Never Giving Up (Never #3)

by Anie Michaels

  “Yeah, but he’s gone. It wasn’t a big deal.”

  “Wasn’t it? You kind of seem like it was a big deal.” I tried to nudge her gently, tried to get her to open up to me.

  “I thought it was what I wanted. I told him that it had to be casual, like, a one-time thing. He was ok with it, at first, but then when it was time for him to go, it all just kind of blew up in my face.”

  “How?”

  “He told me he wanted more. I told him I didn’t.” She sounded broken.

  “But you did, didn’t you?”

  She nodded and wiped a tear that fell down her cheek.

  “Oh, Kalli,” I said as I pulled her closer to me, hugging her. “Who was it?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It kind of does,” I countered.

  “I can’t tell you, though. I’m sorry. I worked with him and if it got out, it wouldn’t be good for him.”

  Well, that was a surprise. If it was someone she worked with, I could probably do enough stalking on google to figure it out or at least narrow it down. “You know I’d never tell anyone, Kalli. You’re my best friend. We should be able to tell each other these things.” She leaned away from me, scooted back to her own seat, and I felt her close up on me again.

  “It’s ok. I’ll be fine.”

  I didn’t believe her and she didn’t sound like she believed herself either. My heart hurt for her. I wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. Kalli was sometimes a conundrum to me. She just kind of showed up in our lives and wiggled her way in. I loved her and couldn’t imagine my life now without her, but trying to get her to open up or talk about her past was a chore. It was as if she didn’t want anyone to know who she was before we met her in Portland. She never invited us to Seattle where she lived. She never spoke about her family, never gave any insight into her world outside of our friendship. Did it matter to me? No. Not in the slightest. She had been there for me in the most emotionally tumultuous time of my life. She’d proven to be more loyal and loving towards me than I had ever imagined was possible. I loved her unconditionally, but I wanted her to trust me, to share things with me.

  I placed my hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

  “It’s ok if you’re not. You know that right? You don’t have to be fine all the time.” She didn’t respond, but I knew she’d heard me and that was most important.

  We made it to the hotel and when we split to head to our individual rooms, I made her hug me. I took her by the shoulders and brought her into me, wrapping my arms around her. She was stiff at first, but eventually relaxed into me.

  “I love you, Kalli. You’re like a sister to me. You can always count on me.” I heard her sniffle and felt her head nod. She pulled away and gave me her signature weak smile and headed towards her room.

  When I got to my room, I found it empty, but wasn’t surprised by it. I expected Porter to have more stamina than me and to help Patrick have the time of his life. I decided that a hot bath sounded like the time of my life.

  Soaking in the big tub was a luxury. The tub at the beach house was incredible, but not so much in Salem, where I spent most of my time, so I appreciated the tub and it’s strategically placed jets that were currently working the knots out of my back. After my bath, Porter still hadn’t returned and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I turned on the TV, finding a movie I’d already seen, and laid down on the bed. I stretched out diagonally across the entire bed, my strategy to make sure Porter had to wake me to go to sleep.

  My plan worked because I woke to the smell of my husband’s soap and his warm hand rubbing soft circles on my back. I opened my eyes and saw my husband’s face surrounded by just the soft light coming from the lamp by the bed.

  “Hi,” I smiled up at him sleepily. When my eyes focused, I saw his hair was wet. “Did you shower?”

  “Yeah. I smelled like smoke and women.” I cocked an eyebrow at him trying not to make it obvious that I had also noticed that he was naked.

  “So you did go to a strip club.”

  “That we did,” he said as he patted my butt, urging me to scoot onto my designated side of the bed. I slid over, rolling towards him, resting my head on my pillow, curling my knees up to my chest.

  “Did Patrick have a good time?”

  “If you’re asking me if Patrick had nearly naked women rubbing up against him, the answer is a sacred secret I will take to the grave.”

  “So, what you’re telling me is that he had a lot of lap dances.”

  “I’ve said no such thing.” He laid his head down on his pillow, facing me, trying to hide a smirk.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “How many?”

  “How many dollar bills did Megan shove into G-strings where you were?”

  “None of them rubbed themselves all over her while they were alone in a dark room.”

  “How do you know lap dances happen in a dark room?”

  “Don’t change the subject, Porter. How many lap dances did he get?”

  “We each bought him one,” he finally conceded with a sigh.

  “There were eight of you there! He had eight lap dances?”

  “It’s not a big deal, Ella. Megan wanted him to have fun and told him to go to a strip club.”

  “How many lap dances did you get?”

  “None. I told you I wouldn’t.”

  “How much money did you tuck into underwear?”

  “None.”

  “None?” I repeated, not believing his story. Suddenly, I was below him and his arms were caging me in, his long, hard body draped over mine.

  “You doubt me all of a sudden. Where is this coming from?” Before I could form an answer, or even open my mouth, his lips were on my ear. “Don’t question my devotion, Ella. Don’t think twice about the fact that every other woman pales in comparison to you.” His hands found my wrists and slid them up, pinning them above my head. His thigh found its way in between my knees, spreading my legs underneath him and my breath caught in my throat. The panties I had put on before I fell asleep did nothing to hide the heat that was building, smoldering against his skin now as only a thin layer of cotton was between us.

  “I don’t doubt you,” I managed to whisper.

  “Oh, but you do.” His mouth found my neck and instead of the kiss I was expecting, I felt his teeth bite into my flesh. I gasped, surprised by his sudden and unexpected fierceness. He soothed the tender skin by laying a wet, open-mouth kiss over the exact same spot he’d just assaulted. I couldn’t help the moan that escaped at the feeling of his tongue on my throat or the wetness pooling between my legs. “When I see other women, the only thoughts that cross my mind center around how I still can’t believe that I was lucky enough to find you, to make you mine, and to convince you to marry me.” He continued to kiss his way down my throat, pulling not-so-gently on the neck of my nightgown. He growled when he realized he wasn’t going to get to his destination without taking it off.

  I was speechless. I knew how he felt about me—how he felt about us. And even though I never wanted to make it seem like I didn’t feel his love or his need for me, lately with everything changing, inside my body and out, I found myself insecure. Obviously I’d let my insecurities into our relationship and he was having none of it.

  His hands grabbed the bottom of the nightgown and pushed it up over my breasts and he wasted no time before taking one into his scorching mouth and palming the other, brushing his thumb over my hard, aching nipple. His hand and mouth did wonderfully terrible things to my breasts and I gasped for air, trying to wriggle free of the strong hold his other hand still hand on my wrists.

  “Please . . . I need to touch you.”

  He pulled away from my breast to look me in the eye. “What more can I do to convince you? To show you that you’re all I’ll ever want, all I’ll ever need?” As he said the words, his hips rolled into mine, igniting a whole new flame within me, sending a slow burn out through my veins. “I’m yours, Ella. I’ll n
ever be anyone else’s and I’ll never want anyone else. Tell me that I belong to you just as much as you belong to me.”

  Spurred on by his words, I felt a surge of possession rush through me. Of course he belonged to me and of course he wouldn’t look at another woman, let alone touch one. We were the same, him and I, unimportant in life before we found each other. Worthwhile? Yes. Meaningful? Yes. But lacking still on a very base level. I was nothing until he found me and he had nothing before I found him. Together we were everything that mattered.

  He loosened his grip on my wrist and I pried it free, using both of my hands to bring his mouth to mine in a kiss that had so much electricity I was sure we lit up the room. I saw lights—white, blinding lights. My body was drawn to his, my back arching, my hips searching for his, trying to take the edge off the lust. I needed the contact, craved it, so I pushed up and forced him to roll onto his back. Never breaking the contact of our kiss, I brought my leg over his waist and straddled him, still using my hands to keep his mouth on mine.

  I could feel so much more of him this way, my body getting the rush of the contact it was longing for. My hands ran along the chiseled planes of his chest, my hips grinding onto his erection, my body came alive. He pushed my hair out of my face as he continued to kiss me, his hand finding the back of my neck, pulling me into him, pushing his cock against me, hot and hard; I knew he ached just like me.

  I broke our kiss and reached to pull my nightgown over my head. Before I could even throw it on the floor, his hands were on me again, kneading and teasing. I placed my hands over his, loving the feeling of what he was doing to me, the way his hands felt on my breasts. I leaned down to place another small kiss on his lips and felt his hands glide down my sides, over my ribcage. I continued with my mouth down his chin, over his throat, and farther south down the center of his chest.

  I found him hot and hard, the short hair around his cock still a little damp from his shower. I wrapped a hand around him and could feel him pulsing between my fingers, literally throbbing. I opened my mouth and licked the underside of his shaft from root to tip, swirling my tongue around the head a few times, finally making eye contact with him as I took him fully into my mouth. I watched his eyes disappear as his lids fluttered closed, and heard a strangled moan escape from his mouth as it gaped open.

  He was such a strong and assertive man; it wasn’t very often that I saw him give up his dominance. Knowing I was the one making him forget his need to be the aggressor only fueled the fire raging within me. My mouth took him in and the heat radiating off him simply warmed me. Everything combined—the heat, the throbbing, his relinquishment of control—it all boiled over and I felt myself start to claim him. Every bob of my head, every lick, every caress, it was all meant to convey one thing—that he was mine. Lost in the moment, living in the feeling of what passed between us, I hardly noticed he’d regained some attentiveness. I felt his hand move my hair from the side of my face, allowing him the pleasure of watching me love him. Our eyes met again and I watched as his hands came to grip me behind my neck, pulling me back up towards him.

  He pulled my face within inches of his, both of his hands tangled in my hair, gently tugging. “Take me,” he whispered. “I’m yours.” We collided then, in every way possible. My mouth met his, my hands found his skin, and with one quick roll of my hips I captured him, felt him fill me completely. We were connected, emotionally and physically, and I couldn’t help but think about how much deeper our connection was; I always had a piece of him in me, carrying his child, tying me to him irrevocably.

  “If you’re mine,” I said against his mouth, “then I’m yours.”

  He growled and pulled down on my hips, burying himself deeper inside of me, causing me to gasp. I sat up, adjusting to being so incredibly full. My eyes closed and my head tipped back, my hands finding purchase behind me on his muscular thighs. I felt his hands roaming all over me, gliding over my skin, causing goose bumps to rise, blood to pulse. I rocked back and forth on him, mouth falling open at the instant pleasure coursing through me at the contact. I rode him, the head of his cock always managing to find that one spot, deep inside, that sent shockwaves and electricity straight to my core.

  He let me continue to ride him, pulling my hips down onto him, adding beautiful pressure to my movement, allowing every feeling to be magnified. I spent most of my time working him over, making sure that he enjoyed it just as much as I did. I listened for his growls, taking note of what was turning him on, what was making him pulse within me. I started moving my hips in a small circle and heard him let out a gasp, followed by a low and slow, “fuck me.” I smiled, because that was exactly what I intended to do.

  “Porter, look at me,” I rasped, still working my hips in slow and small circles over his cock, filled completely. I watched as his eyes opened and slowly focused on me. He looked magnificent. His biceps strained from their tight grasp on my waist. His eyes hooded with lust. His stone-like abs constricting from pleasure. “No one will ever get to rub themselves all over you like this but me.” He bit his lip and groaned, pulling me down on him even more. “Now, touch me, Porter. Make me come.”

  He didn’t need to be told twice. His hand came over my mound and his finger started its torturous rhythm over my engorged clit. The feeling of his cock stroking that perfect spot inside of me and his finger teasing that hot bundle of nerves sent me spiraling into an orgasm like none I’d ever had. Shock waves moved from my sex, down my legs, curling my toes. I felt my inner walls clenching around him, illuminating how incredibly hard he was. I cried out and was surprised at my volume; surely the people in the room next to us could hear me. I felt a warm wetness seep out of me, pooling where our bodies connected.

  “Oh shit, Ella. You just came all over me.” He sounded surprised. I continued to rock back and forth, trying to stretch the orgasm out as long as it would last, my over-sensitized clit aching and trembling.

  “That,” I panted, still gently rocking him in and out of me, “was possibly the best orgasm I have ever had.”

  “My turn,” he said. In an instant he grabbed my waist and rolled me over. I was under him again, but this time he was still inside me. My legs instinctually wrapped around him, pulling him into me farther. He leaned down and brought one of my tight, pebbled nipples into his mouth. My back arched, offering him all of me, begging him to take. I willingly gave him everything, wanted to feel empty afterwards, needed him to take everything I had.

  I whimpered as I felt him start to move in and out of me, starting with slow strokes, but gradually pumping faster and faster. He brought my leg over his shoulder, changing the angle, causing me to cry out as I gripped his bulging shoulders.

  “Yes,” I cried, dangerously close to another orgasm. “Please . . .”

  “Hang on, Baby. Not yet. Wait for me.” I looked up at him, wondering how in the world he thought I could hold off an orgasm. I was put in a trance as I watched a bead of sweat roll down his forehead, trail down the bridge of his nose, and drip off him, landing right in the middle of my chest. Then his eyes met mine and I felt so many emotions in his gaze. This man loved me more than any other single thing on the planet. He treasured me, coveted me, wanted me, above anything else, me and the baby we made together.

  “I will always wait for you,” I said as I brushed my hand through his hair, bringing his lips down to mine. He kissed me, his tongue brushing up against mine, like I was a breath of air given to a drowning man. And then he took. He took everything. I was lost in the feeling of his possession, swirling in the heat building between us, dangling off the edge of my world, hanging on by the connection between us, waiting for him.

  “Now,” he growled at me, as he seemed to lose his composure, pushing into me with new speed and fervor, gripping my hips harder, lifting me up to get to depths previously unknown to either of us. I cried out as I tumbled through my release and felt him tumble with me. We breathed in tandem, both of us slowly coming down from new heights. He rested over me, o
ur sweaty bodies still entangled, his face nestled in the space between my neck and shoulder. I turned my head towards him slightly and placed a small, open-mouthed kiss on his cheek, loving the salty taste of his skin.

  “All that baby-making practice really paid off,” I whispered into his ear, hoping to see his beautiful deep brown eyes. I was rewarded when he lifted his head to look at me, and was gifted another surprise to see his smirk. Nothing was sexier than my man, sweaty from sex and smirking at me.

  “You can’t give all the praise to practice, Baby. There’s something to be said for natural born talent. You’ve got it in spades,” he said as he brushed the tip of his nose up against mine, making me smile in return. He gave me a quick kiss and then rolled off me. Immediately I was left cold, the frigid air turning my previously hot and sweaty body into a shivering mess.

  “Hey,” I said quietly. He turned his head to look at me, his hair all kinds of crazy, still sweat soaked. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have questioned you or doubted you. You did nothing wrong.” I let out a small sigh, taking just a moment to put my thoughts into words. “I think lately I’m just feeling really insecure and tonight it manifested itself in a jealous streak.” He rolled closer to me, draping his arms around my waist, resting his forehead against mine.

  “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now, with everything happening to you and your body. I get it. I really do. But you have to understand, and believe me when I tell you that seeing your body change, knowing it’s my baby inside of you causing that change, it’s the sexiest thing to witness. I see nothing but beauty when I look at you.”

  His words warmed me. I believed him and I trusted him, always and completely. But I also knew that there would be times down the road when I would forget this moment and give in to the demons in my mind out to sabotage me.

  “I promise to try and remember that you’re always on my team, but I might need a reminder every once in a while.” I peeked out at him through my eyelashes.