The Heart of Revenge

by Richie Drenz

  Let me see. I got up. Tried my luck, knowing pretty well my chances are slim to find any good music in this pile, Gloe and her girlfriend, Danielle, we call her Danni, that she lived in with, listened to the same type of crappy music like Pinky. Gloe and Pinky were such close friends. I couldn’t understand why Pinky had avoided Gloe so much. Ever since Gloe became open with the fact that she was a lesbian and moved in with Danielle. It’s not like Gloe still wasn’t the good person she was. Nothing about her had changed. But you couldn’t tell Pinky that. Pinky discriminated and stayed away from her ex-bestfriend, like she had the bird-flu. I grew to become close to Gloe. She was more than my bestfriend, she was my rock of Gibraltar.

  Qwan hated Gloe and insisted that she shouldn’t come to our wedding. He despised gays so much that he idiotically and most annoyingly called his e-mails, she-females.

  I skipped through the pile one by one, nothing with sense, pure boogie-yagga, boogo-yagga. Not one Adele, no Katy Perry, no Pink, just Busy Signal, Kartel, Mavado and DJ Kenny mixes. God, I wished I had my ipod right now. I neatly organised all the CD’s, the way they ought to be. The ones with no case at the top, the ones in thin cases next, then the ones in the thicker cases final. I placed the pile in a more orderly position beside the radio instead of infront it.

  I lay back down thinking, Danielle must be allergic to anything original. She made good money from whipping up fake passports, visas, CXC certificates, driver’s licence, death certificates, you name it, she could cook it up, trust me, she’s the best at it. Gosh. Only heavens know why I didn’t just say ‘I do.’ It wasn’t like I didn't love Qwan. He and Mom were the only persons on earth who understood me the closest enough to Ajrien, but with Vance’s situation in the picture and knowing that that was why I had proposed to him so soon, it just felt like the marriage was not about the love. It felt wrong. I didn't want to do him any wrong. I was sure if Vance wasn’t dying I wouldn’t be marrying at nineteen. Maybe Ajrien would be a bigger part of my life since I wouldn’t necessarily be needing to be with a rich guy. Not saying having a rich guy is a bad thing though, cause I really don’t mind, and Mommy always warned me against talking to anyone without money. Was just saying that I could be with the one person I loved for who he was, Ajrien. I didn’t want to use Qwan, but Christ, I wanted to save my brother. Tears formed in my eyes.

  I lay down, turned on my side, staring blankly at the white door, my two hands clasped under my cheek. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

  It was impossible. I couldn’t sleep. My mind won’t stop talking with itself. Disturbance. There was someone at the door,

  ‘Knock-knock’ ... “Lee.”

  The call wasn’t loud. It was as if she really didn't want to disturb me grieving. I rolled and turned on my side, away from the door, facing the blue wall, lap my gown between my knees.

  ‘Knock-knock.’

  “Leee.”

  I looked back at the door, then turned my head back and around to the wall, reached for the flimsy pillow, covered my ears with it. It smelt of a stale body odour, kind of dingy or something. I closed my eyes.

  ‘Knock! Knock!” It was louder,

  “Leee!”

  I didn’t budge. I wish I could close my ears too.

  “Leee!”

  I grabbed the useless discoloured pillow from over my ear and answered,

  “What?”

  ‘Knock!-knock!’

  “LEEE!”

  “WHAT GLOE?”

  Gloe eased the door open, pushing it with caution, peeped her head of natural hair that was braided to the back, between the door and the jamb. She reluctantly crawled into the room. She had on a black merina and the waist of her plaid underpants could be seen above her football shorts.

  “Yow, sorry Lee, mi never want disturb you, you see mi, but ... but ... she said it’s very important.”

  “Who?”

  “Your sister.”

  “Pinky?”

  “Yeah, she said you must shout her immediately, it’s a life or death thing.”

  “Hsstt ... I’ll call her tomorrow”

  “But ..but ... she sound —-”

  “Gloe, that’s how Pinky stay, after no one’s dying, she just always full of excitement, it’s just about what happened at the wedding today. Tomorrow when I clear my head I tell you all about it.”

  “But what if it’s something really —-”

  “Gloe just let me clear my head nuh, please. You have no idea what I’ve been through today, trust me. Talk to ya in the morning.”

  “Sure you don't want to at least call her back? Just to find out?”

  “Believe me, things can’t be worse than what I’m going through. So anything happen I’m sure it can wait till tomorrow.”

  Gloe paused for a thought, turned the door knob in her grip, turned it the other way, then back the other way, stared wordlessly at me, turned the knob again and it made a click sound, she made a single step back and spoke,

  “Zeen, a true that still.”

  I didn't look back as I heard the door close, wondering what if it were Vance that got an attack on my wedding day? What if Vance was actually dying? I should call. I turned on my phone to call back Pinky. As the phone screen came on, I thought, but Vance had left the wedding, he wasn’t at the church, it couldn’t be him. I turned off back my phone. Why on God’s green earth was Pinky pestering me then?

  CHAPTER 25

  It’s in a Nissan Sunny

  by: Pinky & Leelia

  ’bout ten minutes passed and all now my phone didn’t ring.

  “She don’t call back yet?” I don’t know if Daddy really expected me to answer that question and he was right beside me all the time and witnessed that my phone hadn’t even vibrate much less ring. So I sarcastically replied,

  “Yes Daddy. She call back and we speak in a silent language to each other that’s why you didn’t hear the whole time mi stand up right beside you.” I kissed my teeth. Daddy shook his head and managed a small smile. It quickly disappeared.

  Mi know anything we doing it must happen fast, real fast.

  One nurse pushed an iron trolley by me with a yellow medicine in a clear glass jar. The jar had measurements running up its side in red print. Beside it were balls of cotton, syringes, a pack of drip, and other hospital stuff that mi never like see, were on the top of the trolley. But it was the bag of drip, identical to the one sending fluid into Vance that sunk my heart.

  Almost nobody spoke, everybody whispered and you could hear the low murmurs all about. You couldn’t hear a conversation only murmurs and it was interrupted by splices of complete silence. It makes me think hospitals are one of the eeriest place on earth. I was staring at the TV above the receptionist who was sitting close to the main entrance. My mind was thinking hard on how mi can get through to Leelia since mi wasn’t getting back any call. Blank. Not a single idea hit my brain. I was getting pissed again. The medicines were here. What kind of blood ran through these doctors’ veins? They were really heartless creatures. Vance lay coma-stiff and these doc.... Dad interrupted my thought,

  “Here’s what, call the friend and tell her to tell Leelia that her mother is trying to reach her urgently.” Daddy spoke with urgency as he knew the time was going and Vance was going with it. Why didn’t I think of that? Leelia will definitely call back Aubrea. I dipped into my handbag, redialled Gloe,

  “Gloe look here, don’t bother with the sadamite thing. Serious things going on here so. Just listen. You tell Leelia to call her mother right right now. It urgent bad, do it now and don't tell her that is me call you. You hear? Tell her is her mother call you. You understand Gloe?” Gloe’s voice came through the phone confused,

  “But... Bu... Mi just did —-”

  “Stop you ‘but-but’, mi have less than one minute left on mi phone.”

  “But Pinky. Listen nuh, I just tell her and she not —-”

  “Gloe just do that right now and stop chat off mi little credit.” I hung up the
phone same time. Daddy chuckled under his breath.

  "Is what Daddy?” He shook his head. He couldn’t hide the small smile that was growing on his face as he spoke,

  “Nothing man.”

  “Must something why you smiling like that.”

  “No... Is like you always have less than one minute on your phone. And you always sending ‘Please credit me’ or begging credit. Is what so with you and credit?” And his smile got wider.

  “What happen to you? Have to try save back at least four dollars on mi phone so mi can at least send a text. Don’t? Nuh so?”

  “Misses, you cold. All when it’s something this serious you still thinking ’bout saving credit.”

  “Then must. Suppose any emergency reach, at least mi can call somebody phone and tell them to call mi back. Don’t?

  Something dawned on me. Something I hadn’t think of before. The thought hit me so hard I blurted out a big long,

  “RASSS!”

  Everybody started looking my way again. I guessed they were not used to hearing mi talking loud or maybe they thought that a little badword or even a big one gone kill them, or send them to hell on Judgement day. Them lucky, mi not looking on them. Mi sure every single one of them curse a badword before somewhere or another. Daddy asked,

  “Is what?” A horrible Dettol scent rose up in the hospital ward and breast-stroked its way up into my nose. Mi want spit. I replied to Daddy,

  “Mi don’t have Aubrea phone and is it Leelia calling back on.”

  “Then run go get the phone before she call it nuh, or you waiting on the phone to run come to you?”

  A white bed on wheels exactly like the one Vance was unconscious on which was identical to every other bed in the ward, barged through the main entrance. Two nurses, uniformed in white and wearing white stockings under them, were charging alongside the chrome rails of the bed with their hands busy on the patient. A third nurse was pushing urgently and shouting from the foot of the bed,

  “Clear the way! Clear the way! Emergency!” The old man who they were wheeling in on the bed was frothing. Dad and I looked at each other and the frail smile disappeared from our lips.

  Mi make a dash out of the ward for the phone, immediately mi felt the burn on my skin from the parching 3’o’clock sun. I slowed down, took some deep breaths. Mi not too fit at all. The car was parked all the way at the front, and there was no cool shade on the premise, just the wickedly hot tar. Mi get frazzle out in less than two minutes, breathing shorter than usual. Mi run little bit, stop, take breaths, walk briskly, run again, stop. Run again. Boy, mi really need a little exercise.

  My blood was seeping through the gauge bandaged around my foot when I was stepping swiftly through the iron gate into the parking lot. The security sat up straight and observed me as I jogged to Daddy’s car or rather Aubrea’s car, a 1991 Nissan Sunny, with two different shades of gray and the driver’s door was a half-white one. The only white on the gray car. Micheal Douglas had given Aubrea the car to help her run his errands on the road while she was working for him. He didn’t take it back when he fired her. The back window wasn’t rolled right up.

  Mi reach the car just in the nick of time. As I reached by the white door, I heard Aubrea’s phone ringing in the car.

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  I looked through the glass, her blackberry was vibrating and ringing on the backseat. My hand went to opening the door. Locked. Tried again, almost popping off the lock in my hand. Locked. It was ringing like a house phone.

  (((Rrring. Rrring.))) The same ringtone as Leelia’s phone.

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  Knock! Knock!

  “Lee!”

  “Knock! Knock!”

  Holy Christ man! Them must set Gloe on me today. Why she can’t just leave me alone to clear my head. Gosh.

  She entered the room with unconscionable intentions to disrupt me. “No, Lee, it’s really serious. It’s your mother, she said you should call her right now, right right now.”

  “Oh Jesus! Could be what now? I searched the sheets for my phone, the damn BB take forever to turn on and load, it’s up, I dialled Mom.

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  Aubrea’s phone ringing in the car on the back seat. Leelia’s calling.

  Mi squeeze mi heavy hand through the back window that wasn’t wound up properly, desperate to reach the phone. Mi wrist went inside the car, a little pass my wrist and no more, my arm was too big; now I wished mi hands were fine like Leelia own. Mi forced my big hand forward, it barely went any further. Mi force and force and force it till it inched forward. Not even an inch good, ’bout half inch. Mi forced it forward again with a large portion of my strength, well desperate.

  ‘Creeeak!’

  I heard the glass strained under pressure. Mi will just push through and break it up this old piece of crosses window and done enuh. I pushed again. Hard. It was impossible. Mi fight to haul out back my hand. It’s stuck. Can’t get it out.

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  Stopped.

  One missed call.

  Shit!

  A security was walking over to me. Frisk and brisk.

  He drew out his baton.

  How Mommy asked me to call her and she’s not answering her phone. If anything she will call me back. Gonna keep my phone on for a couple minutes, before I turn it back off. But ... How Mommy just asked me to call and now she’s not hearing her phone ringing. Something’s fishy.

  Gonna call one more time. If I don’t get through to Mom, I’m shutting off my phone and spinning the lock on the door. I ain't stupid. It must be Pinky trying something or another. One last call.

  Redialled.

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  I hope I get her.

  The light was fading from Aubrea’s phone. Mi stare at the phone’s screen, looking at the missed call from Leelia. The time on the phone was 3:13. Less than thirty minutes left before Vance’s time to be up. Even if mi do get through to Leelia now it still too late already. The security got closer. My hand felt even tighter in the window, and mi blood circulation in my hand was cutting off. Mi hand start turn red like Santa Clause’ pants.

  Mi make one big drag and dragged out my hand. The whole of my hand start burn mi like mi lotion it with the real country scotch bonnet pepper or chilli pepper. Mi wipe mi other hand over it to try cooling it off. Is then it start burn mi. Jesus man!

  Can’t believe mi missed the damn call. I cursed and kicked the white door , forgetting my leg was sliced, it sent a sensation through the cut. Mi start get into a piece of temper. I lifted my elbow to ram the glass and saw the phone lit up again. The security started walking over faster.

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  The screen had incoming call from ‘Honey’. That was the name Aubrea saved Leelia’s number as. Ever since Mom tried to coax me to sell my soul to the Douglas to save Vance, which never made no sense to me, losing one child for the other and selling out myself for money. So mi did refuse, and from that day mi swear up and down Aubrea start treat mi like mi not her child. And because Leelia eat the bait, hook and line, selling herself to help Mom save Vance, Leelia turned her air that she breathed, her Honey. How can you sacrifice your own child’s life entirely to save another? Six is one and one dozen the other, because Aubrea running the chance of losing two of her children. What if the Douglas decided to do anything terrible to Leelia? God forbid. To me it just didn’t make sense. I wasn’t going to sell my soul, deceive people to get their money. It was just wrong. However, God wrote my life that’s how mi taking it. Pray and leave things to God. Just have faith and believe, ’cause to be using people is wrong. And wrong is wrong. Mi wrong?

  When I smelled Mr. Douglas’ cologne the early morning, coming for my little sister, I cried, cried till my chest turned red, literally. Aubrea took mi to the hospital min
utes later for the asthma attack I came down with from the proper piece of cow bawling mi put down over my sister leaving. It wasn’t fair. From that day until now I don't call Aubrea Mommy again. Because it’s not a mother that. Mi start call her just Aubrea. I didn't even want her to touch me that morning. Mi did rather she left me at the house let the asthma kill mi than to touch mi.

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  The security reached closer. Him face look serious. Mi turn round and run off, not from the security, ’cause you know mi not afraid of no security with baton, but to get the keys from Daddy. I saw Daddy running towards me, his limping was barely obvious in his strides, he held out his hand with the keys dangling in front him. Shouting

  "You forget the key.”

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  “Hurry up! Hurry up!”

  ‘Doop!’ Daddy’s body bounced against the white door on the driver’s side, he looked out of breath. He was fumbling with the key at the keyhole to open the door.

  “Oh Shit!” Daddy said, limping in haste to go around to the passenger side.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “The key can’t open that door, is a different door that.” The security was coming faster towards us.

  “Hurry up! Move your hands fast old boy.”

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  Inside my mouth felt dry and upsetting, like I had some dry fish scale in my mouth or pregnant feeling. I spat to the side of the car and it landed on the car tyre, bright white. Daddy hassled with the key to get it in the hole. The bunch of keys fell. The security was at the car. Daddy bent for the keys while the security coarsely asked,

  “Excuse mi big man, what you doing? Is your car?” he stepped over to Daddy to remove him from the car. I didn’t say a word to him, I doubled my fist and get ready. Daddy didn’t give the security an answer either. He was focusing on the keyhole like he needed his glasses, he turned the key in the lock.