TableofContents

by Low Bo

  "Where?" I breathed and they nodded at the ground below. A white blur waved up at me.

  "I'll be right down." I closed the window, tore off my respirator and got into my jeans, shirt and jacket, sealing all the openings meticulously, swearing at the long process that usually only took seconds. My fingers were clumsy and it took forever. I bolted out the door, flung myself back to pick up my respirator, and tore out to the door again.

  The fight was still going on in the kitchen. It sounded like all three of them were in there, their voices rising and falling, first and second ma's higher pitched than second pop's but no less angry. As far as I could tell it was the same argument. I tiptoed toward the front door.

  "Randy?"

  Oh no. I skidded to a stop just before the front door, heart sinking. Tickham. I turned around. He stood in the low light of the hall, looking pale and thin.

  "Go back to bed, Tick," I ordered. I gave my meanest glare. "Or I'll tell first mama that you got out of bed."

  Tick just glared back. For a little kid, he could be pretty stubborn. "Where are you going?"

  "None of your business, tick turd," I said. "Go away or I'll tell mama."

  "I want to come too," he said, and he thrust his lower lip out.

  I groaned. Stupid little tick turd brother. "No, Tick. Go away." I pushed the door open, thinking that would make him run, and was bowled backward by Austin, Dallas, and Jenn.

  I forgot Tick when I saw her. She was in her white apprentice uniform, her dark hair and dark skin glowing. She grinned shyly when she caught my eye. Jenn was never shy and I frowned at this new side of her. Then, as if she knew, she reached out and gave me a hug.

  "Man, Randy! It is so good to see you! I missed all you guys."

  My heart, which had leaped at the thought that she meant me alone, sunk at the "you guys," but the butterflies in my stomach were still rolling in a pretty interesting way. So I held onto her hug. As usual Tick ruined things. He hadn't run from the open door like he was supposed to.

  "Jenn?" he said, his eyes wide. Jenn broke away from me, and knelt down to Tick.

  "Hey, little Tick," she said kindly, and held out her arms. Tick broke and ran to her, burying his face in her shining uniform. Mindful of Tick's respirator less state, Austin hit the door button and the door closed. The ventilators cycled the air clear but by the time Tick had lifted his head from Jenn's shoulder, a small smear of blood stained her uniform.

  Tick, you have to go to bed now," I ordered in as loud a whisper as I dared. They would come out of the kitchen any minute, see what was up.

  "No! I want to see Jenn!"

  "Shhhh!" We chorused.

  For a moment we were all quiet. Then, "Randy? Tick?" Firs'ma, her voice weak and tired, called from the kitchen.

  The twins dissolved into silent giggles. I glared at them and called out, "It's okay, ma. Tick was sleepwalking again. I'll get him back to bed."

  Tick gave a glare to equal my own. "I was n-"

  "Shh! Look, if you can keep quiet and keep up, you can come. The first time you whine, or cry, or say you're tired, you can just go home by yourself. Clear?"

  Looking like I just gave him the keys to the Cathedral, Tick nodded, eyes bright. Between all of us we got him into his outdoor clothes and fitted his respirator on him, and then I hit the door one final time and we headed out into the night.

  It never really got dark on the lakefront. White Lake cast a glow where the fuel offgassed from the reservoir, even outshining the string of pearls, the strand of moons that hung overhead. In school we learned that other parts of Glory got dark enough to see the night sky, but not at White Lake. I always thought that would be something to see, a night so dark you could see the stars.

  We pushed through the crowd thronging the wharfs. It was like old times, dodging the spacers, dockworkers, and shipfitters coming off their shifts and streaming in and out of bars. In pockets of pearlescent light we could see the pretty ladies and the pretty boys, looking like they were half the show. I liked watching them from a distance-up close their eyes behind their masks were harsh and their voices lost the tinkling happiness they put on. But I wasn't looking at pretty ladies tonight. Tonight there was only Jenn. Beneath our laughter and running I kept sneaking looks at her. She had lost whatever momentary shyness had separated her from me earlier. Now she ran with the rest of us, sometimes backwards to shout something, sometimes jumping high to touch the street lamps and make them swing. It had been a favorite game and I was glad she remembered it. We all laughed when Tick jumped feebly off the ground, and Jenn swung him up and he reached out and touched the lamp.

  To our amazement, the lamp tottered unsteadily and then keeled over, raising an explosion of sparks and a wicked smell of fuel, and causing shouts from other passersby. We all stared, Tick more astonished than the rest of us, and Jenn slapped him on the shoulder and said with admiration, "Go, Tick!"

  That made us all laugh harder than ever and before the wharf guards could make their way to us, wading purposefully through the crowd, we ran off, holding Tick by his gloved hands until his toes barely touched the ground and he only had to make a skipping stride every now and again.

  We ended up at our favorite hiding place, a corner alley created where two bars and a machine shop formed an awkward divot in the street. You had to squirm to get through the narrow entrance behind trash bins-only kids could do it. Maybe Jenn had forgotten the knack because she knocked over a bin with a rattling crash. For a moment we all froze, and then, because we were tired of laughing, we settled for muffled giggles. We dragged the bin in front of the opening and set ourselves against the wall.

  For a while we just panted and giggled, remembering the wild run through the night. Tick breathed hard through his respirator but the look on his face was just this side of panic, like he couldn't get enough air. I felt a pang of conscience. Don't let him run so hard, I told myself. I patted my leg, an invitation for Tick to sit on my lap, but that same stubbornness took over his face, and he went over to Jenn and set his little body down in her lap. She wrapped her arms around him.

  "This is fun," she said wistfully. "I missed you guys."

  "Do they know you're out here?" Dallas asked, wide eyed. Jenn shook her head.

  "I'm on shore leave," she said proudly, but the effect was ruined when she added, "but my captain ordered me to visit my parents. I did, but then they made me go to bed." Her voice was full of disgust. "So I figured I'd find you guys."

  We all laughed, but I was struck by the easy way she said my captain . Like she belonged or something. Do you like it? I wanted to ask, but I was afraid of what she'd say. If she liked it she might as well be gone for good.

  "What's it like?" Austin asked. She leaned her chin on her knees, waiting to hear. I snorted quietly in my respirator.

  "It's fun. I like it. I mean, it was hard to get used to at first. I really missed-well, everyone. My parents." We all nodded at this momentous admission. "And I kept making mistakes at first. Everyone either ordered me around or told me I was in the wrong place. I got yelled at a lot."

  "Like Randy," Tick piped up.

  "Shut up, tick turd," I said.

  " Anyway ," Jenn said reprovingly. "But I got better at stuff. My favorite part is serving on the bridge. I can't touch anything, but I can watch. I love when we hit the jump gate." I couldn't see her mouth under her mask but I could hear the smile in her voice.

  "You've jumped? Where've you been, anyway?" Austin persisted

  This time I snorted for real. "Apprentices don't get to go offworld, Austin," I said. "All they get to see are the same four walls, for light years and light years. We see more just by sticking around White Lake. "

  "That's not true!" Jenn said. She was shocked. "I've been lots of places."

  "Oh yeah? Where?"

  "Lots of places. I've been to spaceports in five systems and I was on Earth Outpost."

  I kept pushing it, I didn't know why. "Spaceports. Big deal. We live on one, rememb
er"

  Everyone was looking at us, confused. Jenn's eyes became bright with tears.

  "You're jealous," she said.

  "Of what?" I snapped. "Living in some tin can?"

  She stood up, letting Tick slide reluctantly off her lap. She slapped ineffectually at her uniform, but it had lost its white luster. Tick's blood mark rode her shoulder like a rust spot. "I don't have to listen to this," she said, and kicked the bin aside before squirming out of the alley. Dallas and Austin stared at me, and then her, and then followed her out. It was just me and Tick in the dim hideaway.

  I couldn't meet Tick's eyes. "Come on," I said gruffly. "Let's go home."

  He got to his feet a little slowly, and I knew he was worn out from our escapade. The energy I had earlier had faded and I felt tired myself, along with a bunch of other emotions all caught up in my stomach. Tired, angry, ashamed. Sad. I followed him through the opening half heartedly, pulling myself through the tight spot. To my surprise I saw the other three waiting for us.

  We all stood around for a moment, looking at the rough pavement. After a moment Jenn broke the silence.

  "Well? What should we do next?"

  When we headed out to the main wharf again, the party was in full swing. Mindful of the guards we slid through the crowd, avoiding some of the more conscientious grownups who shouted that we needed to be in bed and what did we think we were doing, running around the wild part of town? Like we didn't already live there or something.

  Jenn and I hung back, Tick lagging between us, still brighteyed, but flagging fast. Jenn glanced down at him and then at me.

  "What happened? I thought he was going to get his new set right about the time I left."

  I kicked the ground, bitterness rising in my throat. "You remember what happened to firs'pop, right?"

  She nodded. Firs' pop was guiding a fueling tube into the lake when the tube hit an air pocket and bucked. Jenn had been there when first pop's name was chiseled on the memorial stone at the Cathedral.

  "Well, after that there was only money for second mama to get new lungs. Tick-we thought he could wait, since he was so little. Now, though, it looks like he's going to need them sooner than we thought."

  "He shouldn't even be outside," Jenn said, alarm rising in her voice. I shrugged.

  "Nah. The clinic gave us some drugs to keep him going. He'll be fine." I snuck a glance at her. "I couldn't keep him from seeing you. Couldn't keep myself away."

  I waited with my heart beating so hard my head swam. Jenn just kept walking, as if she hadn't heard. Then she turned sideways toward me. I could see her eyes crinkling over the mask.

  "Me too," she said, and she reached out and squeezed my hand. "What about you?" she said. "I thought you were going to get that seaship spot."

  Even holding hands couldn't take the sting away. "Yeah, well," I said. "They need me on the lake." I didn't tell her I hadn't signed on yet, or that second pop hated looking at me anymore. Or that all we did was fight when we did talk. Or that I missed firs'pop so fierce that I halfway made a promise to myself that I would give up the seaship apprenticeship if only he could come back.

  "Look!" Tick shouted. "Randy and Jenn are holding hands.

  We sprang apart, and I made a lunge for him. "You little-" Dallas and Austin began to sing, "Jenn 'n Randy sittin' in a-"

  "Hey, you kids!"

  Startled we all turned around. Three wharf guards were coming toward us, their masks sleek and new, their eyes narrowed. Jenn muttered something her firs'ma would disapprove of.

  "Can we help you, officers?" beamed Austin. Dallas came up next to her. The twins had the natural ability to project sweetness with their eyes and voices alone. I always looked guilty, even when I wasn't.

  "What are you kids doing up this late? Where do you live?"

  With blithe innocence, Austin said, "We're sorry, officer. We had to bring dinner to our firs'mas on the night shift. We're heading straight home."

  He bought it. His eyes relented.

  "See that you do. The docks are no place for kids."

  Solemnly we nodded and chorused our promises. Then, with them watching us, we heading quickly in the most plausible direction. We turned a comer and risked a look back-they were still watching, but they had half turned back to the wharf. One was talking on a radio. I got a bad feeling about that.

  "Austin, how do you do that?"Jenn said admiringly. "Come in handy on board." She imitated Austin with a mincing falsetto. "Sorry, officer, I'm just a poor innocent little waif."

  We started laughing, but it was too soon-I could see the officer sign off the radio and look over at us again, and then moving purposefully toward us. Someone must have mentioned the street lamp.

  "Uh oh, time to go," I said. Not even Austin would be able to get us out of this one. Grabbing hold of Tick again, we took off through the crowds.

  "Where to?" Jenn shouted, her breath coming hoarse through her mask. I looked around for inspiration.

  "The Cathedral!" I said.

  It was a long steady uphill slog. Before long we were all breathing like Tick. The Cathedral rose above the White Lake spaceport, a mass of solid rock, its feet dipping into White Lake and forming one end of the vast bowl that contained the fuel reservoir. It shone in the reflected light of the lake and the string of pearls, shimmering with white and pastels, like an aurora made of stone. In school they taught us that people used to build cathedrals, but those cathedrals were just buildings. No one built this Cathedral except for the planetary forces that shaped the lake itself. It undulated with elaborate carvings, curtains and gargoyles and dainty columns of stone that were as delicate as lace.

  It rose so high above the lake you didn't need a respirator at the top.

  We walked in grim silence. I knew it wasn't as far as it seemed that night. We'd all been before, for field trips and with our families. But we had been running around all night, and now we were carrying Tick, taking turns to carry him on our backs. I didn't even look up to watch the Cathedral draw near, just kept walking, eyes on my boots as I put them one in front of the other. Every now and then I slipped on the wet path, slick with some fluid that I was too tired to guess about.

  When it was my turn to hold Tick I could hear his hoarse breathing against my back. It was getting harder and harder to suck air through my mask-I could imagine how he felt. The drugs had only a limited effect. I remembered taking them myself, being tired all the time and wanting desperately to take a full breath but unable to.

  It will be better when we get to the Cathedral, I thought, and shifted Tick up a little higher. He snuggled into my back.

  When we reached the gap in the cliff where a narrow passage had been cut, Tick and I almost didn't fit. My elbows and Tick's feet scraped against the rough rock, and my feet slipped on the shallow steps, worn smooth by the passage of so many feet and now running with tiny rivulets of liquid. I went down hard on one knee and Tick gasped and grabbed at my neck, choking me.

  "Stop it, Tick!" I said, strangled. "Not so tight."

  "Randy, I want to go home," Tick whimpered.

  "Stop it. We're almost there."

  "Please, Randy. I'm sorry I asked to come."

  Shut up! I wanted to scream at him, but I had practically no breath left myself. I just grunted, and shifted him again.

  We squeezed through the last turn, and at last we were only ten steps away from the top. Dallas, Austin, and Jenn were already at the railing, their masks off and their faces aglow in the light from the lake. As soon as I reached them I sat at their feet, tumbling Tick to the ground and ripping off his mask and then my own. This high up it was like breathing filtered air, the fumes that offgassed from the lake staying low over the surface of the reservoir. I sucked in air, patting Tick on the back while he coughed and gurgled. Gradually his breathing slowed and color came back into his face.

  We didn't say much, just looked out over White Lake. Far off in the distance, the fueling ships sunk their long tubes into the lake, like gia
nt insects hovering around water. Skimmerboats zoomed around them, and we could see the lakefront teeming with activity. Up at the Cathedral it was quiet and peaceful. Even the constant glow was muted and a few stars shone overhead. The air was sweet and a light breeze ruffled our hair. I snuck a look at Jenn's profile, absorbed in the view. She had grown while she was away. Her face had angular planes now where before her cheeks had been round and comfortable. I could see what she would look like all grown up, and I didn't like the way it made me feel. Like I was being left behind.

  "Randy, which one's pop's name?" Tick's voice was back to normal. I tore my gaze from Jenn's face. Hundreds of names were inscribed on the Cathedral wall, perpetually lit up by the glow from the lake that killed them. We could read them from here.

  "Fourth from the bottom, Tick, middle column." Four more had died since firs'pop.

  I couldn't stall much longer. In a few months I would have to take my place on the lake, earning a living like my parents. The extra cash would come in handy-Tick would get a new pair of lungs that much sooner. Never mind that it would never be enough. There would always be new lungs to buy for someone. Heck, once I started working on the lake, my respirator would never completely protect me from the fumes. We worked first for lungs down there. I turned away from White Lake toward the Cathedral. The Cathedral was part of the massive escarpment that blocked White Lake and the spaceport from the Glory Sea. It was hard to believe that on the other side of the Cathedral was a whole other world that I had never seen and never would see. It could be on the other side of a jump gate for all the chance I had to go there, anymore. If firs'pop hadn't-I cut off that thought. Sometimes I just got tired of thinking about it.

  "What the-" Dallas jumped up, swiping at his jeans. "I'm wet!"

  "Wet!" Jenn scrambled to her feet, checking her uniform. It clung damply to her backside, and I swallowed hard. Then the wet registered and I got up too, looking around. A slow dark patch spread out from the Cathedral Wall, creeping toward the in trail we had just come up. Another rivulet meandered toward the railing and the drop to White Lake. Tick whimpered and I knew what he was thinking. Leaking fuel. But in the next instance my common sense caught up with me. If it had been fuel, we would all be choking from the fumes by now. With the others watching me I knelt and took off my glove and touched a finger to the wet. I brought it to my tongue.