Holocaust (The Deadwood Hunter Series Book 3)

by Raithby, Rachel M

  “I’m not prey, Linc.” The space between them charged. It could have been miles, or inches, their passion. The love between them would never die no matter how far Lexia ran.

  “No, not mine. You are prey to your own mind,” he said sadly, the pain inside of him raw. “The fight is over, Lex. When will you see that?”

  “Not for me, Linc. The fight will never be over for me.” Lexia struggled for a way to explain, to make him understand. “Each morning is a battle to piece myself back together, to be strong for Lola. Each morning I have to hide the demons inside of me so she won’t see, so I won’t break. Do you understand? I’m not whole. I’m not sure I ever will be.”

  “I don’t need you whole. I just need a piece, no matter how small.”

  Lincoln shifted. The beauty of his panther still left her breathless. She stared after him, watching him run through the soft beams of light that broke the darkness. The space between them grew, a crater, deep and wide, the land between it barren and lifeless.

  “I already gave you a piece. I just don’t own it anymore,” she whispered to the trees around her.

  Wiping the tears she’d not realized had fallen, Lexia headed back. Her body tired, her soul exhausted, she knew Marcus would be chastising her when he saw her.

  Chapter 43

  He heard her screams the second the lights went out. All the extra pack guests were playing havoc with the generators.

  “I’m on it,” Caleb called.

  “Take Cade with you,” Lincoln called back. Caleb’s recovery was taking longer than expected. The bullet he’d taken for Lincoln had torn through several major organs. He’d held onto life by sheer stubborn will.

  Lincoln’s feet were moving before the last screech of her scream had echoed through the house. Snarling at the hunters about to enter his house as he passed, they hesitated, hovering around the base of the stairs. Their presence on his homeland riled his panther. How the cat longed to sharpened its claws on their bones.

  He opened the door to find her huddled into a tight ball. Rocking, her knuckles strained against white skin.

  “It’s okay, baby. Shush, it’s okay. The generator gave up. Caleb is fixing it. The lights will be on in no time.”

  He reached for her. She flinched away as his hands sought hers.

  “Lexia, it’s me,” he told her gently, the fear she felt so hard for him to bear.

  Taking her hands again, she accepted his touch this time, but still her heart beat as if it wanted out. Prying her from the tight ball she was in, her face lifted, terror etched in her eyes. Hands trembling, she whispered, “I’m not there. I’m not there.”

  “Lex, look at me.” She didn’t even register his voice. Does she even see me at all? “Lexia, look at my eyes,” he growled low and firm.

  His voice breaking through the terror encasing her, her eyes sought his, glowing softly in the dark.

  “You are not there,” Lincoln repeated. “You are home. Focus on me. Stay with me.”

  The rocking ceased. Her hands stopped trembling as she let out a breath, then inhaled with him, matching each inhale and exhale to his. “I’m not there. I’m with you.”

  “I’m never letting you go again.” Though he meant every word, he knew it didn’t matter how hard he held on, she still drifted further away each day.

  Lexia smiled, the softest, sweetest smile he’d seen since she’d been taken away. The joy that rushed through his blood was overwhelming. He’d waited so long for a connection, some sign his Lexia was still there, somewhere.

  The light came on, flooding them in harsh light, bringing the shadows under her eyes into sharp focus. Lexia didn’t sleep well, the demons in her dreams chasing her into daylight.

  Time froze. Staring unblinking and without breath, her eyes fractured. So many emotions hidden within their depths; fear, grief, guilt.

  Lincoln clung onto the moment but it slipped away like water through his fingers, just as Lexia did. Snatching her hands back, she rebuilt her walls and he died a little more inside, the iron fist on his heart ruthless in its hold.

  “Lexia, please,” he begged.

  Moving back, crushing herself against the headboard, her eyes were frantic, looking everywhere but at him.

  “Please,” he choked.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, finally looking at him.

  The panther inside of him rose. Pacing inside of his mind, it took control. “I don’t want your apologies. I want your love.” Every word coated with the harshness of his beast.

  A single tear slipped down her cheek, her body curling in on itself.

  “A single tear, is that all our love gets?” His words cut her and he knew it. Yet the beast inside of him wouldn’t calm. It wanted to savage her. Forcing himself to leave the room before he damaged her more, her voice filled the void between them.

  “Is that what you think? That I don’t love you?”

  He paused but couldn’t look at her, afraid of what he’d see if he did. “What am I supposed to think?”

  “I do, you know. I love you so, so much, and it’s because I love you that I can’t be with you.” She spoke every word as if it pained her; each broken murmur trembled.

  “I don’t understand,” he said, finally facing her. The beast in him settled, for now.

  “I’ve done unspeakable things, things that haunt me. I drip blood, Lincoln. Shadowed in darkness, it follows me everywhere. Every day I have to build my walls to keep it in, and all it takes is one simple touch, one earth-shattering smile, and you crash through every defense I’ve ever built.”

  When he said nothing, did nothing, she continued. “I’m leaving.”

  Her words hit him like knives to his gut, each one making him flinch. “No. You can’t leave.” His eyes searched her face, hands pulling at his hair. “The war is over. We can be together now. There is no need for your walls.”

  “Please, understand–”

  “Understand?” he yelled, interrupting her. “All you’ve done is shut me out. You’ll scream in the night. You’re afraid of the dark, and you will not allow me to help you. I will never understand that.”

  “You can’t help me,” she told him with a shake of her head. “Every time I look at you, I’m reminded of all I’ve lost.”

  Visibly frustrated, his pulled at his hair, taking a step closer. “But you haven’t lost me. I’m right here.”

  Needing to be strong, needing him to understand, Lexia unraveled herself from the bed. Standing in front of him, she forced her words to be level. “I don’t know how to be with you. You strip me bare, Linc, expose every crack, every broken piece of me. I have Lola now. I need to patch myself together and I can’t do that with you.”

  “Who are you?” he whispered quietly. His voice barely audible, she didn’t think she was meant to hear.

  “I don’t know,” she answered him softly. Taking his hand even though it pained her so, because no matter how far she wanted to run from him, she’d always love him. “My mission is over. I won, and now I need to work out what I won, because right now, I see more loss than gain. I know it isn’t fair. I know I’ve hurt you so much already, but if I’m ever going to find out who I am without the mission, I need to leave.”

  Letting his hand drop, it fell limply from her hold. Shoulders hunched, face contorted in pain, he looked just as broken as she did and she hated herself for it.

  She turned away from him, walking for the door when a loud crack filled the room. Looking back, Lincoln had put his fist through the wall. Plaster rained around him as he pulled his bleeding fist back. Eyes of panther gold looked at her with a feral edge. “I won’t let you,” he snarled, grabbing her wrist and hauling her against him.

  Too shocked to fight, she slammed up against him with enough force to knock the air from her. His claws pierced her skin; drops of hot crimson stained the carpet.

  “Linc, stop! You’re hurting me,” she said firmly, but it wasn’t the man she spoke with any longer. The beast inside L
incoln had finally ripped free and it wanted its mate, no matter the cost.

  Feet pounded up the stairs drawn to the noise. Lexia didn’t take her eyes from Lincoln as she felt the others enter the room. Never take your eyes off a predator when it is so intent on catching its prey.

  “Lincoln, you’re hurting her,” Caden growled, stepping toward them.

  Lincoln’s laugh was cruel, nothing like the man she’d once known.

  Killing me will not change who you are, Maura. I made you, remember? And like me, you destroy everything you love.

  “She’s a hunter, remember? She feels nothing.”

  “Let her go, or we’ll be forced to make you,” Grey said, stepping forward, Sammy and Marcus by his side.

  “You can’t keep me here,” Lexia told him, seeking eye contact, trying to get his attention on her and not the threats in the room.

  He looked down at her, her panther with the human face. Full of pent-up anger, frustration and the pain of all he’d lost, he was as broken as she, yet Lexia just didn’t have the strength to put him back together. “Don’t make me hurt you.”

  “I’m not that breakable, Wildcat,” he breathed, bending to her ear, nipping with his teeth.

  The sensation sucked her back to a time when she could have melted against his touch, when the warm rush of heat down her spine wouldn’t have caused pain. No longer could she live in that time.

  Lincoln landed in a heap, the remnants of his parents’ dresser splintered and broken around him. He looked up at her as she walked toward the people who’d followed her from hell. The gold glow of her eyes even now was wrong, her appearance of strength all an illusion. He’d not seen her once tap into the power inside of her, even when she’d sparred with the others. He’d not understood it at the time, yet now he did, because as she looked at him, her expression voicing her final goodbye, Lincoln saw the fear, the cracks, the broken pieces of her held together with nothing but sheer will. She was nothing like the girl he’d known. That girl had died on the battle field and this one, she was still crawling across it.

  “Good bye,” she whispered.

  He let her go. Understanding now that only Lexia could drag herself from that blood-stained forest. He wasn’t sure she’d ever return. He wasn’t sure there’d be anything left of him to return to. Lincoln’s heart shattered, the last fragile threads of his humanity falling away. He left the world and gave in to the beast inside of him.

  Chapter 44

  As the fresh air hit her, she doubled over gasping for breath. The sound of shattering glass drew her attention and she looked up to see the final glimpse of her panther disappearing into the trees.

  “So we’re leaving?” Sammy asked.

  “I’m leaving. Come with me if you’d like,” she answered. Steeling herself, she stood straight.

  “Of course, nowhere else for me to be,” he told her with a smile.

  “You could go home, Sammy,” she reminded him.

  “Aww, Lex, you know why I can’t go back.”

  Lexia smiled, tapping him on the back. “I know.”

  “Shall I go get Lola?” Belinda asked.

  “Please. Take only the minimal. I’ll get her new things.”

  Belinda disappeared into the house as Caden walked out. It appeared as if he’d aged over the past year. He looked tired and she knew she was responsible for some.

  “Please, don’t try and talk me into staying,” she told him before he could utter a word.

  Chuckling softly, he said, “I wasn’t planning to. Here, I want you to take this.” He handed over a business card.

  Lexia read it with a frown.

  “It’s my mother’s,” he told her. “I understand why you’re leaving, but you need to speak to someone, Lex. I’m not sure if you know this but I did a few months’ rotation under my mother. Although a very gifted general surgeon, her passion is healing the mind. Your wounds will only heal if you talk through what happened. She knows a lot of what happened. You can talk to her.”

  Glancing at Caden, then back down at the card, she bounced it against her finger. “I’ll think about it.”

  “Take these too,” he continued, handing her a set of keys.

  “I’m not taking your car, Caden.”

  “It’s of no use to me, Lex. I’m needed here for the time being. Plus you can’t carry Lola everywhere. It’s about halfway down the track toward the road. I drove it as far as it would go on this terrain.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’m not saying, goodbye. I’ll see you soon, okay? And if you need anything, just call.”

  Lexia hugged him, holding onto him for a moment, conveying all she couldn’t say in the tightness of her hold. “See you around, Doc.”

  With Lola wrapped up and ready to go. Lexia walked away from Lincoln’s childhood home, her child on her hip, her friends by her side. Four hunters and two wolves, she wasn’t sure what she’d done to earn their friendship, but she would be forever grateful.

  “So, where to? I’m hoping your plan doesn’t involve slumming in the woods. Some of us have no fur coats,” Miles joked.

  “Yeah, I kinda not thought past the leaving part. Give me a sec.” Pulling her new cell from her pocket, she dialed a number. “Sarah, hi.”

  “Lexia?” Sarah asked, her voice thick with sleep.

  “Sorry, I know it’s late. I just have a question.”

  “All right.”

  “My house, my dad’s house I mean. If I go back, I’m not likely to be arrested, am I?”

  “No. This is what I was coming to speak to you about tomorrow. Your name has been cleared, Lexia. Your father left the house to you and more.”

  “More?”

  “It’s best I speak to you in person, and we still need to discuss those who wish to not be cured.”

  “Right, well, there’ll be a change of venue. I’m not on pack land anymore. I’ll be at my dad’s.”

  “My son?”

  “Will be delivered to you unharmed, as promised.”

  “Good.” Relief was evident in her voice.

  Ending the call, Lexia looked at Grey. “We forgot our prisoner.”

  “I’ll go get him.” He laughed. “Give us a hand, Marcus.”

  “We don’t particularly travel light, hey?” Mellissa said.

  Lexia smiled as she looked at her friend, her arms ladled with baby things, formula and bottles, a bassinet and several bags of items. “No,” Lexia laughed. At one point, she’d only needed her weapons. She’d swapped her knives for nappies.

  Well, maybe not all, she thought, her hand hovering over the hilt of her sword.

  The house was a mess when they arrived. Just as Lucy had left it, furniture was turned over, plates smashed, belongings scattered over the floors. The sight had been a shock, even though Lexia had expected it.

  It didn’t look much better when Sarah arrived the next morning, though Lexia had worked with the others most of the night to clear the mess. She’d gone straight up the stairs when they’d first arrived taking Lola with her, her eyes glancing at the red stain at the end of the hall.

  Now though, the floor shone. No sign of the stain her father’s blood had left behind, though Lexia knew it would always be there. Being back in her childhood home hurt, yet she didn’t know where else to go.

  “It’s coming along,” Sarah said to her as they sat at the table. Lexia didn’t hear her though. She was looking at the ghost of Derrick, a shadow of a memory.

  Her book in his hands and feet propped up on the table as he read. “That’s my book,” she told him.

  He looked up, smiling and bemused. “Is it?”

  “Lexia?”

  “Hmm?” Lexia pulled her mind from the past.

  “I was discussing the hunters,” Sarah answered, irritated.

  “Sorry, what about them?”

  “They do not wish to be cured,” she stated as if that explained everything.

  “Not every hunter wished to be cured, just freed.” />
  “Well, yes, but I’m afraid my superiors are a little nervous about that. They wish for this mess to be put behind them.”

  Anger lit, Lexia sat forward in her chair and held Sarah’s gaze. “They are people, not messes.”

  “Lexia,” Sarah sighed, “you must understand, they are nervous, nervous that there are others out there stronger than the average human.”

  “We just wish to be left alone, given time to heal, and move on, as I’m sure your son would like, too.”

  “Understood. Let me make a call, see what I can do.” Sarah left through the back door.

  Belinda appeared in the doorway. “Lola’s awake.”

  “Keep her upstairs. I don’t want her anywhere near Sarah.” Belinda nodded, standing straight. “Belinda,” Lexia called out.

  “Yes?” she asked, reappearing.

  “You’re not my solider anymore. We’re just friends.”

  “I know,” she told her. Yet as Belinda took the stairs two at a time, seeing to the little girl who Lexia could hear gurgling away in bed, Lexia knew the members of her unit who remained with her would always see her as a leader first. They’d always look to her for instruction. It was their nature.

  The door opened as Lola shrieked in delight. Sarah looked up, the words on her lips changing as she thought of the baby. “Can I see her?”

  “No.”

  Startled, Sarah replied, “Lincoln told you?”

  “Yes, you will not see my daughter again.”

  “You must understand, I meant no harm. I just simply–”

  “We are not here to discuss my daughter. I’m fully aware of where she came from and I will deal with all that arises when need be.”

  “Lexia, you have no idea where she came from, or what she will be capable off,” Sarah said harshly.

  “You are right. I don’t. I have no idea what lies within her DNA, but what I do know, is evil, and that girl is not evil. I’ve seen enough of it in my life to know. Now the hunters?”

  Sighing, Sarah dropped the subject. “Will be given new identities if they wish to stay as they are. They must leave their old lives behind, and you must understand, Lexia, they are your responsibility. Should the hunters step out of line, it will be on your head. Should they degrade as many other hunters did over time, it will be your responsibility to put them down. As of today, Belinda, Marcus, Miles and Mellissa do not exist.”