The Villa of Dreams

by Lucy Coleman

  ‘There’s a guy I’ve met, but it makes no sense to get involved. I just need to hear someone say that to me.’

  I hear a low ‘hmm’ travelling down the line. ‘That’s rather vague, Seren. A little more information would be helpful if you really want my opinion. Every situation is different, isn’t it?’

  ‘Just ignore me. He’s a client and it would be career suicide.’ This time a heavy sigh slips out, which I instantly regret.

  ‘But you’re tempted?’

  Does one afternoon of passion even count, when you part on the, albeit unspoken, understanding that it can never happen again?

  ‘No. Not any more. When something is impossible from the start, it’s unlikely to get any easier, is it?’

  ‘Aww… you’re sad. We were both insistent when we hit thirty last year that age was just a number. But psychologically it has an effect – I mean, we drew up our action plans and focused on the next stage of careers, didn’t we? The point is that there are physiological changes, too, and the whole body clock ticking thing is triggered because it’s a part of our programming, whether we want to acknowledge that, or not. We can’t ignore the fact that if the plan involves settling down and having kids at some point, then the next decade is important.’

  I scoff, trying hard to suppress a full-blown laugh. ‘So, we’re likely to grab the first passing man who glances our way? I’m sure it’s a well-known fact that women tend to feel happier and more content in their forties. I read an article about it recently.’

  ‘Maybe, maybe not. Anyway, I’m talking about women in general, to explain why you might be feeling a little desperate. It’s a caution, that’s all. You did ask for my advice.’

  ‘I’m not desperate,’ I throw back at her, trying not to sound offended.

  ‘Sorry, poor choice of wording. I meant, more likely to jump into a situation without giving it your customary, detailed consideration. It applies to me, too.’

  ‘Okay. There are going to be times when we’re lonely and I guess that makes us vulnerable.’

  ‘Don’t let your guard down, Seren. You’ve told me that you really like this new version of you, that you’re feeling more upbeat, more settled. If this is your future, I mean your forever future, then don’t let a silly mistake risk messing it up for you as it nearly did for me until you talked me out of it.’

  ‘Point taken. Thanks, Judi. And I am sorry about Alex. At least he was honest about his situation.’

  ‘That actually made it worse. If he’d lied to me then I would have had a reason to be angry and hate him. Instead, I just felt sorry for him. He was as thrown as I was and we both agreed to put it behind us. We don’t avoid each other, but we don’t really talk about anything aside from work. It’s for the best.’

  I ask her about her family and shamelessly tune out as she recounts the latest drama. All I can think about is the fact that Reid was anxiously awaiting those fabric samples and I was hoping to take a run out to show them to him in person. At first, I assumed he was avoiding me, but to not even take part in today’s meeting is unprofessional. I rang Leonor yesterday to casually remind her and she said the meeting was in his diary but didn’t seem to know where he was, or when he would return. I can only assume it’s a family matter that has dragged him away, so I try to remind myself that his personal life has nothing to do with me.

  I shake off my thoughts when Judi mentions my name.

  ‘Seren, why don’t you give your mum a call? That day I bumped into her she was sad and desperate for news about you. There are things the two of you left unsaid, things that you’re unlikely to put in an email. She knows you better than anyone and I always envied you that connection. The row between you and your father is just that, and it wasn’t her fault. Imagine how hard it’s been for her watching the two of you constantly sparring and it must have appeared that you were both pushing her away. She’s always been a good listener. At least reach out to her in case you need a little extra support and you can’t get hold of me.’

  Judi means well and I say goodnight, placing the phone down on the sofa next to me with a heaviness in my heart. Mum said she understood why I had to get away, but the truth is that I felt as if I was abandoning her. At first, I avoided talking directly to her out of guilt, but now I know that Mum will instantly pick up on the fact that something isn’t quite right with me.

  I have to keep reminding myself that I have a plan and I need to stick to it. And hopefully it will be easy to fool myself that I’m being strong when all I’m really doing is taking one step after another to keep moving forward. But, deep down inside, my heart is breaking because Reid is constantly in my thoughts. And all of a sudden he’s avoiding me, which risks people working out for themselves that something has happened between us. And neither of us want that.

  Maybe Judi was right and I do need to hear a caring voice. Picking up the phone, seconds later Mum’s cheery tones are on the other end of the line.

  ‘Oh, Seren, how are you, my darling?’

  ‘I’m good. Lisbon is wonderful, but it’s been hectic. How is life treating you?’

  ‘Well, a little better since I received your recent email. Honestly, children forget that parents worry, even when you’re all grown up. A one-liner, I’m here and I’m fine isn’t enough. And the next couple weren’t much better. I’m sure the food is wonderful, but I want to know how you are doing. Are you making friends? Is there anything you need?’

  Mum, too, has had a rough ride with my father. He takes everything that she does for granted and yet he wouldn’t be where he is today without her constant support. In my book, she deserves a medal for putting up with him.

  ‘I didn’t mean to be so distant, but it’s been a challenge.’ And with that admission, a single tear begins to track its way down my cheek.

  A sniff coming from the other end of the line tells me that Mum is tearing up, too. ‘I was so scared you were turning your back on me for good. I keep going over what happened and berating myself for not doing something, anything, to stop it before it went too far. You were both so angry all the time and whenever I—’

  ‘—Tried to intervene, one of us walked away. You did your best and I know that. I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear before I left. There was so much to do and it was overwhelming at times. My armour went on and I couldn’t allow myself to dwell, because if I hesitated for one second, I wouldn’t have gone through with moving. And then I was here, all alone, and I didn’t know a single soul.’

  Now the tears are coming thick and fast, and we’re both snivelling.

  ‘It’s like a part of me is missing, not seeing you and with those silly emails that talked mainly about the weather,’ Mum says, her voice breaking a little as she tries to laugh. ‘It’s hard to read between the lines when there aren’t many of them.’

  ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Mum. But when you are starting from scratch, there isn’t a lot to say, just a lot to prove. Fortunately, two of my work colleagues have become firm friends and my neighbour, Maria, treats me like one of her family. It’s only now I can finally pause to catch my breath and let you know how much I miss you.’

  ‘I understand that you need your space, Seren. My fear was that you’d feel isolated and there are times in life when we all need to hear a familiar voice. I don’t want you burying your feelings like your father does. Eventually, that becomes the norm and look at the mess that landed us all in. I can’t forgive him for tearing our family apart.’

  I’m shocked at her anger, and I can tell she’s seriously evaluating their life together. Now I understand why Judi told me to call. She had clearly seen for herself that Mum is struggling, and I haven’t been there for her.

  ‘I had my part to play in the argument, Mum. If only I’d left sooner, just got a job somewhere else, but I couldn’t let it go. The way I disappointed him at every turn seemed to spur me on. It was destroying me and yet I couldn’t stop.’

  My heart constricts as I hear a tro
ubled sigh echoing down the line.

  ‘With hindsight, I can see now that he thinks that bullying is a way of motivating people to do better, but it’s sickening, Seren, and I’ve had enough of it. I didn’t intend breaking the news to you over the phone, but I moved out seven weeks ago and I’m renting a little flat of my own. Your father’s not happy obviously, but I am. Where I go from here, I’m not sure yet. I’ve been helping Fiona three days a week. It’s a real tonic as I meet lots of smiling, happy people.’

  Mum’s best friend, Fiona, runs a fabulous bridal boutique. I’m in total shock. I can’t imagine my father being happy about Mum working in a shop and as for walking out on him, well, that’s unimaginable. But before I can begin processing my thoughts, Mum continues.

  ‘You rang tonight for a reason. You’re not quite yourself, I can sense it.’

  The pause is loaded.

  ‘I… um… made a mistake and I’m struggling to put it right. It’s my own fault, wanting the impossible. I’ll get over it. We are both proof that life goes on, Mum, aren’t we? Changes happen for all sorts of reasons, but we’re survivors, you and me?’ It’s a question and not a statement.

  ‘Yes, my darling. I’m only sorry I couldn’t see why everything was going so badly wrong until I escaped. As soon as it was just the two of us, it was obvious that there was no love left between your father and me. We had nothing to say to each other any more.’

  How sad that it also took this hurt I’m experiencing over a man I hardly know to make me finally reach out to Mum. To discover that I’m not the only person my father succeeded in alienating is shocking.

  ‘Sorry that I’ve been so wrapped up in my own woes, that I left you all alone with him without even considering the impact it would have. That was selfish of me.’

  ‘No, Seren, it was the right thing to do. We will get through this somehow, my wonderful, darling daughter, and end up happier for it. And thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for reaching out. Just know that you’ve been in my thoughts every waking hour of every day. And often in my dreams, too. Right, I’m off to bed as I’m up at six tomorrow. Us working ladies need our beauty sleep. Love you, darling. And if you need me, I’m only ever a phone call away, the miles don’t matter.’

  ‘Night, Mum, love you.’

  8

  What Have I Done?

  This morning, my office door remains shut. I’m hiding myself away and making it clear that I don’t want to be interrupted. I pretend to be oblivious to the fact that both Carolina and Antero walk past at regular intervals in the hope that I’ll look up and spot them through the half-glass walls. Whenever I catch a shadow out of the corner of my eye, my head bows down even lower, as if I’m scrutinising the report in front of me.

  I’ve messed everything up and I don’t know what to do to sort it out if Reid won’t talk to me. It’s two days until the party and if he’s too embarrassed to contact me to cancel, then the only solution is for me to phone Leonor and come up with a reason why I can’t attend. That way we both save face. Having now made the decision, I can at least get down to some real work. I hope that by the end of the day a plausible excuse will pop into my head and I can make the call.

  Ready now to join the team, I straighten my back, take six slow, deep breaths to calm myself and head out to catch up with Carolina.

  ‘Sorry about texting so early, but there were a few things I needed to sort out and it was easier to work through them without any distractions. I wouldn’t rob anyone of an extra hour in bed just because the birds woke me up early with their constant squabbling,’ I muse, as her eyes search my face.

  ‘Poor you. I had your calls diverted to my phone as I could see you were busy. There isn’t a problem, is there?’

  ‘No. Just catching up with the latest report from Bernadette. Are there any messages?’

  ‘Only one. Senhor Ferreira said to let you know that he has confirmed his attendance at Reid’s party on Saturday evening.’

  I stare at her, unblinking. Well, I didn’t see that coming. ‘Thanks, um… did he say anything else?’

  She narrows her eyes as she looks back at me. ‘No. I assumed you’d know what he was talking about.’

  ‘It was just a message and he isn’t expecting me to ring him back?’

  ‘I’m sure he would have said if he needed to speak to you,’ she confirms. ‘There’s some good news, too. Antero and I didn’t like to disturb you, but we’ve been dying to give you an update on the ticket sales.’ She’s beaming at me and I feel remiss that it wasn’t the first question I asked as they have worked so hard on this.

  ‘Good news already?’ After a series of annoying technical glitches, the tickets have been on sale for a mere thirty-six hours, which is way behind schedule.

  ‘There are only twenty-three left, if we stick to the original one-hundred and fifty allocation. The website actually went down yesterday afternoon for three hours, so it’s been chaotic, but everything is fine now.’

  ‘That’s wonderful news and just the boost I need this morning. I’ll pop in to tell Senhor Ferreira now and see if he’ll approve raising the limit to two hundred. He’ll be delighted that our cautious approach has paid off.’

  She beams back at me. ‘I know. There’s nothing more likely to get people clamouring to buy, than to limit availability. But later today we’ll be in a position to put up a banner saying sold out. Releasing those other tickets is yet another promotional opportunity and we must capitalise on that.’

  Thinking as I walk, it’s obvious Reid wants Senhor Ferreira to take my place at the party and while I feel hurt that he didn’t have the guts to tell me first, it’s also a relief. It’s crucial he approves Bernadette’s samples before the middle of next week, at the latest and if he’s avoiding me, then at least this solves a rather pressing problem.

  Senhor Ferreira is on the phone and I hang around in the corridor, trying not to stare through the glass as if I’m anxiously waiting for him to finish.

  Moments later, the sound of his door opening has me turning around and he invites me in with a broad smile.

  ‘I did walk past your office earlier on but could see you were busy. You signed in at seven this morning, Seren. I hope we are not overworking you?’

  ‘No, not at all, Senhor Ferreira. I’m an early riser by nature and I was eager to make a start. I’ve just had an update on ticket sales and Carolina tells me that we expect to sell out by the end of the day.’

  Senhor Ferreira raises his eyebrows, as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing. ‘So soon?’

  I nod.

  ‘Well, that’s incredible.’

  ‘I’ve come to check you are happy for us to release another batch of fifty tickets to take us to the pre-agreed maximum number.’

  ‘Ah.’ The look he gives me isn’t the one I was expecting. ‘That’s what I was coming to see you about, Seren. Here is a list of friends and associates of the gallery who have made direct contact with me over the last twenty-four hours, people who will be attending the anniversary party. However, they are also expressing an interest in attending the fashion show, too. It wasn’t something we anticipated, of course, but it does put us in a difficult position as it would be impolite, and against our interests, not to accommodate them.’

  Taking the list from him, my face falls. There must be nearly thirty names here.

  ‘There may well be a few more, after the little gathering at Reid’s house on Saturday.’ He shrugs his shoulders, apologetically. ‘I think, therefore, you need to take this into consideration before releasing any more tickets, I’m afraid.’

  The plan for the event on Friday evening was for it to be aimed at the general public. The exclusive anniversary party at the gallery on the Saturday is a pre-showing of the exhibition by invite only for the VIPs, so this news is frustrating.

  ‘Can we not simply arrange a special showing of the final cut of the video before it goes on general display, here at the gallery? It could be held a week or so
after the anniversary party and I’m sure your guests would enjoy an exclusive preview on the big screen.’

  He appears to be considering my idea with some seriousness. ‘Let me talk to the other directors, first. Rafael is a big draw, Seren, and this is a unique fashion show. We had no idea it would be so popular, though.’

  As he’s mulling it over, I scan down the list of names and third from the bottom, there it is… Beatriz Esteves and, alongside, someone has written two tickets. The blood rushing through my veins turns cold, as I realise Reid’s fears aren’t necessarily paranoia.

  ‘Is something wrong?’ Senhor Ferreira enquires.

  ‘No. It’s simply that the success of the exhibition throughout the summer will, I believe, be fuelled by the event at the Cristo Rei. When it comes to attracting visitors who haven’t been to the gallery before, the best advertising to draw them in is by word of mouth.’ I can’t say what I really think, that it would be a waste of tickets. ‘Your special guests would be more comfortable watching the video here, where we will be better placed to cater for them.’

  ‘You may have a point there, Seren. I appreciate you being frank with me. I will call a meeting to discuss this matter with my fellow directors, then get back to you. I’m sorry this is something I overlooked and it’s a mistake on my part.’

  He’s apologising because it’s polite, but he used the word frank when it came to my comments, which might mean I’ve overstepped the mark.

  ‘Oh, no, not at all. This is new territory, Senhor Ferreira, for everyone involved. I can’t profess to have all the answers here. It’s a fine line between being optimistic and unrealistic. I think, on balance, we’ve hit the middle ground but feel that this guest list is important enough to warrant a special arrangement. It would be my pleasure to arrange that, so we can release the other tickets if the board consider that is for the best.’