Birthright

by Fiona Lowe

  She caught sight of Stella across the street. As she sank low in the seat, praying the woman didn’t see her, a jet of wrathful indignation flared. What the hell are you doing? Why are you hiding? You’re not the one who upended your life. You haven’t had an emotional affair with another man. You have the moral high ground here, so sit up straight!

  Decision made, she did exactly that. Instead of hiding from Stella, she’d meet her for coffee and give the notorious gossip the correct information. At least that way she was exerting some control over her story.

  She was texting Stella when a knock on the car window made her jump. With her heart thumping wildly, she pressed the button on the door and the window slid down with a gentle whirr.

  ‘Edmund.’

  ‘Sarah, I am sorry,’ he said in his precise and Afrikaans-accented English. ‘I did not mean to startle you. I was waiting a couple of minutes for you to look up but—’

  ‘I was sending a text.’ She forced a smile, trying to ease the consternation that was furrowing his forehead. ‘So, how are you?’

  ‘I am well.’ He slid his hands in his pockets and rocked back on the heels of his boots. ‘But are you?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ she said too quickly. ‘Touch wood I’ve dodged the bug that’s going around.’

  ‘And everyone is well?’

  ‘Uh huh.’

  The creases on his forehead became crevasses. ‘Really? You look very tired.’

  She waved away his comment. ‘Just busy, but we’re all good. Alex is still mad on cycling, Emma’s loving France, Finn’s gearing up for exams and Gus has joined a band, of all things! He’s playing the guitar.’

  Edmund usually listened to her with close attention—his head tilted slightly and his eyes fixed on her face—then asked follow-up questions. But today his head was straight and the tendons in his neck taut.

  ‘If everyone is well and everything is fine, why did you miss Hibiscus’s opening on Saturday night?’

  Sarah’s stomach dropped and her head spun, making silver spots dance in front of her eyes. With everything that had happened over the last few days, the invitation to the opening had totally slipped her mind. Even if it hadn’t, she’d been in no fit state to drive up the mountain and be social, but the fact she’d let Edmund down made her feel ill. ‘Oh God, Edmund. I’m so sorry. I feel awful. I mean what sort of friend am I—’ We! ‘What sort of friends are we to forget such an important event. Did it go well? I’m sure it was amazing—’ Stop! You’re babbling.

  ‘Sarah,’ he said quietly. ‘You never forget anything.’

  It was true. She’d inherited her mother’s mind for detail and even during the busiest times she never forgot anything. Apparently, all it took to vanquish memory was a husband accusing her of a lack of understanding, blaming her for his unhappiness and desiring another woman. ‘I’m so sorry your event was the first time it happened.’

  ‘I am too. Also, it surprises me that the reminders I know you set on your phone did not work.’ Edmund’s sea-green gaze bored into her like a drill.

  She swallowed, feeling totally exposed. ‘How can I make it up to you?’

  ‘Tell me what is really going on.’

  The problem with good friends is that they know you too well, making it almost impossible to hide anything when your emotional fortitude is already on the skids. Over the years, she and Edmund had shared a lot and he knew her almost as well as Alex did.

  A sigh rumbled out of her. ‘On Friday, Alex more or less told me he doesn’t know if he still wants to be married to me.’

  Edmund blinked, shock clear on his face. ‘No.’

  Her laugh was brittle. ‘Sadly, yes.’

  ‘But, I do not understand …’

  She looked beyond him and saw the Lindsays power walking towards them. Janine and Alan would have been guests at Hibiscus on Saturday night and she wasn’t up to fabricating a story about why she and Alex had missed one of the social events of the season. An urgent desire to flee filled her.

  ‘Edmund, get in the car.’

  ‘What?’

  She pressed the ignition button and the engine roared into life. ‘Quickly. Get in the car.’

  He jogged around the back of the vehicle and swung in next to her. ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘Somewhere that isn’t Mingunyah.’ She threw the car into reverse, pulled out of the parking space and crunched into first gear. As she approached the roundabout, she read the brown tourist sign and flicked on her indicator. ‘Hell’s Falls sounds absolutely perfect.’

  * * *

  Standing at the base of the falls with Edmund, Sarah let the negative ions float around her and groaned inwardly at the irony of something negative being good for her. The roar of the water filled her ears and she gave in to it, preferring the sound to the circular conversations in her head that never ceased. She’d been using a similar technique with music, radio and television over the long weekend. None of it worked for long.

  On the drive up the narrow and winding road to the falls, she’d filled the car with music for the same effect. Edmund had been silent. She couldn’t tell if it was because he’d been too busy gripping the Jesus bar, worried that if she talked about Alex she’d take one of the hairpin bends too fast and slide over the edge of the road, plummeting them both to their deaths, or if he was politely waiting for her to start talking. Edmund was always excruciatingly polite.

  She stamped her numb feet, trying to get some warmth back into them. The insidious cold easily permeated her fashionable leather boots and laughed at her one-hundred-denier tights. ‘God, why did I come up here without gloves, hat and a down jacket? Clearly, I’ve lost my mind.’

  ‘Here.’ Edmund started to slip off his coat.

  ‘No. Don’t freeze on my account.’

  ‘We can share it.’ He stepped in close and threw the heavy, silklined woollen coat over both their shoulders. The coat, combined with his body heat, went some way to combatting the below-zero wind chill.

  ‘We could just get back in the car.’

  ‘Sure.’

  But there was something about the primal roar of the water and the sunshine-laden mist that kept her rooted to the spot. Standing here on the mossy lookout with Edmund, it was the first time since Friday she’d come close to a semblance of calm. Was that why relaxation soundtracks played burbling brooks and breaking waves? Or was it Edmund’s presence? Perhaps it was a bit of both. This wasn’t the first time Edmund had been there for her in the middle of an emotional maelstrom. Mind you, this wasn’t quite the same as the time she’d gone into labour with Gus. Yes, that had been terrifying and excruciatingly fast but mostly exhilarating and exciting. This situation with Alex was devoid of exhilaration and excitement, leaving only terrifying uncertainty and rage. A malignant and all-consuming rage unlike anything she’d ever experienced. It took her mind to evil places, made her entertain base thoughts and at the same time it mocked her for sinking so low. She’d always considered that her education and wealth elevated her above such primal urges as revenge. She’d been utterly wrong.

  Alex, why are you doing this to us?

  Every time she thought about her husband, she wanted to yell and scream and scratch him until he bled. She wanted to hurt him like he’d hurt her. She wanted raw pain to pull at his handsome face and see tears well in his eyes. But at the same time, the idea of inflicting pain on the man she’d loved for as long as she could remember made her recoil—until she remembered what he’d done and then the cycle started all over again. The intensity of her feelings frightened her.

  ‘Alex says I don’t understand him but Kelly Bamfield does.’

  ‘Fuck,’ said Edmund softly. The vowels sounded ridiculously round and defined.

  Sarah shivered. ‘That’s what I said.’

  ‘But he cannot be serious?’ Mist clung in tiny bubbles to Edmund’s blond hair and thick eyelashes. ‘Kelly Bamfield is a perfectly nice woman in a nondescript kind of a way, but she is not you.’<
br />
  Tears prickled the backs of her eyes. ‘Unfortunately, not being like me is the attraction.’

  Edmund’s arm tightened around her. It felt as natural as breathing to lean against him and give in to the relief of allowing someone other than herself to hold her upright. He muttered something in Afrikaans, which Sarah didn’t understand, but she appreciated the harsh sound of the words and the guttural delivery. She imagined them crashing down on Alex like the basalt boulders that lined the creek.

  ‘Whenever I think about it, I’m so furious with him I find it hard to breathe but at the same time I feel like half of me is missing. I’ve moved out. I’ve taken leave so I don’t have to go to the office every day and see Kelly, but part of me wants to storm back in and drag her out by the hair.’ She gave him a rueful smile. ‘Dan has advised me against this.’

  ‘Dan is a wise man.’ He brushed some damp strands of hair off her cheek. The warmth in his fingers fired a line of heat along her skin, breaking apart the chill that gripped her. ‘You need to keep busy or your mind will drive you crazy.’

  The heartfelt words carried his own pain and she gave herself a shake. Here she was leaning on Edmund when he’d suffered a far greater loss than she had. ‘You’re right. Thank you.’

  ‘What will you do?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Her voice sounded shaky. ‘For twenty-two years, my life has been Alex, the kids and the business, and now there’s this huge hole.’ She sucked in a steadying breath. ‘Mum’s been dropping hints lately that she doesn’t see enough of me so I’ll do more things with her.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘Take up yoga. Eat chocolate. Bake for Gus. Watch a decade of movies that I’ve missed.’ She sighed. ‘The evenings are long and I can’t sleep so I’ve already made a solid start on the movies.’

  ‘Sleeping is the tough one,’ he agreed, his eyes filled with understanding. ‘Have dinner with me tonight at Protea. Chef has a new menu and the staff and I are tasting. I would appreciate your thoughts before we go public.’

  A wave of emotion hit her and she didn’t know if she wanted to burst into tears or hug him. He was only the second adult she’d told and unlike Anita, who’d been hungry for details, Edmund wasn’t judging or warning her. Instead he radiated kindness and consideration. She needed every gram of it. However, he’d spent the last eighteen months fighting his way out of his own black hole of grief and he didn’t deserve an evening of her struggling to be bright and chirpy.

  ‘Are you sure? I’m not fabulous company right now and I don’t want to drag you down.’

  ‘Very sure.’ The mist on his hair combined to form droplets and two fractured their surface tension, splashing down his forehead into his eyes. ‘Can we discuss this further in the car?’

  ‘For sure.’ Sarah’s ringtone screeched, making them both jump. ‘Wow, I didn’t think there was reception up here.’

  ‘Running Hibiscus, I have learned the altitude affects everything from boiling point to phone signals.’

  She pulled her mobile out of her pocket and frowned. ‘It’s my brother. He never calls me.’

  ‘Take it.’ Edmund adjusted the coat over her shoulders and stepped away.

  Despite the warmth of the heavy wool, she shivered, instantly missing his heat. ‘Thanks. Don’t get wet. Go back to the car.’

  He shot her a grateful smile before turning and jogging down the path. She watched his long legs eating up the distance and by the time she’d accepted the call, he’d vanished from view.

  ‘Hi, Cam.’

  ‘Where are you?’ he asked, his tone oozing I’m a very busy and important man. ‘I’ve rung four times and left messages.’

  She suddenly remembered the chant Cameron had frequently hurled at her when they were kids: You’re not the boss of me. The temptation to say it to him now was so strong she was surprised to hear herself say, ‘Halfway up the mountain. You know the reception’s dodgy. What’s up?’

  ‘Mum’s had a minor car accident.’

  ‘Oh God. Is she all right?’

  ‘She’s fine but Sergeant Plod says the front of the car isn’t. Look, she’s been trying to call you and so have I.’ His criticism that she wasn’t available when he needed her to be blasted down the phone. ‘The hospital wants to discharge her so you need to pick her up.’

  The hairs on her arm rose in a rush. ‘Where are you?’

  ‘Benalla. And before you ask, it’s one of Annie’s client mornings.’

  Sarah’s hand gripped her phone tightly as treachery trickled through her. Today was Tuesday. She was Anita’s Tuesday morning client! Surely her sister-in-law wasn’t at Riverbend filling the freezer with home-cooked food for Alex? Not when she knew what he’d done to her. ‘Why didn’t you ring Ellie?’

  A long, put-upon sigh rumbled down the line. ‘I know Alex is being a prick and you’re all emotional and not thinking straight, but Ellie? Seriously?’

  Sarah didn’t know if it was because half of her was already consumed by bitter rage at Alex’s perfidy or if years spent carefully controlling her reactions to Cameron had finally broken containment lines, but flames of frustration and fury ignited in an almighty whoosh, almost blowing her head off her neck.

  ‘Oh, I’m deadly serious. I’m over an hour’s drive away and Ellie can be in Mingunyah in less than thirty minutes. It’s time she stepped up.’

  ‘You can ring her if you want,’ he said in a sing-song voice that clearly implied she was stark raving mad, ‘but I’ve told you about Mum so my job is done.’ The line went dead.

  ‘You’re such a prick, Cameron!’ Her yell barely penetrated the noise of the waterfall so she added a scream for good measure. It felt amazing. Then she brought up Ellie’s number and as the phone rang, she prayed that the one bar of reception would hold.

  ‘Hi, Sarah.’

  ‘Ellie, hi. Sorry to bother you.’ God! Why did she sound so tentative? But she knew why; it was just the way things were between her and her sister.

  ‘Oh.’ A quick intake of breath echoed down the line. ‘Is there a problem at the dairy with the guys? Do you need me to come out?’

  Bloody hell. She’d totally forgotten today was the Burmese men’s first day. Right now, she was supposed to be running their orientation. Her rush of regret was suddenly replaced by cool and clear-headed spite. It was good she wasn’t at work; the orientation was another thing Alex would have to deal with on top of all the other general business that followed a Monday public holiday.

  ‘I’m not calling about work. It’s about Mum. She’s fine but apparently she’s had a slight bingle and they took her to hospital to get checked out. The thing is, Cam and I are both over an hour away from Mingunyah. Can you please pick her up?’

  There was a long silence and Sarah automatically checked the reception.

  ‘Ellie? Are you still there? Did you hear what I said?’

  ‘Yes.’ Ellie’s tone was flat. ‘I heard. You want me to pick Mum up from hospital.’

  Sarah bit off the urge to ask, ‘Is that okay?’ as irritation prickled her from top to toe. She rolled her shoulders like a boxer facing up to an opponent. ‘That’s exactly right. Thanks. I’ll meet you at Mill House.’

  The moment she finished the call, four texts pinged in. Three were the messages Cameron had told her he’d left and the last one was from Alex. This was the first piece of communication between the two of them since she’d left Riverbend on Friday afternoon. Feeling like a bomb disposal expert, she tentatively swiped it open and braced herself for an explosion.

  Margaret keeps ringing me. Are you late picking her up? Can we meet at 7 tonight? We need to discuss telling Finn and Emma. Alex.

  Sarah’s stomach cramped and she doubled over for a moment before her fire-breathing rage ignited again. Oh, no. You don’t suddenly get to be the responsible parent and call the shots. Not when you’ve lobbed a grenade into the middle of our lives. With thick and ungainly fingers, half numb with cold, she typed a reply.

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nbsp; Tonight not suitable. I have— Her finger paused. An appointment? Prior engagement? A word pinged into her sluggish mind and she automatically moved to discard it and stopped. Stuff it. She knew what she was about to type wasn’t remotely accurate but why let the truth get in the way of one-upmanship?

  I have a date.

  CHAPTER

  9

  When Ellie arrived at the hospital, the first person she met was Graeme Atkins. The police sergeant was an old classmate of Cameron’s, although the two men had never been friends. As he crossed the foyer towards her, she realised with a flash of insight why Cameron always referred to him as Sergeant Plod—her brother was jealous. Even though Ellie didn’t spend time scoping out men, a person would have to be blind not to notice that the policeman was not only fit but his muscles were likely ripped under his dark navy shirt tucked neat and flat behind his utility belt. Not only that, he wore his uniform with a ‘don’t mess with me’ air of command that even she conceded was sexy in a pin-up-calendar kind of way.

  In contrast, Cameron enjoyed Anita’s excellent cooking just a little too much and was developing a paunch. She couldn’t imagine him doing anything more physical than a round of golf but she had no trouble picturing Graeme easily scaling fences like the cops on TV shows. Mind you, that probably didn’t happen much around here as most of the fences in the district were barbed wire.

  ‘Ellie, can I have a quick word?’ Graeme managed to combine professionalism with the right tone of familiarity as he flipped open his black notebook, fact checking before he spoke. ‘Your mother’s fine, by the way. I only brought her in as a precaution because of her age.’

  ‘Thanks. What happened exactly?’

  ‘She was approaching the IGA car park from the north east and the vehicle she was driving mounted the raised garden bed that creates a border between the carpark and the footpath. She collided with the light pole that’s located in the centre of the bed and came to a halt.’

  Ellie tried not to smile at the police talk. ‘Was she avoiding another car?’