Z14 (Zombie Rules)

by Achord, David

  “All true.” Rowdy said. “There have been losses, but don’t sell yourself short Zach, you won.” He pondered a minute before speaking again.

  “Those six months when I was locked in my bus with absolutely nobody to talk to. I think I went crazy. I started seeing people that weren’t there and even started having conversations with them. If I hadn’t of stumbled upon you guys when I did…” He wiped his brow. “I don’t know man. I think I was pretty close to eating my gun.”

  I looked at him, but he pointed down at the Interstate before I could respond. “I’m seeing some zombies or something.”

  “Yeah, a lot of them turned while in their vehicles. Their higher level functions went on the fritz, so now they don’t know how to open the door and get out. A lot of them are still in their seatbelts. I covered it in rule number seven, by the way.” I said. Rowdy chuckled.

  “Let’s go see if there are any generators left. The shelves were pretty empty, but there were a few items still there. We’ll grab what we can, and then we’re going back to the compound. There may not be anything left, but I bet the tanker is still there.”

  “You need to paint your rules around here too.” Rowdy said. “I tell you what, I’ll paint them for you on the front of Home Depot.”

  We struck out with finding a generator. Even though we found some small items we could use, but we didn’t make any major discoveries.

  “We’ll find one, just gotta look harder, or we can move the old generator over there to the new home.” Rowdy said.

  “It’s an option, but I kind of wanted a generator at both houses.” I sighed. “Oh well, you can’t have everything.”

  I experienced no small amount of anxiety when I stopped in front of the barn where we had left the Captain. His body wasn’t there. George must have moved it. All that remained were some dark stains on the dirt floor.

  We drove up to the remnants of the Captain’s infamous compound. The trailer was still standing, but the siding was charred and melted. There were fresh graves in the far back corner of the yard. George must have buried them, but he did not mark them. Looking at the farmhouse in full daylight gave it a different perspective. The yard was large, muddy, and without a hint of grass left. The fields behind the house had cattle peacefully grazing. There were garden plots fenced off. The barn had a fresh coat of whitewash. The tanker was parked beside it. I pointed it out to Rowdy and we looked in it. It was about one-quarter full, maybe a hundred gallons.

  “I guess it’s a bit ironic, but the tankers are what brought us together.” I said and told Rowdy about Operation Gas. His eyes lit up.

  “I heard you guys that night! I thought it was thunder at first. I was going to try to run out and find you guys, but I was too damned scared y’all were unfriendly or would mistake me for a zombie and shoot my ass.”

  “They used the bus.” I said, pointing at the burned out hull of the bus. “They were shooting at everything they saw, so yeah, it was probably best you stayed put.” I peered closely at the two M60 machine guns.

  “Let’s take those bad boys home with us. Howard may be able to restore them.” I said. Rowdy agreed. We got soot all over us, but we got them dismounted and strapped down in the back of the truck. Hooking up the trailer was a little more challenging. The wheels had sunk down in the soft ground and we ultimately had to dig them out. By the time we got back on the road, the sun was setting.

  “I surely don’t want to be out here after dark.” Rowdy said.

  “We’re okay. The hardware cloth is effective in keeping those things out, and I have some night vision equipment I can use to drive with.” I slapped the steering wheel.

  “What’s wrong?” Rowdy asked as I reached over and turned the radio on, and then figured it out. “Oh, we forgot to call the girls.” He said. I nodded in agreement as I tried to reach them. There was no answer.

  “We may be out of range. It’ll be the excuse we’ll use anyway, right?” I looked at Rowdy pointedly. He chuckled.

  “I’m game. I don’t want to catch hell from them either.” We sealed our conspiratorial lie with a fist bump.

  Chapter 41 – Fred

  Sarah was still feeling the pangs of fatigue. Flying a plane like the C130 was no easy task, especially when one had to do it without a co-pilot or flight engineer. Nevertheless, she flew expertly and had Tinker in sight within a minute of her flight plan. She switched the radio frequency to Tinker approach and tried calling them. She repeated it several times, but there was no response. She switched back over to the intercom where all of them could hear.

  “There may a problem. Nobody is responding on Tinker approach frequency. I’m switching to Tinker guard.” She saw Fred looking perplexed. “It’s the emergency frequency. Do me a favor and make a continuous visual scan for any other aircraft flying nearby.” Fred nodded as she switched frequencies and adjusted the flaps. She switched back a minute later.

  “It’s no good. Nobody is answering. Alright people, I don’t like it, but we’re going to land. Let’s hope there isn’t something going on that’ll get us killed.”

  Fred felt the landing gear being lowered and he watched as Sarah increased the flaps. Watching the large aircraft descend from the vantage point of the cockpit was somewhat unnerving to Fred, but he kept a poker face. Besides, he was having an increasing level of respect for Sarah’s skills as a pilot, as evidenced by her perfect three-point landing. She reversed thrust on the engines and the plane slowed dramatically. When they had slowed sufficiently, Sarah killed the reverse thrust of the engines and taxied to a stop on the runway.

  “It’s too risky taxiing this bird around on the tarmac without a ground guide. We’ll park it here and worry about it later.” She said in explanation. After shutting the engines down, they exited out of the rear ramp door. There was nobody waiting to greet them.

  “There’s something wrong.” Sarah said under her breath. Sergeant Fandis jogged out with the wheel chocks and put them in place while Airman Smith stood guard with her M4 at the ready. The air base was eerily quiet.

  “Let’s unload the Humvee and drive over to the General’s office. The four of them quickly unlashed the military vehicle from its lashings. Fred climbed in back and scanned the area. There was no movement, no sound, other than some birds chirping. Sergeant Fandis drove quickly to the squat office building which housed the command staff of Tinker. The door to his office was open. The room was dark, with the exception of the daylight shining through the dirty windows. There was someone sitting in the General’s chair. It wasn’t General Shoemaker though. It was the Master Sergeant, the General’s aide. He swiveled in the chair as we walked in. He gave a halfhearted salute to Sarah. His crisp uniform was soiled and he had not shaved.

  “Sergeant, report!” She said crisply. The Master Sergeant stood slowly and assumed a loose parade rest position.

  “Well, Major, there has been a few changes since you left.”

  “Where is General Shoemaker?” She asked.

  He turned and pointed. “He’s right out there ma’am. Do you see him?” They looked where he was pointing. Sarah was the first one to see the simple cross stuck into the ground of freshly turned dirt, and gasped.

  “I buried him beside the flagpole. I think he would have liked my choice. What do you think Major? Should I have buried him in a cemetery instead? Or should I have burned him?”

  “What happened?” Sabrina asked. The Master Sergeant looked at her as if it were the first time he had ever laid eyes on her.

  “He shot himself in the head. Right here in this very chair. It happened about an hour after you left.” He said quietly and sat back down. “There’s nothing to worry about Major. I cleaned everything up and filed a report indicating his weapon accidentally discharged as he was storing it.”

  “Where is everyone else?” Sergeant Fandis asked.

  “I tried to talk to them, but they had their own ideas. As far as I know, everyone has left. Curious though, where does one go when they l
eave? There is nowhere to go to, not anymore.” The Master Sergeant swiveled in the chair and resumed staring out the window, much like General Shoemaker had done the day before.

  With the aid of a Coleman lantern, Fred took a cold shower in the windowless gym locker room. Sergeant Fandis said they occasionally had hot water, but not today. Cold water notwithstanding, Fred enjoyed washing the accumulation of a few days of grime off of him. Per the sergeant’s advice, he also took advantage of the laundry room while they still had running water. He was sitting in a plastic chair in front of the dryer wrapped in a towel watching the dryer turn round and round, when Sarah walked in. She had battle dress utility pants on and a black tee shirt with a military logo on it.

  “Well, well, cowboy, looks like you’ve run out of clean things to wear.” She teased. Fred suddenly felt self-conscious. He remembered his first meeting with Sarah and her six-pack abs. He self-consciously sucked in his gut.

  “I figured I’d get everything washed before heading out.” He said.

  “When are you leaving?” She asked.

  “First thing in the morning.”

  “You could stay here.” She said after a moment.

  “You could go with me.” Fred responded.

  She jutted her jaw out. “My place is here. There are millions of dollars in assets here. I cannot simply abandon them.”

  Fred nodded. “Your sense of duty is admirable, but there’s nothing left here for you, Sarah. The two love birds have been talking about leaving. The only one left is that Master Sergeant, and who knows how long it’ll be before he completely goes off the deep end.”

  “I can’t simply abandon my career, Fred.” She said plaintively. Fred understood her position. He found himself attracted to Sarah and he was torn. They sat together in silence. Fred looked at Sarah. He leaned over to kiss her, but was startled by the dryer’s buzzer going off.

  “Your clothes are dry cowboy. You better get them out before they wrinkle.” They stared at each other a moment longer, then Sarah abruptly stood and walked out. She walked back in right about the time Fred had dropped the towel and was starting to put on a clean pair of underwear.

  “Listen up cowboy. Do you know how risky it is to land a large airplane on an unmanned and unsecured airstrip? I stuck my neck out for you and I have no idea why. I guess you struck a soft spot with me when you told me what your mission was. But now I need help, and I’m asking you to help me.”

  “I have a question for you.” Fred said quietly. Sarah stared into his eyes. “Is Major Fowkes asking me, or is Sarah asking?”

  Sarah took a step closer. “Would it be okay if I said both?”

  Fred nodded. “Fair enough, I’ll give you a week, and then we’ll have this discussion again.”

  Sarah nodded gratefully. “Thank you.” She turned to go, but stopped. “Did your cowboy friends give you a nickname like Bull, or Horse, or Big Tex, anything like that?”

  Fred frowned. “No, just Fred. Why?”

  Sarah glanced at Fred’s crotch. “Surprising.” She said and walked out of the laundry room.

  Fred felt his cheeks redden as he hurriedly pulled on his underwear and finished dressing.

  Little did he know his promise of one week would turn into seven months.

  Chapter 42 – Bernie

  I could see the light of candles through the windows as we drove up. I made a mental note to get the girls to sew some blackout curtains as soon as was feasible. Julie opened the door as we parked and trotted up. She seemed upset and hugged me immediately.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “It’s Bernie. Andie and I went to check on him. He was dead in his bed. He’d been there a while, Zach. We should have checked on him more often.” She said with her voice cracking. She hugged me again and held me.

  “It’s okay love. It’s okay.” I said, trying to comfort her. She was right though, we should have checked on him more often. It was another item to add to my list of regrets.

  We ate a late dinner while Julie and I described Bernie. Rowdy howled with laughter when we told the story of Fred’s encounter with him and the fixation with women’s panties.

  “Did you tell Howard and Lashonda?” I asked. Julie nodded.

  “We went and got Howard. He buried Bernie behind his house.” She saw me frown, and clarified. “Behind Bernie’s house, not Howard’s house.” She sighed and wiped her eyes. “He was quirky as all get out, but he was a good person. Kind of like a crazy family uncle who spent some time at the nervous hospital.”

  Our new bedroom was the master bedroom located in the back corner. The bed was a king size, with an elegant walnut frame in a canopy style. We’d be able to hang mosquito netting off of the frame, which would be nice. The sheets were clean, although the house still had a little bit of a musty odor. I gave Julie a back massage while we talked. She occasionally gave a moan of pleasure, which encouraged me to keep massaging.

  “That feels wonderful. I had no business digging a grave while pregnant.” She said.

  “You did what you thought was right.” I replied. “But you’re going to have to limit yourself to light physical activity. We want a healthy baby boy.”

  “Listen to you. Maybe it’ll be a baby girl.” Julie retorted.

  “Either way, I want our baby healthy.” Julie agreed with a pleasing moan.

  “Did Rowdy say anything about Andie?” She whispered.

  “Yeah, at the moment he sees her more as a skinny little girl than a romantic partner. I think his brain is still messed up a little bit from practically being in solitary confinement. It’ll take time. What did she say?”

  “She’s a little confused. She said when they go to bed at night, Rowdy holds her close, but doesn’t do anything else. He’s very kind to her, so she said it’ll have to do for now.” Julie rolled over and pulled my head close to her in the dark. “That was a wonderful massage.” She said, and kissed me. “You’re very kind to me too.” After a moment, she spoke again in the darkness.

  “I’m going to miss that crazy old man.” She said.

  Howard made clucking and grunting sounds as he inspected the machine guns. After poking and prodding them for five full minutes, he finally spoke.

  “I can fix them. The plastic butt pieces and heat shields will have to be replaced, but I think I can fabricate something. All of my tools are at the tire shop. Do we have time to go there today?”

  “Yeah, I want to find a generator, so we’ll kill two birds with one stone.”

  I found one sitting behind a biker bar located on Antioch Pike. But it was not a freebie.

  “Be careful, Rowdy.” I chided under my breath as we worked our way to the rear parking lot. He had gotten anxious and moved ahead of Howard and me. As we rounded the corner of the building, we spotted six of them standing around a bar-b-cue smoker. I’ve no doubt the remnant aroma of burning meat attracted them, but now they stared at it dumbly, as if the lid was going to magically open and a fresh pig or something would jump out.

  They were all still wearing their cuts, which identified them belonging to a local outlaw biker club. When we exited the truck, they headed right for us. Rowdy shot one immediately, but his gun apparently jammed. He tried to run backwards, but he stumbled and fell. The five of them were within a couple of feet of him immediately. Howard and I shot as quickly as we could while Rowdy slithered backwards. Two of them fell on top of him and he let out a shriek.

  “Get them off of me!” He shouted, while Howard and I watched him wiggling around like his pants were on fire. He managed to free himself of the bodies and got to his feet. He was breathing heavily.

  “Holy shit, that was close!” He exclaimed. Howard chuckled, I shook my head.

  “Rowdy, you’ve got to learn to move as a team. You got out ahead of us and you were in our line of fire. We could have accidentally shot you, and it’s not like we can carry you down to the local emergency room and get you patched up.” He hung his head, duly chastened.

>   “Since you’re already grimy with zombie goo, check them out and see if they have anything we can use.” I instructed. Rowdy looked at me as if I had just asked him to eat a fresh pile of shit. Howard and I worked our way to the back, and found it.

  “How’d you know it was back here?” Howard asked.

  “A couple of years ago, there was a wreck down the road. I had driven by and all of the power was out except for the lights in a tent behind this bar. When I started thinking about where to find a generator, the memory popped up in my head.” I looked down at the generator. It was a Honda portable, capable of 6500 watts, and ran on gasoline.

  Howard tried to lift it. “It’s about three hundred pounds I’d guess. Good thing we’re all here, it’d be hard getting it into the back of your truck by yourself.” I agreed. After getting it on the truck, I found some hand sanitizer for Rowdy.

  “Did you find anything?” I asked.

  “One of them had a Bowie knife.” He replied and showed it to us. It was a simple looking knife with a wooden handle and brass haft, but the blade was at least ten inches long and lethal looking.

  “I’ve got some sharpening stones at the house.” Howard said. “I can put an edge on it so sharp you can shave with it.” Rowdy grinned with delight.

  Before leaving, we checked the bar. There were no zombies, but there was nothing else either. Even the beer kegs were empty. We left them there, but I made a mental note of their location. They may come in handy for something later on.

  “We better get moving.” I said. “Those gunshots might have attracted some more friends for Rowdy to play with.” Howard chuckled, but Rowdy was not amused.

  Chapter 43 – A Sad Goodbye

  There was the sound of a vehicle approaching as I sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee and watching my beautiful love cooking breakfast.

  “It looks like Howard.” I said, looking out the window. I fixed a mug of coffee and had it waiting for him when he came in. Lil’ H was with him.