I grin back at her but watch Eli grimace from the corner of my eye.
I let it go, for now, not wanting to delve into that conversation with an audience. “How’d y’all get here, anyway?”
“Pops picked us up a couple hours ago,” Eli says.
My head turns sharply toward Daddy. “You drove to the airport to get them?”
“Why wouldn’t I? He’s my boy, if he needs me then I’ll be there.”
My teeth grind. Of course, he’d be there for Eli. Even though I’m the only one who’s been here for him. “So you knew they were comin’ in today and didn’t tell me?”
He shrugs and necks his beer. I wonder how many he had before he left to pick them up. Too many to be on the road, that’s for sure.
I glance at my lap, trying to stem the tears that want to bubble up. Eli’s eyes bounce between us, the wrinkle between his brows deepening.
Daddy doesn’t put his best foot forward for company. Try as he might, the drink always wins the battle. By the time we’re having coffee and dessert, he’s switched to whiskey and is well on his way past coherent.
“You want to come with us tomorrow, Lee? Help me show Sarah the town?” Eli asks.
I choke on my coffee, surprised he’s inviting me. Irritated he thinks we can just hang out like no time has passed.
“I can’t. I have to work.”
He smacks his forehead. “Right. It’s so strange to see you grown. Sometimes I forget.”
“Maybe it wouldn’t be so strange if you’d been around for all the years in between.” My face muscles burn from the effort of keeping my smile in place.
“Alina. Mind your manners. We got… we got company.” Daddy’s voice is loud but slurred. The whiskey makes his tongue thick and his mind sluggish.
I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m just speakin’ truth, Daddy.”
Eli speaks through clenched teeth. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Alina.”
My eyebrows raise. “Oh no? Why don’t you enlighten me then, big brother?”
“I would have, if you had ever taken the time to ask,” he snaps.
My mouth parts, surprise rendering me speechless at his words. I ask... Don’t I?
“Your mama. She would be… disappointed in you, girl.” Daddy points his finger at me, the usual sneer on his face.
The table falls silent. Chase’s chair scratches against the floor as he comes around to stand behind me, squeezing my shoulders. “Mr. Carson, with all due respect, it’s not Alina that Mrs. Carson would be disappointed in right now.”
Daddy’s eyes flare and he slams his coffee cup on the table. “You think you can speak to me that way just ‘cause I been lettin’ you…you’ve been... playin’ house here with my girl?”
Chase doesn’t back down. “I think I’ve made it clear that you disrespecting your daughter won’t ever be something I’ll tolerate. Regardless of where we are.”
Daddy raises out of his chair, pointing at Chase. He wobbles, unsteady on his feet and has to catch himself on the edge of the table.
“Pops, you okay?” Eli is half-standing, his eyes volleying between the three of us. Sarah sits next to him, her mouth gaping open. Welcome to the family.
“Of course he’s not fine. He’s never fine,” I hiss. “You would know that if you had spent more than ten minutes here in the past eight years.”
“Sis—”
“Don’t you ‘sis,’ me, Eli.”
“I’m fine, damnit!” Daddy’s voice roars, cutting off the argument and blanketing the room. “And I’m a goddamn adult. I’m the parent, and this—this is my house.” He points to Chase and me. “You two, go on… get. I don’t want you here.”
“Pops,” Eli whooshes out.
Tears fill my eyes, but I straighten my shoulders and raise my chin. “Fine. I don’t need this anyway.” I look at Eli. “Have fun catchin’ up on your missed years with Daddy. I’m sure he and this town will be thrilled to have you back. Sarah, it was nice to meet you. I’m so sorry you had to see this.” I stand up and face Chase. “Come on, let’s go for a drive.”
“Anywhere you want to go, baby.” He slides his hand down my arm, tangling our fingers, leading me out the door. Away from my dysfunctional family.
I’ll deal with them tomorrow.
Tonight, I think I’d like to lay under the stars and give my heart back to the man it’s always belonged to.
37
Chase
Between Sunday night’s almost kiss and Wednesday morning, I’ve had a lot of time to think. About Goldi. About me. Our past. Our future. How fucking perfect she is and how I’d spend the rest of my life loving the hell out of her if only she’d let me.
I used to think I didn’t deserve her. That I couldn’t be who she needed me to be. Hell, I still don’t think I was wrong—that boy was in no shape to handle Goldi. But I’m a man now. I’ve weathered the storms and forged through the rubble of living a life without her. I don’t want to know that type of emptiness anymore.
She may be with Jax, but she was mine first.
I’m not surprised when she doesn’t show up for work, even though I know she isn’t sick. I figured she’d be scared off by what almost happened between us. What keeps almost happening between us. She better buckle up, because if she thought I was hard to handle before I decided to fight for her, she has no clue how difficult I’ll be now.
She lets me touch her in the office. Lets me call her Goldi. Baby. The sudden change in her demeanor makes me dizzy, but it’s not unwelcome. I’m fucking giddy over it.
I show up to her dad’s house eager for our “talk.” When I see Eli and his girl sitting at the kitchen table, laughing with Mr. Carson and sharing beers over their memories, my stomach sinks with worry. I don’t think Goldi knows what she’s about to walk into. But fuck, I’m glad I’m here, so she doesn’t have to face it alone.
All through dinner, I keep my eye on her. Assessing her face, watching her body language. I know the bow is about to break before it happens. I should have guessed it would be her father that adds the pressure to make it snap.
I respect Mr. Carson, and I want to help him. But I won’t allow his disease to be an excuse for treating Goldi like a punching bag. It’s beyond obvious he hasn’t healed from his wife’s death and Goldi’s taken the brunt of the fallout. She lost her mom, her dad, her brother, and me all in one go. My heart weeps for what she’s had to endure.
I’m thankful when she decides to get us out of the situation, instead of feeding into the toxic environment of her family dynamic. And even though she asked for a drive, I know where she really wants to go—what she really needs.
I’m not sure she’s in the right headspace to talk about us, but I’m hoping with a little bit of relaxation, we might be able to get her there. Fuck her family for making her deal with shit like this. For the thousandth time, I wonder why Jax and Becca aren’t around to help her carry the weight. I’m pretty confident she hasn’t told them. I don’t blame her, shame is a hell of an emotion. I felt it every day with my mom.
We get to the lake and I pull into our usual spot right on the bank. I look at Goldi. Her face is drawn and she’s lost in her thoughts. I reach out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Come back to me, baby.
She turns, smiling. “Thank you for bringin’ me here. How’d you know this is exactly what I needed?”
“How many times do I have to tell you I know you before you start to believe me?”
She takes a deep breath, hopping out of the truck and running around the back. She jumps in the bed and starts laying out the afghan. My heart skips as I watch her. She’s so comfortable in my truck, by my side, with my things. With me.
I’m so busy staring, I don’t make a move to leave my seat. She pushes her hair out of her face and glances at me, her hands on her hips.
She speaks loud, making sure I hear every word through the back window. “Well, Chase Adams… you just gonna sit there like a
dud, or you plannin’ on comin’ back here to woo me?”
My stomach somersaults as I open my door and walk around, leaning my arms over the side of the truck bed. I arch a brow. “Who said anything about wooing?”
She plops down on the afghan, her eyes twinkling. “I did. Just now. Your ears broke?”
“Maybe I don’t woo. You know it’s never been my strong suit,” I tease.
She rises on her knees, scooting closer to the side of the truck. “Lucky you have me here to practice on then, huh.”
My heart beats the fuck out of my chest. “Is that what this is? Practice?”
“No,” she whispers, pushing her body against the truck’s metal frame. “This is the main event.”
My eyes follow her fingers as they slide up my forearms and rest on my shoulders. Every nerve lights up at her touch. “Are you saying what I think you are?”
Her cheeks bloom and suddenly pink is my favorite fucking color. She leans her forehead against mine and her breath fans my face. “I’m tired of bein’ angry with you.”
The jagged pieces of my broken soul quiver, eager to mend. “You are?”
She nods.
“What would you rather be, instead?”
“Yours.”
I’m on her in the next breath, stealing the remnants of her words. Drowning in her forgiveness. Her mouth opens immediately, warm honey and vanilla coating my senses and slinking through my veins, heating me up from the inside.
Fuck.
Her tongue tangles with mine, and my entire being groans from the taste of her. Finally.
I reach around the back of her head to pull her in closer, my fingers knotting in her hair. I tug on the strands, and she gives me the sweetest moan. Fuck this truck for being in my way.
She rises up on her knees, leaning over the edge until her breasts push into my chest, her mouth pressing harder into mine. Her tongue delves deeper, then retreats only to be replaced by her teeth nipping my bottom lip. My cock jumps, jealous of my mouth.
The sound of laughter down the bank has me slowing our kiss, trying to regain some sense. Her hands clutch the fabric of my shirt, pulling me back. Like she’s desperate for more. I’ve dreamed of this moment, so I give in, losing myself in the euphoria of her touch.
Finally, I break away, my chest heaving.
Goldi grins at me, her eyes glazed, her cherry lips swollen.
My soul fucking sings.
I lean back in, pecking her lips and trailing a line of kisses along her face. My hand grasps the nape of her neck, my mouth resting against the shell of her ear. “Promise you’re mine?”
I feel her smile against my cheek. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
Journal Entry #347
She’s mine. I’ll never lose her again.
38
Alina
Chase and I kissed our way back together, and all I want is to drag him to my place and make up for all the lost years between us. But he’s walking me to my door and leaving me there. Just a big ball of pent-up hormones and damp panties. He says he’s trying to be a gentleman.
He can leave the gentle. I’ll take the man.
Regardless, I’m floating through my tiny apartment on a cloud. I’m feeling lighter than I have in years. I had forgotten what it felt like to become Chase Adams’s girl, and I’m basking in the happiness. There are still a lot of things that we need to deal with. Things I know we’ll have to work through. But I’m spending the rest of tonight lost in my joy.
Jax still hasn’t talked to me, but I know he’s been around town. Becca’s been keeping tabs on him. I call and text every day, but the only response is him saying he needs some space. It sucks, and I hate that I’ve hurt him.
I’m scared of what he’ll do when he finds out about Chase and me. I don’t want to lose him, but I’m no longer willing to give up my chance at happiness to appease somebody else. Not even Jax. That being said, I don’t want him to think I’ll let him disappear from my life like he hasn’t been the best thing in it. I grab my phone to send him a text. Again.
Me: You don’t have to respond. I know you probably won’t anyway. That’s okay. I just wanted to tell you again that I’m sorry for hurting you. And I hope you’ll be at brunch on Saturday. I miss you, Teeth.
Sadness bubbles in my chest, breaking through my haze of happiness. I tap the phone against my mouth, praying for a response. But I don’t really expect one, so when it vibrates against my lips, I startle. My phone drops onto the ground and I lean down quickly to grab it.
Chase: Made it home safe.
I smile.
Me: Good. Is it weird that I already miss you?
Chase: No. Is it weird that I’ve spent the last eight years missing you?
My heart skips. I wish he had stayed at my place.
Me: Are you free tomorrow night? My place is small, but it’s all mine. And it’s… cozy.
Chase: Damn, I wish I fucking could. I promised Anna I’d help her out tomorrow night with some planning for Sam’s retirement party.
I try to tamp down the disappointment. I’m happy he’s so close to his parents. I used to be pretty close to them, too. Anna was like a second mother to me, but after Lily ran away, things changed. When Mama died and Chase was gone for good, our families stopped talking altogether. Not that I noticed at the time. Or would have cared either way. Still, there’s been a few times where I’ve seen Anna in passing, and the coldness in her eyes stings. There used to be only warmth there.
My phone vibrates again, bringing me out of my thoughts.
Chase: How about Friday evening, you come over to my place and I’ll cook you dinner? Work on that whole “wooing” thing.
Me: Yeah, that’s a good idea. You really need the practice. Will I see you tomorrow?
Chase: You couldn’t keep me away if you tried.
I bite my lip, grinning. This feels good.
My eyes are burning from staring at the office computer, and a headache is on the verge of turning into a migraine. I am beyond ready for this day to be over. I’ve been doing menial tasks, like usual, but for some reason, it’s harder than normal to be content with my job today. I’m stuck back here pushing papers when all I really want to do is dance. I heave a sigh and rub the palm of my hands into my eye sockets, trying to alleviate the pressure. My phone is on the desk next to me. I keep it handy because for some reason Regina likes to call my cell instead of the work number.
It vibrates. I don’t answer it, just watch as it dances across the desk. I snap out of my daze long enough to realize it may have been my boss calling, so I grab it and light up the screen.
Jax.
It’s three in the afternoon. Hardly a time where I’d be able to answer, which is probably why he called right now. An alert pops up letting me know he left a voicemail. My lips purse, my insides twisting, and my heart racing at the thought of what it will say. I think I’ll wait until I’m home to listen. Just in case it’s something awful like him saying he never wants to see me again, or that I’m the biggest mistake he’s ever made in his life. I don’t know if my heart can handle that kind of pain. Not when I’ve been so happy for the past twenty-four hours.
I think of Chase and the anxiety in my stomach unravels, the threads floating around until they twist up my insides for an entirely different reason.
I stand up, groaning as my knees crack, my muscles burning with the stretch. I’ve been sitting in the office for hours and I would kill for some caffeine. I make my way to the break room off the hallway and almost cry at the sight of freshly brewed coffee. I’ve just finished pouring myself a cup when hands touch my waist, making me jump. Hot liquid sloshes over the edge of my mug, spilling onto the Formica countertop. My stomach jolts before settling with a simmer I feel deep in my belly. I lean against the hard body that’s pressed against me.
“Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you look right now?” Chase’s voice rumbles in my ear, his nose trailing the length of my neck. Goose bumps bloss
om down my arms.
I close my eyes at the sensation and smile.
His fingers tighten and he pushes his hips into me. I can feel every single hard inch of him pressed against the back of my pencil skirt. How have I gone without him for so long? The simmer in my belly starts to boil.
Chase groans. “You like teasing me, don’t you? Prancing around in that tight little skirt, knowing that every man here is wishing they could touch what’s mine.” He traces the curve of my hips, moving up until he’s teasing the underside of my breasts. His hands rise and fall with each stuttered breath I take.
I glance at the open door. Anyone could walk by and see this. The thought sends a shot of arousal through me, my legs becoming unsteady from the rush. His thumbs brush over my nipples. The ghost of his touch tortures me. I wish he’d just rip off my blouse so I could feel him on my skin. He leans down, the tips of his hair tickling my shoulder as he bites my neck, gently. The thought that he might leave a mark makes a moan slip through my lips.
“Fuck, Goldi.” He rests his forehead on my back, his breathing deep and ragged. I push back against him, desperate to feel how much I affect him. He groans, pressing his thick length into me, thrusting slightly. I’m slick between my thighs. I press my legs together, worried my wetness will drip down them from how turned on I am.
Footsteps make us break apart. I lean forward, grabbing a napkin to look like I’m cleaning up the forgotten spill. Chase moves to my side, cocking his hip against the countertop.
Jack and a couple of other guys walk into the room. Suddenly the air is stifling. I can feel the heat in my cheeks, my excitement at Chase’s touch still surging through me, and I wonder if everyone else can feel the tension. I don’t dare look up to see.
Chase, on the other hand, is unperturbed. I sneak a glance at him and his dimples tease me with how freaking lickable they are.
There’s muffled conversation, but for the life of me, I can’t tell what’s being said over the pounding in my ears. I take deep breaths, my fingers tightening on the soggy napkin I’m still holding. Jack and the guys are sitting at the small round table in the middle of the room. Chase has his arms crossed. Smirking at me.
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