Well, ok, since she asked nicely. I tried to act like I didn’t feel violated as the wand was inserted, but all my uncomfortableness was forgotten when my eyes found a little round blob on the screen. The doctor stilled the wand and used some buttons on the machine to zoom in and she tapped away on some keys. I was lost though, eyes glued to the fuzzy, quarter-sized, picture on the screen.
“There we are. That’s your baby right there,” she said, pointing to the area of the screen that I already knew was my child. I felt Porter take my hand, but my eyes could not leave the screen. “It looks like you are at eight weeks and three days, putting conception around the last week of November.” That information was enough to bring my eyes to Porter, thinking that he was right, a honeymoon baby. But my breath caught when my eyes landed on him. He looked at the screen, looked at the first sight of our baby, tears welling around his red eyes, in total awe of everything. I fell in love with him a little more in that moment.
“Are you ready to hear the heartbeat?” The doctor asked, as if we weren’t having the most wonderful and intimate moment we’ve ever had. Before I had a chance to look at the screen the room was filled with the weirdest and most wonderful sound I had ever heard. It was a rhythmical swoosh swoosh, which sounded a lot like water. The doctor pointed to the screen and right above her finger there was a little fluttering. “That’s the baby’s heart, and it’s working perfectly, a steady 160 beats per minute.”
“That’s so fast,” Porter said, his voice sounding thick with emotion.
“Babies’ hearts beat very fast in utero. It’s completely normal and healthy. Everything looks very healthy.”
My throat began to close up and the familiar prickling behind my eyes triggered my inability to keep my emotions in check. I let out a sob, staring at the screen, watching my baby’s heart fluttering away. I felt Porter’s head rest on my temple and my hand came up to cradle his cheek. We stayed like that for a moment, just listening to our baby’s heart. After a minute I felt Porter’s head lift and his hand moved my face to look at him. Our eyes met and he pressed his lips to mine, whispering “I love you” into our kiss.
“I can print off a few pictures for you, for scrapbooks and such,” Dr. Bronson said, probably used to couples having breakdowns while seeing their baby for the first time.
“Thank you,” I said, wiping tears from my eyes. When she was done messing with the machine, she removed the wand and told me I was free to sit up.
“Your baby is due on August 15th, a summer baby. Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” I sniffled. She handed me a tissue.
“Now, you’ll need to take folic acid and prenatal vitamins every day. Stay away from tuna and other raw fish, and everything else can be explained in these pamphlets.” She handed me a prescription and a few thick pamphlets. We had some reading to do apparently. “Now, what questions do you have for me that I can answer?” She sat on a little rolling stool and looked at us expectantly.
Porter immediately reached into his back pocket and produced his list of questions.
“I have a few,” he said, unfolding his paper. Dr. Bronson didn’t bat an eyelash. She was obviously used to people asking her questions. We must be typical first-time parents. “Should Ella cut back on work?”
“No. There’s no need to cut back on work at this stage. Ella’s healthy. The pregnancy is healthy. Life goes on as normal.”
“Yeah, but she tends to lift up boxes and bends down a lot.”
“She’s pregnant, not crippled,” Dr. Bronson said with a smile. I wanted to kiss her. “You shouldn’t lift anything over twenty pounds and if you get tired you should rest, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to work up until delivery. However, we can always assess the pregnancy as the weeks progress and make adjustments. But for now it’s life as usual. Your body will tell you what you’re capable of better than I can.”
“I’ve read that pregnant women shouldn’t eat processed meats or soft cheeses. And what about coffee?” Porter asked, sounding a little irritated.
“Those are valid concerns. I would always advise a pregnant woman to eat as if she were feeding her child. So, the more organic and less processed the better. However, anything in moderation is fine, even coffee.”
“I can drink coffee?” I asked excitedly.
“Yes, but try for only one cup a day. Plenty of women drink tons of coffee throughout pregnancy and have perfectly healthy babies.”
“Sex?” Porter asked.
“Porter!” I exclaimed.
“Perfectly safe,” Dr. Bronson replied without even a moment’s hesitation. “Sex is normal and healthy during pregnancy. In the later stages of pregnancy, intercourse can become difficult logistically, but there are pamphlets for that too. Some women find sex during pregnancy to be very pleasurable and find themselves with a high libido. Other women don’t like to partake in sexual activity. Both extremes and everything in between are normal.” Both Porter and I were a little dumbfounded by her response, but I was glad she put him in his place. “Any other questions?”
I looked over at Porter and he folded up his paper and put it back in his pocket.
“No, I think that covers it,” he said sheepishly.
I almost laughed at his uncomfortable expression. The doctor turned back to me and smiled.
“Ella, we’ll be getting to know each other very well over the next several months. There are no dumb questions and no concern too small. You have the office’s phone number and you should never hesitate to call if you have even the tiniest concern. There is an after hour’s number as well. Please,” she said with the most sincere sounding voice, “call us anytime for any reason.”
What she said eased my mind a little and released some tension I didn’t realize I was keeping inside.
“Thank you, Dr. Bronson. I appreciate that.”
“Check in with the receptionist on your way out to make your twelve week appointment. And Mr. Masters, be sure you take good care of her, the first twenty weeks can be pretty brutal for new mommies.” She gave him a warm smile and then left the room.
“I like her,” I said as I turned to Porter.
“Me too,” he laughed.
After I’d dressed again and we’d left the office, I sat in the passenger seat of Porter’s truck staring down at the black and white pictures of our little baby.
“This is surreal, isn’t it?” I couldn’t tear my eyes from the fuzzy little blob on the piece of paper.
“What is?”
“I don’t know. The fact that we decided to try to have a baby and then it just happened. Like, right now, there’s a baby, in my body. I’m building a human inside my body.” I shook my head, still trying to wrap my mind around everything that was happening. “That’s so weird to think about.” I laughed a little, my shoulders jumping up and down with my slight laughter. “It was so easy, getting pregnant. I’m so surprised it never happened before.” Truly, birth control pills worked wonders. I never really gave it much thought, taking the little pills every day, but they really did their job well. I could have had a dozen children by now if it weren’t for those little pills.
“Perhaps,” he said as he reached over and took my hand, “you never got pregnant before because, in the grand scheme of things, you’re only meant to have my children.” He brought my hand up to his mouth and placed a kiss on the back of it.
“Well, you’re probably right about that. I’m so glad you’re the father of my child.” I don’t think I’d ever spoken truer words. We sat in a warm silence surrounded by an unspeakable happiness.
After a few minutes Porter spoke up. “When do you think we should start telling people about the baby? I don’t think Megan is going to hold up much longer.”
I giggled because he was right. I’d sworn her to secrecy and she nearly killed me with a death glare. The last time I made her keep a secret from our parents, everything went to hell in a hand basket. “I guess if it’s just close family we could te
ll them any time. Now that we know the baby is healthy and progressing normally, I think it would be fine. But we should wait until the second trimester to tell anyone else.”
“Do we call them or tell them face to face?”
“I think we tell them in person. I want to see your mom’s face when she hears she’s going to be a grandma.” It nearly brought me to tears just thinking about it.
“Ok, so maybe we go to your parent’s house tonight and then go to Lincoln City this weekend?”
I smiled at him. “Sounds perfect.”
After making dinner plans with my parents, Porter and I found a baby boutique and perused for a little while. I watched him as he picked up a onesie and his eyes grew wide as he inspected it, turning it around in his hands.
“I can’t believe babies are ever this small. How can anything ever be this small?”
“Says the man who doesn’t have to push it out of his body,” I smirked.
“You know what I mean. This is tiny.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said softly, smiling at his amazement.
We picked out a few things and then headed to Portland, our heads still spinning with all the information fluttering around in our heads. We stopped first at Poppy. I always tried to stop in when I was in Portland just to see how things were going, and also to see the girls.
The anxiety that was associated with Poppy never eased completely. I was usually fine and able to spend time there, working and keeping myself busy, but sometimes I had weird flashbacks, or a loud noise would startle me. Luckily, in the past months I had learned a few ways to cope with the panic that would come over me, and sometimes the biggest way to ease the fear was just to leave. I loved Poppy, but I also understood that there would be days when I just couldn’t be there. Today, however, I was too happy to let bad memories ruin anything for me.
Megan spotted us as we walked in and gave me a big smile.
“Hey, Fella. Hi, Porter. I didn’t know you were going to be in Portland today.”
“Yeah, it’s kind of a last minute trip. We’re going to have dinner with Mom and Dad.” I raised my eyebrows at her, trying to clue her in to our plans to tell them.
“Oh!” Megan said, recognition coming across her face. “Is this an important dinner?” I nodded my head, smiling. She exhaled loudly. “Oh good, cause I’m tired of this whole thing already.”
“But you’re an expert secret keeper,” Porter said quietly.
“You guys are the worst with all the secrets.”
“You should feel privileged to be in on this one. It’s kind of a big deal.” I smiled at her.
“Or a tiny deal, depending on your point of view.” Porter stated. I laughed at his joke, but Megan just looked at him with confusion.
“We just wanted to stop by to tell you that after tonight Mom and Dad will know, so you can tell Patrick. But we aren’t telling Tilly until this weekend or anyone else for a few more weeks. So don’t go crazy telling everyone,” I said, eyeing Brittany on the other side of the store.
“I should be ok if I can tell Patrick. He knows something is up but has given up on trying to get it out of me.”
“Besides keeping secrets, how’s everything else going? How is my first store doing?”
“Everything’s great here. Sales are still strong even though the foot traffic is slow, what with it being cold as balls outside. Speaking of balls,” she said with a grin, “you and Kalli need to get to work planning my bachelorette party.” I rolled my eyes.
“There will be no balls present,” Porter interjected before I had a chance to say the exact same thing.
“Hey, no husbands or fiancés allowed. And if I want to see some balls, I will see some balls.”
“Really, Megan? Of the entire male form, balls are what you’re focused on?”
“Good point. You know what I want—a stereotypical, over-the-top, full-of-naked-men, bachelorette party.”
“And you’re ok if I bring Patrick to a strip club and buy him a bunch of lap dances?” Porter asked, clearly not ok with the picture Megan was painting.
“Of course! That’s what I’d expect from anyone throwing him a bachelor party. Let him live it up. It’s the last time he can let a woman, besides me, fondle him guilt-free. What else would you do for a bachelor party? Smoke cigars and play cards? Yuck. That’s what you do after you’re married.”
Porter just shook his head at her. “Well, I’ve never been happier that we eloped than in this very moment.” Megan shot him her brilliant smile. “You’re a piece of work, Megan, and Patrick is lucky to have you.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek, which nearly made my heart melt right in my chest. “I’m going to go get some coffee down the street and read the paper. Will you be ok?” He said, whispering in my ear.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thank you. Will you bring me a hot chocolate when you come back? No hurry.”
“Anything for you, Baby Momma,” he said with a sly smile.
“Ok, you never get to call me that again.”
“Deal, but it was fun just the one time.” He lightly patted my rear as he headed out the door.
“I think we both really lucked out in the man department, Fella,” Megan said, watching Porter leave the store.
“We sure did,” I sighed. “I’m gonna go take a look at the sales reports in the back, cool?”
“Sure, everything is saved on the computer and I think the hard copies are in the filing cabinet if you’d rather see those.”
“Ok, thanks, Megs.” Megan was doing a fabulous job running this store for me, and every day I was more and more impressed by her drive and savvy business sense. I rarely worried about Poppy anymore knowing she was here and making it thrive. “You’re really doing a great job here, Megan. I hope you understand that I really appreciate everything you do for this store.”
A slight blush spread over her face. “Thanks, Sis. I love this store and I love the girls. I’m so glad you gave me this opportunity.”
I winked at her and headed to the back room. I grabbed some of the paper files and then settled onto the love seat to look them over. Megan was right, the sales at Poppy were strong, stronger than they had been at that time last year. I tried not to think about how last year’s numbers could have been tainted by Kyle’s embezzlement. Again, I tried to push those thoughts out of my head. Poppy was doing well all on its own, with Megan, Brittany, and Sarah supporting it. They were working hard and it was paying off.
I yawned, realizing all at once that I was exhausted. I flipped through a few more reports, but felt my eyelids drooping, feeling very heavy. Suddenly, I was alone in the dark, laying still on the couch. I must have fallen asleep, but I was confused as to why Porter hadn’t come back for me.
I jumped when I heard a loud knocking coming from the front of the store, as if someone was banging on the glass. My heart stuttered and my pulse thundered through my veins. Without my permission, my body stood and started walking towards the front of the store. Inside, my mind yelled not to go out there, but my legs weren’t listening; they carried me out. There wasn’t anything I could do about it.
When I came around the corner, out of the backroom, I saw him standing there—the man in the black hoodie. This time he wasn’t outside, he waited for me in the store. Head down, face hidden, he raised one arm towards me and I screamed the instant I saw the gun. My mouth opened and I heard my shattered cries echo off the walls.
I jumped, gasping for air at the sound of the gun firing, but when my eyes opened I wasn’t looking at the shooter, I was looking at Porter.
“Ella, hey, what’s happening? Is everything ok?” He knelt on the floor next to the couch I was sprawled out on. I blinked a few times, trying to focus on him and not the pounding of my heart or the incessant pulsing in my ears. I was sweaty and hot.
“He was here. I saw him,” I mumbled, trying to put into words the thoughts running through my mind.
“Babe, no one is here. It’s just me. Take some deep brea
ths for me.” I gripped his arm needing something to anchor myself. His hand came up and gently caressed the side of my face and I leaned into him. “Just breathe, Ella.” I took his advice and let the air pass through me, trying to release the tension with every exhale. “You don’t have to be afraid. I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I must have fallen asleep,” I whispered. “I was just looking over the sales reports and I think I dozed off.”
“Were you dreaming about Kyle?”
I shook my head. “No, it was the shooter, the guy in the hoodie.” I let out one last breath and I felt exhausted. “He was in the store this time, not outside.” Porter’s brow furrowed and I knew he was upset by the situation. When Kyle died, most of the threat went away, but there was still one last loose end just floating around—the shooter. According to Kyle, he was just some kid he’d hired, so chances were that he wasn’t really after me, just doing a job. The police urged us not to be afraid. The shooter didn’t have an agenda against me, and since Kyle was dead, he didn’t have any reason to come back to finish at what he’d failed at—killing me. But, understandably, I was having a hard time not fearing the man who shot me that was still free.
Also understandably, Porter was not happy the shooter was roaming around Portland a free man. There was nothing either of us could do about it. I lived every day trying not to think about it, because I could drive myself crazy. But being here, in this store, on this couch, was obviously too much for my mind.
“What time is it?”
“Nearly five. I was just coming to get you to go to your parents’ house. Are you still feeling up to it?” The back of his hand was still running along my cheek.
“Yeah, I’m ok.”
“Ella, it’s ok if you’re not. We can just go home and tell them another day.”
I shook my head. “No, I want to tell them tonight. I’m fine.” I wasn’t fine, but I would be. I wouldn’t let this control me. I couldn’t.
The past few days were a roller coaster. Ella was up and down. She was constantly trying to pretend like she was ok, but I knew she wasn’t. The dream she’d had at Poppy really dragged her down and she struggled. I could feel it.
Never Giving Up (Never #3) Page 5
