Opening Night

by Diksha Basu

  ‘But, Jess, you can’t have nights like this. It isn’t a question of feminism. Anyone – man or woman – who cares about someone would get them home safely. This is awful.’

  ‘I know. It is. But I’m sure I’ll feel better in a few hours,’ Jess said weakly.

  ‘That’s it? That’s all you care about? That you’ll feel better in a few hours?’

  ‘What else do you want me to care about? Do you want me to have a breakdown and cry on your shoulder and then change my ways completely just so you can let the end credits roll? Look, Naiya. I had a fucked-up night and I love you for being there for me, but this isn’t changing my life.’

  ‘How can you be happy?’

  ‘I am. I don’t know how and I don’t question how, but I am happy. Maybe not all the time, but nothing I do will make me happy all the time. I’m too restless for that. So then what’s the harm? I’m not hurting anyone. Not even myself.’

  And I saw in her eyes that she wasn’t hurting herself. She didn’t resent him. Maybe I didn’t see my glass as half full any more. I always thought of the bad things that could have happened instead of the good ones that did.

  ‘So, that’s that, then?’ I asked.

  ‘That’s that. I was scared in the morning, Naiya, but I’m okay. I want to hear about you. Did you book Sameer’s role yet?’

  I gave Jess a quick recap of my night, but it was almost five and time for me to face the music.

  Sitting at Barista, Seher looked more like a little doll than I remembered. Her perfectly straightened hair was up in a high ponytail, her jeans were still super tight, her shirt was low cut, and her make-up was caked on. How did she not sweat more? I was wearing capris, a blue tank top, zero make-up, and a nice layer of shine. The only silver lining was that the frizziness of my hair was adding a good three inches of height to me. She got up when she saw me walk in and I realized she was nervous. For whatever reason, away from the camera flashes and without Sonal by her side, standing in front of me that day at Barista was just a nervous girl. At some point, somewhere, somehow, we were all the same.

  We both settled in with our coffees. Well, my coffee and her peach iced tea with no sugar.

  ‘It’s, um … nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you,’ I said innocently.

  ‘I’ve heard a lot about you too. From Jay. You’re very pretty,’ Seher said.

  I couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not, so I said, ‘So are you,’ and then we sat in silence. I wondered how much more awkward this could get.

  I decided to force the conversation forward.

  ‘How are things with Jay? He’s a great guy, no? So intense,’ I said.

  ‘He is. I suppose. I just …’ She paused, took a sip of her iced tea, and looked into the distance. Without looking back at me, she continued, ‘You seem really nice from everything he tells me. I think we should be friends.’ She stopped for a moment and then went on. ‘I know it’s a bit odd and all, but I feel I should apologize. I, honest to god, didn’t know he was seeing you. He always told me he was mostly single. I never asked why he said “mostly”.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ I asked her, genuinely perplexed.

  ‘Me and Jay. I know he was also seeing you, but he had never told me the truth. I would never touch a man who belonged to someone else.’

  She was saying the lines I thought I would be saying at that moment.

  ‘Seher, that’s very sweet of you. Don’t worry about it. Jay and I weren’t right for each other.’

  ‘Can I ask you for some advice? If it’s okay with you? You just seem to know him so well and … I don’t really know who else to turn to. It’s strange, but ever since I’ve been with him, I suddenly feel like I’m losing the rest of the world.’ Again, she sipped and stared into the distance. Then she said, ‘But I don’t know what to do. Not only do I love him, but he’s also helping me a lot with work. He’s just such an incredible person.’

  ‘He is, isn’t he? What advice do you want from me? I think you’re doing quite well,’ I said.

  ‘Just … well, you’re an actress too, right? Jay said you’re really talented …’ She seemed to be making up her mind about something and then blurted out, ‘I’m trying to decide if I should put my work second to him. See, I’m up for this big role – Jay basically got me the role – but it’s causing a lot of tension between us. I don’t know why. I mean, he’s the one who’s been pushing me for the role but there just seems to be something about it he isn’t happy with – and that ends up causing fights. I don’t even know how they start. Should I just forget the role? I mean, there’ll be others too, right? But there won’t be any other Jays. What would you do? I’m so sorry to be asking you this. I would have asked Sonal, but she’s really jealous. About the role and about Jay. And Jay himself …I don’t know. I don’t feel comfortable asking him all this. I’m so sorry. It’s so silly to be asking you something like this. I don’t even know you.’

  ‘No, no, Seher, don’t worry,’ I said a bit too fast. I couldn’t believe this. Within twenty-four hours, I had been given two chances to increase the probability of securing Sameer’s role. Finally, after months, someone was smiling down on me. I smiled warmly at Seher, reached across the table and put my hand on hers, and said, ‘Seher, if one silly role is getting in the way of your relationship, forget the role. Whatever it is, it isn’t worth it. Trust me. I know Jay and I know how wonderful he is. Do what you need to to hold on to him.’

  ‘You think so? Is that what you would do? It’s an amazing role, though.’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure it is, but like you said, roles will come and go. Jay … well, Jay’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ Seher continued. ‘I never thought I’d be that kind of girl, you know. The giving-it-all-up-for-a-guy type.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. I think it’s very romantic … very post-feminist.’

  Seher looked up at me and smiled and nodded. Shocked by myself, I withdrew my hand, quickly offered to pay for her iced tea and got up to leave. She jumped up too, and we hugged lovingly. Seeing how happy she looked, I didn’t feel particularly guilty. This was obviously the advice she wanted to hear and, as happens with advice you want to hear, you go to as many sources as needed until someone gives you exactly that counsel.

  To: NalSharma84@gmail.com

  From: NaiyaKnows@gmail.com

  Nal,

  Looks like Sameer’s movie might happen, after all. The producers have been going back and forth but they really like me, so I should find out soon. If it takes much longer to figure out, I might come back to New York and spend six months with Whittle and Reade again.

  Any news from Spike Lee?

  Love,

  Naiya

  To: NaiyaKnows@gmail.com

  From: NalSharma84@gmail.com

  Naiya,

  I got the role! I’m the second lead opposite Eva Mendez in Spike Lee’s new film! The whole thing feels surreal and bizarre, and I couldn’t be happier. It shoots in New York. I don’t know too many details yet, because I literally just got the offer. My agents are thrilled and working overtime on me now.

  Still waiting for it to sink in. You must come to New York if Sameer’s film doesn’t happen.

  More later. My life, as you can imagine, has suddenly been flipped upside down.

  Love,

  Nal

  Naiya Kapur has had enough of bachelors. on Thursday x

  Riteish called me two days later, positively shrieking. ‘You told Seher not to do the role? You’re a genius, Naiya! I’ve trained you well.’

  ‘How on earth do you know that?’

  ‘Jess told me. Good for you. I feel like I can leave for SOAS happily now. My work here is done. Achcha, listen, there’s this film-maker named Rajat who’s having a screening tonight. Total loser guy who’s made one shoddy film in the last eight years, but his father is some famous lyricist so he manages to stay on the socialite scene. I’m covering the e
vent. It’s my last piece, so I plan to make it good. You’ll come, right? It’ll be a good event to build your contacts and Jess is coming too, so we’ll make a night of it.’

  ‘Tonight? I don’t know. I’m so sick of everything Bollywood.’

  ‘No you’re not, Naiya. People like us will never get sick of anything Bollywood. Come, na! We won’t stay for the film. Trust me. This will make you feel excited about Bollywood again. Maybe you’ll meet a new Jay – one who isn’t mad. Maybe Arjun Rampal. He’s so handsome. And seems quite normal.’

  ‘Please. No. No more ex-models! I’ll come, though. I do need to meet new people. And your last story? We’ll try to create some juicy scandal for you to write about. What time?’ I asked.

  ‘Let’s meet at your place at eight and we’ll go from there. It’s in Juhu.’

  Jess and Dino were both around at lunchtime, which was a rarity.

  Dino announced, ‘Ladies. You will miss me. I am going to be spending more time in Italy. I have decided to start a business there. I will take antiques from Chor Bazaar and sell them there.’

  ‘Another exploitative whitey. Just what we need,’ Jess said. ‘You’ll find a pretty, docile Indian wife soon and will have lived the foreigners’ Indian dream.’

  ‘I’ve given up,’ Dino said. ‘Most Indian girls I meet are neither here nor there. They’ll sleep with you and then ignore you or they’ll not sleep with you and stalk you. Too few in-betweens. But prettiest women in the world so I’ll keep looking.’

  We had lunch together and it was perfect. It was one of those afternoons that reminded me of why I wanted to continue living in Bombay. I was scared that part of me truly believed that my time to return to New York City had come, but I wasn’t ready to leave yet. As much as it hurt me, I loved Bombay. I loved the smells, the weather, the people, the local trains. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the Prithvi Theatre café, nor willing to walk away from the cool, quiet comforts of the NGMA. I wasn’t ready to go back to watching movies in sterile theatres that didn’t encourage audience participation. In a way, I was in an abusive relationship with the city, but wasn’t ready to admit defeat. I loved it even though it was crushing me and, like a battered wife, I kept telling myself it would get better.

  So, that night, I ignored my wounds once again and allowed myself to hope. Certainly my love affair with this city wasn’t over yet. I showered and conditioned my hair until it was so soft, I felt like a gentle cloud was hovering over my head. I didn’t want a repeat of the Sayali Chandran launch. So I borrowed a clingy, low-cut dark-green dress from Jess and paired it with my brown slingbacks. I looked delicious. Jess was in a red-and-gold salwar-kameez, and Riteish showed up wearing a gold dhoti and a brown silk kurta. We were quite the threesome.

  Riteish assured me that it would be a whole new set of people. ‘Besides,’ he comforted, ‘I’ve heard that Jay’s been on a bit of a bender – alcohol and coke – so he’s not going to show up. This is your chance to start afresh. Like if you had met Sameer without Jay’s help. You keep saying you want to rewind and do it that way. Tonight might be your chance.’

  I was itching to leave by eight-fifteen, but Jess and Riteish lounged about drinking wine, smoking cigarettes and talking about London.

  ‘Riteish, yes, I’m sure British girls will love you. Can we leave now?’ I asked anxiously.

  ‘Leave now and do what? Hang out with the journalists? We’ll get there by ten. Relax,’ came the answer. He was right, because when we showed up at ten, people were flooding into the theatre. I had never imagined that a lot of interesting people would show up for some old, not-that-great film that never got released, but people in this city use any excuse to pose and preen for the press.

  Jess went to get a drink and Riteish walked me over to meet Rajat. Rajat had a handsome face that was offset by his paunch. He appeared to be stoned out of his mind.

  Riteish said to him, ‘Congratulations, man! Can’t wait to see the film. Listen, meet Naiya, actress hai, super talented. She’s going to be huge, man. She moved here from New York. Naiya, meet Rajat.’

  I smiled and said, ‘It’s nice to meet you. Congratulations on the film.’ I don’t know why we were all congratulating him for something he had done eight years ago.

  ‘What did you study in New York?’ Rajat asked.

  ‘I did communications and German philosophy. At Princeton.’

  ‘No, no,’ he said. ‘What degree?’

  ‘Umm. Undergrad. My bachelor’s.’

  ‘What a coincidence,’ he cooed, smiling. ‘I am a bachelor.’

  I nodded, smiled, grabbed Riteish by the arm and dragged him towards the bar. Laughing, he said, ‘Come on! That was hilarious. What a nut, man. Look, Namit’s here. Let’s go say hi. See if he has any more gossip for us.’

  We walked over to Namit. I was expecting him to have a friendly laugh with me to mark the start of our new friendship. Instead, he said coldly, ‘Naiya, you’re here. Hmm. I’m not so sure that colour works against your skin. Hi Riteish, love. How’s the extra i working? Give me one second, okay? I need to get a drink.’

  I turned to Riteish and said, ‘How can you say he likes me? How does he treat people he doesn’t like?’

  ‘Very politely. It’s frightening,’ Riteish answered. ‘Go entertain yourself for a bit. I need to try to get some bytes for my article.’ With that, he snapped his teeth at me, said, ‘bite’ and wandered off.

  I walked over to the bar to find Jess, but she was busy flicking her hair and laughing with a beautiful dusky woman in a black salwar-kameez. They were both looking intensely into each other’s kohl-lined eyes and I knew I shouldn’t interrupt. I perched myself at the bar and despite the fact that I looked amazing, it felt eerily similar to Sayali’s party. What was I doing there? My self-pity was interrupted by Namit ambling over in my direction. He nodded at me and ordered himself a Kingfisher and then leaned against the bar with me.

  ‘Had new pictures taken yet?’ Namit asked.

  ‘No. I like the ones I have.’

  ‘Good. Good for you.’

  ‘Is Sameer coming tonight?’

  ‘No. He’s in Delhi for the night. He’ll be back tomorrow. You should drop by the office sometime.’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘You definitely should. Seher’s having second thoughts about the film. It’ll be a good time for you to come and say hello.’

  ‘Really?’ I asked, suddenly willing to be friends with Namit despite his grumpiness. ‘Maybe I’ll come tomorrow. Should I just show up? Or get an appointment.’

  ‘Whatever,’ he replied. ‘Just try to look a bit more professional this time.’ And then he walked away.

  I was sipping my vodka tonic with lime when I saw Seher and Sonal walk in. Oh god. I wanted to climb over the bar and hide behind it. Seher saw me, waved, and made a beeline for me.

  ‘Hi, Naiya! So nice to see you again. I was just telling Sonal about you. The three of us should have lunch together some time.’ From behind Seher, Sonal caught my eye, raised an eyebrow judgmentally, and walked away. Seher came up closer, ordered a fresh lime soda and said, ‘It was so nice talking to you the other day. I took your advice.’

  ‘My advice?’ I asked, knowing full well what she meant.

  ‘About the movie. I told Jay I’m not sure I want to do it. He’s still pushing me, though. Let’s see. I think he’s just feeling bad that I’m thinking of not taking it, but I’m trying to be tough.’

  ‘He’s still pushing you for the role?’

  ‘Yes. More than usual. But I haven’t really talked to him since. He’s been … he’s been drinking a lot. How did you handle him when he got drunk?’

  ‘Best to stay out of his way. Hey, excuse me one second. I need to use the washroom.’

  I was rushing towards the washroom to clear my mind when I bumped straight into Matthew. Why was everyone there? Next thing I’d know, my father would be sitting outside the loo, giving me disapproving looks.

  Matthe
w recognized me instantly and pulled me into a hug. ‘Hi, babe!’ he said. ‘Haven’t seen you since Alibaug. How have you been? Too bad you had to leave in such a rush that weekend. You missed some good fun.’

  ‘Yeah, glad it was fun. I’ve been good.’

  ‘Good, good. Any interesting movies coming up?’

  I hated being asked that. People should know that for aspiring actors, more often than not, there is absolutely nothing interesting on the horizon. I mumbled, ‘A few auditions here and there. Interesting stuff. Will let you know. How have you been?’

  ‘I’ve been good. Talking to Jay about possibly opening a little something in Italy. Hey, sorry you kids didn’t work out.’

  ‘It’s no big deal. You and Jay are going to open something, huh? You would make good partners.’

  Matt flinched and said, ‘Yeah. Let’s see. I was just heading to the bar. You need a refill?’

  I shook my head and he looked relieved to be walking away. I went into the bathroom, shut my eyes, and took three deep breaths. I touched up my lipstick and walked out. I would go and find Namit. His rudeness was the least painful thing about the night.

  Seher bumped into me again and said, ‘Naiya. I want to know more about you. Did you really do theatre in New York? I’ve been dying to go to New York.’

  Just as I was about to answer, a very drunk and sloppy-looking Jay with bright red eyes locked eyes with me from a distance. My stomach lurched up to my mouth. I stood frozen as he walked unsteadily towards us. He looked like a disaster. His beard was overgrown and his clothes looked crumpled and dirty.

  Before I could react, he was close enough to engulf us in the fumes of alcohol that emanated from his body. He walked over, put his arm aggressively around Seher and asked her if she wanted a drink. She looked trapped and uncomfortable and said, ‘I don’t. What are you doing here? You reek of alcohol.’

  Jay ignored her and glared at me. He pulled Seher away as she smiled apologetically at me.

  Riteish came rushing across the room to me. ‘Oh my god. What was wrong with him? What did he say to you?’