a minute and then smiled. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, Mr. Cade. You don’t have to help me look for him, Annalisa. Thanks anyway. He’ll come back on his own if he wants to.”

  Annalisa nodded and returned the boy’s smile, but inside she was shaking. Dropping the last half of her sandwich on her plate untouched, she stood. “If y’all will excuse me, I’m going to get an early start on the kitchen.”

  Cade paused in the kitchen doorway and observed Annalisa as she cleaned the counter. Even with anger radiating from her every move, she was beautiful. She tossed the rag in the sinkful of soapy water, and when she turned around her brown eyes flared with surprise. “Spying on me?”

  “No, just watching a master at work.” He spoke softly and watched as her stiff posture relaxed. “I thought we might talk.”

  “Didn’t we say it all?” She leaned back against the counter with her arms crossed.

  He studied her face and prayed that God would help him find the right words. “Annalisa, I... I’m sorry.”

  Her brown eyes widened. “You’ve changed your mind? You’ll help me find Amy?” Her face, so composed a minute before, broke into a smile that tugged at his heart.

  “I’m willing to talk about it more—if you are—and see what we can come up with. I can’t go against what I believe is right, but if we both remain rational...” He grinned at her to take the sting out of the reminder of their irrational reac­tions earlier. “I’m sure we can work it out.” He cleared his throat. “We do need to discuss it when the boys are not around though. They’ve had enough turmoil in their lives. Even a simple disagreement like ours in there could cause them to be really upset.”

  Annalisa lifted her thick hair and held it on top of her head with one hand. Then she looked down and scuffed against the floor with the toe of one sneakered foot. Rubbing the back of her neck with her other hand, she returned his smile with a sheepish one of her own. “I’m sorry. You’re right, of course. I guess I overreacted. I’ve just waited so long to find Amy.”

  “Truce?” he asked, hoping not to get into a confrontation again while emotions were still high. When she nodded, he continued, “Let’s take a break today and talk about it tomor­row, okay? Did I tell you about Old Sweetie giving Juan a big kiss yesterday?”

  Relief filled him when Annalisa’s sweet laughter resounded in the room.

  Chapter Six

  Annalisa leaned in close to the horse’s ear and spoke. “Listen, Bubba, you are not going to make me look stupid today. Do you understand?”

  Bubba stared back at her with limpid pools of brown. All in all, it was a very noncommittal stare.

  Annalisa had more to say, but she cut her equine conversa­tion short when Cade strolled up to her, his grin looking out of place at such an early hour.

  “Are you sure you’ve ridden before?”

  Annalisa forced an answering smile. “Yes.” She didn’t see any point in explaining that she’d been on horseback twice in her life. Once when she was seven her father had surprised her by letting her ride a pony at a traveling carnival. She could still see the fury in his eyes when the attendant had to stop the cir­cular walk to help a terrified Annalisa off. That had been enough to extinguish her girlish fascination with horses.

  “Don’t you think I should be here to prepare lunch, though? A two hour ride will work up quite an appetite.” She shook her head, feigning regret as she gently rubbed the horse’s neck. A furtive glance at Cade told her the cowboy definitely wasn’t buying her act.

  “No, if we’re going on the overnight camping trip, we all need to be used to our horses. Since Aunt Gertie’s already planned to escape to her sister’s that Friday night, she doesn’t have to ride today. She said she’d put together some sandwiches while we’re gone.” He shoved his hat back on his head. “Need any help getting on?”

  “No, I’ll be fine.” She nodded across the pasture toward the small boy struggling valiantly to get up on a chestnut pony. “Looks like Tim could use your help, though.”

  She breathed a sigh of relief when he hurried over to the boy, leaving her to contemplate her own dilemma.

  No matter how soft Bubba’s hair felt under her hand, Annalisa knew without a doubt the horse would turn into a bucking, snorting monster once she was astride him.

  The idea of being a mile up in the air on an unpredictable beast horrified her. She remembered how she’d tried to explain as much to Julie concerning the trail ride that topped off Family Day at church. Her friend wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  Annalisa had ended up having a nice long walk in the woods, while she waited for the others to return. It might have been enjoyable if not for her sore behind. Thankfully, the horse, once rid of its unwanted rider, had found its way back to the stables.

  She’d thought she’d never have the nerve to climb back on a horse. But, she hadn’t figured on Cade McFadden. Since no one was looking, she allowed herself the luxury of watching as his gentle hands lifted Tim into the saddle.

  In the last few weeks, she’d come to care about the boys on the ranch, but Cade gave them his heart in everything he did. Unfortunately, every time she mentioned Amy, that soft heart turned to stone.r />
  “We’ll talk about it later.” That’s what he’d said last night when she’d brought it up after supper. She wasn’t surprised. Some version of that brush-off was all she’d gotten on the subject since the first day he’d told her they would work some­thing out.

  She hadn’t heard anything more on him finding a replace­ment for her either. The two-week deadline had come and gone, but as long as there was a chance he’d help her find Amy, she didn’t want to push the issue. Unfortunately, she was afraid he was counting on that. For some reason, it was as if his very life depended on the success of this boys’ ranch.

  Cade turned abruptly to meet her gaze. Heat crept up her face, and she spun around to Bubba. Without stopping to think it through, she stretched and reached for the saddle horn. Murmuring a quick prayer, she put her left foot in the stirrup and heaved herself up with all her might.

  Waves of terror washed over her as she rose high in the air. She squeezed her eyes shut and grabbed at the horse’s mane. Her fingers brushed the coarse hair like a taunt as she plum­meted to the ground on the opposite side.

  ***

  At the sight of Annalisa flying over Bubba’s back, adrenaline shot through Cade’s body. He sprinted toward her, fully aware that she would hit the hard ground before he could possibly reach her. Sure enough, she landed with a thud when he was a few feet from her.

  “Annalisa! Are you okay?” He started to kneel down beside her, then jerked back in surprise as she sprang to her feet.

  “I’m fine.” Her face was the color of the jaunty bandanna tied around her neck. “It’s been awhile since I’ve ridden, and I guess I underestimated my arm strength.”

  Cade frowned, still stuck on her first words. Fine? There was no way she could be fine after a fall like that. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and go on up to the house?”

  She stood straighter. “No, thank you. Like you said, we all need to get used to our horses before the camping trip. I’ll just mount more slowly this time.”