All for Maddie

by Woodruff, Jettie

  “Why? You know someone looking?”

  “I didn’t until just now.” I could do that. I was only three blocks away from Maddie. I could see her every day. I needed that apartment. “Me, I would love to rent it. How much is the rent?”

  “I’m not sure, but I’m sure my dad would work it out with you.”

  “Where is your dad? Why doesn’t he ever come around here?”

  “He’s busy. He doesn’t really need to. I keep the books and the store just fine without him.”

  “What are you going to do when you finish school?”

  “I will more than likely keep working for my old man. I wouldn’t even be getting a business degree had he not insisted. I can run this place with my eyes closed.”

  “How many bedrooms are upstairs?”

  “Two, it’s decent sized, and there is a washer and dryer hookup. You wouldn’t have to carry your laundry up and down the stairs.”

  That was great. I just hoped the washer and dryer were also included. I didn’t get that many hours. There was no way I could afford it.

  “Can I see it?”

  “Yeah, let’s wait until he turns the key in. I don’t want to bother him now. What are you doing tomorrow?”

  “I have no plans until Sunday. Tomorrow would be great.”

  <><><>

  “Where are you going?” Alex asked as I emerged from the bathroom looking mighty fine, if I do say so myself. I wore tattered jeans with black knee boots and a black tight fitting sweater. My hair looked better than it had in quite some time. I guess I sort of let myself go over the last few months. It felt good to cleanup and look nice for a change.

  “Why do you do that? You know that I am just going to tell you to go fuck yourself. Maddie’s not here, I’m not your concern.”

  “You are my concern. I promised your dad that I would take care of you.”

  “You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep. I’ll see ya around.”

  “You can’t drink alcohol, Whitley,” he demanded.

  “Watch me,” I smirked, walking away from him, sensing him following me to the door. I didn’t care. He could watch me get in with Regan and know exactly where I was going. Whatever turned him on, didn’t much matter to me.

  “Oh my God, I feel like we haven’t been out in years,” I said as soon as I got in with Regan.

  “Me too, and lord knows I need it. Vince has been on me all week. I’m ready to kill him.”

  “I’ll help you burry him if you help me plant your brother,” I offered. I wasn’t exactly joking.

  “What’s going on with you two? Are you okay?”

  “Regan, I told you, I’m not discussing this with you. I’m not going to come between Alex and his family. This is between him and I, and we’ll work it out.”

  “But what is your plan, Whit? You can’t keep going like this. It’s obvious that you don’t want to be with him.”

  “I’m working on it. Let’s forget men and go kick some biker ass on the pool table. I need someone to buy my drinks. I have to buy a zoo.”

  “You’re buying a zoo?”

  “Yup, it’s going to take up the whole floor in Maddie’s room, but that’s all she has been talking about.”

  Regan laughed. “Trenton has a whole bag of zoo animals that she hasn’t played with in years. I’ll have to dig them out for her.”

  “Are there any bunnies? She wants bunnies at her zoo,” I explained, smiling and thinking about her excitement over this zoo.

  “Actually there are about twenty of them. Trenton went through an animal phase where we had to buy some sort of animal every time we were out. Her dad brought her home something every time he was out of town. That was when she was going to be a veterinarian. Now, she’s going to be a horse racer.”

  “Has she ever been on a horse?”

  “Yes, once last summer. My parents took her to a ranch for the weekend. She loved it. She’s going to live on a ranch and race horses.”

  “God, I would love to have nothing to worry about but what I was going to do when I grow up.”

  “Me too. I have a suggestion. Let’s go in here and worry about how drunk we can get.”

  “We’re going to have to call for a ride home again,” I reminded her. I wasn’t calling Alex. I would walk first.

  “Stop, we’re not worrying about anything. Remember?”

  “Got it.”

  That is exactly what we did. We drank mixed drinks, and I have no idea how many shots of different whisky. I needed that night more than I knew. It felt amazing to just let go without Alex looking over my shoulder. We didn’t talk about what was going on once. I wasn’t going there with Regan. Every time she mentioned Alex, I ordered another shot. I wasn’t thinking about Alex. I refused, until he called at almost midnight. What the hell? I only answered to make sure everything was okay with Maddie, and he wasn’t calling for something important. He wasn’t.

  “Hello,” I answered, walking toward the window so that I could hear over the noise.

  “Where are you?”

  “Drunk, where are you?” I smartly replied.

  “You know you’re not supposed to be drinking with your medication.”

  I laughed. It didn’t piss me off a bit. I was too drunk to let Alex Wesson get to me. “Yeah well, you see the thing is….I have never taken one of those stupid pills. I don’t need them. The only pill I need is the magic kind that will make you disappear. What do you want?”

  “Are you done? I’ll come and get you.”

  “I don’t need you to come and get me. My daughter is not there. I have no reason to come there. I’ll see you when she gets back on Easter Sunday.”

  “I think not, Whitley. Are you at that biker bar?”

  “We were. I’m leaving now, just getting ready to climb on the back of a Harley with some guy named, um, oh hell, it doesn’t matter what his name is. I’ll see ya later.”

  “Don’t you dare hang up on me! You’re not going anywhere with anyone. I’m on my way.”

  “I’m not going to be here, you’re wasting your time.” I said to myself. Why the hell did he always hang up on me?

  “Hey, I’ve got a ride. Alex is on his way to take you home,” I lied, walking back to the pool table where Regan was running the game.

  “What do you mean you have a ride?”

  “A friend from work, she’s here now. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I lied again, grabbed my jacket and walked out to the dark, empty parking lot. Now if I just had a friend from work to give me that ride I would be just fine. What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t walk. Where was I going to walk to? I could get a room for a couple days till Maddie came home. No, I couldn’t spend the money. I had a zoo to buy.

  Wait a minute, I did have a friend. I walked behind the bar, not wanting Alex to pull in and see me, and dialed Matt. Shit, it’s after midnight, I noticed as his phone rang.

  “Hey,” he answered on the first ring. Good he wasn’t sleeping.

  “Hey…uhm, are you busy?”

  “Nah, just watching Little House on the Prairie.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You know the old black and white TV show with Michael Landon.”

  “I know what it is. Why are you watching it?”

  Matt laughed. “Relax, I’m not a weirdo. I have to do a presentation on it for my public speaking class. I kind of like it. I’d love to live back in those days.”

  “Do you think maybe you could come and get me?” I asked, jumping out of my skin from the cat that ran right between my legs. Holy hell, I was sure I just had a heart attack.

  “Come and get you? Where are you? Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little drunk. I’m at the Blue Moon.”

  “What the hell are you doing there? That’s a biker bar.”

  “Just trying out my wings. Can you give me a lift?”

  “Sure, I’ll be there in about ten minutes. Stay inside.”

  “Yeah, okay.”

>   Shit, ten minutes. That’s about when Alex should be pulling in. Wait a minute, I don’t give a fuck. He can go to hell. He doesn’t own me. He got what he wanted.

  I stood leaned up against the side of the bar peaking around the corner, praying that Alex got here after Matt. I wanted to be out of here before he came, even if I did just say I didn’t care. I kind of cared. Or at least I didn’t want trouble anyway. He needed to hurry. I was drunk. I needed to sit down before I fell down.

  I was sure the ten minutes took around fifty. Thank God, I saw the jeep before I saw Alex. I practically ran to his jeep. I wanted out of there….fast.

  “Go, get out of here,” I said, jumping in as I saw headlights. I was sure they were Alex’s even though I couldn’t see the car yet. I could tell by the Japanese style headlights.

  “You didn’t rob the place did you?”

  I ducked when we neared Alex. Yup, that was him. “No, just hiding from Maddie’s dad.”

  “Where’s Maddie?”

  “Alex let her go with my dad for a couple days.”

  “And you didn’t want her to?”

  “No, she’s fine there.” I could tell I had just confused the hell out of him, but he didn’t say anything.

  “Where do you live?”

  “I don’t want to go there. Let’s go drink some more.”

  “Um no, you’ve had enough. Did you have a fight with Maddie’s dad?”

  “I always have a fight with Maddie’s dad.” I wanted to ask him if I could sleep on his couch, but couldn’t seem to work up the nerve.

  “Do you want to see the apartment? I have the key.”

  “Yes!” I said with a little too much excitement. I’d sleep on the floor there.

  Matt drove us to the back side of the coffee shop. It wasn’t like a back alley where it was dark and I would be afraid. The back side wasn’t much different than the front side and had a one-way street with other business on the other side of the road. It felt pretty safe.

  “You sure you’re okay to walk up the steps?”

  “Are you trying to tell me something?” I smirked. I felt a little excitement about the apartment. Could I really do this? I’d have to get another job.

  “Yes, you’re drunk.”

  I laughed and got out.

  Matt followed me up the encased stairwell and unlocked the door. He pushed it letting me go first and flipped on a light. It opened to a kitchen that took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting it to be as big as it was. It needed work. A lot of work. I wasn’t sure I could handle living in it like that. The linoleum was blood red with hunter green countertops.

  “It hasn’t been cleaned yet,” Matt said, catching my expressional hesitation.

  “I think it needs more than cleaning. This place is ugly,” I laughed.

  “You can buy a big rug.”

  “I would have to.” I walked into the living area, wondering why they would make the kitchen so big and the living room so small. It led to two bedrooms, one on each side of a wide hallway with the bathroom all the way at the end. Maddie would have room to play in the hall anyway. The bedrooms were small as well, but would do. I could live with that.

  “How much is the rent?”

  “I talked to my dad and he said he would rent it to you for three fifty. It’s a hundred cheaper than what he was charging. I told him you were a friend, but I just want you to make sure first. Maybe you should answer that,” he said after I hit end on my phone for the fifth time in ten minutes. I wasn’t talking to Alex. He didn’t need to know where I was.

  “No, it’s fine. I’ll just turn it off.” I could probably do three fifty. It really wasn’t worth more than that. I’d never lived in such a rundown place, but I could make it mine and Maddie’s. It was better than having to live with Alex.

  I was in a daze thinking about what to do when I looked up to see the look in Matt’s eyes, the same look that I had noticed more and more.

  “You know I like you, right, Whitley?”

  I smiled at him. “Matt, I don’t want to be in love.”

  “What do you want?”

  “What I want and what my options are, are two different things.”

  “Why do you let him control you?”

  I shrugged my shoulders thinking about it. I couldn’t tell him. “I guess I do it all for Maddie.”

  “You can’t let him hold her over your head, Whit. You have a right to your own life.”

  I didn’t want to talk about it with Matt. I was drunk and had other uses in mind for him. I walked toward him and slid my arms around his neck. He wrapped his around my waist and I kissed him. He backed away. Damn.

  “You’re drunk, and I’m not going to do something that you are going to regret in the morning,” he assured me.

  I walked back to him with a smile. “It’s already morning. I’m not regretting anything.”

  Matt held my hands when I started taking my clothes off. He wouldn’t let me.

  “No, Whitley. I need to take you home.”

  I let out a disgusted puff of air and backed off. I wasn’t having sex with Matt. Matt wanted more. I didn’t want more. I wanted sex. “I’m not going home. You go ahead and go. I’ll just crash here.”

  “I’m not leaving you here. There isn’t even a bed.”

  “This carpet will do just fine. Just go, please,” I begged.

  He left me. He really just turned on his heels and left me. I couldn’t believe it. Alex would have never done that. Shit, who cares what Alex would do? I slid down the wall and I’m not sure what happened. I cried. I cried like Maddie did when she was really upset. It wouldn’t stop. I could feel the tears running down my face as I heaved in breaths of stale air. What was I doing? How did I get into this mess? Why? Why? Why?

  Chapter 14

  “Come on, get up,” I heard from my fetal position on the nasty brown carpet in what would be my new bedroom.

  “Alex? What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I came to take you home. Let me help you,” he offered, taking my arm. I let him pull me up and caught a glance of my image through a mirror from across the room. I looked horrible. I had make-up smeared all down my face, my eyes were puffy, and my white camisole was covered in something red. Where was my shirt? I had a shirt when we came there, didn’t I? It was still dark out. What time was it?

  I turned when I also saw Matt’s reflection. I was confused. He called Alex? Why would he do that? He smiled a warm smile at me and slid his hands in his jean pockets. He didn’t leave me at all. He called Alex. What the fuck?

  “Let’s get you out of here,” Alex said, taking my elbow and leading me out.

  Alex took off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. I was so confused. I remembered going there. I remembered being rejected by Matt. I remembered my breakdown and crying. I vaguely remembered Matt leaving me, but everything else was unclear. I must have been drunker than I thought.

  The confusion that I felt before was nothing like I felt when I got home. Why was Doctor Pierce there? Why was Regan there? I turned back looking over my shoulder at Alex in question.

  “You’re okay. Doctor Pierce is just going to give you something to relax. Regan, start a bath, would you?” He beckoned, turning to his sister.

  “I don’t need anything to relax. I’m fine. What do you mean something to relax? Why is he here?”

  “I called him,” Alex replied, answering his phone. I knew it was my dad. I could tell by the way he explained that he had me, and I was home safe. He told him not to worry, that he would take care of me and that the doctor was there too.

  Regan led me to the bathroom where an inviting tub of water was filled with bubbles.

  “Regan, what the hell is going on? How did Alex find me?”

  “What the hell were you thinking, Whitley? By the time we got back to your house, Matt was here. He left his friends there to keep an eye on you while he came for help.”

  “Help? I didn’t need help? What do you mean he
lp?”

  “Matt said you went off the deep end. He said you were trying to get him and his friends all to, well, you know.”

  “What friends, we were alone?”

  “No, you weren’t; there were three guys there.”

  “There wasn’t anyone else, Regan. I swear.” My God. I was crazy. Or was she crazy.

  “Alex is never going to let you out of this house with me again. He’s blaming me. You told me a girlfriend was picking you up. What the hell are you doing getting in a car full of men you don’t know?”

  I was so disordered. Why didn’t I remember that? “There was only Matt,” I protested. “He told me he was just sitting home alone watching television, Little House on the Prairie. I laughed at him.” I knew I was right. He came alone. There was no one else. Was there?

  “Why didn’t someone tell me you were on medication? Alex is livid with me for letting you drink.”

  “I’m not on anything. I have never taken them,” I assured her sliding out of my jeans. I wasn’t wearing panties. I was wearing panties when I left. I was sure of it. What the hell was going on?

  “Alex knew you weren’t taking them. He’s been giving it to you in liquid form three times a day. I had to listen to Doctor Idiot out there lecture me for twenty minutes on the dangers of mixing alcohol with your meds. Hell, someone could have freaking told me.”

  I eased into the hot water. “Like what happens when you mix the two. I want to know what Alex has been giving me.”

  “According to your doctor, it can make you do exactly what you just did. You don’t remember any of it?”

  “Any of what? I remember looking around the apartment and then trying to get frisky with Matt. He turned me down and left me there. Alex showed up after that.”

  “Jesus, Whit, you were trying to get all three of them to do you. They all turned you down. You took your clothes off and when Matt tried to calm you down you went off screaming and crying. They left you. His friends waited outside while he came to get Alex.”

  Oh God, how was I ever going to face Matt? He would think I was crazy too. Hell, maybe I was. Everything seemed to be so out of this world. This wasn’t my life anymore. What happened to my safe little life with my little girl by the river? I wanted it back. I was going crazy. I couldn’t take this anymore.